Frost
It had been two weeks since Seth had been released from the hospital, and Frost was driving himself crazy. Seth still hadn’t forgiven him.
He was ready to get down on his knees and beg. He would fucking beg, too, if Seth would give him a chance. He’d get down on his knees right this fucking instant and grovel if that was what it took.
Noah was furious with him. It was written on the man’s face when he stepped out onto the porch. The chocolate-colored Labrador sat panting near Noah’s side. Frost didn’t blame the guy and would have welcomed a punch in the jaw or hell, even a bite in the ass from the dog. Anything to take away the pain in his heart.
He didn’t move from the spot he’d taken up for the past four hours. His back hurt, his ass was numb, but both were nothing compared to the pain he’d feel if Seth never forgave him. He looked hopefully up at Noah and his heart sank.
Noah shook his head and then sobered. “Give him time.”
Frost couldn’t speak over the ache in his chest and nodded.
“When Mac left me, I was so pissed and hurt for a long time. I don’t know if we would have made up if we hadn’t spent years apart.”
“Jesus, Noah. I don’t want to wait years for Seth.”
Noah quirked an eyebrow.
“But I will. I fucking will. I’ll wait forever,” Frost admitted.
“Hopefully, not on my front porch,” Noah chuckled.
Frost couldn’t even crack a smile. “Wherever he is. As long as it takes.”
“Why?” a soft voice asked from the shadows near the far end of the porch. Frost’s heart lurched and he closed his eyes as the low tenor of Seth’s voice washed over him.
“Because I love you,” Frost said without hesitation. He turned his burning gaze toward the shadows and the beautiful man. Seth had apparently come out the side door and had taken a seat on the porch. Frost had to wonder how long Seth had been sitting there, but in reality, he didn’t care. He only cared that he was there.
“Noah, give us a moment,” Seth said softly, and the man’s cousin turned and left them alone on the dark porch.
Frost swallowed hard. This was it. This was where Seth told him to fuck off and he had every right to do so. But what Seth didn’t realize was that he wasn’t a quitter. He might leave to give Seth space, but he wasn’t going to give up on the only good thing that had happened in his life.
“Now say it.”
“I love you,” he said again without hesitation.
“How can I believe you?” The hurt and doubt in Seth’s voice killed him.
“It’s the truth,” he said, leaning forward, straining to see Seth’s face through the darkness. “Please, Seth. Give me a chance to prove it.”
“And how are you going to do that?” Seth challenged.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“By sitting on Mac and Noah’s porch all night?”
“No. I just wanted to stay until I could tell you that I love you and I’m not going anywhere,” he finished softly.
There was a long moment of silence. Frost squeezed his hands around the porch boards to keep himself still. The last thing he would do was crowd Seth.
“I’ll think about it and if I decide to, maybe… and I mean maybe, see you again, you’re going to fucking work for it, Grayson,” Seth declared suddenly and firmly, and Frost sucked in a breath.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said, his heart in his throat. He couldn’t stop his lips from stretching into a smile and he blinked at the sudden tears. Not giving a shit as they spilled over, Frost dashed at his cheeks.
Seth had yet to use his given name, and Frost mourned the loss of it. He craved hearing his name on Seth’s lips almost as much as he craved Seth.
He started when Seth slowly stood. Jumping to his feet, Frost kept his hands outstretched to steady him should Seth stumble.
“I’ll want a real date. And this time, we’ll go dancing afterwards.”
“Dancing?” Frost nodded even though he wasn’t really one for dancing.
“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” Seth asked, taking a small step forward.
Frost moved and placed a gentle hand at Seth’s waist.
“None whatsoever,” he said on a shaky sigh. He’d fucking pole dance if it meant Seth forgave him.
“And this will be on my time, not yours,” the man added.
“Agreed,” Frost vowed, even though it killed him to have to wait. But he’d fucked up and he knew it. He wanted Seth desperately, but he would wait. He had no other choice because Seth was his happily ever after. Like he’d told Noah, he’d wait forever.
Suddenly, the pounding of small feet sounded on the floor from inside the house. The porch light was flipped on, momentarily blinding them, and the front door was violently yanked on.
