“Hey, boss. You didn’t think I forgot, did you?” Rosie shot him a grin as she locked the front door of the clinic.

Alec pretended not to know what she was talking about as he hung up his white coat on a hallway hook. “Forgot what?”

“Nice try, birthday boy. I avoided embarrassing you all day, you know.” Rosie pointed at the desk.

Oh, God. A card and a wrapped box sat there. The box even had a shiny silver bow on it.

Alec pretended he wasn’t touched, like he did every year. “Hmph. I thought I’d finally laid low for long enough.”

“That’s what my recurring calendar events are for,” Rosie informed him with a merciless grin. She never let his birthday go by without giving him a gift. Unlike some secretaries, she didn’t even take it out of the petty cash.

“Ugh,” Alec sighed, rolling his eyes dramatically as he headed over to sit on the edge of the desk. “I guess I have to say thank you, too. Take Monday morning off.”

That was the other half of their usual exchange—the chance to sleep in on Monday morning every now and then. In return, she made sure the office was organized on Friday afternoon for him to find everything until she got in at lunchtime.

He had no idea what he’d do without her, frankly.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Rosie teased, grinning.

“Yeah, I do. Can’t have you running off to some other therapist.” He winked, then opened the card.

It was a sweet card with an even sweeter message.

Alec—

Roll your eyes all you want, your heart is a lot bigger than you want to let on. It’s a real joy to work with you day to day.

I hope you find every happiness.

Rosie

She signed the card every year with that last part, and Alec had always figured it was a general wish for his wellbeing.

Now, though, he was starting to wonder—had he found every happiness? Or was there more waiting for him?

There had to be. He just wasn’t sure what. No, he knew what—he didn’t know how.

If he came out and lost his business, it put Rosie’s job at risk as well as his own. If he didn’t, he’d just keep collecting cards from her every year, growing older and lonelier. Most years, this card and gift were the only ones he got. This year was no exception.

No, he was not going to be a sad loser on his birthday.

Instead, Alec smiled at Rosie. “Thanks, darling.”

He found himself swept into a hug. “Of course. I mean it. You better get that heart on the market sometime soon, you know.”

“Or I’ll be an old maid?” Alec joked, his eyes on the present as he unwrapped it.

“No. It’s never too late. But you’ll miss out on years you could have had.”

Rosie was only in her early forties, but to an only now thirty-year-old, her advice had proved invaluable time and time again. She was probably right now, too.

“Yeah.” Once Alec opened the box, he blinked. An envelope lay inside. “Are we doing the box within a box thing?”

“We are. It increases the anticipation,” Rosie informed him. “More bang for the birthday present buck.”

“Oh. That’s thoughtful of you.” He rolled his eyes.

Rosie grinned shamelessly. “I know.”

When he finally slid the envelope contents out into his hand, Alec paused, then chuckled. Tickets for the opera. “Thanks.”

“There’s two. You better invite that nice boy along.”

Alec cleared his throat and pocketed the envelope, suddenly busy finding his jacket and car keys. “He’s not really the opera type…”

“You never know. You might broaden his horizons,” Rosie said. She had that evil plan look in her eye, and Alec figured it was best to escape quickly.

“Yeah. I’ll think about it. See you tomorrow.”

Alec was halfway to his car before he realized what Rosie’s trick had been: making him admit there was someone.

Damn it, she totally knew.

He sighed and let himself smile. She was one of the few people who understood him, after spending so much time around him every week. And she wasn’t going to ask questions until he was ready to share… but she wasn’t going to let him sit around and let a good thing sail past, either.

What if he could have that kind of relationship with a guy? But with romance, and sex, and all that lifelong commitment stuff?

He couldn’t deny he wanted it… but he also couldn’t have it. A situation that felt familiar to him, after the last decade of going it alone.

Alec chewed his lip for the whole drive home, trying to keep his mind away from his family. Most days he barely thought about them. Christmases and birthdays were the hardest. Even if he didn’t have a boyfriend, he wasn’t trying to force himself into the role they wanted him to play, and that was worth it.

You don’t get to have it all, Alec, he told himself. That’s just the way it is.

