“Hey, can you head into the conference room?” Mark asks. It’s my first day back to work after our vacation. There were piles of papers on my desk and I saw on the calendar that Jackson is flying in again.
“Sure.”
“Thanks,” he replies, already gone.
I’m assuming something is going on because everyone is running around like lunatics. I grab my notebook and try not to notice the weird looks I’m getting. I wonder if I’m getting fired.
“What’s going on?” I ask as soon as I enter the door.
“There’s an issue with an account. Jackson is on his way here and then we’re heading out. It’ll be me, Jackson, and three other guys,” Mark says, still looking at a paper.
“Where are you guys headed?”
“Overseas,” he answers quickly and seems extremely distracted.
“Okay . . .” I trail off feeling a little out of the loop. “Did I screw something up?”
Mark’s head snaps up. “No, not at all. This is fairly normal. Our overseas accounts are always a little strange. This account is in Dubai and the Navy wants us to provide asset protection. They want us to come out and see what’s going on firsthand and give them an assessment on what we can do to ensure it doesn’t get fucked up. Muff wants to make sure you can handle the office while I’m gone.”
“I’m sure I can.”
“Okay, we’ll be out of reach most of the time, so you’ll have to be able to figure out anything while we’re away. I wanted to give you these files before I leave in a few days. Plus, go over a few of the financial things.”
It says a lot to me that they want me to handle the office in their absence. It doesn’t make sense why they’ll be unreachable, but far be it from me to understand everything that goes on here.
Mike knocks, “Charlie’s on the line for you, Twilight.”
Mark looks over at me, “I need to take this. We’re leaving in a day or two, but I’ll shoot you an email with everything in case things are hectic beforehand.”
“Okay,” I stand awkwardly and head out of the room. Mark is usually a pretty calm guy but he seems keyed up. I hope he’s being honest and that I didn’t do something wrong. I handled the Dubai account and made sure they had the manpower they requested.
Heading back to my office, I see I have a missed call from Aaron’s mom. It’s the first time I’ve heard from her in a year. She cut me and Aarabelle off completely, and no matter how many times I’ve tried, she never reciprocates.
I sent out Aarabelle’s birthday invitations the other day. Maybe she’s going to come.
I dial her number and someone picks up.
“Patti?” I ask.
“Lee,” she says my name with a sigh. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been an awful mother-in-law. I should’ve called. It’s just been so hard,” Patti starts to ramble and my heart aches for her.
“There are no guidelines on grief. I wish you would’ve let me grieve with you, but I understand.” I want to ease her mind. It’s a hard place to be and I can’t begrudge how she chose to live with it.
“I got the invitation with her photo. She looks so much like him.”
“She does,” I agree.
“How are you doing?”
We chat and catch up. She tells me she wants to come out for her birthday party and would love to talk again. I’ve missed her. She was like a mother to me since I was sixteen.
“Are you happy?” The question stops me short. I want to be honest with her, but I worry she’s going to hate me.
“I am. There’s a lot that’s happened in the past year, but I’m moving on. I don’t have any other choice.” I choose not to tell her too much. She doesn’t need to know about Aaron’s affair. I decide to let her memory of her son stay unsullied.
“I’m glad for you. I think he’d be happy too.” Patti sniffles but holds it together. “I’ll let you get back to work and I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
We disconnect the call and I sit back in my chair. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.
The rest of the day passes without any issues. I go over all the files Mark emails over. Reanell texts me and asks me to meet her for lunch. She’s been so busy with the command side of the team that we haven’t seen much of each other. I’m excited to get to spend a little girl time with her, and since everyone in the office is nuts, no one will miss me.
I pull up to our favorite restaurant that serves breakfast all day. Citrus always has a wait, but we’re good friends with the owner. I called her and let her know we’d be coming, so she saved us a place at the bar.
“Hey, sexy mama,” Reanell says as she finds me on my stool.
“I’ve missed you!” I exclaim and pull her into a hug.
She hugs me tight and we act as if it’s been years rather than a week or two. “How’s everything? Vacation seems to have agreed with you.”
“Yeah, it was great.” I smile thinking about the time with Liam. It really was great. I know Reanell well enough to see the wheels turning in her head. I give it five seconds before she goes from chewing on her nail to berating me.
“Seriously? That’s all I get?”
Or maybe less.
I laugh and grab my drink, giving me a few extra seconds and also giving her frustration a little nudge. “I’m happy, Rea. He makes me feel like I can do anything.”
“I’m happy. How are you with the whole SEAL thing and the thing with Aaron?”
She’s the first person to bring it up. She’s also the only person who watched me go a little crazy and shred his shit.
