Jake
It was the second night I had a beautiful woman in my bed.
While my mind was determined to keep things as PG as a Disney movie, my body was begging me to get X-rated and touch this woman.
Thank Christ we hadn’t played strip poker and had opted for Scrabble instead.
“You owe me a story,” Mackenzie said, her voice smoky. When I turned to look at her she was lying on her back looking up at the ceiling. Noticing me looking at her she smiled and something burst inside of me. Without a word, she wiggled onto her side and as if it was the most natural thing in the world, laid her head on my chest.
The combination of her heat surrounding me, and the sensation of her cheek pressed against my chest, was almost too much.
“Everybody knows my story.” My voice was husky. Because damn, I was at war with my body.
“True,” she murmured. “But if you feel up to it, I’d like to hear it from you.”
I sucked in a deep breath. I usually side-stepped the topic. But lying with this beautiful woman in my arms, I had a sudden urge to talk to her about it. To open up and empty my heart of all the pain that made it want to burst at the seams. I didn’t understand why and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out. But at the same time there was something very comforting about wanting to share this with her. Because if I was really honest, this woman was finding her way through my darkness and where she would end up, I had no idea. But a part of me was interested in finding out.
“I moved to New York when I joined the Ice Cats but my family remained in Canada. So every now and again they would fly down for one of the big games.” As I spoke I could see the faces of my family as clear as if they were standing in front of me. Yet it had been almost two years since I had seen them. “We were close. My old man and I . . . ”
I had to pause and let the surge of grief settle when I thought of the man who had helped shape me as a man and a player. The man who had been my greatest supporter. The man who was my hero and still was, even though he was long since buried in the ground.
“. . . he was one of my best friends. Since I was born he was there for me. Supporting me in everything I wanted to do. Always bolstering me up, telling me I could do anything I wanted if I put my heart into it. I guess that’s why I was such a confident kid. I never doubted if I could do something, because I was constantly told I could. I remember my first skate—my old man calling out to me, reminding me if I put my heart into it I would be able to do it. And, damn, he was right. Those skates were like an extension of my legs and it came naturally to me.” I gave a small chuckle as I remembered my dad that day, standing on that frozen pond, laughing and clapping his hands, calling out ‘you’ll be in the NHL one day, boyo’ and ‘look at my son, the hockey player’.
I closed my eyes as the pain soared through me. What I would give for just one more day with him. For one more handshake, or hug. I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the cold ache in my throat. Mackenzie squeezed me just enough to pull me back from sinking into a deep hole of despair and my arms tightened around her.
“They were flying down for the semi-final playoffs. We were playing the Winterhawks in California. I was going to take Michelle to Disneyland. Even though she was eighteen, she really wanted to go with her big brother, and to tell you the truth, I was really looking forward to it.”
Again, I swallowed hard.
“They couldn’t get an earlier flight because of Dad’s job, so I knew I wouldn’t see them before the game. I looked for them in the crowd. But I had my head in the game so when I couldn’t see them straight away, I didn’t think anything of it. I knew I would catch them afterwards.” I inhaled and then exhaled deeply. “They told me after the game about the plane crash. It had happened just after take-off. Engine failure, they said. One minute the plane was in the sky; the next—it wasn’t. There were no survivors.”
Mackenzie held me tighter. But she also pressed her lips against my jaw in a quick kiss. It was a move that sent a strange feeling tumbling through me. I had only known this woman for such a brief amount of time, yet it felt like a lifetime.
“I’m so sorry, Jake.” Her lips grazed my throat. “That’s so incredibly sad.”
I swallowed deeply. Remembering it sucked. Remembering it sucked big time. And I usually clammed up whenever the conversation turned toward my family’s tragic passing. But tonight the pain seemed muted and I could only put it down to the ridiculous amount of wine swirling through my veins, or the fact I felt crazily comfortable with my new cabin companion.
Our heads were sunken into the pillows and faced each other.
“Sometimes the bad things that happen to us put us on the right path toward the best things that happen to us,” she said quietly.
I liked the way she looked in the dim glow of the firelight.
“You sound like a Facebook meme,” I replied.
“I think you’re right.” She gave me a close-lipped smile, her eyes sleepy. “I think I stole it from Facebook. Maybe Tumblr.”
I smiled across at her, suddenly very tired. “Goodnight, Z.”
“Goodnight, Jake.”
I let my eyes linger on her for a moment longer before closing them and drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
* * *
It was the warmth. That was what I felt first. A sweet, comforting warmth surrounding me and filling me with contentment as I slowly began to wake up.
The second thing I felt was the weight beside me, and the arm resting heavily across my abs.
Third was the raging morning wood just south of where her arm was resting.
But none of it, none of it, compared to the happiness that warmed my insides when I realized I was lying in bed with Mackenzie and she was curled up against me. Sometime during the night I had secured my arms around her and now her limbs were tangled in mine. Strands of her glorious hair lay like silk ribbons across my shoulder and her cheek rested against my chest, so with every sleepy breath she took I felt the gentle whisper of air across my skin.
It was heaven.
Pure. Fucking. Heaven.
For the first time in a long time, I had woken up happy. Not with the gut-wrenching ache of grief that I had woken up to for as long as I could remember. I had actually woken up happy.
Wait.
My eyes flew open.
What the fuck was I saying?
I didn’t deserve this. The contentment. The feelings. The comfort.
Hell, no.
I wasn’t allowed any of it.
Realizing with horror that I’d let Mackenzie get too close, I decided to pull back. What did I think was going to happen? We would fall in love and she would make me forget what I had done?
Not fucking likely.
Things had already gone too far.
I carefully extracted myself from her embrace and quietly slipped from the bed.
It was better to do it now than later. I couldn’t get caught up in this surreal world we had created during the blizzard. It wasn’t real.
We weren’t real.
I looked up at the pull-up bar I had nailed to the roof near the window.
Yep. It was important to remember.
We weren’t real.
* * *