“You know, princess, we’re building something here together, right?” Gino regarded Zara from over the top of his coffee mug. He found waking up to her was something he’d grown addicted to and he wanted confirmation from her that she knew this was going to be a long-lasting thing between them. He thought he’d made himself clear, but he wasn’t taking chances. “I know this relationship is new and you don’t have a lot of experience, but I’m talking permanent. I would definitely have a difficult time if you suddenly decided to play the field.”
She put her teacup on the small table beside the bed and frowned at him. “Play the field?” she echoed. “As in another man? I don’t want another man.” That shocked her.
“That’s just as well. I can be a complete bastard when I’m jealous. You might want to keep that in mind.”
“I can’t imagine you being a complete bastard about anything.” She wiggled her toes and smiled up at him. “I can wiggle them without pain, which feels like a miracle. Nonny’s poultices really are helping.”
Gino put down his coffee and went to the floor to lift her feet up, so he could inspect them for healing. “I want Joe to take a look at your feet,” he said, frowning. He slid his thumb over the top of her foot in a little caress. The bruises were gone and the lacerations had closed so there were only thin red lines to remind him that a monster had hurt his woman.
He dreamt about it sometimes, while he lay next to her. He dreamt he caught up with Bolan Zhu and had him alone in a place where no one could get to them before he had time to show him what it was like to hurt like that.
“Joe’s a psychic healer. I’m not certain how he does it, but he heals from the inside out.”
“Do you think he can help?”
“We can ask.” He wanted her feet healed. Resting the tendons was helping, but she could mess up all their work by doing one wrong thing. She was becoming restless, having difficulty remembering not to put her weight on her feet. He couldn’t blame her. It had been weeks and she was still having to be carried everywhere. She detested that.
Zara looked down at Gino where he crouched near her feet and met his eyes. The impact was like a punch to her heart. She had never really had the slightest interest in a man, and now she was completely enamored with Gino. Sleeping in the same bed with him had taken on an entirely new meaning now that he no longer considered her fragile. He’d taken her twice in the night and once in the morning.
She was becoming addicted to him and to the sex, because just looking at him turned her inside out. But she didn’t like keeping anything from him. She didn’t even know why. The smallest thing made her want to blurt out a confession. That didn’t make sense when she was used to only sharing with Bellisia and Shylah.
“Baby, talk to me. I hate that look on your face.”
She dared to push at the black, wavy hair spilling every which way. She liked that his hair was unruly. He was always so cool. Calm. Everything she wasn’t. “It’s just that I can hardly breathe without you, and it doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to be one of those clingy, needy women who can’t make a decision without their man, but I’m terrified I’m really that woman.”
His hands slid over her feet with exquisite gentleness. “You were made for me, Zara. We fit for a reason. You’re hell on wheels when you’re doing your research or talking about your ideas in your chosen field. I’m proud of you for that, but I don’t want you making household decisions without me. Our home will be sacred. Ours. What we do there belongs to us and no one else. Our relationship is for us alone, no one else belongs in our choices. I like you clingy and needy. I like that you want to talk over decisions. That’s a good thing, not a bad one.”
She sent him a small relieved smile, but she knew it wasn’t the real thing. Her nerves were coiled tightly in her belly. “I’m trying to get used to feeling that I’m okay just the way I am.”
“Baby, you’re still not telling me what’s really bothering you, and that’s not going to make me happy.”
She should have known he would be able to see that she was holding something back. He could read her like a book. She took a deep breath and then made her confession, knowing he wasn’t going to be happy when she told him. Either way … “I tried putting my full weight on my feet this morning when you were taking a shower.”
His long fingers stopped stroking her feet. His black eyes met hers, and the impact sank her heart. He wasn’t in the least bit happy with her and she detested that she’d let him down.
“I thought we agreed you were going to wait.”
She nodded. “I know. I know I should have. Please don’t get upset with me.”
He was silent for a long moment and then he lifted her into his arms and carried her through the house to the front porch. He put her very gently in one of the rocking chairs and then crouched down to lift her feet up, placing each on his knee, his hands moving very gently over them, while he examined them again, this time inspecting each carefully, bending her toes, moving her foot at the ankle. She did her best not to wince when pain shot up her leg and down into her toes.
“I need you to listen, Zara. To really hear what I’m saying to you. Not just for now, but for the future. Our future. I need you to hear me and remember what I say.” He looked up, waiting until her eyes met his.