“Asher!” Austin yelled, and he struggled with getting the screen door open. Noah was behind the little hellion and unlatched the screen for the boy. Austin toppled out with a jump and tumbled into Frost’s waiting arms.
“Hey, little buddy.” Frost smiled as small arms closed around his neck and squeezed him tightly.
“Asher, Asher,” Austin crooned against his neck, and then set his sweet, hot cheek against Frost’s shoulder and shoved his thumb into his mouth.
“I see who the favorite is now,” Seth teased the little boy. The sound of Austin’s giggles drew a lump in Frost’s throat.
Seth’s hand reached out and stroked the boy’s cheek. Austin had filled out in the few weeks he’d been under Noah and Mac’s roof.
Soon, Frost was going to start the paperwork to become a foster parent. He hoped that having the FBI and US Marshals in his corner would help the process. Since Mac Mackenzie was a US Marshal and had overheard the death threat Austin’s mother had shouted, Mac had been able to gain temporary custody of Austin.
“Wove you, Sef,” Austin said around his thumb.
“I love you too, little man,” Seth whispered.
“I’m going for foster parent,” Frost told Seth.
“I know. Mac told me.” Seth’s look was gentle.
Frost held Seth’s gaze. His arms cradled Austin’s small form. The boy had stolen his heart, just like the man standing before him.
“I know it’s a lot to take in. And I know that you’re probably thinking, what have I taken on? But as the saying goes, go big or go home.”
Seth looked at him for a long moment. The porch light cast a shadow on Seth’s face, so Frost couldn’t get a read on what Seth was feeling.
“Baby steps,” Seth finally murmured.
Frost managed a smile even though he wanted to protest. But he’d do anything to redeem himself in Seth’s eyes. Frost found himself nodding in agreement because really, what could he do? Seth wanted baby steps, then he’d fucking get baby steps.
The smell of cinnamon and sugar wrapped around Frost as he stepped through the door Maryanne pulled open. The woman didn’t even let him get a word in before she wrapped him in a tight hug. She had moved in with his father shortly after Ten had informed Frost of his love for her. Ten was overjoyed when she said yes and Frost couldn’t have been happier for them.
“What brings you here?” Maryanne closed the door and headed farther into the house.
He took a deep breath, following the woman’s petite form. Beneath the smell of cookies lingered the onions and spices of the promised pot roast. His stomach growled and Maryanne’s tinkling laugh rang softly in the small hallway. The woman had a way of cooking that Frost couldn’t seem to stay away from. He ate there at least three times a week. Her cooking was starting to affect his waistline.
Frost patted his stomach and she grinned at him.
“Is my dad home?”
Lately, his father had begun getting out of the house. A community center sat not far from the house, and Ten had recently met several new friends. The group had taken up playing chess and checkers in the park on weekdays.
“He is. In fact, he just got home.” Maryanne turned with a curious look. “He’s in his chair, you know the spot.” She winked at him and then disappeared into the kitchen.
Ten looked up with a pleased smile when Frost entered the room. “Hey, son.”
“Hey, dad.” Frost took his favorite seat right next to his father.
Ten muted the television and studied him for a moment. Frost wasn’t quite sure where to start.
“Did you get your man back?” Ten’s hand settled on his shoulder.
Frost shook his head. The past two months, he’d spent time with Seth, they’d talked, but repairing what he’d done and building a new relationship was taking time. They had yet to go on a first date and he still owed Seth that promised dance. Seth was taking it slow and Frost was learning patience. Seth needed time, so that was what he would get.
“I’m working on it,” Frost said. He blinked and looked away.
“Work harder,” Ten ordered, punching lightly at his arm.
Frost gave a choked laugh and then swallowed hard and nodded.
“What is it?” His father peered at him.
“I want so badly to foster Austin,” Frost admitted. For the past few months, ever since he’d rescued Austin, he’d been trying to come up with a plan. “Noah and Mac can’t keep him indefinitely. Mac’s Aunt Leslie can’t watch him all of the time. I know I can get a baby sitter, but that’s not the main issue. It’s my work, dad.” Frost rubbed a hand over his mouth and down the shortly cropped hair on his chin and jaw.
“That could be a problem,” Ten agreed.
“Yeah, what I do is dangerous.” More dangerous than they knew with the current man hunt going on.
“It is.”
