Collide by H.M. Ward (1)

 

COLLIDE

The Secret Life of Trystan Scott

Vol. 1

 

 

 

YAParanormalRomance.com

 

 

 

 

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

 

Copyright © 2012 by H.M. Ward

All rights reserved.

 

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form.

 

Laree Bailey Press

First Edition: Sept 2012

 

COLLIDE

The Secret Life of Trystan Scott

Vol. 1

 

H.M. Ward

 

 

 

Laree Bailey Press

 

 

col-lide: to come together with a solid or direct impact.

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

~MARI~

 

The stage wing was thick with shadows. I sat in a metal chair in the alcove between the curtain and the wall, my finger trailing down the pages of the play. They just about knew their lines. The one guy who fumbled was getting chewed out by the director, Mr. Tucker. He was a young teacher, but he wanted perfection from day one. Since this was day twenty-seven, I supposed he was within his right to be agitated. The cast didn’t seem to be into this production.

Leaning forward, I looked out past the stage and into the rows of seats. Trystan wasn’t there. That guy had chronic time issues. It didn’t matter that he was the lead in this production. His mind was a sieve when it came to learning his lines, so Tucker appointed me to run them with him on a daily basis. This daunting task should have been done prior to practice, but Trystan was late. Again. If he didn’t have charisma and a shockingly beautiful face, someone else would have been given the lead. But, when the guy finally learned his lines, he would make a room full of people swoon—especially the women.

There wasn’t a girl around who didn’t want to be me. Every single actress and stage-hand offered to help Trystan learn his lines, but Tucker chose me. Why? Because I wasn’t interested in hanging out with a guy who couldn’t keep his lips to himself. That made me the best candidate, so I’ve been badgering the hottest guy in school for the past two years. Thank God he was a senior and this was the end of it. If I had to put up with his friend Seth much longer, I’d cut my ears off.

Pushing off my chair, I took the play book and went to find Trystan. If he still didn’t know his lines, Trystan would be a dead man. By extension, I’d also get slammed in the crossfire. Public humiliation wasn’t my thing. I’d shove the play book down his throat if Trystan still didn’t know the second act in full today.

Careful not to make any noise, I pushed past the black curtains that stretched floor to ceiling. Several more rows of black curtains hung behind the stage concealing the cinder block wall at the back. The set wasn’t finished yet, so they were still practicing with bare bones on a half empty stage. I moved quietly and tried to stay out of sight.

Trailing my fingers against the cold walls, I felt my way through the darkness to the back of the stage. Inky shadows covered everything with only slices of light shining through. At the back of the stage there were three doors. Two led to dressing rooms and one led down into the prop room. The prop room was an oversized basement that spanned under the stage. It contained half a century worth of flats, props, and wardrobe. I felt for the metal doorknob and wrapped my fingers around it. Mr. Tucker’s voice was growing more agitated by the moment. If he saw me, he’d scream for Trystan—then we’d both be screwed. Turning the knob ever so slowly, I pulled the basement door open, careful not to make a sound and stepped around it.

As I stood on the landing, I could hear voices below. Trystan was down there, probably sitting on the couch with his feet kicked up. His voice lacked the normal playfulness. It actually sounded uncertain. “No, it’s not like that. You don’t get it. Everything about her is just—” he sighed as he trailed off.

Another voice cut him off. This one was more self-assured, more confident. He spoke with the authority only a jock could fully manage. “The girl’s a tease, Trystan. What’s the point of chasing after her if she won’t put out?” That was a typical Seth question. Talk about poor choice in friends. I expected the conversation to stop. I wasn’t that quiet, but the landing was high above the stairwell and tucked at the top of the staircase behind a wall of unused flats. They didn’t seem to realize that I was there.

“I can’t stop thinking about her,” Trystan sighed, “Every time I close my eyes, she’s there. I can’t get her out of my head.” His voice sounded haunted, like this girl had really gotten to him. Which was something since Trystan dated everyone and was serious about no one.

As the door clicked shut, I remained motionless—silent—but the metallic click echoed through the room. My heart rate shot up into being-chased-by-a-bear territory. I wanted to hear who she was, who made him sound like that, but the longing in his voice made me feel like a voyeur. I shouldn’t be standing there. I shouldn’t be listening. This was a private conversation, but I was already there.

Acting like I just walked through the door, I bounded down the metal stairs. I walked around the corner and stepped in front of the flats. Both of them looked up at me.

Seth was saying, “You need a college girl. Forget these high school girls,” as I rounded the corner.

Seth was the size of a football player with a toned muscular body, but never seemed to do anything to get that way. His sandy hair was buzz cut, like he had enlisted. He was sitting on a chair across from Trystan, who was slouched back on an old leather couch with his hands behind his head. When Trystan looked up at me, he dropped his hands and straightened a little. There was something in his eyes, something about the way he glanced at Seth, that made me uneasy. He probably thought I heard what he just said.

Seth turned and looked at me, then back to Trystan. His voice grew louder, more cocky, “Besides, high school girls don’t know how to give a decent blowjob. Do they, Mari?” Seth the pig liked to pick on inexperienced girls and make them blush. It was a pastime for him. From hanging around Trystan, I had become accustomed to his crass questions. My face no longer flushed, although he never stopped trying. The guy talked about sex so much that it no longer shocked me. It was like his brain was swimming in a lust serum. Seth wasn’t hard on the eyes, but his mouth made him repulsive.

Trystan’s eyes flicked up to mine after Seth spoke. He had no idea what my experience was with guys, if any. Sometimes it felt like everyone thought I was celibate, as though I’d taken an oath or something just because I didn’t want to make out with every guy I met. This confused Trystan. He’d said things in the past, but I didn’t feel the need to explain myself.

I tossed the play book on the battered coffee table and sat down next to Trystan. Answering Seth, I said, “I’m not planning on giving you demonstration.” Trystan’s blue gaze was on the side of my face. His lips parted slightly like he was surprised. I turned toward him. “What?”

He shook his head smiling, “Nothing. Just didn’t expect you to say that.” He folded his arms across his chest. The black shirt he was wearing made his eyes look like sapphires. They were such a dark shade of blue.

“So who’s a tease?” I asked, assuming that they heard me on the staircase. “Do I know her?”

Trystan was usually perky, like he’d eaten a case of Pixie Stixs, but he seemed uneasy today. His gaze lowered and he didn’t speak.

Seth shifted in the old plaid chair. His fingers picked at the threadbare fabric, working a hole into the arm. “You know her,” Seth said, grinning. “You see, Trystan here seems to think she’s worth chasing, but there’s no way in hell she’ll put out. She’s a tease. He just doesn’t see it.” Trystan shot Seth a look.

“She has no idea you like her?” I ask genuinely intrigued.

Seth replied for him, “Absolutely none. He can be sitting in the same room as her and she has no fucking clue. It’s pathetic.” He turns to Trystan, saying, “There’s other pussy out there that’s much easier to get. Forget about her man.”

Seth’s words irritated me on so many levels. “Why should he forget about her? Because she doesn’t sleep with every guy that blinks at her? You’re such a jerk, Seth. Besides, if Trystan found someone he actually likes, why assume anything?” I glance at Trystan. He hasn’t moved. “Maybe she just hasn’t found the right guy yet. Maybe a relationship means something to her.”

“Waste of time,” Seth says shaking his head. “Relationships are the fastest way to make sure you never get laid. That’s why Trystan here never dates anyone, and neither do I.”

“How romantic,” I roll my eyes. “And that’s why you’re going to end up alone.”

Trystan sits up and gives Seth a look that clearly says STOP. Then he turns to me and asks, “What’s with the play book?” He nodded his head toward it. The movement made his dark hair fall into his eyes. With a sweep of his hand, he pushed it back. Trystan’s hair had that carefully messy look. It’s kind of long on top and cut shorter around the bottom. When it’s slicked back for the play, he’ll look pristine. In the meantime he looks like a rock star, bemusedly sexy, like he knows how beautiful he is and doesn’t care.

I glared at Seth before turning to Trystan, “Tucker is on the warpath. I thought I’d run lines with you so he doesn’t slaughter us up there.”

Trystan grinned at me, “What makes you think I didn’t learn them, yet?” He ran his hands through his hair and stretched. That playfulness that was usually there appeared to be coming back. Whatever girl caught his attention did a good job. I hadn’t seen him so out of sorts before.

“Yeah, right,” I laugh. “That scene in the second act sucked yesterday. You were tripping over your lines like crazy.”

Seth groaned and pushed off the chair. He smoothed his tee shirt. It clung to his broad shoulders. The guy looked like a giant. “Nerds.”

Trystan threw a pillow at his friend and it nailed him in the chest. “Get out. I’ll catch up with you later,” Trystan sat up on the couch and reached for the play book. Handing it to me, he said, “Fine. Let’s do it.”

Seth had an odd look on his face. He shook his head and left without another word. When the door on the upper-landing clicked shut, Trystan’s demeanor changed. He seemed softer without Seth around polluting his thoughts. I really wondered why they hung out together. Trystan was all smooth and subtle with his confidence. Seth was in-your-face about everything. There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It’s like he was raised by giraffes or something.

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

Why did he tell Seth anything? His remedies always included girls, which in this case was not helpful. Trystan stretched and ran his fingers through his dark hair. This was more than a crush. It wasn’t that the girl had a hot body, even though she did. It was more than that. He connected with her in a way that hadn’t happened before. Being around her made him feel exposed. It was difficult to maintain the endless smiles and witty banter that he was known for.

To his horror, Trystan didn’t hear that girl—the one that he was so taken with—standing at the top of the stair case.  He straightened when he saw Mari round the corner. Trystan tried to make it look like they weren’t talking about her, but she had to know. Didn’t she?

He didn’t see how she couldn’t. Trystan saw Mari every day. It didn’t matter that she was a junior and he was a senior. Tucker had placed them together when she was a freshman, and they’d spent nearly every day together since.

The reason Trystan didn’t act on his attraction initially was because she was too young. He was the eldest in his class, and Mari was the youngest in hers. That put nearly two years between them. For a while he told himself that he was just fond of her, like Mari was the little sister he never had. But as time progressed, he knew that was a lie.

He noticed her quirky mouth early on. That only made her more appealing. Then her body followed, sneaking up on him like a ninja in the middle of the night. Mari’s smooth curves melted into each other, forming a body to match that beautiful face. One day he saw her as Mari, the next she was the most desirable woman he’d ever met. Maybe the transition in his mind was slower than that, more of a gradual change, but Trystan didn’t see it coming. It completely blindsided him.

To make matters worse, he’d learned over the years everything she couldn’t stand about guys. She had this notion that a kiss should mean something and Trystan made it blatantly obvious that he didn’t share that opinion. He’d shot himself in the head in terms of ever having a relationship with her. That was what he had been trying to ask Seth about. Trystan wanted to know if his friend thought it was possible to back track, to fix things with her so he had a chance.

Seth’s response wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and as Mari descended the stairs, Seth saw her first and his over-the-top language came out. The guy only talked like that when Mari was around, almost like he hoped his nasty comments would chase her off.

Instead of running, Mari sat down next to Trystan. God, it was so hard to be so close to her and not touch her. Everything from that light floral scent, to her soft curls made him want her even more. Last night in a moment of panic, he thought about telling her that he was in love with her. But she wouldn’t believe him. He knew she wouldn’t. Instead, he grabbed his guitar and recorded a song he wrote for her, before uploading it on a whim. He poured his heart out, never saying her name, only telling her that he loved her, and that he wished she noticed him. No one knew he sang or played. It was a secret he didn’t even tell Seth. At times life was too hard. Too much happened, too fast, and it left him feeling paralyzed. Trystan found solace in his music. He never shared any of it with anyone and now in the light of day, he thought he should go back and delete that song before someone saw it and figured out it was him.

Mari leaned into him a little bit, her shoulder lightly touching his. Trystan stiffened, his smile faltered. As Seth and Mari argued, Trystan sat there with his insides lurching. He couldn’t take Seth’s crass mouth. He knew it was upsetting Mari, even though she didn’t act like it. It was the little things he noticed, the way her fingers pressed into her jeans forming a little dent where the denim used to be smooth. The curve of her shoulders squared off slowly, her spine becoming straighter and straighter like she intended to fight Seth. After a moment, Trystan shot Seth a look that clearly said STOP.

Seth didn’t hang around much longer. When he heard Mari wanted to run lines, Trystan groaned inwardly. It was that scene –the one from yesterday. Though he didn’t let on, every fiber of his body protested. The end of that scene had a kiss, and Trystan didn’t think he could resist.

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

~MARI~

 

“So you just think she’s waiting for the right guy?” Trystan’s question caught me by surprise. I was flipping through the book, looking for the right page.

Stopping, I looked up at him. “Yeah, most girls want the right guy. They aren’t looking for a one-time thing.”

“That includes you?” The way he said it, the way his eyes bored into me made me squirm.

The corner of my mouth pulled up and I shook my head, “What I think doesn’t matter. You want to know what she thinks.” The movement made my hair fall over my shoulders. I pushed it out of my face, tucking a few stray curls behind my ear.

“How am I supposed to find out? Every time I get a second alone with her, someone interrupts us. And it’s not the kind of question you can just ask.”

I glanced over at him, “You asked me.”

There’s a lightness to his voice, “And you didn’t answer.” He smiled at me and looked down at his hands.

For some reason I was hyperaware of my heart. I felt it beating inside of my chest. I shouldn’t have told him, but my tongue was moving before my brain realized it, “Yeah, I want the right guy. I’m not interested in screwing around with a bunch of randoms. I want it to mean something. I want the connection, the relationship.” Something inside my chest swirled as I said it and my throat tightened. I couldn’t help but notice his eyes and how closely he watched me. His gaze was so intense that I looked away.