The truth is . . . I’m not sure how to handle either issue. Aaron isn’t here, so I can’t get answers from him. Liam is a SEAL, so I can’t do anything about that either. My choices aren’t really favorable.
“They are what they are.”
“You are a liar.” Reanell laughs and puts her head on her hand. “It’s me. No need to fool me.”
“I can’t do anything about either. I’m still upset about the affair. I was pregnant and he slept with someone else. We’d been trying to have Aarabelle for so long and I know it took a toll on us, but still,” I pause as it all comes boiling back up. “I can’t even pinpoint when things might’ve happened.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands. I can’t explain what has my senses heightened, but I look around, trying to see if I’m being watched.
“What is it?” Rea asks and looks around too.
“I don’t know, I just got a weird feeling.” I look around again but I don’t recognize anyone.
We enjoy our lunch and I tell her about Aarabelle’s birthday party. She laughs and tells me I’m going overboard, but knows there’s no stopping me. I want to celebrate where we’ve come in a year. Aara may not know the life she’s had isn’t exactly sunshine and roses, but she’s had a life filled with love.
“I gotta get back to work,” I say and put a ten-dollar bill down. “The guys are all leaving and I need to make sure everything is in order.”
“First, you’re going to sit here and tell me about the sex.” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.
I thought I’d gotten away with it, but apparently not.
“I really don’t have to tell you anything.” My smile fades almost immediately when I look at the end of the bar and Brittany is sitting there. “I’m leaving,” I inform her and start to grab my bag.
“Why?” Rea looks and sees her.
Brittany looks over and stands.
Anger flows through my veins. I walk over to her and she averts her eyes. “Don’t look away. Are you following me?”
“Following you? No!” she says and goes to gather her things. “I swear, I don’t want to cause trouble.”
“What do you want?” I ask, because this is the part that still gets me. She wanted me to know about her and Aaron. She could’ve let me go on living my ignorant life, but instead, she made me aware. “I’m trying to move on from all of this, but it’s obvious we’re going to see each other.”
Brittany leans against the chair and sighs. “I want to move on with my life, but there’s a lot causing me not to.”
“I feel the same.”
“Look, I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t set out for you to find out, but don’t you see? I’m the same as you. I’m in pain.” She nearly chokes on the last word.
“I wish I could say I care . . . but I don’t.”
“I know you don’t care and I wish I wasn’t the other woman. I just don’t know how to move on . . .” she admits and her eyes fill with tears.
Reanell stands behind me and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Can you answer some questions for me?” I ask. I can’t even believe I’m entertaining the idea of talking to her, but maybe we can both find a way to move past this.
“I can try.”
“When did you start seeing him?”
She looks away and then back to me as she tries to collect herself. “We were together about a year before he died. We met at a bar and started talking.”
“Wow.” It’s as if I’ve been punched in the gut. He was seeing her when we were trying to get pregnant. “When did you find out about me?” I look at her and wait for the answer that has bothered me since I found out.
Brittany pushes her blonde hair behind her shoulder. “A few weeks before he died. When I found out I was pregnant.”
My eyes snap up and I fight back the nausea that threatens to escape. “Pregnant?” I ask looking down at her stomach.
“Yes, I was eight weeks pregnant when I lost the baby.” She looks at me with sadness in her eyes.
I grasp my throat and try to breathe. “I-I don’t . . .” I’m not sure what to say. “When?”
“I lost the baby a week after he died.”
And the hits keep coming.
So she would’ve had a baby with my husband. Awesome. After three failed pregnancies and countless months of infertility, I find this out. Each time I start to think this can’t get any worse, it does.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” I turn to Reanell and she pulls me into her arms.
“I love him. I wasn’t just some girl.”
I turn and look at her. “Yes, you were. He didn’t tell you he was married. He never told me about you. The man you loved was a lie. I’ve known him since he was sixteen. I went to his senior prom, was at his boot camp graduation, married him. You weren’t his life.” I spew the words out.
“You weren’t either,” Brittany rebuts.
I wish I could argue with her. I wish I could yell and scream, but she’s right. I wasn’t his life. I was his wife who got pregnant and maybe trapped him.
Brittany wipes her eyes and rights herself. “I’m sorry. I should go.”
Reanell steps forward. “I know you’re hurting, but this,” she points to me, “Isn’t the right way.”
Brittany starts to walk away and I grab her arm. The words taste like vinegar on my tongue. I fight with myself whether to say them, but I’ve lost a child. I know the pain and how hard I held on to each loss as my own personal failure. Each baby that didn’t make it ate at me. “I’m sorry you lost a child,” I say as tears fall.
The tears she had stopped start to flow and slide down her cheek. She doesn’t say a word as she gathers her bag and leaves.
“A baby,” is all I can say as Reanell pulls me into her arms. “She was going to have his baby.”