The powerful collision sent shock waves through her. Those black eyes gleamed at her, dark and compelling. A hint of anger swirled there. She found she couldn’t look away, her stomach dropping and tension coiling deep. The obsidian could be as cold as ice, or on fire, like now. “I’m listening, Gino.”
“I don’t get angry over too many things. I’m not built that way. You hurt yourself, I’m going to get fucking crazy. You didn’t have to test your feet. Nonny and I both told you to wait. We both said they were damaged and the healing was going to be slow.”
She ducked her head. He was so right. Both had cautioned her repeatedly, but she hated being helpless. It was very, very boring to lie in bed or sit in a chair while people waited on her. She was used to doing for the others when she was in Whitney’s compound. She loved cooking and she wanted her chance in the kitchen with Nonny like the other women. To do that, she had to stand on her own feet. When she’d wiggled her toes in the morning and they hadn’t hurt, she’d decided to try to put her weight on them.
He caught her chin and raised it, forcing her to look at him. “Didn’t we both say that to you, because I distinctly remember it?”
There was a bite to his voice that sent a little frisson of fear through her body. He was disappointed in her, and she didn’t like it. It hurt that she’d disappointed Gino. Somewhere deep where she lived and breathed she wanted him happy, especially with her.
“I’m sorry.” She touched his face because she needed the connection. His fingers were long and strong, stroking over her feet so gently it turned her heart over. She stroked the shadow along his jaw with equal gentleness. “I really am, Gino. Sometimes I feel desperate to walk.”
“I know it’s hard waiting, Zara. I hate this for you, but hurting yourself isn’t the answer, and every time you put weight on your feet, it’s going to hurt them. That only makes the healing process take longer.”
She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She needed the anger and disappointment gone from his eyes. There was no defense. Nonny had even sat with her one evening and explained that the damage to her tendons was severe and she might not ever be able to run or walk without some pain. The poultices were helping the healing process, but it was essential to give her feet the time to heal.
“Most of the time, caning the feet hurts like hell, but there’s no permanent damage. Zhu knew what he was doing and he deliberately concentrated the strokes to do the most damage. He not only wanted to break you, he wanted to make certain that he slowed you down so you couldn’t run from him.”
The strikes to her feet had seemed to go on forever. She remembered screaming. She’d tried to stop, but there was no way when the pain was excruciating. He hit the arches of her feet repeatedly, so many times she lost count. Then he hit the heels and balls of her feet and then the sides. He’d done the same to the tops of her feet until they were mangled and bleeding. She’d begged him to stop, promised him anything to get him to stop. His expression had never changed, he just kept hitting her.
Gino brushed tears from her face. “Baby, don’t cry. I’m not trying to be harsh with you, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself or do any more permanent damage.”
“Sometimes,” she whispered, looking around her, trying to center herself back in Louisiana, in the States, “I feel it happening all over again. I can hear the whistle of the cane or the whip right before it strikes.”
He cupped the back of her head in his palm and pulled her head against his shoulder, stroking his hand down the length of her hair. “You’re safe now. He can’t reach you.”
She knew better, but she wasn’t going to argue with him. “I’m all right, and I promise, I won’t be silly and try standing again, not without you giving me the go-ahead.”
He kissed the top of her foot and gently placed it on the pillow he’d brought outside with them. “What happened when you tried to put weight on your feet?”
“It was painful, but not like it was before. Not excruciating.” She was silent, biting her lip when he continued to look at her. God, he was annoying at times. She couldn’t help but confess, just blurt out the truth when he looked at her like that. He would never have to resort to torture. “It still is kind of bad.”
“Were you going to tell me the level of pain?”
Her stomach did a slow roll. “Probably not.” She wouldn’t have told him she was in pain for any reason if he wasn’t looking at her like that.
“Don’t do that again. Don’t keep important shit from me, you understand? You hurt, I want to know about it, even if it’s stubbing your toe or jamming a finger.”
He meant it. She could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. He wanted to know if she was hurt. She wasn’t supposed to suck it up and keep quiet, she was supposed to tell him. “We weren’t trained that way, Gino, especially me. I wasn’t allowed to whine, not for any reason. Once, I broke my arm and Whitney was angry with me for going to the infirmary. I was supposed to keep quiet and try to endure the pain for at least a day or two, not be such a wimp that I left the others during training.”