It didn’t stop his mind wandering to yesterday’s appointments after he opened the bottle of red in the fridge. Well, not all of them… one in particular.

Tyler had been in to see him again, and it had been perfectly professional. Yeah, the chemistry between them was still there, but Tyler had been caught up in his frustration and spending all his attention learning the exercises Alec taught him. Alec had tried to appreciate that Tyler was making his job easier and respecting the boundaries between his love life and work life.

But somehow, he still wasn’t satisfied. There was no way out of this. No matter what he did, it didn’t seem to be the right answer.

He could go for a run, or he could finish this bottle. The group he’d been out with a few times was friendly, but at arms-length, and he didn’t always feel like talking to people on the trails.

Maybe biking was where it was at. He’d always wanted to try getting into it recreationally—and he was another year older. He should get off his ass and do something about that.

After half a bottle of wine, he admitted to himself that he wanted company. He could pretend it was his ideal choice to be alone on his birthday, but if he were honest with himself, it wasn’t.

Grindr didn’t hold much appeal today, though. Staring at the grid of faces did nothing for him, so he closed the app and sighed. He couldn’t bring himself to invite over someone for something soulless and cold.

The doorbell rang.

Couldn’t be Rosie—they rarely saw each other outside work. Fedex? he wondered. He couldn’t remember ordering anything.

The last person he expected on his doorstep was Tyler, grinning at him like he had every right to be there.

“O-Oh. Uh. Hi.” Alec’s mind blanked for a moment. Had he forgotten he’d invited Tyler over? Oh, God. He was in sweatpants and a t-shirt—real moping clothes—not even anything nice. Had he tidied the kitchen in a day?

“Hey,” Tyler greeted casually. “So, a little birdie told me it was your birthday today.”

The pieces clicked into place.

Fuck. Alec was going to have to talk to Rosie. She couldn’t encourage this… this stupidity that seemed to take over his reason and logic whenever Tyler was around. It was hard enough stopping himself.

“Oh, she did, did she?” Alec shook his head with a rueful smile and stepped aside to let Tyler in.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Tyler gave a wry smile and glanced up and down Alec.

Alec blushed, suddenly acutely self-conscious of the worn-out old sweatpants. “Uh. Just me and a bottle of Merlot.”

“Merlot’s good for necking.” Tyler gave him a smirk, and just like that, the fragile wall that Alec had built in their session yesterday crashed down again.

“We can’t—I can’t—this isn’t…” Alec stuttered, then cleared his throat. Tyler was gazing at him, waiting patiently for him to finish. He drew himself up, envisioning himself in a white coat.

A position of authority, and one he had to live up to.

“I can’t engage in a sexual relationship. You know that. Even this is a little out of bounds.”

“There’s no such thing as a little out of bounds.” Tyler’s grin was a challenge as much as acknowledgement. “It’s either in or out.”

“I’m firmly out of bounds.”

Tyler nodded. “I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t keep you company. The flirting’s a free bonus. Nobody should be by themselves on their birthday… unless they really wanna be. And something about that Merlot tells me you don’t.”

Just like that, with his easygoing nature and half-smile, Tyler sliced through his guard once again. Alec hesitated, then closed the front door. “If you’re sure.”

The tension broke, and Tyler gave him a grand smile. “And I even got you something, so you can’t throw me out until you open it.”

“I won’t throw you out,” Alec snorted, but he laughed, too, and headed for the kitchen. “You shouldn’t have.”

Tyler sat on the couch, and Alec tried his best not to think about what else they’d done on that couch. “It’s not much, trust me,” Tyler said, waving a hand. “I didn’t wanna go all thirteen roses and one of them’s plastic on you. That’s probably a little out of bounds,” Tyler winked.

Goddamn, he could get under Alec’s skin. Alec tried not to let the heat rise in his cheeks as he headed for living room and kitchen. “Wine?”

“No necking?”

“I’m choosing to ignore that. And we’re not drinking straight from the bottle, whatever the hell you drivers do on the podium,” Alec warned him, shaking an empty glass at him.

