Chapter 25
Gavin kissed me like I was his oxygen, our lips bruising each other, our tongues colliding. Cupping my ass, he pulled me closer.
“Lou, are you sure?” He searched my eyes for any hesitation.
But I wouldn’t show him any. Because I wanted this, I yearned for this. He was the one. At least the one for right now. Good enough.
Would we be together two years from now? Maybe. But at this moment, what I felt for him shifted from like into love.
“Please,” I mustered.
In between kisses, he entangled a handful of my hair through his fingers, while he caressed my breast. His mouth followed suit as he nipped with his teeth. A soft wet touch grazed the tip, making my hips spontaneously buck toward him. Before Gavin, I had no idea my nipples were sensitive, sending ripples through my core with the lightest touch.
He moved his fingers further south, skimming the skin above my hips, whispering back and forth from side to side. He slid one finger inside me, and another jolt envelope me, coaxing me toward something more. He joined another finger and stroked until I cried out, my body convulsing at his will, my fingernails digging into his lats.
“You’re fucking gorgeous.” He pulled his fingers out, opened the top drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a foil packet.
As he rolled the condom on, my body tingled with anticipation. The longing in my body took over, and my temperature rose a notch or two, unsure of how he’d fit.
“I’ll take this slow, babe. Let me know if it hurts.” I felt the tip of him brush against my entrance.
“You ready?”
“Mmm-hmm.” I gulped. Anticipation made every muscle in my body tighten.
“Lou,” he breathed into my neck, “you gotta relax, babe.”
I nodded, willing my body to let go.
“That’s my girl.” His lips, soft and gentle on mine, delivered light kisses as he swept his tongue across my bottom lip.
Gavin eased himself in, and I gasped. The size filled me more than I imagined, and my muscles clenched around him, willing him to pause.
“Take a deep breath.” Gavin lingered where he was, one arm balancing the weight of him, while he stroked hair away from my forehead.
He absorbed every movement and sound I made, ensuring I was in fact still breathing. Ensuring I wanted to continue. He leaned down and kissed me. “Are you ready?”
“I think so. Maybe, go slow.” His eyes never left mine, as he entered halfway, coaxing me to open for him.
“Goddamn, you’re tight.” Gavin’s face strained. “This might hurt a little.” With his focus glued to me, I felt him push all the way in, causing a quick jolt of pain. Gavin stayed for a moment, now completely buried to the hilt, as my body accommodated his size.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded again. “Mmm-hmm.”
The initial shock quickly dissipated, followed by yearning for more.
He must have sensed it because he began to move again. “I’m going to move now. You have to tell me you’re ready.”
I squeezed his upper arms, reveling in the hard muscle under the pads of my fingers. “I’m ready.”
A look of relief and then something else, consumed him. I told myself it illustrated a look of love or desire or a little of both. Because how could it be this intense without those emotions?
I groped him, feeling his lats tighten as he advanced inside of me. A new building sensation of rippling pleasure replaced discomfort.
“You feel so amazing.” He pumped faster, and the hormones possessed my body because I met him stroke for stroke, craving an ultimate high, building slowly with each thrust until I shattered beneath him.
“Holy shit.” My body convulsed as the spasms ripped through me, while he drove into me, wringing my body of those lingering mini-gasms.
“Fuck.” Gavin collapsed on top of me, his face curled into the crook of my neck.
“How was it?” He dotted my neck with soft kisses, making his way toward my mouth.
“Perfect.” And I chuckled, a smidge baffled I lost my virginity to this amazing, gorgeous, gentle man. He made it better than I ever imagined during my many nights of self-induced love.
Don’t get me wrong, I am forever indebted to the inventor of vibrators. But holy shit, having sex with a guy with experience, and could play my body like he does a piano? My body hummed with happiness.
I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn’t feel any festering in my gut whenever I thought about being intimate with someone. Not a throw-away, not a victim. Wonder filled me because I was safe, safe with a man. But more importantly, safe with me.