She pushed back her hair and looked at him, feeling shame all over again. “I didn’t leave the others until the training was over. I helped them as best I could. When we were returned to the barracks, then I went. Honestly, Gino, I didn’t desert my team.”
“Zara, Whitney needs someone to put a bullet in his head and put him out of his misery. Seriously. A woman breaks her arm, she needs a doctor. Waiting can cause more damage. The man is an ass. You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not a coward. He tried to make you feel like one, but any man or woman who took the kind of beating you did without breaking is no coward.”
“I feel broken,” she confessed. “I don’t know why his opinion mattered so much to me.”
He went up on his knees, cupped her face in his palms and kissed her. He brushed his mouth gently over hers, and then deepened the kiss. This one wasn’t a wildfire like many of the others. This one was tender. Warm. Compassionate. This one said things that got to her. When he lifted his head, his gaze held hers.
“His opinion mattered to you because he was your only parent. Your father figure. You’re not broken, Zara. You didn’t break. You’re a little damaged, but that’s all. We’re fixing the damage, and once we do, you’re going to be so strong. The things he said will be a distant memory. You’re smart, baby. You’re so damn smart you were a threat to him. Whitney wants everyone to believe he’s the most intelligent person in the room. He despises women and thinks they’re inferior. You were a huge threat to him so he had to make you feel like you were nothing. That was his goal and his way to make you do what he said.”
She leaned down to brush her lips over his. “You make me feel whole. I know I’m supposed to feel that way all on my own, but right now, when I’m with you, I feel safe and complete. Thank you for that.”
“Believe it or not, Zara, you make me feel the same way. I looked for you, for the right woman to share my life with, and until I saw you, I didn’t think there was anyone out there who could live with me. You think you’re damaged? I know you’re a little broken from the things Zhu did to you, but I know damaged. That’s me, princess, not you. There was a gaping hole in me, maybe where my heart and soul are supposed to be, and that’s gone too. You do that for me. We’re meant to be. It’s as simple as that.”
She wanted it to be that simple. If she could just figure out what to do with the information stored in the SSD in her brain and get rid of it, she’d be very happy.
“I’m adding to the plans for the house. We have a lot of acreage, Zara. I want to know what you’re going to need for your research center. Money isn’t an object, so put down everything you can think of on your list as you make it. This evening we can go over floor plans, so I have an idea what to have drawn up.”
“Research center?” she echoed.
He nodded. “Of course. You’re going to want to continue where you left off with your work, right? You don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to. We can bring in whoever you need to assist you, and when you have to travel to the university, I’ll go with you.”
She got that he didn’t ask her if she wanted him to go with her. She got that because she knew another woman might have pointed it out, but she was grateful he didn’t force her to admit she didn’t want to travel alone.
“I can’t believe you’d have a research center built for me here.”
“Your home is here. Someday we’ll have children. I doubt that’s going to stop you from wanting to continue your work.”
It wouldn’t. She loved what she did. She loved sharing it and talking with others interested as well. She wouldn’t be alone. That was what she heard and what she clung to. “Do you really mean it, Gino? You’ll go with me?”
He nodded slowly, his features very serious and her heart sank again, afraid he would take it back. “I won’t like you traveling without me, Zara, or at least without a couple of the others if I’m away. It’s important to me that you discuss all your traveling dates with me ahead of time so we can work that out.”
He wasn’t asking again. She got that. She found herself smiling. “That’s sound good, Gino, I can do that.”
“And we have to get on figuring out how to get the information from the SSD into someone’s hands so Whitney has no reason to try for you again.”
“I’ll talk to Bellisia today. I’m hoping to spend time with her and fix the problems we have. Mostly, I think, I really didn’t understand relationships between a man and a woman. I would have a difficult time keeping something from you.”
“I wouldn’t like it, princess. Zeke might get upset and talk to Bellisia about keeping secrets, but you would have serious consequences for keeping anything from me. When someone wants to talk to you about something important, when they give you that kind of responsibility, you make damn sure they know they’re talking to both of us before you take it. Understand?”
She was back on “serious consequences.” “What kind of consequences?”
“Babe, really? Do you think I’m capable of hitting you? Hurting you in any way? You’re what I’ve looked for my entire life. I’m not dumb enough to fuck that up by being an asshole.”