He already felt lighter than he had all day. Something about Tyler just put him at ease, and he still couldn’t put a finger on it.

Boy, did he want to, though.

Tyler grinned. “Fine, fine.”

When they each had a full glass, Tyler handed over a little silver box.

“This better not be earrings. Or any other jewelry,” Alec laughed. “That is definitely inappropriate.”

Tyler glanced south meaningfully. “Any? Oh, that’s probably inappropriate, too.”

“Is thirty the right age to have a mid-life crisis and a Prince Albert? Count me out, I’m twenty-nine for the second time,” Alec shivered.

When Tyler laughed, his voice seemed to fill the space with something rich and warm and comforting. However cocky his attitude, his very presence seemed to wrap around Alec, taking the stress and anxiety and loneliness away. He seemed like he was in charge and knew exactly what he was doing.

Alec distracted himself by opening the box, then blinked. It was a little racing car keyring.

“See? Totally appropriate,” Tyler said playfully.

Alec wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He didn’t seem to know what the hell his heart was doing lately, anyway. Not since meeting Tyler. “That’s cute. Thanks.”

“Now you can think of me every time you open a door.” Tyler gave him a significant glance, grinning broadly.

Alec covered his face for a moment and started to laugh. He should have seen that coming, but only Tyler could make it sound so… well, smooth. “And what door do you want me to open?”

“Back door, front door, the door to your heart…” Tyler’s grin was wicked.

“I knew you were gonna be trouble,” Alec said, rolling his eyes as he set aside the box. “I shouldn’t have let you talk me into…” he trailed off, gesturing around. He didn’t really know where that point had been going. Tyler’s smile was too distracting. Pull it together, man.

“The hot-as-hell sex? Friendship? Nothing wrong with those,” Tyler told him. “Either, or both together. We don’t have to date, if that’s not your thing.”

“I don’t know if it’s my thing.” Alec found himself talking before he even thought about what he was going to say. Something about Tyler made him take his guard down, and for the first time, he didn’t even mind. “Like I said—dated closeted guys way too long. It feels stupid, but I just can’t do it. I don’t know relationships.”

“Right. That’s fair. Even without your job guidelines and whatever, I wouldn’t date me,” Tyler laughed.

“No, I would.” Alec almost clapped a hand over his mouth when the words came out so fast. “I mean, um.” He grabbed his wine glass, desperate for something to do that wasn’t either saying too much, or staring at Tyler like a lovelorn puppy.

“You mean?” Tyler prompted, watching him like he was genuinely interested in the answer.

Maybe that was what attracted Alec to Tyler… all these contradictions.

Tyler had, at first, acted like he was trying to get into Alec’s pants. But he’d already done that and he still acted like that. He flirted, but he backed off when Alec told him to. But then he pushed forward a little more, like he wasn’t going to give up.

It added up to a picture that was both exciting and terrifying: Tyler liked him.

“I mean, um… It’s… I’m not used to… We’re both not in a position, you know?”

Tyler’s expression flickered, then pinched as he frowned. He glanced away for a moment. “Good point. It is stupid of me.”

“I didn’t say that.” Alec found himself touching Tyler’s thigh, and it was all he could do to keep his touch there instead of wandering up. “I just… need to respect myself.”

Tyler’s lips quivered in a little smirk. “I gave up on that ages ago. I like sex. I’m fine with that.”

“No, no. I don’t mean I’m ashamed of being a slut,” Alec laughed. “I’ve worked my way through all those gross ideas. I like sex, too. It’s more that… I keep telling myself different stories about what I want, or what I’m gonna do or not do, and then someone pretty comes along and bats his lashes… and this was the worst one yet. I’ve never slept with a current patient. Ever. But you…” Alec trailed off, blowing out a sigh. “I can’t even regret it, but I feel like I should.”

Tyler stayed attentive the whole time, listening to his words. Finally, he nodded. “No, that makes sense. If we’re being honest, I shouldn’t… you know, rush into anything, too. I’ve got a hell of a career. It doesn’t make for good relationships.”

“But friends, right?” Alec murmured. “I know it’s inappropriate—”

“Shut up,” Tyler laughed, pressing a finger against Alec’s lips.