Trystan nodded slowly and then says, “You want him to love you.”

I wondered if I should respond, but I was up to my neck in the conversation already, “Is that so wrong? I mean, wouldn’t you want that too?”

“If it were real, yeah. But there’s no such thing as love. Love’s a concoction of the Hallmark Channel.” My mouth fell open as he said it, but he didn’t stop. “At least I thought there was no such thing. Now I’m not so sure.” His voice trailed off, like he was thinking, considering if it could be true—if that was what was making him so crazy.

My shock changed from offended to surprised, “Oh my God,” I breathed. “She’s really gotten to you. The great Trystan Scott is in love.”

He didn’t answer. The way he looked at me made me know I was right. Instead of teasing him, which would have been normal, I sat there in silent awe. “Are you going to tell her?”

He shook his head and leaned back, “No, I don’t think so.”

I lean toward him and pressed my hand to his knee. “You have to tell her. Damn, Trystan. If she’s gotten to you like this, you should at least give it a shot.” When his gaze lingered on my hand too long, I pulled it away. I wasn’t a touchy feely person, so it was kind of strange for me to reach out and do anything.

“If she realizes it, I won’t deny it, but I can’t tell her.” He looked at the ceiling as he spoke, his voice uncharacteristically soft. When he looked at me again, he sat up, breathed deeply and said, “Come on. Run lines with me. Help me forget about her for a while.”

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

“Are you going to tell her?” Mari asked. Her big brown eyes remained fixed on his face, waiting for an answer that he couldn’t give.

It doesn’t matter if I tell her, she won’t believe me. You see Mari, it’s you. You’re the one I can’t stop thinking about. You’re the one who makes my heart race and my mood soar. You’re the reason that I can’t sleep, can’t eat. The pain inside my chest, that ache that longs for your touch, devours me.

Trystan thought these things. They raced through his mind like a swirl of wind. The words were stuck to his tongue. He couldn’t tell her. It had to be something she saw for herself or she’d never believe him.

Shaking his head, Trystan leaned back against the couch, “No, I don’t think so.”

Mari twisted toward him, her slender hand extended forward. When she placed it on his knee, Trystan nearly crawled out of his skin. As she spoke, he stared at her hand, mesmerized by how much power she held over him. The simple act of patting his knee was too much. Being in the same room as Mari was too much, and here they were alone. Again.

I did this, he thought to himself. I’m the one who sent Seth away. His gaze was still fixated on Mari’s hand. She lifted it slowly, like she’d made a mistake. When he looked up at her, their eyes locked. Trystan was completely screwed. He couldn’t hide it much longer, and telling her would only make it worse. Ironically, she was sitting there telling Trystan to confess, but she didn’t understand. She didn’t know it was her.

Trying to put some distance between them, Trystan stretched and looked up at the ceiling. Mari’s gaze was burning a hole on the side of his face, but he’d kiss her if he looked at her again. His heart raced inside his chest. He couldn’t slow the frantic pace. She was too close.

When he spoke, his voice caught in his throat, “If she realizes it, I won’t deny it, but I can’t tell her.” He managed not to look at her as he said it. He knew she had a puzzled look on her face, like she didn’t understand, especially since she could tell how miserable he was. Nothing slipped past Mari. At times Trystan thought she could see right through him, but right now she was blind. And he intended to keep things that way.

The thought of her rejecting him after confessing how he felt about her made him feel sick. He couldn’t bear it. As it was, he could barely bear this. Thank God Mari didn’t date a lot. If she did, there’d be no way to hide his feelings. They’d come rushing out.

Trystan looked at Mari again, resisting the urge to run his finger across her cheek. He blinked, clearing the thought from his head and sat up. “Come on,” he sighed. “Run lines with me. Help me forget about her for a while.”

But running lines didn’t help him forget about her. When they started, Trystan was acting like his character, seeing his lost love. But as they got into it, as they headed toward the end of the act, all he could think about was Mari’s lips on his.

 

CHAPTER 5

 

~MARI~

 

Trystan knew his lines. He sat on the edge of the couch, facing me. Everything from the tone of his voice, to his inflections, to his expressions was perfect. Trystan had a way of looking at a girl that took her breath away. He used every skill he had in the scene, making it difficult to remember that it wasn’t real—that the words weren’t his. Before I knew what was happening, our eyes locked. Every muscle in my body tightened. While we were practicing, he moved closer to me. His knees faced mine. He was close enough to touch me, but he didn’t.

Still running lines, he continued, “Then when I saw you again, I couldn’t believe it was you. I watched you that night, trying to get up the nerve to talk to you. After everything that happened, after everything ended the way it did, I—” he breathed in and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he lowered his lashes and looked up at me, “I couldn’t risk ruining that moment. But it was a mistake...”

“Why?” I said the line, unable to look away. My pulse was racing even though I knew it wasn’t real. Trystan was so intense, and when he looked at me like that it was impossible to notice anything but him.

His eyes were dark as sapphires. They drifted to my cheek and a moment later, his hand was there touching me lightly. “Because it haunts me. Every moment of every day is filled with regret. I wonder if I said something, if we could have had another chance…” his voice trailed off. He brushed my cheek lightly with his thumb before pulling his hand away. Looking down, he breathed, “But I didn’t. I was a coward.”

Our gazes locked, and Trystan was so close to my face that I felt the warmth of his breath on my lips. My voice barely came out, “If you had it to do over again, what would you do?”

This was the spot where he messed up yesterday. The scene had no passion and he totally bumbled his lines. There was no connection with the actress. But today it felt so intense, so real. Heat flushed my body. I wondered what he would do, when he would stop. The scene ended with a kiss and Trystan didn’t break character. Instead he leaned closer to me, slowly, hesitantly. His lips were a breath from mine.

He whispered, “I’d do this.” The sound was soft and seductive passing over his lips, making butterflies erupt in my stomach. My body felt hot. Every inch of skin seared like it was on fire, pleading for his touch. He lingered, withholding the kiss, watching me through lowered lashes.

There was nothing but him and me in that moment. We weren’t in a dank prop room, we weren’t running lines. The way he looked at me, the way his eyes pinned me in place and stole my breath, made my heart race faster. It banged into my ribs as his lips moved painfully slow toward mine. When his hand touched my face and slid back into my hair, I thought I’d die. Every part of my body was on fire.

Trystan’s lips brushed lightly to mine. The soft caress sent a spark through me that kept me from pulling away. Instead I savored the sensation, the feel of his full mouth against mine. The heat from his lips, the softness of the kiss would be burned into my mind after that. That kiss would come unbidden when I least expected it.

After he swept his lips across mine, he pulled back just enough that the sensation of his lips on mine ended. It pulled me toward him like a magnet tugging wildly at my insides. Shock held me in place as it crashed into me in a relentless wave. His kiss was bewitching. It felt real. The way my body responded to him—to his voice and his words—was real. I’d denied it over and over again. I didn’t want to be like every other girl that was infatuated with him. We were friends. There was nothing there. I kept telling myself that, but right now, the way my stomach twisted to have him so close, I knew it was a lie. I liked him.

Trystan sat there watching me, his eyes locked on mine. His palm rested against my cheek as he gazed at me. It was like he was too stunned to move. At least I thought he was. When the door clicked open above us, he winked at me. His hand slid away from my cheek. The air felt cold with it gone. I repressed a shiver, and slumped backward like he had no effect on me.

A voice called down, “On stage, Scott!”

Trystan stood and looked down at me. I stared at his shoes, wondering what kind of crazy I had to be to let him kiss me.

“Be right there,” he replied and the door shut again. “What’d you think?” There was a question in his voice. I glanced up at him.

“Better than yesterday,” I replied, trying to sound normal. “Assuming Brie doesn’t jump on you when you kiss her like that, you’ll be good.”

He grinned, “I thought that scene needed some tension. That worked, right?”

“Yes,” my voice came out in a breath. “It worked perfectly.”

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

That kiss. He didn’t want to stop. Her lips tasted like strawberries and when he pressed her mouth to his, Trystan felt whole. There wasn’t another word for it. He needed Mari like he needed air. When his hands tangled in her hair, she didn’t protest. As he kissed her, he waited for her to pull away. When she didn’t, when she ran the lines through the end of the scene, he didn’t question his good fortune. Instead he concentrated on the taste of her lips and the shape of her mouth, the smoothness of her skin and the softness of her hair in his hand. It would be like this, he thought, if we were together. His body burned hotter than it should have with such a chaste kiss, but it was the closest he’d ever gotten to Mari.

Reluctantly, he ended the kiss by pulling away slightly. He tried to control his breathing, still holding her face in his hands. Her breath rushed over his lips as he lingered there. Trystan didn’t want to stop. He had no idea why Mari let him do it. It should have gotten him slapped. When the door above them scraped open, he released her face. Immediately his hands felt empty, like they’d been holding the most valuable thing they’d ever touched and now it was gone.

“Be right there,” he replied. He waited a beat for the door to click shut. Heart racing, he looked at Mari and asked, “What’d you think?” It was brazen, especially after deciding not to tell her, but he had to know.

“Better than yesterday,” she said coolly. “Assuming Brie doesn’t jump on you when you kiss her like that, you’ll be good.” She smiled as she spoke, like she wasn’t affected by his kiss. Like it hadn’t meant anything to her. Swallowing hard he realized that he wanted it to mean something. He didn’t want to touch her, taste her, and kiss her—no, he wanted more than that. He wanted her to want him. He wanted more than the physical act. Inwardly he cringed. That thought was so unlike him, so foreign, but as he gazed at her, he longed for it. He wanted something with her, but her reply made it obvious that the feelings weren’t two directional. Swallowing hard, he forced down a lump of regret that was nearly choking him.

He grinned to cover his real feelings, putting on the fucking mask that hid his real thoughts. He didn’t want things to be like that with her, but that was the way things were.

Playfully, he said, “I thought that scene needed some tension. That worked, right?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “It worked perfectly.” Her dark curls were fanned across her shoulders. It was impossible to look at her and not touch her. Every instinct in his body was wrong. She didn’t care for him, not like that.

He nodded toward the stairs, “I better get going.” Without another word, he turned and walked away from her. It felt like something inside of him ripped.

I shouldn’t have kissed her, he thought, climbing the stairs two at a time.

When he walked out onto the stage, he acted. Trystan was everything he was supposed to be, and no one knew any different. None of them knew him at all.

 

 

CHAPTER 7

 

~MARI~

 

“You let him kiss you?” Katie asked. Her mouth was hanging open, her burger positioned in her hands like she was going to take a big bite, but instead it just hung there. A piece of lettuce fell to her plate. Finally she cocked her head to the side, which is Katie’s look for are you crazy? 

Pushing around the fries on my plate, I shrugged, “We were running lines. I thought he’d stop, but he went to the end of the scene.”

Katie and I had made plans to meet up at the diner for dinner. There was a scattering of people surrounding us and Katie’s voice was a little too loud for my taste. There hadn’t been many other kisses to report, but this one seemed to blindside her. It was completely unexpected and according to her, completely stupid.

She blinked big brown eyes at me, “But he kissed you.”

“But nothing. It meant nothing. He was practicing,” I said, raising my hand and pointing a French fry at her. “It’s called acting.”

Her mouth was still suspended open. She snapped it shut, shaking her head and put down the burger. Her hands tugged at her long dark hair when she said, “This is going to screw with you. I can’t believe you let him do that. You can’t get him out of your head when he smiles at you and you frickin’ let him kiss you!” I knew that she only acted like this because she cared about me.

Katie was the only one who had a clue about my feelings for Trystan. I hated that I liked him that way. He literally had a gaggle of groupies that followed him around. I didn’t want to be one of them, but the guy got to me. There was no way to ignore it. I leaned back in the booth and looked around the diner to make sure no one we knew was near-by. This was my biggest secret. If Trystan found out, I’d die.

“Shhh!” I hissed, whipping my neck around. The movement made my hair fall over my shoulder and into my ketchup. “Awh, man.”

Katie swallowed a laugh and tossed me a bunch of napkins. I dabbed the condiment out of my hair. When my brown curls seemed okay, I tossed my hair back over my shoulder again. Finally Katie asked, “So how was it?”

Her question took me by surprise. I glanced up at her with that deer in the headlights look. Squirming, I replied, “Fine, I guess.” Better than fine. He made me feel every inch of my body. I flushed thinking about it.

She shook her head and picked up her burger again, muttering, “Yes, I can see that it was marginal at best. You’re such a bad liar, Mari.”

“Fine.” I leaned closer to her and lowered my voice, “You know how I told you he gets to me? Like we can be standing there talking, and it’s like he can read my mind or something?” She nods. I’d told her this before. Trystan had a weird way of knowing what I was going to say before I said it. When his gaze bore into me, I felt exposed, like he could read my mind. I avoided eye contact with Trystan, which was part of my mistake today.

I continued, “It was like that, but more. It felt like he could see through me in that moment, like all my thoughts were just spread out for him. And his lips were so soft. The way he did it made me want him even more.” I grabbed the sides of my head, placed my elbows on the table and leaned forward. With closed eyes, I uttered, “What a disaster.” When I look at Katie again, she’s grinning. “What?”

“You did this to yourself, you know. You’re the one who says a kiss has to mean something for it to be real, and it seems like this fake kiss made your brains blow up.” She sips her soda and leans back in the booth. If someone else had said it, the words would have felt mean. But the way Katie mentions them, made it as confrontational as saying, please pass the milk.