“And it’s not only that, I’m rarely home. I’m out of the country or on a stake out or investigating a crime scene. I sleep at the office most nights now.” Frost shook his head. He had no desire to be home. It was a quiet, lonely place. Most of the time, he sprawled out on a cot in the back room of Phoenix headquarters. “That’s no life for a seven year old.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them.
Maryanne set a cup of coffee on the small table near his chair and took a seat next to him on the couch.
“It’s just not practical. I have to think of Austin.” Frost gave a half laugh. “You should have seen me, I had all the paperwork.” He dug into his back pocket and pulled out folded pieces of paper. “When I got to the occupation and employment section, I couldn’t fill it out.” The papers floated from his hands and Maryanne reached down to help him pick them back up.
“I can’t put Austin through that. I mean, what if I don’t come back and he’s all alone?”
Maryanne made a sound and placed the papers gently on the table before she set her hand on his arm.
“I don’t know what to do,” Frost admitted. “But I do know that my job is not conducive to caring for a child. I won’t have the time to care for Austin like he needs. As it is, we are juggling his therapy and doctor’s appointments.” He owed Aunt Leslie more than he could ever repay with her continuous help. “He’ll need to be registered when school starts and… all that… he needs dentist appointments, someone to take him school shopping. It’s not like I don’t have the money, because I do. It’s just finding the time.”
“Kids are a lot of work, son,” his dad said.
“Can I make a suggestion?” Maryanne asked.
He nodded but couldn’t see anything beyond giving Austin up, and the thought made his stomach queasy.
“I’m retiring from nursing now that your dad and I are together. I’ve been wanting to retire for a while and when Tennessee asked me to move in, it seemed like the perfect time. I haven’t had a chance to tell you.”
“Congratulations on your retirement.” He couldn’t have been happier for her. Surely, she didn’t mean what he thought? His eyes widened and he turned his complete attention on her.
Maryanne cleared her throat. “Your dad and I, we’ve talked this over because we could see you facing the same problems with fostering Austin. The same issues you just pointed out.”
“You did?” Frost laid his hand gently over Maryanne’s. The woman was amazing in so many ways. “I just don’t want to fail him,” Frost acknowledged.
Tennessee frowned. “You are not failing Austin. In fact, I’d call what you just said a success at truly loving someone.”
“That wasn’t how it started out, dad,” Frost confessed. “I wanted to prove something. When I found Austin, I thought, here is my chance to become a better parent than mom. And then I realized that I was doing this for the wrong reasons.” Frost’s voice cracked.
Through recent therapy, he’d been able to work on his anger toward his mother. It was there that he’d come to understand just how much his anger at his mother had guided his decisions and actions. It was slow going, but he was making progress.
“This is Austin’s life, not some way for me to get back at my mother,” Frost whispered.
His father reached for him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Ah, my boy, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault I’m so messed up, dad.” Frost wrapped his arms around his father and hung on. He was learning to share and hell yes, it was uncomfortable, but if he ever wanted to become a better man, a better person, this was his way.
Ten set his cheek to rest against the side of his head. “I’m so proud of you.”
“What?”
“I am,” Ten said firmly. Releasing him, his dad continued, “You put other’s needs before yours all the time. You did it with me after my accident and now you’re doing it with Austin.”
“It hurts, dad. So bad. And I don’t see how I’m putting his needs first.”
“I know it hurts, but you are putting him first. Sometimes we have to let people go in order to show how much we care about them.”
Frost rubbed at his chest. Letting Austin go was going to hurt, but he wasn’t ready to give up on Seth. That thought was inconceivable.
“You know,” Maryanne’s soft voice broke the silence, “we didn’t say anything at first because you had to be the one to decide if you could make it work with Austin or not. If that makes sense.”
He nodded. “It does. I thought there was a way, but I can’t see it.”
“Well then, this is what I propose.” Maryanne took a deep breath.
Frost held her gaze and waited.
“Your Dad and I want to petition for foster care and eventually adopt Austin.”
“You want what?” Frost’s mouth fell open and then snapped shut. “But that would be like raising another kid.” Frost looked at his dad, then Maryanne, and back again.
“It would, but I’m pretty proud of how you turned out,” Tennessee said with a wink. “Plus, you’ll be here when you can to help us. You’ll be like a big brother.”