Oh, fuck. The way their knees and arms brushed as they sat side by side was irresistible enough. Adding in that touch—the firm, callused finger against Alec’s soft lips? Alec wanted Tyler so badly he could taste it.

“Mm?” Alec grunted.

Tyler dropped his hand, resting it on Alec’s thigh for a moment. “It’s the least inappropriate option. I don’t wanna just walk away yet. It’s this, or do something you sound like you wanna avoid.”

“No,” Alec agreed, his voice soft. When had they started talking like this—so softly it seemed like neither of them wanted to shatter the atmosphere between them? It felt right, though. Intimate. “We’ll do this, then.”

Tyler squeezed Alec’s thigh, then drew a breath like he was trying to control himself. It made Alec’s skin prickle with attraction, and the desire to hear his hoarse breaths against Alec’s ear…

Tyler lunged for the remote, startling Alec into a gasp. “There’s a race. I’ll show you, if you want. Do you know much?”

“Not much,” Alec admitted, drawing a sigh of relief. Thank God Tyler wasn’t staring into Alec’s eyes anymore, or he might have kissed him. They’d been a few seconds away from contradicting everything Alec had told Tyler. “I’d like to learn.”

The atmosphere slowly settled, but the charge in the air never seemed to fully dissipate as the next hour wore on and Tyler explained what was going on to Alec.

Racing had seemed kind of boring on TV to him before, but hearing Tyler’s point of view suddenly made it real.

It wasn’t just little dots going around a track now. It was fine-tuned machines, huge teams of people, constantly competing at terrifying speeds. It was nerve-racking to watch the close calls and breakdowns, and the minor accidents that did occur.

Alec suddenly realized—not that he hadn’t known before, but it had never really sunk in—that Tyler’s accident had probably been broadcast live to the world. His friends and family had had to watch his car being crushed.

More than anything else, it was enough to give Alec pause. He could help Tyler get back onto the track again, but listening to Tyler talk about his sport, it was clear where his heart lay.

It ran on motor oil and elbow grease, and it wasn’t gonna stop for him.

Could he do that? Stand by as someone he cared about threw himself into this chaos over and over again, helpless to do anything but watch?

Alec wasn’t sure, but his admiration for Tyler climbed several notches by the time they called it a night.

“Thanks for having me over,” Tyler told him as they reached the door.

Alec cracked a grin. “Southern gentleman indeed,” he teased, kicking his shoes out of the way and leaning on the wall. “Thanks for coming over, though.”

It had been a way better night than he’d ever expected, even if his mind had been running nearly as fast as those cars the whole time.

Like it was second nature, before Tyler could open the front door, they both leaned toward each other. Before Alec thought twice about it, he was kissing Tyler. By the time he realized it, he’d been kissing Tyler way too long to be appropriate, his lips softly sliding across Tyler’s as their noses brushed.

Tyler was intoxicating, and heady, and addictive. Alec’s hands were on Tyler’s shoulders, while Tyler touched his back and waist, their bodies nestled close. The sparks of contentment that burned in his stomach would have been unfamiliar, if he hadn’t felt them before—with Tyler. Every time, in fact.

As they pulled back, Alec caught his breath and Tyler’s eye. How am I gonna explain this? For fuck’s sake.

Tyler was smiling gently at him, not saying a word. He just raised his hand in a little wave. “Take care. See you later this week, huh?”

Alec nodded wordlessly, hoping his blush wasn’t as deep as it felt. “See you,” he managed. “Thanks again.”

“Happy birthday.”

When Alec closed the door, he leaned hard against it and shut his eyes. He couldn’t even blame the wine when he slid down it to sit on the floor, his heart thudding so hard it felt like his body was vibrating.

Will I ever stop chasing guys who will only end up hurting me?

Alec couldn’t bring himself to care, though. Just like every time he’d slipped up with Tyler, however hard he tried to make himself regret it, he couldn’t.

Maybe that’s what I like about him, Alec thought. The way he lives, he has to live life without regrets.

And maybe—just maybe—Alec could, too.