But I won’t back down on this issue. I was right. “A kiss is supposed to mean something. I just—”

Katie cut me off, “Do yourself a favor and stay away from him. You know he’s a love them and leave them kind of guy. That’s not your kind of guy. Hanging around with Trystan is just going to get you hurt.” Her voice was beseeching, like she doesn’t want me unhappy.

I can’t avoid Trystan. He’s at the theater every day with me, but I know what she means. “I’ll try.”

“Good,” she said, smiling. She plucked a fry off her plate and popped it into her mouth. For a moment neither of us said anything. Before taking another fry, she said, “Did you see that video, yet? The one on You Tube of that guy singing?”

I shook my head, “What are you talking about?” I’d been at practice all afternoon. It was after 7:00pm and I was eating dinner on the way home.

Katie always knew what was going on. She pulled out her phone, flicked a few buttons, and handed it to me. A video loaded. It’s hard to make it out, but a guy was sitting on a stool with a guitar on his lap. His fingers moving up and down the instrument as he played. There was a strong light behind him obscuring his face. The only thing I could tell was that he’s young, maybe my age and a little taller than me, with dark hair. The song he was singing wasn’t something I’d heard before. It was a love song about a girl that doesn’t know he’s alive. He sounded so bewitched by her that I couldn’t look away. The tune was catchy, but it was the haunting lyrics that mesmerized me. When the song ended, I stared at the phone immediately wanting to hear more.

Blinking, I looked up at Katie, “Who is that?”

She grins, “No one knows. He uploaded the song last night and it went viral.”

His voice echoed in my mind. The lyrics said he was completely taken with a girl who didn’t know he was alive. She called to him like a siren, and he couldn’t help but love her. It was tragic and beautiful. I wanted to know who the singer was. I glanced at the phone again and pressed play. The words flowed through the tiny speakers.

Someone passing by stopped and said, “Great song, right?” It was a senior I’d seen around but never spoke to before.

Katie beamed, “It really is. Have you heard anything? Did they figure out who he is?”

The girl shook her head, “No, but it won’t be long. I bet the guy goes home tonight and sees that his video got all those comments today and we know his name by tomorrow. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.” She laughed and Katie told her thanks.

“God, I hope so,” she said, turning back to me. “I can’t see a damn thing with that light in the way.”

“Me neither,” I said, staring at the screen after the video stopped. “Did you see all these comments? There are thousands and this hasn’t even been up for a day yet.”

Katie snapped the phone away and scrolled through the comments, then handed it back to me. “That one is mine,” she said, tapping at a spot on the screen.

I read it and gasped, “You did not type that!”

“Yup,” she said, grinning, snatching the phone back. “He’s too hot not to.”

“You can’t even see him!” I laughed. “How do you know he’s hot?”

“I just know. With a voice like that and the way he sings about her…” Katie sounds like she has a bad crush on the mystery guy, which wasn’t like her.

“It could be anyone. This guy could be a troll. Or a stalker.”

Katie’s eyebrow darted up, “You really think that a stalker made a video?”

“No,” I admitted and quickly added, “but it would make it easier not knowing who it is if he was some kind of deviant.”

“Well, I’m going to find out.” She took one more bite of her burger and waived at the waitress to get the check. “I’m going home and surfing the web until someone forks over a name.”

 

CHAPTER 8

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

When Trystan arrived home, the small condo was empty. He sighed a sigh of relief and tossed his books on the kitchen table. Trystan looked around at the dilapidated furnishings and the graying walls. In the back of his mind, he hoped it would burn and burn all the memories with it. This place wasn’t a refuge, it was a nightmare.

Trystan pulled the fridge open and stared at empty shelves. “Fuck,” he muttered running his hands through his hair. Empty. Again. He slammed the door shut. Shaking his head, Trystan grabbed his books and went back to his bedroom. Once inside he locked the door with a slide bolt.

He’d have to grab groceries, but there was no way Trystan would risk running into his father for food. Besides, his stomach was still in knots from kissing Mari. Eating was a necessity, but he wasn’t particularly hungry.

Trystan pulled an old laptop he’d purchased second-hand out from between his mattresses. It booted slowly, its small screen flickering to life like it wished it were dead. When it finally was up and running, Trystan borrowed a neighbor’s unsecure internet connection. He had to take down that video. If Mari heard that song... The pit of his stomach dropped just thinking about it.

Trystan navigated his way toward the YouTube page, Day5705. Shock lined his face when the page finally loaded. Before he could click delete, he saw comments—tons of them. They loved his song. He scrolled down, recognizing several kids from his school. Hope and fear flooded his chest. If his classmates saw it, then Mari might have seen it. She’d know. She’d recognize him. Trystan played the video again, frantically trying to see if it was possible to tell who he was.

With his hand keeping the curser hovering above the delete button, Trystan stared at the page. Should he erase it? Make it like it never existed? What would happen to the swarm of people who demanded to know who he was?

The only reason to delete it was Mari, but she was also the reason he wrote the song. Maybe he could ask her about it. Maybe that would be a way to approach the subject of them—a way for her to know he was sincere. Trystan scrolled down through the comments, and made a short post before shutting down the computer. He slid the black plastic under his bed and pulled off his shirt.

The front door slammed shut. Trystan killed the light quickly and jumped into bed with his jeans still on. He could hear his father through the apartment. His voice echoed back to Trystan, “You ungrateful brat! There’s only one thing I ask you to do, and you can’t even do that!”

Something hard thunked into Trystan’s door and shattered. He closed his eyes tight. It was only a matter of time, he reminded himself. The yelling and screaming would stop, his father would pass out, and Trystan could rest safely for a few hours.

 

 

CHAPTER 9

 

~MARI~

 

Later that night, I surfed the web, as I listened to his song over and over again. It was addicting. Once I heard it, I wanted more. And not knowing who sang it made me want to know who he was to the point of insanity. The user account was Day5705. It wasn’t even a name. The more message boards and tweets I read about him, the more people started referring to him as Day Jones, the anonymous lone musician.

The way he sang was sexy, but it was the words and his voice that captured my attention. I felt like that about Trystan. He saw me as some junior nobody, the girl assigned to read lines with him. This was the second year we worked together and it was always the same. Trystan would talk to me at practice, but that was all I saw of him. The cold hard truth was that he didn’t know I was alive. And with friends like Seth shoving college girls down his throat, why would he?

There was a soft side to Trystan, something that only came out when we were alone. The arrogant swagger that he had melted away and he seemed vulnerable. It felt like I was seeing something that he didn’t show to anyone else, but I knew that couldn’t be. He didn’t think of me like that. Trystan was pining over someone else; some girl that Seth didn’t think was worth his time. Knowing Seth, he’d try to keep Trystan away from her. I thought about it, but there was no way to figure out who Trystan’s crush could be. Before and after practice, Trystan was surrounded by girls. It’d always been like that. All the girls loved him and every guy wanted to be him.

I pulled up Trystan’s facebook page and gazed at his picture. Those perfectly pink lips—the way they felt would be seared into my mind forever. It wasn’t my first kiss, but no kiss had ever made me feel so much before. I closed the page and pressed play on the song again. I went to bed that night thinking that someone would sniff out the mysterious Day Jones’ real identity by morning, but when I woke up they still didn’t know.

During the night he posted a comment and it made them love him even more. The guy seemed humble. He made one comment—that’s it—and said:

Thank you for listening to this song. I don’t really play very well and my voice isn’t exceptional. The only reason I posted it was because I thought someone might be going through the same thing. Thanks for listening. –Day

After he posted that, the comments section of the video went nuts. Everyone wanted to know who he was, who she was, and they begged him for more songs. Day didn’t post anything else. He didn’t seem to want the fame, or the attention. It made me admire him more.

 

CHAPTER 10

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

He barely had five hours of sleep. Trystan showered and pulled on clothes without worrying about rousing his father. Dear old dad was passed out cold on the living room floor. Trystan grabbed his books and ran out the door. The morning air was cool and damp. He breathed it in like he couldn’t get enough of it.

It didn’t matter how much his life sucked, there were times—little things really—that he took joy in. They were reliable, dependable like the sunrise.

Trystan walked into the high school and headed directly for the cafeteria. His stomach growled, reminding him that he skipped dinner last night. Today after school, he’d have to run into the deli and grab some things. That meant more odd jobs, less time at school. Trystan bartered with the deli owner, doing odd jobs for him once in a week in exchange for groceries. If he hadn’t done that, he was certain he would have been taken away from his father and placed into foster care a long time ago.

Trystan smiled at the cafeteria lady, “Good morning, Miss Bensly. Is that a new pin?”

Miss Bensly was close to seventy years old. Every day she came in with a different broach pinned to her lunch lady uniform. They were usually too large and garishly awful. Trystan beamed at her, holding up an apple and a roll for her to ring up.

Miss Bensly, swatted at him, “Oh you. Save your sweet talk for someone closer to your age, Trystan.” She hit the no sale button and waved him through.

“You’re an angel, Miss Bensly. What would I do without you?” It was the truth. This matronly figure had fed him breakfast for the past four years.

Miss Bensly shook her head, and waived him off. Trystan crossed the room and sat at a table by the windows. The sun was barely over the horizon. The bell would ring in about five minutes. Trystan watched students pour out of cars and buses. He ate his breakfast while waiting for her. Mari would arrive any minute, scurrying through the door like she was late even though she wasn’t.

When he saw her, his heart stopped. The apple he was about to bite was midway to his mouth, but it hung there suspended in motion as he watched Mari run into the building.

“You seriously need to get over her,” Seth said, slapping his books down on the table.

Trystan flinched, bit the apple, and threw the core into the nearby garbage pail.

Mr. Tucker chose that exact moment to walk in, “Detention Scott. Throw something else and it’ll be a week. Come to my classroom during study hall. You can serve it then.” Tucker scribbled on a pink piece of paper instructing the study hall teacher to excuse Trystan since he was serving detention with Tucker.

Trystan smiled, “Thanks. I didn’t have one of these yet today,” and snatched the pink paper and shoved it into his pocket.

“You’re pushing your luck, Scott.” Tucker waved a fat finger at him and walked away quickly, like Trystan irritated him and he didn’t want to behead the kid before first period.

Seth stared at Trystan until he finally said, “What the hell is wrong with you? It’s like you want to get busted. You keep doing all this stupid shit and it’s like you know you’re going to get caught.”

Trystan folded his arms over his chest and slumped back into his plastic chair, “Like what?”

“Hello? Were you somewhere else five minutes ago? Apple core, right when Tucker walked in. That’s sloppy man. You used to pull crap, but you didn’t get caught. Now, well look at you.”

Trystan didn’t feel the need to say why he’d grown sloppy. The lack of sleep from trying to avoid his father’s fists was slowing him down. “Gee, thanks, Seth.”

“I’m serious. You’re falling apart, and I know why.”

Trystan shot up from his seat, “Don’t even go there. The only reason I told you about her was so you could help.”

Seth ran up behind him as Trystan exited the cafeteria and walked into the hallway. It was packed with kids carrying books, still wearing coats, racing to get to their lockers. Trystan shouldered his way into the crowd, forcing his way across the hallway. Seth followed close behind, “I am trying to help you, but you won’t listen. You never listen!”

Trystan spoke firmly over his shoulder, “She’s not the problem.”

“Then what is? Clue me in, what’s making you so reckless?” Seth stopped in his tracks. Kids swarmed around him like a rock dropped in the middle of a pile of ants.

Trystan leaned his head against his locker. Seth didn’t know about his dad. No one did. Taking a deep breath, he turned toward Seth and said, “I’ll stop, okay? Just leave her alone.” When Seth tilted his head with a try-to-stop-me look on his face, Trystan added, “I know you can’t stand her, but that doesn’t mean—”

Shaking his head, Seth cut Trystan off, “Not true. I just can’t stand what she does to you. When you’ve been around her, you act like a fucking lunatic. I’d understand if you were thinking with your dick, but you’re not. You’re chasing some nobody that hates your guts. Face facts, Trystan. There’s no future with her in it. You two aren’t compatible.”

It was the thought that was always drifting at the back of his mind. When Seth said them, it was like someone punched Trystan in the stomach. All the air was forced out of his lungs. It felt like someone was strangling him.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t let this go.”

“You have to. It’s like handing her a loaded gun aimed straight at your heart,” Seth said in a low voice. He leaned closer to his friend, “Don’t do it. Once those words come out, it’s like pulling the trigger. You can’t undo it.”

 

____

 

Trystan went through the rest of the day looking for Mari. She wasn’t at her locker at the usual times, and she seemed to alter her normal path through the hallways. Was she avoiding him? Trystan instantly knew why—that kiss. He shouldn’t have kissed her. At the time, he didn’t think it upset her, but it must have. There was no other explanation as to why she was avoiding him.

Trystan went into Tucker’s room during his free period. “I’m here.” His voice was distant, distracted. He wanted to find Mari and fix things.

Tucker glanced up from under an overgrown monobrow. He pointed at the first desk in front of him, “Sit.” Tucker didn’t bother to watch Trystan find his seat, instead he went back to the stack of papers in front of him. When he finished marking up the one he was working on, he lifted it and put them into a folder, leaving the pile of papers out on his desk.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Tucker asked. He walked in front of the desk and stopped in front of Trystan.

Trystan stared straight ahead, “I threw an apple core and got busted.” Glancing up, he said smirking, “I believe you were there. It was a pretty good throw. Crossed the room and sailed straight into the center of the can.”

“Scott, you threw it when I walked in. Did you really think I’d let it go? This little cry for help?”

Trystan straightened in his chair and looked directly in his teacher’s face, “What? That wasn’t a cry for help. It was piss poor timing.”