She couldn’t imagine him hitting her. She liked that he understood she did take responsibility for the things others told her and that he wanted to share that burden with her. She knew other women wouldn’t want Gino taking that off her, but she was coming to understand, she wasn’t “other” women, and her needs came first with him. He didn’t want her to be embarrassed because she didn’t like making those decisions. She could if she needed to, but when it was unnecessary, she didn’t have to. There was freedom in knowing that.
“I like that you’re building …”
“We’re building,” Gino corrected decisively. “The two of us, Zara. I want you to go over the plans for the house as well as the research center. It will be your house too, so you need to have it exactly the way you want,” he reiterated.
“Our house then. I like that Cayenne and Trap are going to be our closest neighbors. I like Cayenne.” She identified with her in some ways. She wouldn’t mind being neighbors with her. Cayenne wasn’t the type to hang out at the back fence and talk and she wouldn’t expect Zara to either.
Gino shot her a glance as he leaned one hip against the porch column. “Cayenne isn’t to everyone’s taste. Most people are intimidated by her. She’s good for Trap and she’s damn good to him.”
“I’ve seen the way she is with him.”
It was impossible to miss. Trap came in the day after Gino had removed the virus capsules and he, Wyatt and Gino got lost in examining the virus under microscopes and a dozen other instruments they had in Wyatt’s lab. Cayenne had come in with them, stayed to the back of the room to watch in silence, but every time Trap needed something, a pen, paper, a drink, whatever, she had it there before he asked. All he did was drop his gaze, look around him and she was handing it to him.
Zara couldn’t help watching her, seeing the look on her face when she gave Trap whatever he needed. Once, she was certain, Trap needed Cayenne. He turned abruptly without a word to anyone in the room, walked out, his arm circling Cayenne’s waist as he went by her, lifting her and taking her with him. When they returned, he was less restless and more centered, and she was glowing.
“She gives Trap whatever he needs and she does it without asking for anything in return. He gives her everything because she is everything to him,” Gino said.
His black eyes burned into her, right through her skin to brand his name on her bones. She knew there would never be a time that the moment she saw him, her heart wouldn’t beat faster and her sex wouldn’t clench and go liquid with need for him. He would never have to worry about other men because she wasn’t capable of seeing anyone else. Her world was completely centered around him and always would be, just as Trap was Cayenne’s center. She didn’t mind being like that woman at all.
“You going to give me everything like that, baby? Whenever I ask? Whatever I ask for? Is that the kind of relationship you want?”
His voice was low. Forceful, even though so quiet. Totally compelling, just like the man. If she could have walked, she would have flung herself into his arms. She detested not being able to go to him.
“Yes.” She made the commitment because that was who she was. She would give everything to him because she wanted that for him—and for herself. There was something in her that drove her to please Gino, to make his life as wonderful as she could. It didn’t matter that she’d get that same thing back, and she knew she would, it was just that she needed to be needed.
She’d never considered her need to please was the underlying reason she’d misled her sisters. She believed they needed to hear the stories of the outside world in order to have optimism that one day they’d get there. She felt it was her greatest contribution to the other women, bringing them hope each time she got back from her travels. Their smiles were always radiant, and instantly, no matter how she’d felt while she was gone, she would light up inside. Glow. Because they needed something she could give. Gino really needed someone to care for him. He needed a home and family of his own. She could give him the best one possible, the kind of home he needed, because she was that one woman for him.
“Gino, I’m giving you anything and everything you could possibly want. If I don’t know how to do it, just teach me.” She couldn’t keep the shyness from her voice, but it didn’t matter. He accepted her just the way she was and she loved that. He’d already taught her so many things in the bedroom. She’d enjoyed doing every single one and wanted more. The promise in his dark eyes excited her.
“Nonny tells me you like cooking.”
She nodded. “That’s part of why it’s so frustrating sitting all the time. You’ve taken me into the kitchen when Nonny’s giving a cooking class to the others, but I can’t really participate like they do. I swear, sometimes my feet itch to jump up.” At his look, she hastily held up her hand and laughed. “I didn’t. And I won’t. Nonny would smack me with her wooden spoon if I did that and you wouldn’t be happy with me, so no jumping up, even though I can’t always see how she’s judging the exact amount of the spices to put in.”