“Exactly,” Maryanne said. “And I have never been able to have children and would love to have Austin with us now that I’ll have the time. I’m sorry, but the thought of letting that little boy go to another family just doesn’t sit well with me,” she admitted.
“Don’t be sorry, dear. I agree with you.” Ten and Maryanne exchanged smiles. They both had grown attached to Austin in the last few months.
“I want to be more than just an honorary big brother. If you two truly do this, I’m going to help you support him. I would love it if you would adopt him so I know he’s permanently safe, but I’m still going to help financially, as well as be here as much as I can.”
“I love that idea,” Ten said and looked at Maryanne, who smiled and nodded.
“I can’t believe it.” Frost was in a bit of shock. He had never imagined the outcome of his visit going like this. All he’d wanted was another opinion on doing the right thing. His dad and soon-to-be stepmother had surprised the hell out of him.
Tennessee clamped a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I’m proud that you understand it’s better if you don’t adopt him. It takes a bigger man to see that than go blindly through without thinking of all the consequences.”
Frost abruptly pulled his dad into his arms. Maryanne placed her small palm against his shoulder and Frost snagged her into the group hug.
“I love you both so much.”
Seth
“So, have you made a decision?” Seth asked, turning his face from the wide, picturesque window and view of the ocean from Noah and Mac’s front room.
Allison smiled, curled her legs beneath her on the sofa that sat across from his chair, and nodded. “Yes. I’m staying here. I’ve thought it over and you’re right. Moving away doesn’t guarantee I’ll find love.”
“Oh Ally, I’m so glad.” Seth reached out and she leaned forward to link their fingers together. He had to blink back tears. Since his ordeal, he’d become emotional over the past few months.
“Me too,” she said, smiling.
They stayed quiet, watching the water rush up onto the shore. The day was mostly overcast, but the sun fought to peek out from the clouds every once in a while. Austin was currently at the playground with Mac’s aunt. She came and took the child each day to the daycare saying it would help Austin to socialize. Seth had to admit, the little dark-haired boy was coming out of his shell more and more because of it.
“And how are you feeling?” She sat back and gave him her mamma bear look, and he laughed.
“I’m better. At first, it hurt to move. But the past few months have helped.” At her skeptical look, he held up his hands. “I swear! I can move around much better and the headaches are completely gone.” Seth twisted from side to side to show Allison he was true to his word. Even the marks on his back were healing nicely. “It’s just the leftover bruising on my legs.” He made a face, plucking at his pajama leg.
“It’s not that bad. Just some yucky left-over yellow,” she teased. Having helped him quite a bit in the beginning, she’d seen the worst of it.
“Gee, thanks, not!” He narrowed his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at his mouth.
“So, what’s up with you and Frost?”
He blinked. “Um, why?”
“It’s just that you haven’t said much other than he sat on your porch for four hours a few months ago.”
He rubbed at the back of his neck tiredly. “I know.”
“So you haven’t seen him since?” Her eyes grew wide.
“Yes! I’ve seen him.” Seth huffed a breath. “He’s practically on Noah’s porch every time I open the door.”
“And…” She waved her hand. “You’ve talked to him, I assume?”
“Yes,” he said, smiling and then sobering. “We talk a lot some nights, and then other nights, we just sit on the porch and watch the sun set or take a walk.”
“How often does he come by?”
“A few times a week.” Seth set to plucking a piece of string on a throw pillow. He desperately missed him. The days the man didn’t visit settled like an ache that was as constant at his confused feelings.
“So… just getting to know each other again?”
“If I ever even knew him.” Seth grimaced.
“What are you going to do? Date him, dump him, or what?” she pressed.
“I just don’t know what to do, Ally.”
Allison shrugged and stood, walking to the kitchen. “So he wants you and wants to foster the kid,” she said. Her voice clearly traveled the distance between them.
“Right, that’s another thing. He went from being a player to suddenly wanting me and a kid? I mean, how can someone change so quickly?” Seth worried, getting back to the reason he’d called Allison over. He’d wanted an unbiased opinion, but now he wasn’t so sure she was the right person.
“People don’t change that quickly,” Allison called back.
“Of course you’d say that. You don’t like him,” he mumbled.