Tucker’s head tilted to the side. He folded his massive arms across his chest, “Yeah, right. And I’m the Toothfairy. Listen Scott, if you’re in trouble there are people who can help. I know your dad—”

Trystan shot out of his chair. “You don’t know shit about my dad, so don’t try your pschyobabble on me.” Some emotion he couldn’t identify reached out and crushed his gut. After a second he realized it was fear mingling with shame. If people knew the beatings he’d taken, he’d die. Trystan was stronger than his dad but he never fought back. He took his punches. Maybe it was some distorted sense of reality. Maybe he just wanted a father like everyone else had, someone who watched over him and played ball on the weekends. Instead he got the drunk mess, the shell of what used to be a great man.

“Trystan,” Tucker said, turning toward him as Trystan made a bee line for the door.

But Trystan didn’t stop. No one could know. And Tucker was wrong. No one could save him. That was one fact he knew for certain. The last person who tried—shaking his head, he pushed the thought aside. He didn’t want to think about it. His life was what he made it. As soon as Trystan crossed the stage at graduation and got his diploma, he was out of here.

But Mari, a voice said in the back of his head.

The jaded part of Trystan silently responded, If Mari doesn’t come around by then, she never will.

 

CHAPTER 11

 

~MARI~

 

After school Trystan found me sitting alone in the theater, waiting for practice to start. I avoided him all day, and he noticed. “You weren’t at your locker.” It was a statement, but there was a question in his voice.

I shrugged, like it was normal. I had my math book open on my lap. “Just trying to finish some homework.”

A lopsided grin lined his lips. Great. I knew that expression. He knew I was lying. Damn it. When did he get to know me so well?

“Mari, at least tell me what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything,” I said, without looking up, starting another equation. He took the book from my lap and closed it quietly. When I looked up at him, he took my notebook and my pencil, too.

“I know you. Something’s bothering you.”

I was impaled on his gaze as soon as I looked up. It darted through me, and I couldn’t look away. His eyes searched my face and I felt naked. Somehow he’d learned to read me. Two years of running lines had taught him too much. I looked away before he saw how I felt about him. I sighed and threw my head back like I was annoyed. “Trystan, I’m not mad at you, but I will be if you don’t give me back my stuff.”

He took the pile of books off his lap and held them out over the aisle. Watching me, he dropped them on the floor. The pencil rolled away as the slap of the books echoed through the empty auditorium. I jumped up to push past him, but he blocked me. Trystan was a full head higher than me. I couldn’t look at his face, those eyes would make me say stupid things. Instead I stared at his chest and the black tee shirt that clung to him.

Trystan tensed. I could feel his gaze on my face. “It was the kiss, wasn’t it?”

I lifted my eyes and when I met his I knew I was screwed. I felt the truth about to tumble out of my mouth, but I bit it back. Pushing my curls out of my face I shook my head, “No, of course not. It didn’t mean anything. Besides, you kiss everyone.” The expression on his face faltered when I said it and I instantly regretted my words. He looked like I kicked him in the stomach.

But, Trystan recovered quickly. Nodding he said, “Sometimes. Mostly girls.” He grinned to cover the effect of my words. “Still, I shouldn’t have done it. I know how you feel about that stuff, and I just got caught up in the moment.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, and looked up at me. His eyes were so blue.

I tore my gaze away, “It’s fine.” I tried to ignore the fact that my ribs felt like they were going to crack. My heart raced when he looked at me like that, making my pulse pound like I’d been running. I wanted to turn away, but I couldn’t. My arms folded against my chest.

Trystan watched me do it. Then he reached out and touched my forearm, gently brushing my skin with his fingers. He had to know how crazy he was making me. That had to be the reason why he did it. Smiling, he looked up into my face and said, “I wanted to tell you something. Every time we get a second, someone comes and drags you away. Listen—” he swallowed hard, his dark lashes lowering. He paused like he can’t figure out how to convey what he wanted to say. When he looked back up into my eyes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The sensation of his palm on my arm, the way he looked at me, made me want to throw my arms around his neck, but I couldn’t. The only actual thought registering in my mind at that moment was that Katie’s going to kill me.

“Scott!” Seth yelled as he walked into the auditorium. The sound bounced around the empty room.

Trystan didn’t turn toward him. Instead he stared at me like he wanted to say something else, but he couldn’t. He finally blinked and turned toward Seth.

Seth sounded agitated, “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“I’m right here,” Trystan said flatly. All indications of the seriousness of what he was going to say had washed away.

When Seth walked up, he looked at my books on the floor and then back up at us. “You peg him with your books? Nice.” He grinned widely, his eyes sliding over me appreciatively.

Trystan bent over and picked the books up. He handed them back to me and our fingers brushed, sending sparks through me when I took them. “Can we finish talking about this later?” I didn’t trust my voice, so I nodded. “I’ll catch up with you after practice.”

 

 

CHAPTER 12

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

When he saw Mari sitting alone in the dark theater, Trystan walked in and quietly sat beside her. He’d been thinking about this moment all day. He was going to tell her that he was Day Jones. Dropping a big enough hint should help her figure out that she was the object of his affection.

Then Seth bounded in and kept him from saying it. Part of Trystan considered blurting it out in front of his best friend, but he knew the guy wouldn’t let him. Seth effectively ended the conversation. He pulled Trystan out into the hallway like nothing happened.

“What the hell?” Trystan finally asked. He stopped at stared at Seth.

Seth smiled carefully, like he knew he was on cracked ice. “I can’t let you do it.”

“It’s not your call,” Trystan’s voice was cold. His eyes narrowed as he stepped toward Seth.

Seth could tell that this was going to be a fight, but he wasn’t letting Trystan make this kind of mistake. He’d seen it before. The guy is completely in love with some chick and then she shoots him between the eyes and bats her eyes like he was nothing. Seth knew Trystan was secretive about his life, and he never pressed him before, but he had to know now. “Something’s up with you, man. If it’s not the girl, then what is it?”

A redheaded teacher stepped out of her classroom, “Get out of the halls, gentlemen. You know there’s no loitering after school.”

“We’re waiting for Tucker,” Seth replied.

Since we were standing in front of the auditorium, she didn’t force the issue. “Well, he should be here any second. If he isn’t, come and get me and I’ll turn on the lights for you.”

Seth nodded and said, “Thanks.” When she was inside her classroom, Seth turned to Trystan, “I don’t nose into your life, but something’s going on. It’s obvious. If it’s not the girl, then what is it?”

Trystan was fuming. Did everyone see it? Did the dark circles under his eyes give him away? He couldn’t tell anyone. Not even Seth. He wouldn’t understand. Maybe it was a mistake, he wouldn’t know until later, but he lied. “It’s the girl.”

Tucker raced past them, and into the theater. He didn’t say anything to Trystan about his earlier outburst, or that he walked out of detention.

Seth nodded curtly, “That’s all you had to say. I’ll catch you later.”

Trystan walked into the theater and slipped into a chair while Tucker went over the things he wanted to work on that day. A group of girls sat down behind him, like always. Sometimes he wished they’d follow someone else around.

Trystan couldn’t focus, he couldn’t keep his mind here, until he heard Monica whispering behind him. She was one of the actors that were always around, but he didn’t really know her.

“Did you see this? Someone offered Day Jones a contract.” She held out her phone and the girl sitting next to her took it.

“Holy shit. What’d he say?” Chanel spoke too loudly and Tucker glared at her.

After a small pause, Monica whispered, “Nothing.”

 

 

CHAPTER 13

 

~MARI~

 

Something was up, but I had no idea what. The way he looked at me was curious. There was something in his eyes that reminded me of panic, but it was more subdued. I couldn’t place the emotion that darted off his face as soon as Seth called his name.

Looking down at the play book in my lap, I followed along. I no longer fed people their lines. Instead, they waited next to me in the wings, waiting for their prompt to enter the stage. Brie stood next to me, her arms folded across her chest like she was bored. Her blue eyes were watching the actors on stage, completely ignoring me. When I heard her line, I motioned with my hand for her to enter, but she just stood there.

“Go,” I whispered. She should have started walking two seconds ago. The pause will result in a gap in the on-stage banter. She’d mess up and I’d get blamed for it.

“I think I know my part better than you,” she snapped. Before I could say anything, she stepped away from me and onto the stage. The lights shone down on her making her crown of golden waves look ethereal.

Brie was a classic bitch. She had the cheerleader Barbie body and all the guys fell all over her. The way she swung her hips when she walked made her impossible to ignore. Today she had on thigh-high boots coupled with a short skirt and a tiny tee shirt that showed her midriff when she moved her arms. The outfit barely met the school dress code. All eyes were on her as she walked on set.

Tucker yelled, “You’re late, Levetto! Who the hell is prompting that wing?”

Brie replied sweetly, “Mary Jennings. I think she zoned out.”

“Mari,” I muttered to no one. That girl never said my name right. It wasn’t Mary. It’s Mar-e. The muscles in my arms twitched. I wanted to strangle her. Brie glanced back at me and smiled like this was funny.

“Get out here Jennings!” Tucker’s voice boomed across the stage from his seat in the first row.

My cheeks flamed red as I walked out on stage with the play book in my hands. I shot Brie a nasty look. Trystan was across the room. When I walked on stage, he looked up at me. He was sitting on a kitchen table, his legs dangling. His eyes flicked to Tucker.

The teacher’s chest puffed up like he was going to explode. I hated public humiliation. If I could run, I would have. Trystan stopped swinging his legs and straightened, as he watched Tucker have an embolism.

“Everyone listen up!” Mr. Tucker yelled. “A play is only as good as its weakest link and right now that link is Miss Jennings.” My face grew hotter, but he didn’t stop. Brie was smiling like a demented doll. “Take note. Anyone who doesn’t pull his or her weight will do double time. That means no lunch, no free periods.” Some of the students groaned. He waved his meaty fist and they fell silent again. “Let this be an example to all of you. Miss Jennings,” he said tartly, his fat face pinched into a scowl, “you will report here every day for the next week. If you don’t come, I’m throwing you out. And since this isn’t an elective, you’ll have a serious problem come graduation.” By the time he finished screaming at me, my face was bright crimson. Every inch of me was stained. I stood there, pulse pounding taking a beating that should have been dished out to Brie. Instead of protesting, I nodded. Everyone was watching me and the sooner I was in the shadows again, the better.

“Good. Now that that’s cleared up… Scott, on stage with Brie. Pick it up from the second half of the second act.” Tucker leaned back in his chair, visibly deflating.

Everyone cleared off the stage, except for Trystan and Brie. As people poured out of the wings, no one would look at me. I sat down in my metal chair and flipped the book open to the page Trystan rehearsed with me yesterday.

Brie sashayed up to him and folded her arms across her chest and threw out her hip. Bitch is the only role she can play, I thought to myself. God, I hated her.

Trystan took a deep breath and they started. He said his lines with efficiency, but they didn’t sound the way they did the other day. Something wasn’t right. I leaned forward, trying to see him better.

Trystan’s voice carried across the stage, “But I didn’t. I was a coward.”

Brie sighed and switched her weight to her other foot, “If you had it to do over again, what would you do?” Instead of sounding like he was winning her over, she sounded annoyed, like he was wasting her time.

I didn’t want to watch, but I couldn’t look away. Everyone was watching. The wings were filled with actors and the stage crew. Each one was silent, wanting to see that kiss.

Trystan leaned closer to her, slowly, hesitantly, his lips nearly touching hers.

He whispered, “I’d do this.” His hands shot out and grabbed her waist. He pulled her tight to his chest and dipped her backward over his arm. Her long hair dangled and she screamed. Brie’s arms flailed before she slapped Trystan in the head. When her hand sailed into his face, Trystan lost his grip and dropped her. Brie fell to the floor and landed hard on one hip. Her short skirt flew up. Laughter erupted. It was comical. Everything from the slapstick way Brie went down to the floral granny panties she was wearing.

Brie fixed her skirt and jumped up, screaming in Trystan’s face, “You did that on purpose!” She shoved him hard, but Trystan didn’t move.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said calmly, but his voice was a little too high, like he was trying not to laugh.

Tucker pinched the bridge of his nose, watching the shrieking Brie assault Trystan. When he stood up, the kids in the wings fled, and went back to whatever they were supposed to be doing in the first place. Tucker’s deep voice boomed, “Scott!” Trystan squinted and looked past the stage lights at an irate Tucker. “For the next week, your life belongs to me. Every free period, every lunch, every day. And so help me God, if you show up one minute late, I’m failing you.” Trystan’s eyes went wide. He held up his hands, stepping forward like he was going to protest, but Tucker cut him off, “NO! That’s enough from you today. Jennings!” he yelled, calling to me.

I wanted to die. When Brie fell it was awesome, but I didn’t want more attention from Tucker. I stepped out onto the stage again. When Tucker saw me, he said, “You two. Get your act together or you fail. It’s that simple.” He tossed Trystan a set of keys. They arced across the stage and Trystan reached out and grabbed them. “My classroom. Both of you. Practice until I come for you.”

“Now?” Trystan asked, intentionally goading the teacher who was about to blow a gasket.

If Tucker was a cartoon, steam would be screeching out his ears. “NOW!”

Trystan nodded his head at me, and I followed him off the stage. We walked to the back and escaped through a side door. As I followed him down the hallway to Tucker’s room I had to ask, “You did that on purpose?”

He glanced over his shoulder at me, a small smile on his lips, “Of course not.” The playfulness in his voice was tantamount to saying, Hell yeah.

“Thanks,” I replied.

Trystan stopped and turned toward me. “Brie had it coming. Besides, you took a few hits for me over the years. I figured I owed you one.” He smiled at me softly and shrugged his shoulders, like it didn’t matter. “Come on. Better get into Tucker’s room before he finds us out here.”

