Jennifer
I stepped on him again, blushing red at my error.
“I’m so sorry. This was a bad idea. I don’t know how to dance.”
“Come on, just follow my lead.” Lucas’s sweet smile melted my heart, but it was racing more from fear than anything else now. I groaned but let him tug me back into his arms while he wrapped his fingers into mine and slid his other hand onto my hip. At the tender grip, my heart stopped.
“I—I suck at this, trust me.” I peered down at my feet, which were feeling like cement blocks, refusing to move.
“No one can suck at dancing a slow song. It’s just a sway back and forth on your feet. Just lean into me.”
“Trust me, I make you look like Fred Astaire.”
He laughed, a sound that sent sparks down my arms and into my chest, kick starting my heart. The sudden jump in pounding made me suck in a breath, making me swallow down the nervous knot in my throat. I looked up into Lucas’s eyes as they shone beneath the porchlight. The song was one of my favorites—Van Morrison’s Into the Mystic—and it relaxed me despite my inhibitions. The haunting refrain crept into me, and I couldn’t look away from his dark brown eyes. He reminded me of something. No. He reminded me what it meant to feel absolute blissful happiness.
He felt like home, but I’d been gone for far too long.
“What are you thinking about?” His voice came out soft, husky, and breathy all at once. The sudden urge to tip forward and brush his lips with mine overwhelmed me. Even his scent was enticing, a hint of faded cologne he’d probably sprayed hours ago and sweated away dancing with other ladies. It didn’t bother me because he wasn’t there at the reception hall with those girls anymore. No, he was here with me, dancing under the stars twinkling brightly above us. The loose dirt beneath our feet felt like the softest pillow as our shoes sank into it and the crickets sang their tunes beneath the moon, accompanying the song. Even the gentle waves kissing the shore kept time with the music. It was all so enchanting, and I found it hard to not fall in love in that setting.
“I don’t know.” I laid my cheek on his chest, sighing. “It’s been so long between you and me, but it feels like we were like this just yesterday, dancing on the beach of Sweetbay Lake and listening to the music from the reception hall. It’s like time never touched this place, and the moment you step back in, it warps you back to the happiest time of your life.”
His eyes brightened. Even in the darkness, they glistened like beacons in a fog.
“You mean that? It was the happiest of my life too.” He sighed, and I could feel it ripple through me too.
“Yes. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of those days.”
He leaned forward, his mouth enticingly close to me. I desperately wanted more of him. He edged closer. Would he kiss me? Would his lips feel exactly how I imagined they would a million times in my dreams? What if nothing felt like it should or how I expected it to? My heart raced as my breath hitched. Regardless, I closed my eyes.
His lips met mine, warm and sweet like honey. Slowly kissing, the music filled me up as much as he did. His mouth worked mine slipping across my mouth, his pure energy flowing over my own. Dizzy, air hungry, and gripping onto him for dear life, I feared I’d lose my footing. Would he catch me? After all the things that had happened, could we actually work together again? Could he still be that young man who wanted me to be his forever, or had he forgotten?
I prayed he remembered just as much as I did.
“Lucas?” I whispered, a question hanging in the static between us.
“Yes, Jenni?” The way he shortened my name as it passed through his lips made my chest tingle. I wanted to hear him say my name in a more compromised position.
“I—I… missed you.”
“I missed you too. So much.”
“You did?”
“Of course. You know, I thought of you a lot. Every time I walked past this cabin and every time I went swimming in the lake, it was you who crossed my mind. Everything about this place breathes of you. Don’t you know how much I missed you the moment you moved away?”
I frowned. “I had no idea. My mother said you moved and she couldn’t locate a forwarding address. I trusted her. I wished I’d taken the time to find you. I should have known she would shun our relationship.”
“She didn’t like me one bit, did she?”
I shook my head. “No. Especially not after—” I snapped my mouth shut, squeezing my lips together. Dammit.
“What? Especially not after what?” he asked.
I pulled out of his arms as pumping techno beat echoed from the reception hall, crushing the mood.
“Sorry. It’s late. I should get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow maybe, okay?”
He stood there like I’d just told him I was taking his puppy to the vet to be put down. My heart ached to be closer to him, whining every step I took away from him. It strained from the distance and begged for me to turn back to run into his arms, squeeze him tightly and never let him go ever again. We needed each other, but why did it have to be so hard?
Just tell him, I told myself. Tell him everything.
But what if he didn’t understand? What if he realized he’d wasted all those years pining after a girl who didn’t deserve one bit of his affections? No. I wouldn’t be able to take it. I’d get a job, work in town quietly and keep my head down. Lucas was a dream, a fantasy that could never be fulfilled or replaced in my life. True, there was no one like him, and the myriad of fond memories I had of him would always be just that. Memories. But here, this time and place, there could be no us. Not anymore.
Fate was cruel. My mother had been so too.
“Wait, Jenni, don’t go,” he pleaded, following me, but I held up a hand, and he paused in his steps, his face falling. How to break a heart in two seconds flat? Yep, I was the expert. He was the player, but I was the breaker.
“Sorry. I can’t do this. Not right now. Goodnight, Lucas.”
I turned and hopped up the steps, leaving my glass of iced tea behind. Shutting the door behind me, I turned the lock and leaned against it, afraid he’d come knocking. A part of me wanted him to pound the door down and tell me he loved me. Another part of me wanted to run away, stuff all my things into boxes again, pack them up in a truck and hightail it out of there. How would I avoid him while living and working there? Lucas Lawler would be everywhere, no doubt.
I sighed and walked into my bedroom, not hearing him moving around outside. Disappointed but relieved, I shook off my clothes then slid into a camisole and shorts and hopped into bed. I wanted to forget that night because it reminded me of those sensual nights so many years before that would never let me go. I wanted to live in the sway of those hours, living to just be with Lucas. He had been my destiny back then and obviously still was. Why was fate so sadistic? It had dangled the man in front of me, the one I just couldn’t have.
He was the last person I’d expected to run into when I moved back to Endings, but he was the first person I’d pick to ever see again. Now fear permeated the air around me, and I kicked off the sheets, for the air was stifling and my thoughts occupied my mind to the point of suffocation.
“Ugh!” I tossed the pillow next to me across the room. Everything about Lucas made my world turn upside down. Little did he know that I just needed some space. I hoped he would understand. Maybe one day I could tell him the real reason why things were not working, why things were such a mess. I owed him that, didn’t I? At the very least, I owed him an explanation for my odd behavior. Maybe that girl Faith deserved him more than I did.
I shuddered at the thought of some other girl comforting him. Maybe he’d made his way to her. I wished it was me he was pulling close into his chest at night. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears blossoming as I shoved my face into the mattress.
Things were far from how they should be. Tomorrow was another day, and I was going to fix things if it was the last thing I did. But how to fix this thing with Lucas? I could gnash over it in the morning. For the moment, I had no energy left to mull over such complications. Tomorrow, I’ll think on it, I thought. Tomorrow, it’ll be all right.