“Let me finish!” She glared, reentering the room with a soda. “I was going to say that people don’t change that quickly, but it’s been two, almost three months. Is he showing signs of trying?”
“Yes, very much.”
“Well then, if Frost is trying, and if he’s the one you really want …” She rolled her eyes.
“Like I said, you don’t like him.”
“I like him. He’s just an asshole,” she snorted and plopped back down on the sofa. “Are you going to stay here indefinitely?” Allison looked around the cozy living room.
Mac and Noah were gone each morning when he woke up. Mac had started taking Havoc to work and with Noah going into the office every day, it left Seth with the house to himself. Although they never hinted at him being in the way, he still felt like an interloper. He knew he should start looking for his own place soon.
“I’m actually thinking of moving out. There’s this nice little area across the bay. I think I’m going to get an apartment there.”
“You? Live on your own?” Allison clutched her hands to her chest.
“Why do I put up with you?” Seth looked at the ceiling.
“Because you love me.”
“I do.”
“So… back to Frost.”
He groaned.
“What?” Allison shushed him. “The guy can be difficult.”
“Yeah. He can be challenging.” Leaning his head back against the soft easy chair, he stared out the window to the water beyond. “I told him I wanted to take it slow. I haven’t accepted a date with him yet.”
“Wow, that’s really slow.” Her eyebrows rose.
“It’s killing me not to be with him,” Seth confessed.
“If you like him, then call him. Go out with him.” She tipped her head to the side, studying him.
Seth snorted and couldn’t stop the corner of his mouth from lifting. “Are you running a fever?”
“Smartass.” She poked her tongue at him.
“That’s me.”
“No, seriously, Seth. If you like him, go for it.”
“I did go for it.” His gut churned remembering the embarrassment of showing up at the man’s house, of the wasted candy and flowers strewn at his feet. The deceit.
“Now you’re just hanging on to old crap. What he did was shitty, but in light of what happened earlier…” Allison shrugged.
Seth nodded. He refused to tell Allison the details of the night Asher caught his dad’s fiancé out with another man because that was Asher’s story to tell. But Seth had told her how Asher claimed he’d hired the hook up that night and they hadn’t fucked.
“My impromptu visit to his house wasn’t one of my better ideas.”
“Maybe you need to try again. Now that you’re talking and he’s trying to be a better man.” She waved her drink at him.
“Ok. What gives with you trying to set me up with Asher?”
“I’m not! It’s just that sometimes when nobody’s looking, you look so lonely and miserable, Seth. I don’t like seeing you this way.”
Seth frowned. What could he say? He was miserable and lonely.
“And I saw him when you were kidnapped. You can’t fake that kind of devastation,” Allison admitted. “I don’t think he would have come back from that if you had been…” She gave a slight shake of her head.
The past few months, all the time spent with Asher, sequestered in the dark on the porch and the intimate conversations, had gone a long way to healing Seth’s heart.
Asher had also been the one to confirm that Finnegan O’Leary had told Stanley Starr where to find him.
“He should have never put you in that position,” Asher had said.
“I know,” Seth admitted. His dad had put his life in jeopardy. Finn had confessed to Asher that he’d only done it so Starr would get off his back about the jewels. Hence the reason Stanley Starr knew what city to move to and how to find Seth. Seth had trusted his dad with his home address and cover story. Hell, he’d even given Finn the temporary address to Noah and Mac’s home.
Finn’s betrayal had devastated him and he’d cried. Only Asher’s arms holding him tightly had lessened the hurt. The man had held him so tenderly and promised to be there even though Seth had given no sign he would do the same.
“I think I’m in love with him,” Seth confessed with a whisper.
“With who, Frost?” Allison teased, gasping dramatically and clutching her imaginary pearls.
“Brat!” Seth tossed his wadded napkin at her. She laughed and dodged it.
The doorbell rang, breaking into their laughter, and they froze.
“You expecting someone?” she frowned.
“No.”
Allison stood and pulled her gun.
“Is that necessary?” Seth gripped the pillow in his lap.
“Yakov is still on the loose, you know!” She glared at him and slipped toward the door on silent feet.
“I doubt he’d ring the bell,” Seth hissed. His heart leaped and apprehension dried his mouth. He suddenly wished for his gun tucked away in the gun safe.