“Wait,” I said, reaching for his shoulder. When my fingers touch him, Trystan stopped. His back was to me, but I could see the tension shoot up his spine like a steel rod. He breathed in slowly, like my touch bothered him. I lifted my hand and pulled it back. I felt foolish, and didn’t know why.

Trystan turned and looked down at me, “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t have the play. We can’t practice anything.”

The corner of Trystan’s mouth pulled up, “That was never my intention.”

 

 

CHAPTER 14

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

When Tucker chewed out Mari, Trystan couldn’t stand it, but if he said something or did something right then, everyone would know he cared about her. Besides, it was better to flip things around and humiliate Brie.

Trystan and Brie were an item over a year ago, and Brie never let him forget it. She hung on him, acting like they were still together, which pissed off her current boyfriend beyond belief. Brie must have fantasied about the two of them fighting over her. Although Trystan knew how to throw a punch, that wasn’t going to happen.

The entire thing worked out perfectly. As soon as he started saying his lines, Trystan knew what he was going to do. Brie walked right into it. Dipping her back like that made the rest of the dominoes fall in rapid succession. It was perfectly played. And here he was walking back to Tucker’s room with Mari. Alone.

He slowed his pace a little, to match hers.

“I don’t know how you used to date her,” Mari said.

Trystan stared straight ahead, “She seemed different then.”

“Every girl seems different before you go out. It’s not until after a few months that you see who they really are,” Mari picked an imaginary piece of lint off her shirt.

Trystan looked at her out of the corner of his eye, smiling, “Yeah, and you’d know this because...”

“I’ve dated before Trystan.” She didn’t look at him. Shrugging she continued, “He wasn’t who I thought he was either. He was really sweet at first, and then he turned angry—controlling.” She laughed like it was funny. Trystan felt jealousy twist around his heart and squeeze. Mari looked over at him, “I’m enough of a control-freak for two people in a relationship.”

“No?” he said sarcastically, grinning at her.

She leaned into his side, bumping her shoulder to his. “You already knew that. Why do you think Tucker stuck us together in the first place?” She pointed her thumbs at her chest, “Control freak perfectionist. He probably thought I’d beat you with the play until you learned it.” She was laughing, picturing swatting Trystan with a rolled up play book.

Mari thought she was uptight, but Trystan thought she just liked things a certain way. Whenever they were together, she made him feel happy to be alive. Everything else, every other thing that was weighing him down flittered away when she laughed. He loved that sound, so he made her laugh as much as possible.

“That would have been far more enjoyable,” Trystan smirked with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Mari’s jaw dropped in a wide smile and she laughed. “Only you would say that.”

“Only you would offer.”

Mari shook her head. The smile on her face was aching like it did when Trystan was around. “God, you’re so—”

He stopped and turned toward her, “So what?”

They stood motionless for a moment. Trystan’s heart raced in his chest, faster and faster as she stood there with her shiny pink lips pulled into that shy smile he loved. When her big chocolate eyes looked up at him from under those dark lashes, he wanted to kiss her. His eyes stayed locked on hers. The amused smirk he often wore around Mari lined his lips. Trystan put his hands behind his back, clutching them at the wrists so that he didn’t try to kiss her again. Every inch of him was drawn to her. Smiling, he rocked up and down on his feet, his dark brow inching up his face waiting to hear what she had to say.

“Do you ever think about anything else?”

“Does this have something to do with the innuendo?” he grinned.

Mari’s smile was perfect. She laughed and shook her head as she said, “You’re starting to sound like Seth.” She glanced up and down the hall and then leaned closer to Trystan. “We have a nickname for him, you know. Me and Katie call him Seth Sexbot.” Trystan snorted, a wide grin spread across his lips. He watched Mari try to repress a giggle, but she couldn’t. “When he’s done, he says, I’ll be back.” She lowered her voice and said the phrase like the famous movie line.

Trystan burst out laughing. It made the grip on his wrists loosen and his shoulders hunch. He tried not to laugh too loudly, but he couldn’t help it. The way she said it cracked him up. Mari touched his arm, leaning into him, and she said it again. And if it wasn’t hysterical before, it was now. Trystan and Mari leaned into each other laughing so hard they thought they’d fall over.

Mrs. Collen came out of her classroom down the hall, “No loitering in the halls, Mr. Scott. Get to where you’re going. Now.”

That only fueled their giggles more. Trystan and Mari started to walk down the hallway again. They staggered along, trying to swallow their laughs. When they got to Tucker’s door, Trystan could barely get the key in the lock.

Mrs. Collen was watching down the hall. Finally the key slipped in and the door opened. Mari pushed in first, followed by Trystan. They both laughed until they couldn’t breathe.

 

 

CHAPTER 15

 

~MARI~

 

After our laughter was spent, Trystan made himself comfortable on top of Tucker’s desk. His long legs dangled off the sides. I sat opposite him on top of a student desk. For a moment neither of us said anything.

Then Trystan slumped and breathed in deeply. He leaned forward on his hands, which straddled his legs on the edge of the desk. “Can I ask you something?”

When people ask that question, it’s never something simple. And from the weight in his voice, I knew it was something major. I nod, “Yeah, sure.”

He looked up at me, his blue eyes somber. It makes him look older than he is. No smile lined his lips. “Have you heard of Day Jones? That internet guy.”

“Yes. Who hasn’t?” He nodded slowly, like he was collecting his thoughts. Since that wasn’t the question I expected him to ask, I was even more intrigued. I leaned forward, mirroring his posture. “What about him? Did they find out who he is yet?”

Trystan shook his head, “No. I don’t think so. But it’s not about that. It’s about the song.” His voice was too somber for this conversation. I didn’t know where he was going with it, but it felt like something was wrong. Running his hands through his hair, he said, “I know it’s just another guy with a guitar, but that song—the words—they’re hard to ignore.”

I nodded slowly, watching him watch his shoes nervously. “I know. I heard it once and the words were burned into my brain. It’s haunting.”

He looked up at me from beneath dark lashes, “I know. That’s what I wanted to talk about.” His voice was soft, quiet. I could barely hear him. This was so unlike him that he had my full attention. If a pin dropped right then, it would sound like a sonic boom. I didn’t even breathe. It was too loud and before I knew it, I was leaning closer to him. Trystan didn’t look up at me. Instead he stared at the floor, saying, “If you were… if you—”

Before he asked his question, the door was thrown open and Seth walked in. “What the hell are you doing in here?” Seth blurted out. As an afterthought, he turned to me and said, “Hey Virgin.” That was the genius nickname he gave me.

I stared at him without answering, irritated that he’d shown up. Someone always showed up. Just when things with Trystan seemed real, one of his friends walked in. The Trystan I got a glimpse of immediately vanished like smoke in the wind.

Glaring at Seth, I thought, Go away. Go away. Go away. Seth can’t read minds. He barely has one, but Trystan seemed equally annoyed that he walked in.

It was too quiet. It‘s like we were talking about something that we shouldn’t have been, and when Seth walked in all conversation stopped. My skin prickled like this was an omen. I repressed the urge to shiver and smoothed my hands over my arms.

Something was off. The way Trystan’s shoulders slumped, like he physically deflated when he saw Seth made me wonder why. It was a tiny movement, one that Seth failed to notice, but I did. Trystan straightened quickly and that smile he always wore spread across his mouth.

“Dude, did you really flash the entire auditorium with Brie Parker’s panties?” Seth asked, grinning, practically vibrating with excitement.

Trystan let out a huff of air and ran his fingers through his hair, “Crap. Is that what they’re saying? She’s going to kill me.”

Seth laughed, “What’d you do man? Because I really liked the locker room version. It had Brie bending over and—”

I cut him off, “Trystan bent her back for a kiss and then dropped her on the floor. By the way, you’re disgusting.” I folded my arms across my chest. Maybe I hated Brie, but I didn’t want to hear what Seth was going to say. It made my skin crawl. Sex was a game to guys like him, and I didn’t want to hear about it.

Seth’s smile faded. His voice was hard, “Why are you always here? Every time I go looking for Trystan lately, there you are—sitting right next to him. You got a crush on him or something? Hoping for a pity bang?”

Mortification choked me. For a moment all I could do was blink. Trystan sat, shoulders slumped, on top of desk until Seth said that. Suddenly, he sat upright. His tone warning, “Seth.”

When I found my voice I said, “Hanging out with him would suck way less if you weren’t around.”

Seth laughed, “Funny. I was telling Trystan the same thing.” He shook his head like I wasn’t worth his time. Then he turned to his friend, “Come on, man. Let’s get out of here. There’s a set of twins working the 7-Eleven and they both have double Ds on the rack.” He laughed like he was hysterical.

Trystan smirked, but shook his head. “Can’t. Tucker has us in lock down.”

“So that’s why you’re with her? Tucker’s punishing you by strapping you to a boring chick?” Seth glanced at me while he spoke. His brows pinched together when he looked back up at Trystan.

“Something like that,” Trystan replied. “Either way, if I leave this room, I don’t graduate. And if you stay here and Tucker sees you, I suspect you’ll be joining us. A week’s in school detention, Tucker style.”

Seth’s face fell. “You mean—?”

“No free periods, no lunch, no after school nothing. For the next week I’m in here every day. Better run before he adds your name to the list.”

Seth turned toward the door, ready to leave, but he still didn’t seem to believe Trystan. Before pulling the door open, he stopped and asked over his shoulder, “What about the virgin? Did she piss Tucker off too?”

Before I could answer, Trystan slid off the desk. Walking toward his friend, he nodded and said, “As a matter of fact, yeah, she did. Get the hell out of here before he sees you. And if you head back this way before practice is over, sneak us some snacks.”

“What makes you think I’m going without you?” Seth asked. He huffed like a little boy that was told he couldn’t have more cookies.

“Please. Double Ds on twins. You’re going to be there for the rest of the afternoon,” Trystan slapped his friend on the shoulder and pushed him through the door.

Before Seth was gone, he hissed, “Don’t do it. For god’s sake, don’t fucking do it.” They stared at each other. Apparently Seth knew Trystan better than he let on. The two looked like they were having a showdown. I couldn’t tell who won, but eventually, Trystan lowered his gaze and gave a nod before shoving Seth out the door. When he pushed the door closed, Trystan stood there with his back to me for a moment. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t speak.

Pressing my lips together, I slid off the desk and walked over to him. “What’d you want to tell me? About the song?”

Trystan turned. His plastic smile was firmly in place, his lighthearted nature on full display. It was disarming, but I knew exactly what he was doing. “It was nothing. Just curious if you heard it, that’s all.” He looked me in the eye as he lied to my face.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 16

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

Damn, he lied to her. Trystan didn’t want things like this. He sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair.

“What’s with you lately? One second your all intense and the next you’re all smiles.” Mari asked.

Trystan looked up at her, his eyes drinking in her face. What if Seth was wrong? What if Mari liked him? That look said she cared, but he didn’t know what to do. Heart pounding, he said, “It’s her. The girl. I feel lost, Mari. I can’t take it much longer.”

She was quiet for a moment. Mari watched him sitting on the desk. The smile fell off his lips as Trystan leaned forward, putting all his weight on his hands, and stared at the floor. His voice sounded strained.

“Then tell her,” she urged.

Trystan glanced up at her from under his brow. The way she looked at him made him think he should. That if he said it, she would believe him. But Seth’s words rang through his mind. The image of the bullet being fired from the gun, and the inability to take it back. Once he said it, there was no going back.

Silence filled the room. Mari finally said, “What do you have to lose? It’s not like you’re friends. It’s not like you’d be risking one relationship for the other, so—” The way he looked at her when she spoke made the floor of her stomach fall. She stopped midsentence. “You already know her, don’t you?”

“She’s one of my best friends,” he answered softly. “I doubt she even realizes it.”

Mari’s brown gaze was hypnotic. Trystan couldn’t look away even though it pulled him in deeper. The feeling in his stomach, the alluring pull that made him reckless urged him to say it, but Trystan kept his jaw locked. She had to figure it out on her own. That’s the only way she’ll believe me, he thought.

But Mari didn’t say anything. She remained lost in Trystan’s gaze, her dark curls dangling over her shoulders as she sat on the desk across from him. It felt like time stopped. Trystan didn’t want to blink. He wanted to remember this moment, everything about it. The way her perfectly pink lips were slightly parted, the way she leaned toward him like she knew, and the way her eyes locked with his—he could feel the connection with her in his core. It tugged at him at first, calling him back to her. But now it assaulted him day and night. There was nothing without Mari.

Pulse pounding in his ears, Trystan didn’t notice Tucker until the door scraped open. Trystan quickly looked away, breaking the connection. The stirring in his stomach faded and it felt like he lost part of himself.

“Off,” Tucker snapped at Trystan.

Trystan slid off the teacher’s desk and walked around to sit a row over and behind Mari. She watched him pass, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking, if she knew he was talking about her.

“You two are pushing your luck. You are aware of that, right?” Tucker said looking at each of them.

“I didn’t do anything to Brie,” Mari said, but Tucker held up his hand and she stopped speaking.

“Your job, Jennings, is to get them out onto the stage at the right time.”

“She did it on purpose,” Mari muttered.

“So was Trystan’s little stunt.” He looked back at Trystan. “That little stunt should have been a suspension, Scott.”

“There’s no way to prove it was intentional,” Trystan replied dryly. “She punched me in the head and I dropped her. Could have happened to anyone.”

“That kind of crap doesn’t happen to guys like you,” Tucker replied. Beads of sweat lined his face, “Enough of this. Whatever is going on with you Scott has to stop. Get back on stage and do it right this time.” Trystan slid off the desk and walked out the door.