“You’ll be able to stand soon enough, and I suspect at some point you’re going to get tired of making all the dinners for us because I’m a lousy cook. When that happens, you tell me. Anytime, Zara, no matter how tired you think I am. I don’t want you to suck it up.”
She couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of cooking for him and her family, but she supposed, day in and day out, it might happen. “Okay.” She bit her lip, wanting to make her confession in a little rush, but not quite able to get it out. It was one thing for him to say to tell him everything she liked or didn’t like, but another to do it. She wasn’t used to it, as in, she’d never done it.
“Spit it out, princess.”
“Do you like art? As in going to museums? Paintings? Sculptures?”
There was a small silence. He regarded her for so long she was afraid he wouldn’t answer. He’d gone very still, as if holding himself frozen in case he might shatter. His features were expressionless, but something moved behind those black, black eyes.
“My mother loved art,” he said eventually. “I can remember her dragging me to every fuckin’ art museum in the country and abroad. She would look at paintings for hours. I wasn’t always the best, although secretly I didn’t mind as much as I made out. Now …” He shook his head and looked out over the river. “I wish I had those times back so I could be different.”
Gino circled the porch column and kept his eyes on the moving water. She wanted to put her arms around him and hold him. “You were a boy, and she understood.”
He looked back at her, that something in his eyes tearing at her. “She was gentle, like you, Zara. She would have loved you. My entire family would have. I didn’t realize it until just this minute, but you’re a lot like she was. Not in looks, but your nature. The way you care about me. The things you’re willing to do for me. She was like that. She did them for my father. For me. We were the center of her universe.”
“I hate not being able to hold you right now,” she admitted.
He turned back to her, stalked the short distance between them and bent down to take her mouth. She expected gentle, but he was rough, his kiss a pure flame pouring down her throat. It was a claiming, and as inexperienced as she was, she still couldn’t fail to understand. She took advantage, wrapping her arms around his neck, fingers finding his hair to tunnel in. She gave herself up to him, sensing he needed her surrender.
Gino lifted his head slowly. “We own a hell of a lot of art, Zara. You want it, I’ll build us a room for it. She collected some beautiful and rare paintings. They need to be in a controlled environment. We can try to see how many art museums we can visit before we’re so old we can’t walk anymore, if that’s what you want. I promise, I’ll enjoy them all with you.”
“I’d like that,” she admitted.
He straightened and went back to the railing, leaning against it, regarding her with that serious expression he wore most of the time. “You like shopping?”
“I don’t know.” She flashed him a grin. “I’ve only ever really shopped in adult toy stores.”
He burst out laughing. She loved what that did to his eyes. They crinkled at the corners and his dimple appeared, softening the hard angles and plains. “Yeah, you can forget going there without me. I’ll take you myself.”
A little shiver crept down her spine. “I’d like to try clothes shopping, although it probably would be intimidating the first time, but I’d get the hang of it. Bellisia might want to go with me into town sometimes.” She liked talking about their future because it meant Whitney wasn’t going to get her and neither was Zhu. Intellectually, she knew she was running out of time, but she needed this fantasy, this world Gino could give her if she survived.
He nodded. “Of course. She may want a girls’ night out too. I want those things for you. Any of them ask and you want to go, say yes and let me know. I’ll make sure you’re safe. I imagine, depending on who goes, the others will make certain as well.”
“I can’t imagine Bellisia or Cayenne wanting anyone guarding them on a girls’ night out.”
“Doesn’t matter, Zara. So, if you’re talking about yourself, that’s too bad. I can tell you straight up, Trap would never leave Cayenne hanging out there, and Zeke wouldn’t leave Bellisia either. We have enemies and we’re always going to have them. When you go out, you’re going with guards. We can be invisible, but we’ll make sure you all get home safely if you want to drink. No one’s going to cut into your fun, baby, we want our women happy, and in particular, how you feel is important to me.”
She thought it was a dumb thing to argue about because she really didn’t mind if he watched over her when she was out with the girls having fun. She would definitely feel safer. “I get it. Everyone’s lived here a lot longer than I have and I’m just trying to understand the rules, Gino, not really arguing against them.”
“Tell me the things you dreamt of when you were going to the university. You had to have seen there was life outside Whitney’s compound.”
She nodded. “It was wonderful and terrifying at the same time. I was so young in comparison to the other students.” She didn’t always remember those days fondly.
“What was wonderful?”