“Hey.” Gavin wiped the thin streak of moisture escaping the corners of my eyes with his thumb. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No. You were incredible.” I stopped a moment and nuzzled against the curve of his neck, filling my senses with soap and sweat and Gavin, not wanting to forget this memory.
“I guess I got emotional. I thought it would be a long time before I would be able to feel comfortable around a guy. I feel good. More than good.”
“Good.” Gavin leaned toward me and kissed my forehead before getting up and disposing of the condom in the bathroom. “You sure you’re all right?”
“I’m a little tired and sleepy now. Cuddling might be nice, though. And one of your T-shirts?”
“Coming right up.”
Gavin opened the top drawer of his dresser and tossed me one of his white tees. I welcomed the remnants of his scent still absorbed in his shirt and pulled it over my head. He strolled back toward the bed, spooning against me.
“I think I love you.” It was the last thing I said before I welcomed sleepy-time.
He squeezed my body closer to his and twirled my hair around his finger. It didn’t escape me he didn’t say it back. I could wait because he loved me even if he couldn’t say it.
We spent the next day in bed repeating the night before. And it got easier for me to accommodate him. He worried I might get too sore, but the endorphins blasting through my body made it hard not to jump him every chance I got. I did convince him to ravish me one more time Sunday afternoon, before we left for campus.
Unfortunately, homework, lessons, and performances hung over our heads. If we didn’t take a break from our new favorite pastime, I’d probably flunk out of school.
Gupta would be disappointed with me if I came to my weekly piano lesson unprepared. I practiced twice as hard in this studio, to compete with the performance majors.
We returned to the music building to practice. The air turned cooler as we welcomed November, lucky it hadn’t snowed yet.
Gavin’s recital would soon be upon us later in the week, and decided a few practice runs on the grand in the performance hall were warranted. And me? I needed to practice in general. Juries and finals would be here before I could blink.
“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow.” My knees wobbled with his kiss, making me wish we didn’t have to part. “After practice and dinner, I’m meeting Nick here to go over some more songs.”
“Sounds good. Lunch tomorrow?”
“Sure. I’ll pick you up after class.”
I sat in the practice room trying to rehearse Beethoven’s “Pathetique Second Movement” to sound smooth and effortless, with sensitivity.
“Don’t get caught up on the notes,” Gupta would say to me. “Let your fingers float. Feel the music.” Easy for him to say. He’d been doing this for longer than I was alive.
After an hour and a half of practicing, I gathered my things in my backpack, and readied for the outdoor elements.
I’d meet my roommates and Emmy for dinner for some much-deserved explanation about my relationship with Gavin. Although I had a sneaking suspicion Nick and Sierra already knew more about Gavin from the events Saturday night. They might have clued Matty and Emmy into the mix, since I hadn’t received any text messages from Matty threatening Gavin’s life.
I sighed, not quite sure what to make of my relationship status. Lust was a no-brainer. Well, let’s be honest, it wasn’t just lust. I loved Gavin.
Oh lordy, though, the man knew how to use his fingers and mouth and hips. I attached a smile to my giggle, thinking of how I became the sole recipient of his expertise.
I gathered my stuff and pit-stopped at my locker, storing my sheet music before exiting the building. I surveyed the bare trees and decided snow would appear soon.
I inhaled deep, loving the smell of crisp cool air and wood burning in fireplaces. Grabbing the ends of my backpack straps, I ambled toward the house, knowing I only had about thirty minutes of light before the sun went down.
As I skipped down the path away from the music building, I heard a young woman’s voice.
“Are you Louise?”
I stopped and peered back, now noticing the young woman approaching me, her arms crossed behind her back.
“Yeah, I’m Louise. I’m sorry, I don’t think I know your name.” I stood, still holding on to the straps dangling from my backpack.
She was pretty, a few inches taller than me. Curvy. Sandy-blond hair with dyed strips of purple on one side. A glimmer of recognition passed by when her lips closed into a smile.
“It doesn’t matter, now, does it? Because he’s mine.” And then she swung something at me. The sound cracked the air, and pain ripped through my skull as darkness encased me.