As he left the classroom he could hear Mari defending herself, but he knew Tucker wouldn’t listen. Brie had him wrapped around her little finger.

 

 

CHAPTER 17

 

~MARI~

 

I left practice early, since Tucker said he couldn’t stand the sight of me. The only reason he called Trystan back was because he was needed or they couldn’t practice. As I left the building Katie caught up with me.

“Hey, why are you leaving early?” she ran up next to me, smiling, happy to have someone to walk home with.

“Tucker tossed me.” Before she could ask, I added, “Brie set me up, Tucker made an example. My life sucks. What else is new?”

“That was harsh. He threw you out?”

I nodded, “Yeah. Why are you still here?”

She grinned, “Math help. I needed a tutor.”

“Jack King is the teacher’s aide at the extra help session again, isn’t he?”

“Yes, and I seriously need extra help when I’m around him.” She fanned herself, and laughed, “He’s so hot that I can’t think. Oh, and his cologne. Damn, when he’s standing over my shoulder... Well, you know.”

“You’re horrible, you know that?” I laughed as I said it.

Katie said, “So what’s up? You avoid Trystan all day like I said?” I didn’t answer. “Mari! What’d you do?”

“Nothing,” I replied not wanting to talk about it. The truth was I had no idea what happened. One moment Trystan was going to tell me something about Day Jones, the next he says he’s having girl issues. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was talking about me. But that’s impossible. I pushed aside the thought. It was a little too close to a dream to even consider. Things that raised my hope, that teeter on the edge of impossibility, only hurt harder when you smack face-first into the ground.

Katie stopped walking. We were standing in front of the school where the buses drop off. There wasn’t anyone else around. “Stop letting him screw with your head. The guy’s a player Mari. Look at his best friend for chrissakes. Seth Sexbot.” She shook her head, her eyebrows rising with her voice.

“He’s not like that,” the words slipped out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying.

Katie grabbed both my shoulders and shook me, “Do you hear yourself? He’s not like that? Is there anyone in that entire group of theater girls that he hasn’t nailed?”

“Me,” I said softly.

“Exactly,” she said forcefully. Katie had always been like a sister to me. She said what I needed to hear, which wasn’t always what I wanted to hear. This time, I definitely did not want to hear it. It was like she could tell. Her hands flew as she spoke, “Wake up Mari. He’s not that kind of guy. You’re the only one. Get a clue. If he’s paying attention to you, now you know why. Seth and him aren’t that different, it just looks different for the girl. Trystan’s seduction is more tempting, but in the end you’re just another chick to check off the list.” Her words smashed into me. I didn’t want to hear them. It felt like she was throwing bricks at my stomach. I wanted to double over and cry. Katie wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I didn’t shirk her off. Softly, she said, “He’ll hurt you.” The quiver in her voice was like being doused by cold water.

My first boyfriend hurt me. He was the only one I was serious about and Katie knew it. Trystan was not a step up. If anything, he was a step down and backwards. He’d hurt me. In the end, he would. It’s the way he was. Katie was right. I’d seen it over and over again.

Sitting next to him in the prop room I’d asked him once, “Why is your life expectancy on relationships so short? They don’t die that fast, you know. There’s more there than sex.”

He’d looked at me with those glittering blue eyes. A wicked grin lined his lips. “Not that I’ve seen.”

“You haven’t stayed long enough to find out.” His answer had upset me. As if he could tell, he looked around to make sure no one saw.

When he leaned in close to my ear he said, “I haven’t found anyone worth staying for.”

“That’s because you’re dating the skank squad, Trystan.” I rolled my eyes as I said it.

“And you’d be different?” he said amused. “How?”

I didn’t answer him that day. I dated with my whole heart and there was no way I was giving it to someone who would tear it out of my chest without a backward glance. Katie thought Trystan was that person.

I nodded at Katie, “I know you’re right. I’m just having trouble getting my head and my heart in the same place.”

Katie slid her arm down and side hugged me, practically squeezing me to death. “Ah, I know how to fix that. Your heart is easily confused. Let’s toss some chocolate at it and next time you get a free period, come and drool at Mathboy with me.”

“Deal,” I said, not bothering to explain that it wouldn’t be for a week. If she knew I was stuck with Trystan for several additional hours every day, she’d insist that I transfer to a new school. Maybe it was inevitable. Maybe Trystan was destined to break my heart. I didn’t want to find out.

 

CHAPTER 18

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

Trystan slipped away from practice as soon as humanly possible. There was no food at home. He’d have to run into the deli and hope Sam was still there.

The door chimed as he walked inside the small shop. The deli wasn’t big, but the owner was great. Trystan called out, “Sam? You here?”

A small man with dark skin walked out of the back room, “Trystan Scott. What can I do for you?”

“Can we barter this week?”

Sam walked up to the counter and looked at Trystan. He knew the kid was on his own and had been for some time. Whatever so-called parent was supposed to be taking care of him deserved a punch in the face. Trystan was a good kid. “Sure, grab whatever you need and set it up here.”

Trystan went through the shop grabbing what he needed, checking dates, and trying to pick up things that had been reduced. When he was done, there were two bags filled with food. Sam tallied the items as he put them in. “Not bad. Only $45. You can work that off in one day.”

Trystan had done the math in his head as he picked up the items. “No charity, Sam. You shaved off nine bucks.”

Sam’s face reddened a little. He looked down at his pad and said, “It’s not charity. I was going to throw those things out.”

“We do this every couple weeks, Sam. I try to get as little as possible and you always forget to add something in. Come on, I don’t want a hand out. I’m good for it. I’ll work Saturday and Sunday, the 5:00am shift. I’ll see you then.” Trystan reached for the bags.

Sam pushed the groceries toward the young man. “You’re a good kid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Trystan smiled at the old guy. It was a lopsided grin, filled with pride. Sam was one of the few people who could evoke that emotion. Trystan nodded and headed out the door.

When he arrived home, he swallowed hard. His dad was home. The lights were blazing in the windows, the sound of the television wafted out the front door.

Trystan pulled opened the rusted screen, balancing the paper bag on his hip. Nights like this made him what he was—an actor, a liar. His dad was a thin man well past his prime. He sat in a tee shirt and shorts in front of the TV with a beer can in his hand. It was still early. He’d move onto the hard stuff later.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dad grumbled not bothering to look at his son.

“School. Then I stopped at the store for some food. I got some of that pasta you like. I thought I’d make it for us for dinner.” It felt like he was walking on egg shells. Dad worked to pay the bills, but he didn’t bother buying food or cooking. Trystan learned how to use the stove before most kids could tie their shoes.

Dad scoffed, “You expect me to believe that?” Trystan didn’t bother pointing to the grocery bags. He knew it was pointless. “I’m talking to you, boy. When are you going to stop lying to me?”

Trystan stepped in front of his father, blocking his view of the TV. One grocery bag was clutched in each arm. “I’m not lying.”

“Then what the hell is this?” his dad asked, holding up a guitar. Trystan’s heart clenched. For a second all he could do was stare. He’d hidden it, locked it in his room. “Yeah, I thought so. My son’s a fag, singing fairy songs around a campfire. Perfect.”

Trystan saved his money forever to get that instrument. It was an acoustic guitar with honey wood. It came from a second-hand shop, but it still cost more than he had. He saved his money for months to get it. Since then it’d been hidden in his room at the top of his closet. He’d put enough stuff around it to block it from view. But that didn’t matter since it was sitting on his father’s lap.

Trystan tried smiling. Ignoring the comments, he walked to the kitchen counter and placed the groceries down. Part of him hoped the guitar would be forgotten, but his dad kept it clutched on his lap. Trystan made dinner. It was a generic Hamburger Helper without the meat. He walked a plate of it over to his dad. Last time they’d eaten it, he liked it a lot. This time was different. Trystan would never forget this time.

When he reached out to hand Dad his plate, the old man swatted at it. “I’m not eating that shit. You stole it. Like you stole this!” Dad shot out of his chair. Trystan watched the plate go flying, the noodles stuck to the wall before they slid down leaving a rust colored stain in their wake.

Trystan took a deep breath, trying to brace himself. He knew it was coming. There was no reasoning with him when he was like this. It was one of the few times Trystan wished his dad was a sip away from passing out. But he wasn’t and he was angry. “I bought it, Dad. I have a job.”

“You think I can’t provide for you? Is that it?” He advanced on his son.

Trystan stepped back. “No, that’s not it. You work hard. You shouldn’t have to cook and get groceries too.” It’s not what he thought, but now wasn’t the time for that.

“Damn right,” his father said, taking another step forward. “I take care of you. I give you everything I have. Everything. And you repay me like this.” He pointed to the guitar. Shaking his head, Dad looked down at the instrument. One second he was calm, like he was going to hand it back, but Trystan saw the tell. His father’s lips pressed together tightly, his biceps twitching as tension corded his muscles tighter and tighter.

The guitar swung forward and smashed against the floor. It made a cacophony of notes and cracking wood as it splintered. Wood flew through the room as the strings popped off one by one. His father held the neck of the broken instrument in his hands. A single string was still attached.

Trystan swallowed hard. Rage flowed through his body, barely in check. He wanted this to end, but there was nowhere else to go. He had to stay here until graduation. That was his way out. He’d already spoken to the military recruiter. He had to keep his nose clean until then. He couldn’t fight back.

“Put it down,” Trystan said, his voice deeper than usual.

Dad laughed, as he stepped forward, brandishing the piece of the guitar like a weapon. “Why don’t you make me. Show me who’s the man here, Trystan.” Without warning, his Dad’s arm swung. The piece of wood collided into Trystan’s thigh, sending a sharp burst of pain through his hip.

Knowing it was pointless to talk, he turned and bounded down the hallway to his room. He ran inside and pushed the door shut. His hand reached for the deadbolt, but grabbed only air. It was gone. “Shit,” Trystan said, panicked.

Just then his dad tried to crash through the door. Trystan kept his body braced against it to keep him out. With each slam, Trystan flinched. Just like old times, he thought. But now I’m old enough to keep you out, even without the lock. 

Trystan knew the old man wouldn’t learn. He’d keep beating the door until he passed out or Trystan did from lack of sleep. Hours passed. His father screamed at him for the first few, but eventually it grew quiet. Trystan slid down the door, but kept his body pressed against it, ready to brace himself if his dad tried to force it open again.

It was after 1:00am the next time he heard his dad’s voice, “It was your fault, you know.”

Pain shot through Trystan’s heart, threatening to tear him in half. He’d always though it was his fault, but hearing his dad say it was unbearable. He swallowed the knot in his throat and replied, “I never said it wasn’t.”

“You were too much for her. She said it over and over again.”

He didn’t remember his mother leaving. There were no pictures of her, only faded memories that he wasn’t even sure were real. Trystan hung his head, lowering it to his knees. His arms were wrapped around his ankles, his back still pressed firmly to the door.

“Never fall in love, Trystan. It’s the fastest way into hell. Once you’re there, you can’t escape.” The sound of the bottle clunking against the floor told him that it was empty. Dad would pass out any second.

Trystan’s eyes blurred, partly from weariness, partly because he saw himself in his father. Dad let love destroy him and Trystan was doing the same thing.

 

 

CHAPTER 19

 

~MARI~

 

Later that night, I tossed my backpack on my bed and went to my computer. Before I could turn on the screen, my mom popped up in the doorway.

“Absolutely not, young lady.” I cringed. She only called me that when I did something wrong. It was the verbal equivalent of smacking a dog on the snout with a newspaper. She thinks that I crapped on the carpet.

“What’d I do?”

Tapping her foot with her arms folded over her chest, she asked sharply, “What do you think?”

Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t know. There are so many things—”

She stepped toward me and the rest of my snark died on my lips. “Your English teacher called today. He said you weren’t behaving in class. Is it true? Did you really fall asleep in class? How could you!”

I took a breath to steady myself, “I didn’t fall asleep. Some girl missed her cue and Tucker took it out on me. She lied, Mom. I told her. I was awake and doing my part. You know the drama class has a diva in it. I pissed off the diva and she got me in trouble.”

“How’d you piss her off?”

I shrug, “No idea, but I doubt her attack was random. She’s a bitch, but she only does stuff like that when it makes her look good.” I laughed, remembering the look on her face when Trystan dropped her. Brie is going to be gunning for him now. The two had been an item at one point, which was another reason why I shouldn’t be infatuated with Trystan Scott. Ewe.

Mom sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she seemed calmer. “You have detention all week?” I nod. “Well, do whatever you have to and stay away from Brie. Her mother is equally mental.” She turned and started to walk out of my room. Before she left she said over her shoulder, “Don’t let this affect your other classes. Make sure you keep up with your homework, Mari.”

“I’ve got it covered, Ma.”

When she left I turned back to the computer and pulled up the YouTube video of Day Jones. I listened to the song again, loving it even more. He was perfect. Everything I wanted was in that song. The way he sang to her was so real. His voice was filled with so much pain, so much longing. His words stuck with me long after the music stopped.

“Who are you?” I asked the screen. I bet I sounded like every other teenage girl in America, drooling over Day Jones.

My gaze lingered on the comments, and I scrolled down. Day didn’t say anything else, but there were agents on there saying they wanted to represent him. Scrolling further, I saw a post from a record label with instructions to contact them. Wow. I sat there in shock staring at the screen.

Day Jones looked like he was on his way to being a hit, but he remained hidden. I wondered if he was chronically shy or burned in acid or something. Most people wanted to be rich and famous, and from the look of it, that was where Day Jones’ song would take him.