“Being able to take back hope to my sisters. I realized what a family was. I watched some of the kids, and they were far older than me, get visitors—parents, siblings, grandparents—the people we never had in our lives. I wanted that for my sisters and I wanted it for me. I would watch television in my room, all the cooking shows and anything that portrayed families. The books I devoured were all about families. I read about them and saw them on television and then would tell the others.”
“How many children do you want?”
She tipped her head up and looked to the sky. Clouds drifted across the wide expanse of blue, but there was very few of them, small wisps that made her think of lazy days. She’d never had that—a lazy day. They weren’t allowed such a thing in Whitney’s compound. Sitting on the porch or being with Gino at a swimming hole, with a picnic lunch, was a luxury.
“I don’t know how many, Gino.” She was honest. “I read books on parenting because, obviously, I wanted to know what I was doing, and I don’t have a good example to follow …” She broke off and pressed her hand over her womb. Rubbed gently. “Can you imagine feeling a baby, a life , kicking inside of you?”
He gave her a small grin. It lit his eyes, giving them a glint of humor through all that unrelenting black. “Not really. But I’d like to feel my child kicking inside of you. I thought three or four, but I know that’s considered a lot these days. Most people opt for one or two because it’s easier to support them and they say the planet is exploding with population.”
“Does that mean we’re supposed to only have one to two?”
“We can do anything we damn well please, princess. You want a dozen, I’ll fucking give you a dozen. We’ve got money enough. I can give you anything you want.”
“What about what you want?” She kept her gaze steady on his.
“I never wanted much of anything until you came along. I guess I’m going to have to reevaluate what my wants are. You. But I consider you a need, not a want.”
She laughed softly. “You’re so crazy. You don’t need me. You have all this. This wonderful place. And you have freedom.” Her smile faded and she fought the sudden lump in her throat. “I don’t have that yet, not all the way. Any minute I expect someone to come and take me away from here.”
“I want you to stop worrying about that, Zara. Let me worry. We need to get the information out of your head. The sooner you tell Bellisia she can talk to Zeke, and get her to give you the okay to talk to Trap and Wyatt, then we can all put our heads together and solve this problem. Trap is hell on wheels with this kind of thing because he thinks outside the box. Wyatt as well. We’ll get the information out and Whitney will lose interest.”
She thought it was interesting that he stated she shouldn’t worry and clearly expected that she wouldn’t just because he said so. He was used to people doing what he ordered, or maybe it was because he always followed through and made certain there was nothing to worry about. Whatever the reason, she felt the now-familiar flutter in the region of her heart. He made her feel cared for. Loved even. But Whitney wasn’t the only one they had to worry about.
“Zhu won’t lose interest.” She tilted her head, challenging him. “You know he won’t.”
“I’ve got eyes on him. When he makes his move, we’ll get him. The boys and I have been talking over a game plan.”
“You didn’t tell me that.” Her stomach tightened into hard knots. “That means you think for certain he’ll come.” It was one thing for her to be so certain, but an altogether different one for him to be. She thought she’d gotten over terror, but it had been waiting, it was right there, pouncing before she could control it. Zhu. The monster. He was in every nightmare. Gino holding her close to him helped, but sometimes she woke, her heart pounding and fear drying out her mouth.
“He’ll come.” Gino shrugged. “Let him.” He crouched down in front of her again and took her hand, his thumb sliding over her knuckles. “Look at me, Zara.”
He waited until her eyes met his, and she didn’t like that she had no choice. She was compelled to look at him and if she didn’t, he’d wait forever because he had the patience of a hunter. She swallowed hard at what she saw there.
“You’ve forgotten what I am, baby, and I’m okay with you forgetting once we remove the threats to you, but not now. Zhu hasn’t done anything I haven’t done. I can guarantee you, my training started long before his, and he isn’t enhanced. I am. Even if it was an even playing field, Zara, you’re mine and that means I have an edge because I’m not willing to give you up. And that fucker is going to pay for what he did to you.”
She took a breath and released it, knowing she should have conveyed everything to him when she first was telling him about Zhu, but she’d been so frightened in those earlier days that small details, no matter how important, tended to escape her. “When I first arrived, I was taken to Cheng’s office. He had tea brought in for us. Zhu poured the tea and I watched very closely because I was afraid they were going to drug the tea. They had me sit in a certain chair and I had the feeling they could monitor my heart and respiratory rate.”