 

 

____

 

Lunch was my first free period. I walked to detention, rounding the corner just as Trystan did. We nearly collided.

Reaching out, he took my hand and pulled me towards Tucker’s room, “His clock is fast. We need to hurry.” Just as we stepped into the room, the class clock ticked.

Tucker’s gut hung over his belt, “Cutting it too close, you two.”

We both nodded, and for once Trystan was quiet.

Tucker dabbed beads of sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief and led us to his massive closet. It looked like a bomb went off. Papers, books, and plays were everywhere. There was no order, no way to find anything. The gruff man pocketed his hankie and walked into the closet and flicked the light on.

“The two of you will be doing this for the rest of today. Clean it. Make it look brand new. You,” he said pointing to me, “Pay attention because Scott will forget.” I glanced at Trystan, wondering if it bothered him that the teacher thought he was a moron. I wondered if the forgetfulness was an act.

Tucker pointed a chubby finger at the dusty shelves. “Novels there, plays there, and textbooks there. Roll up the posters and put them in that box. Just make it clean and organized with the rest of this stuff. Put the old stuff we don’t use on the top shelves.” I open my mouth to ask how we can tell which stuff is old, but Tucker cut me off, “You’ll know. If it looks like something from a previous decade, shelve it. Funding is too dismal to throw anything out,” he grumbled, walking out of the closet.

While he showed us where to put things, Trystan and I hung back in the doorway looking in. His classroom was empty since it was Tucker’s lunch hour. The sound of the clock ticking filled my ears. When Tucker exited the closet, he shoved in a chair to stand on and held open the door. I walked through and surveyed the mess. When I looked up Trystan was still standing on the other side of the door.

“Get in there, Scott,” Tucker said, pushing on Trystan’s back, making him step into the closet with me. “And if I find out that she did all the work, your free period tomorrow will suck even more. Get to it.” Tucker released the knob and the heavy oak door closed. We were alone.

Trystan breathed in deeply, which made him sneeze. It was insanely dusty in there.

“It’s not that bad,” I said to him, trying to move the chair to the other corner. The closet was a walk-in. It had shelves that stretched floor to ceiling. There was just enough room for Trystan and me to move around without bumping into each other. If Tucker stayed we would have felt like sardines. Thankfully he left. Since it was his lunch hour, we wouldn’t see him again until the bell rang. I ran my finger over a shelf and it came up coated in white dust. “Gross.”

Trystan tossed me a damp towel that Tucker left behind with a small bucket. We wiped down the shelves, moving things around in silence. Eventually Trystan and I ended up shoulder to shoulder. He’d pick up something off the shelf and look at it while I wiped up the dust.

“What the hell does he use this stuff for?” Trystan was holding a record in his hands, flipping it over. He glanced around, “There isn’t anything to play it on.”

I shrugged, “Maybe his mom gave it to him. It’s sentimental.”

Trystan snort-laughed. “Yeah, I can see that.” He cleared his throat and spoke in a girlie voice, “Here’s your present for getting a teaching job at Dilapidated High.” I smiled as he said it, trying not to laugh. When he did Tucker’s voice, I couldn’t help myself. “Oh! A linguistics record!” He pressed his hands together, “Just what I always wanted.” He impersonated Tucker down to the last syllable.

“Stop it,” I laughed, snapping the dirty towel at him. “I don’t know about you, but I want to have time to eat something when we’re done.”

“You think we’ll finish this in less than an hour? Are you insane?”

A tilt of my head said yes we will and no I’m not crazy. “This is nothing. It just looks messy.” I took the chair and slid it against the shelves so I could reach the top. “How about you hand me stuff and I’ll organize it and make it look nice.”

Trystan handed me records, posters, and other archaic teaching aides. I put them on the upper shelves as neatly as possible while we talked.

Trystan handed me another poster. I reached, trying to get it on the back of the top shelve with the others. The chair started to slip, but Trystan stopped it. His hands shot out, gripping my legs as I lost my balance and clutched the shelves.

“Whoa. Easy, Mari.” Clutching the shelf, I laughed lightly and looked down at him. Trystan’s grip on my legs loosened, and he stepped back.

“Sorry, I’m a bit of a klutz.” When I released the shelf my hands were shaking. I couldn’t hide it from him.

“No, you’re fine. Where’s your lunch? I’ll go grab it. You’re probably just hungry.” I told him where it was and he turned to the door to get it, but when he tried to turn the knob, it wouldn’t twist. Trystan looked at the knob, still gripping it in his hand. His shoulders tensed. “It’s locked.”

“What?” I squeaked, climbing off the chair, and nearly falling into Trystan’s back. I hopped a step to keep from falling and only smacked into Trystan a little bit. The room suddenly felt too small. My heart was racing.

When my hand touched Trystan’s back, he jumped. He pressed his forehead to the door. I shoved past him to try the knob myself. When it didn’t open I felt insane, “Oh my God!” I beat my hands against the door, hoping someone was out there. “Help! Let us out!” I screamed.

Trystan grabbed my wrists, and stopped me. “No one is out there. Tucker’s at lunch. Don’t bother.”

I felt frantic. When I spoke, my voice was too high, too tense, “I can’t be locked in here. I can’t. There’s not enough air.”

“Awh, fuck,” Trystan said pushing his hand through his hair. “You’re claustrophobic?”

“No,” my voice was wispy and light. It hardly came out as I stared at the door unblinking. “I just don’t want to suffocate in a closet.”

He grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, “You won’t. Listen to me. It’s fine. There’s more than enough air in here. It’s the same as before.” I nodded slowly as he spoke, staring into space. Panic was licking at the inside of my belly making me jumpy. Trystan continued to speak in soothing tones. When I didn’t answer him, he pulled me down to the floor with him. We both sat against the door, hip to hip. “Put your fingers here,” he pulled my hand to the gap between the door and the floor. Cool air rushed over my fingers. There was a slight breeze, almost. The fear gripping my heart faded a little.

Looking over at him, I asked, “How’d you know that would help?”

“You wouldn’t believe that I sleep in a closet under the stairs, would you?” I smiled a little and tried to fold my arms over my chest. Trystan held onto my hand, so I couldn’t move it. “Keep it there. Feeling cooler moving air helps.” I nodded and left my hands by the gap under the door. Trystan started to talk about other things, things that would distract me. While he spoke I wondered how much time he spent in small spaces. He was tense, every muscle wound tight like he hated it, but he didn’t freak out the way I did.

Eventually I asked, “You have it, too? Don’t you?”

Silence was my answer. Trystan smoothed his thumb over the back of my hand. Looking at the floor he said, “Maybe. I got stuck in the closet once when I was little. Spent an entire day there before they found me. At least we have light in here. For some reason it’s worse when it’s dark.” He stroked my smooth skin as he spoke. His gaze was distant, like he was remembering something he wanted to forget.

I nodded slowly, and took a deep breath trying to steady my pulse. “He’s going to kill us—Tucker, I mean. We didn’t do much.”

“He locked us in a closet and left the room. I don’t think he’ll say anything to anyone,” Trystan said flatly.

After a moment, I ask, “How much time is left?”

“I don’t know. My watch is in my locker. I took it off for gym and forgot to put it back on this morning.”

I glanced down at our hands between us, noticing the gentle way he stroked my skin. Trystan watched me. When I lifted my gaze, his eyes met mine. My stomach twisted and suddenly the locked door didn’t frighten me so much. Trystan’s eyes bore into me. I could feel it. Combined with his touch, I couldn’t breathe.

“Mari,” he said softly, his eyes fixated on my lips like he wanted to taste them. When his blue gaze finally lifted to my eyes, it felt like I’d die. Every inch of my body was screaming for his touch, but my mind was chastising me, echoing Katie’s words of warning to stay away from him.

A kiss meant something. Trystan’s kisses didn’t. But that wasn’t enough to make me move. He turned toward me and lifted his hand to my cheek. His fingers slid across my face, slowly moving toward my lips. His gaze was intense, his breathing slow and steady. When his finger touched my lips, he leaned closer, closing the space between us. My heart pounded in my chest.

Frantic cries for help rang out in my mind. Where the hell was Seth when you needed him? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t kiss him.

Trystan’s thumb was on my lip, stroking it like he savored the sensation. He leaned in painfully slow, stopping when he was within a breath of my lips. His hands laced back into my hair and I couldn’t move. Every inch of me wanted to feel his lips on mine. My mind was the only part warring within me. Trembling, I sat perfectly still, my eyes locked on his, watching him, waiting for the kiss I didn’t want. It would melt my brain. It would make me want him more.

Instead of closing the space, Trystan stayed there. Blinking slowly, he said, “Kiss me.” His voice was deeper than usual, his tone gentle. “Kiss me, Mari.”

The request made butterflies swarm in my stomach. Trystan’s hands were splayed on my cheeks. All I had to do was lean in. He was less than an inch from me. When he spoke those sexy words, his breath on my lips made me shudder. I didn’t want the moment to end, but this wasn’t real. This was Trystan locked in a closet with a girl and making the most of it. Kisses didn’t mean anything to him and I’d already given him one of mine. He couldn’t have another.

When the thought crossed my mind, I pressed my lips together and looked down. It broke the eye contact that had me paralyzed. My pulse roared in my ears. It felt like I couldn’t suck in air fast enough. Trystan’s hands slid down to my shoulders, and he pulled me to him, holding my forehead to his. He closed his eyes, breathing hard. Neither of us moved. We sat like that too long. I savored the feeling of his hands on my shoulders, feeling their strength and warmth, and pictured them holding me tight.

It felt like forever, but it could have been only a few minutes. I don’t know. But when we heard footfalls coming toward the closet, we broke apart. There was remorse in his gaze, almost like Trystan didn’t want this to end. It made my heart lurch, but I let him go. Trystan jumped up and sat on the chair. The way he looked down at me broke my heart. There was a haunted expression in his eyes. It was the one he hid at all cost. It only appeared when he was really upset and today it was crystal clear.

 

 

CHAPTER 20

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

When Tucker closed the closet door, Trystan’s heart slapped into his ribs. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore it. Ever since he was a little kid, he didn’t like being confined to small spaces. His father had thrown him in a dark closet too many times to not be affected by it. At least there was a light in here. And it’s not like they were locked in. Trystan followed Mari’s lead and helped her clean until she nearly fell. Things changed after that. Finding the door locked, Trystan tensed even more. It wasn’t until he realized Mari was freaking out that he snapped out of it.

Sitting with her was bliss. Trystan tried to be content feeling the smooth skin on her hand, but he wanted more. He needed her. They’d be good together. If she gave him a chance she’d see it. But Trystan knew he’s said too many things too many times for her to give him that chance. She’d be crazy if she did.

After a moment, Trystan noticed her gaze on his hand. She watched him slide his thumb across her skin and when she looked up at him, Trystan couldn’t help it. The way her eyes met his, like she was frightened. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to hold her close and tell her it would be okay, but all he could do was return her gaze. Every second he maintained that connection was another second he knew he loved her.

“Mari...” He breathed her name like it was life. Watching her, he felt the pull—the magnetic lock—that drew him to her. Those pink lips were so smooth, so perfect. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to learn the curves of her mouth and feel her kiss him back. And not because she was rehearsing some lines from a play. He wanted her to kiss him back because she wanted to, because she felt something for him.

Trystan’s hand floated slowing toward Mari’s face. She sat perfectly still, her eyes locked with his, her breath slowly filling her body again and again. She seemed as hypnotized as he was. Trystan leaned closer to her, but instead of kissing her, he rested his finger on her lips. He traced his finger along her lower lip, feeling how soft it was before tracing the bow on her upper lip. Mari didn’t move. She seemed lost in his eyes. The fluttering in Trystan’s stomach increased to intolerable when he traded his pointer finger for his thumb. Rubbing his thumb gently on her lower lip, he thought about tasting that lip. He thought about leaning forward, closing the short distance between them, and kissing her.

But he couldn’t do that to her. She’d think he took advantage of her. No, she had to want him to.

“Kiss me,” he breathed. His lips were so close to hers. She barely had to move, but it made all the difference. If she kissed him, it would be all right. His heart pounded wildly. Trystan’s skin felt like it was on fire. He’d never done this before and any girl this close to his lips would have kissed him instantly, but Mari didn’t move.

Lost in her gaze, he whispered, “Kiss me, Mari.” His heart soared when he said it a second time. Saying her name, asking her to kiss him made him feel every inch of his body. He burned for her touch. There was nothing he wanted more. Thoughts of Mari filled his mind every waking moment, and when he dreamed he thought of her.

Mari seemed like she was going to kiss him. She didn’t pull away. Her body was strung as tight as Trystan’s. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in her breath as it flowed over his lips. When his hands tangled in her hair, he didn’t think he could wait any more. Mari finally blinked, breaking the moment, and turned her face away from him. She looked down, but Trystan didn’t release her. Instead he lowered his hands to her shoulders and pulled her forehead to his.

For the next few moments no one said anything. He kept his hands on her, steadying her, feeling the curve of her shoulders beneath her shirt. Trystan focused on the sound of her breathing, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms. When Tucker showed up, the moment shattered.

 

CHAPTER 21

 

~MARI~

 

My chest rose as I breathed in deeply, trying to steady myself. I remained seated against the door, and when Tucker pulled it open, I fell out backward.

“Miss Jennings,” he started to scold me, but Trystan cut him off.

“You locked us in the closet. Correction, you locked a claustrophobic girl in a closet. With no lunch.” Trystan didn’t move from the chair. He was sitting forward, leaning on his elbows. He looked up at Tucker, his voice filled with unspoken threats.

Tucker’s expression changed from fury to shock. He bent over to help me up, sputtering apologizes. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you say something?”

Before I could reply, Tryst said, “I don’t think the school board will care why she didn’t say anything. I think they’ll be more interested to learn why the door was locked with us inside.” Trystan stood and faced Tucker after he deposited me at a desk.

“If you have something to say, Scott, say it.” Tucker tensed as he spoke. This was the kind of mistake that would be severely reprimanded and Trystan knew it.

Trystan slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “How about a trade? Mine and Miss Jennings’ silence for free period passes for the rest of the semester.”

“You’re blackmailing me?” Tucker growled.

Trystan walked past him and stopped next to me. “No, it’s a trade. Something that helps you for something that helps us.”

Tucker turned to look at me, but Trystan stood between us. Trystan squared his broad shoulders like he needed to protect me. “You’re lucky I was in there, or you would have opened the door and found her hyperventilated on the floor. The passes make up for it.”

It was strange. The way Trystan acted, the way he flew between me and Tucker. I was slightly horrified by Trystan’s demands, but I was too frazzled to interject.

“Where will you go? You can’t wander the school.” Tucker’s hand was on his double chin like he was considering it.

“The prop room. Leave the door unlocked. You can check on us if you want.” Trystan folded his arms over his chest. The way he said it was insane. It didn’t sound like he was asking at all. He was telling Tucker what he wanted for his silence. I expected Tucker to say no.

But he didn’t. Instead, he crossed the room to his desk and grabbed two passes. “If you get caught, I had nothing to do with this.”

Trystan walked up behind him and stopped on the other side of the desk. They faced each other. “If we get caught, you’ll tell them you gave us permission. This is an all or nothing kind of deal, unless you want us to mention parts of what happened today. There are several parts that sound kind of damning.”

Tucker scribbled on the pass, taking in a deep breath as Trystan spoke. When he finished, Tucker handed Trystan the two passes. “It was a mistake.”

“Yes, it was.” Trystan took the passes, turned and collected me, and walked out of the classroom leaving Tucker behind.

 

 

CHAPTER 22

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

“Are you okay?” Trystan asked.

Mari hadn’t spoken. She glanced at him vacantly, “Yeah. Yes. That was just unreal. I can’t believe you did that.”

Trystan didn’t understand why. He walked next to her. As they rounded the corner, he pulled open the side door to the auditorium and walked to the first row of seats. Trystan held out his hand and said, “Sit down. Eat. You’ll feel better.”

Mari stepped past him and took her lunch out of her bag. She nibbled on half a sandwich as Trystan watched her. His heart was in his throat. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but she didn’t speak. After a moment she looked over at him. “Where’s your lunch?”

Trystan leaned back in the chair. “Lunch isn’t until next period. I’ll go grab something then.”

Mari nodded and looked down at her sandwich. She moved slowly, like she was shell-shocked. “I have study hall next period.”

Trystan smiled at her. “No you don’t. Not anymore. You’re needed in the prop room for the rest of the semester. Tucker’s orders.” He handed her the pass.

Mari stared at it before saying, “I can’t use this. I can’t be here with you... Trystan—”

“Of course you can,” Trystan’s heart was sinking. The more she came back to herself, the more mortified she looked.

“I can’t. I shouldn’t be here with you...” It seemed like she was going to say more, but Mari’s voice trailed off. Her eyes looked everywhere but at Trystan.

His stomach fell into his shoes. “I understand. It’s okay. Do what you have to do.” He made sure his voice sounded light even though her words made him physically ache.

Shaking her head she said, “No, you don’t understand.” Trystan tried to say something, but Mari cut him off. “I can’t do this. It’s killing me and you’re just playing me, and I’m falling for it.” She stood as she spoke and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

Trystan tried to calm her. He didn’t want her to think that. He wasn’t playing her. He lifted his hands to her elbows as she rubbed her eyes. Touching her lightly he said, “This isn’t a game. It’s not, Mari.”

She let out a rush of air and dropped her arms to her sides. Mari stared at him, her lips parted like she wanted to say something but she only shook her head. Grabbing her books, she swallowed hard, “I know what it is. It’s the same thing it’s been with every girl. It’s never a game in the beginning, is it Trystan? She catches your eye and you can’t fathom being with anyone else. That is until you sleep with her.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’ve been burned before. I can’t do it again. I won’t. And not with you, so stop this charade or whatever you want to call it. End this seduction scene you created. You’re wasting your time. I don’t like you that way. I never have. I never will.”

Trystan absorbed her words, internalizing them until each one exploded inside of him. She thought it was a game. It was worse than he feared. Mari’s words weren’t sharp, they were pleading—begging him to stop, but he couldn’t. He loved her. It wasn’t random. It wasn’t a quest. He didn’t care if he slept with her or not. He just wanted to be around her, hear her voice, and feel the curve of her body in his arms. And now he didn’t even have that.

He swallowed hard and sat in the chair facing the stage. Trystan didn’t look at Mari. He didn’t respond.

Mari’s voice shook, “I’m serious, Trystan. Stay away from me.” She turned on her heel and walked out the door, leaving him behind.

Trystan stared straight ahead, not blinking. He felt his heart shattering as she spoke, but there was no way to stop it. He let her leave, he let her walk away. She begged him to stop, to keep away from her. Trystan leaned forward and put his face in his hands, knowing he just lost his best friend.

 

 

CHAPTER 23

 

~MARI~

 

It took me a while to calm down. I spent study hall in the girl’s room trying to stop crying. Eventually Katie came in.

I heard her voice echo when she walked through the door. “I know you’re in here. Melissa Drury saw you come in.” Katie walked toward the stalls and bent over, looking for shoes. “Come on, Mari. Come out.” She stopped in front of my stall. I was sitting on the back of the toilet with my feet on the seat so no one would see me. Katie rapped her fingers on my door. “What happened?”

I got down and unlocked the door. Blotting a tissue to my face I told Katie, “I’m in love with him.” A sad, frightened smile laced my lips. It was the most pathetic, stupid thing I’d ever done, but I couldn’t deny it anymore. It wasn’t a crush. I loved Trystan Scott. Tears streaked my face.

Katie held out her arms and I fell into them sobbing. She hugged me hard, and then set me on my feet. “It’s going to be all right. This isn’t as bad as it seems.”

Shock lined my face, “Not as bad as it seems? I’m in love with a guy that doesn’t know what love is. How would you feel if you suddenly realized you loved Seth?” Katie flinched. “Same thing.” I dabbed my eyes again. My make-up was toast, and I’d be lucky if I could stop crying before the bell rang.

Katie was supposed to be at lunch. She had a fifteen minute pass. After that, they’d come looking for her. “It’s not the same thing. You guys have been friends.”

“Well, we’re not anymore,” I sniffed. “I told him to stay away from me. That I’d never like him that way. It was like falling at his feet and begging him to love me. The way he looked at me, Katie,” more tears ran down my cheeks, “it was like he couldn’t even look at me.”

“So, he told you he was just playing?”

“No,” I said looking up at her.

Katie seemed confused. “I’m missing something. What made you tell him off? What’d he do?”

My lower lip quivered. “I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He stayed there, so close and asked me to kiss him.”

“No way,” she said wide eyed. Katie leaned back on a sink. “What’d you do?”

“I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I can’t. I can’t let this happen again.”

“Trystan isn’t Greg. They aren’t the same guy. You can’t act like they are.”

I stared at her. “What the hell is wrong with you? Yesterday you were telling me to stay away from Trystan and now you’re on his side?”

She slid off the sink and stepped toward me. Taking my shoulders she said, “I’m on your side. Trystan has his own faults and it scares the hell out of me that you like him—”

“I love him, Katie. I feel it. It’s in every inch of me and I wish it wasn’t.”

She released me. “Why are you crying? Because he asked you to kiss him?”

“No,” I answered tugging my hair, “because I can’t pretend anymore! I can’t deny it and I can’t let him play me whenever he wants. When his big blue eyes look at me a certain way, I’m toast, Katie.” Sadness bled through me like I’d been fatally wounded.

Her arms folded over her chest. Katie was quiet for a while. She handed me another tissue and finally said, “Then tell him.”

“What?” I squealed.

“You’re stuck in the middle. You love him, but he doesn’t know. He’s flirting with you like you’re a toy. That’s why you’re mad, right?” I nodded. “So tell him. He either runs away screaming, or takes you in his arms. Either way, there’s no more in the middle.”

Katie sounded crazy. The idea of walking up to Trystan and telling him how I felt scared me to death. But I felt desperate. Without a word, I turned to the bathroom door.

Katie rushed after me. Grabbing my arm, she turned me around. “Wait! What are you doing?”

“I’m going to tell Trystan Scott that I love him.”

Katie smiled sadly at me, and gave me a hug. “I’m across the hall. Let me know how it goes. I’ll watch for you to come back.” I nod and she released me.

 

CHAPTER 24

 

~TRYSTAN~

 

After Mari ripped his heart out, Trystan stared at the stage. A million thoughts ran through his mind but he couldn’t focus on a single one. She’s not coming back he thought, and ran his hands through his hair. Looking up at the high ceiling, he scolded himself for putting pressure on her, for telling her to kiss him.

If they hadn’t gotten locked in that closet, he wouldn’t have done it. But when he sat there with her, so close that he was breathing her in, he couldn’t help himself. Mari was on his mind constantly, and it didn’t matter what she thought—this wasn’t a game. Trystan knew it. He felt it in his hollowed out gut.

Trystan’s throat was so tight he couldn’t speak. That’s why he let her walk away. There was nothing to left to say. He blew it and she flat out rejected him. Hollowness consumed Trystan until he couldn’t sit there another second. He sprang from the seat and bound up the stage stairs. Pulling open the basement door, he descended in darkness.

He felt his way through the room until he found a music stand. Feeling his way along the cold metal, he found the light at the top and clicked it on. Trystan crossed the room and grabbed a guitar that the music teacher offered as a prop a million years ago. He dragged a stool to the center of the room and tuned the ancient guitar, hoping the strings wouldn’t snap. When he was done, Trystan took some pages that were folded in his pocket and smoothed them on the stand, spreading each on out so he could see the song he was working on—the song he didn’t think he’d get to finish since his dad smashed his guitar. But since Mari left him here alone and Tucker was probably still fuming in his room, Trystan risked it. He put the pages in front of him and strummed the cords of an unfinished melody.

After a few moments, he hung his head, holding the guitar in his lap. One foot extended off the stool onto the floor. He turned himself around so that the light was to his back and before he knew it he was playing the song he always played when he was hurt. Mari’s song.

At first he didn’t sing. He couldn’t. The knot in his throat choked him into silence, but as he played it melted and Trystan could breathe again. The tightness in his chest didn’t release though. Mari’s words echoed in his mind, I never liked you that way. I never will. Stay away from me, Trystan. 

The guitar became part of him as he played. It was an extension of his soul. He poured his heart into his music and right then it was shattered. Trystan’s fingers knew the song. They moved across the strings, pressing and sliding as he closed his eyes. There was nothing to compare this to. He’d never felt so broken in his entire life.

His hair hung in his face, but he didn’t bother to push it back. Trystan played through the entire song three times before he found his voice. It broke through his sorrow and spilled over his lips. His fingers strummed as his mouth formed the words pouring from his heart. They were always the same, always equally haunted and adoring. He was foolish enough to fall completely in love with someone who didn’t think he had a heart. Trystan pressed his eyes closed harder, willing himself to get lost in the song. And he did.

 

 

CHAPTER 25

 

~MARI~

 

Every fiber of my being was wound tight. My emotions were a total mess. I could barely think and the part of me that still could was screaming at me to reconsider my plan, but I didn’t. I crossed the hallway and pulled open the auditorium door expecting to find Trystan where I left him, but the seat was empty.

I rounded the stage corner and climbed the stairs as I went over what I was going to say in my mind. It’s dark and I had to feel my way along the wall until I found the door to the prop room. It was open slightly, like it didn’t close right. When I looked down, I saw why. The rubber flap on the bottom of the door folded under and held it in place. Pushing through, I stood on the upper-landing ready to flip on the lights when I heard someone singing and the soft sound of a guitar.

The basement was normally pitch black, but there was a small burst of light cutting through the darkness. It was too dim to do anything but cast a narrow beam of golden light. Pulse pounding, I slowly felt my way down the stairs. Music drifted up softly and when he began to sing my heart twisted. It was that song by Day Jones. The melancholy tune, the longing in his voice, the way he played the guitar, the way his voice resonated on certain notes... A shiver ran down my spine as I came to the lower landing. The only thing separating us were the flats stacked next to the stairs.

My stomach twisted wildly as I stepped off the landing. Each note sank into me. Each word he sang pierced me whole. It made me move slower, breathe slower. It was like this wasn’t happening, like it couldn’t be real.

I stepped out from behind the flats and stared. It looked like the video. A guy sat in pitch black with a single light behind him. His head was bent forward, his fingers moving gently, strumming the instrument as he sang. He played a few more bars, singing softly before he noticed I was there. Suddenly, he gasped and looked up, startled.

I could barely breathe.

Trystan looked at me with those haunted sapphire eyes. “Mari,” he said, his voice a rush of air. Rising off the stool, Trystan lowered the guitar from his lap. Yellow light poured from the music stand behind him. Handwritten music pages were spread across it like he’d been composing something.

“You’re Day Jones,” I whispered, pressing my fingers to my lips. Shock ratcheted through my body. Trystan didn’t deny it. He stood there, beautiful and devastated, with his guitar at his side.

 

THE SECRET LIFE OF TRYSTAN SCOTT

Vol. 2

 

Coming Fall 2012

 

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MORE BOOKS BY

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VALEFAR VOL. 1 & 2

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