“It would be easy enough.”
She nodded. His thumb continued to slide over her knuckles and there was something in that simple gesture that gave her confidence. “He poured Cheng’s tea first and then mine. He didn’t put anything in the tea, but I saw his finger slide around the lip of the teacup and I knew immediately he’d put some kind of drug on it. I had a couple of choices, but decided to go ahead and drink the tea. I was careful to use the same spot every single time when I sipped it.”
“So, you ingested the drug.”
She nodded. “It was definitely a truth serum, but one that acted differently than the conventional truth serums. They’ve been researching obviously. But it was more than that. I got around the need to answer their questions by doing math problems and coding in my head.”
“What was the more, Zara?”
He knew her so well now. They’d spent so much time together, and he could read her. He knew she was reluctant to tell him. “You know how Whitney was pairing couples? He wanted to get certain traits together so he paired us with one another? Well, I think Cheng’s people were working on something similar, or it was a by-product of the truth serum. It wasn’t exactly the same as Whitney’s because I knew immediately that something was wrong. I was attracted physically to Zhu.”
She tried to look away from Gino, ashamed that even for one moment, chemically induced or not, she’d been attracted to such a horrible human being, but Gino wouldn’t let her.
“Princess, just tell me, don’t let yourself go back there. They did that to you. They did all of this to you. Cheng. Zhu. Whitney. You aren’t responsible for any of it. You’re in a good place right now, don’t let them take it away from you.”
“I got over the attraction fairly quickly. I don’t know if doing the math in my head helped, or my fear, or what, but he didn’t get over it. He was attracted. It didn’t stop him from hurting me, in fact he made it clear that he would continue to hurt me, so I don’t think the physical attraction mattered that much to him. Maybe he’s attracted to tons of women …”
Gino shook his head. “We’ve had a couple of our best people finding out what they could about him. Flame, Wyatt’s sister-in-law, and Jaimie, the wife of another GhostWalker, are both very good at ferreting out things people don’t want brought into the light. The clubs Zhu frequents when he goes to other countries are not for the nice or faint of heart. They aren’t simple bondage clubs, they’re clubs where men and women can inflict a lot of pain on others for their own sexual gratification. That’s a lot different than tying up a partner for fun and sexual pleasure. Zhu gets off on causing pain. You’re perfect for him in a lot of ways.”
She shuddered. “I’m not, Gino. I hate pain. People like Zhu find women who get off on pain. That isn’t me.”
“No, baby, it isn’t. But he’s physically attracted. You’re beautiful and intelligent. You can contribute to their coffers by leading their research programs. You’re naturally passive or, for want of a better word, submissive. Best of all, for him, you don’t like pain. He doesn’t want a partner who gets off on it, he gets off on hurting people, seeing their pain. Where is he ever going to find a combination like that? My best guess is, he researched you thoroughly, watched you for a long time and then set a trap for you.”
She was silent, hating that he might be right. “You think I’m submissive?”
“Yeah, baby, I know you are, and that suits my personality. Fortunately, you also have that temper of yours so you’ll keep me in line.”
She frowned at him, thinking it over, and then she shook her head. “I like to please you, Gino, but I don’t think I’m submissive. I assert myself. Even with Whitney, and he scared me. Not like Zhu, but I knew he didn’t like me and he tossed me in solitary every chance he got. Knowing what would happen, I still defied him. Especially if he got upset with Bellisia or Shylah. It was easy enough to redirect his wrath to me.”
“Being submissive doesn’t make you a wimp, baby. You’re strong and courageous. I have no idea how you could hear his voice telling you that you’re a coward, when your brain has to tell you that you aren’t. Submissive can mean many things, but it doesn’t mean you lie down for everyone. It only means you prefer to comply with an authority figure.”
She did, but only if he was just. She nodded. “Whitney was an asshole to everyone. I wouldn’t call him in the least bit fair.” Which was why she’d defied him over contraband and a zillion other things. He didn’t deserve to be obeyed. She’d tried so hard to please him when she was young, but then, over time, realized nothing she did would ever be good enough. “Zhu was a thousand times worse.”
“Neither man deserved your surrender.”
She wasn’t talking about that with him, not until she thought it over more. “Why did the pheromones work on Zhu but not me? Because I swear, even when he was beating the shit out of me, the physical attraction, for him, grew toward me while mine toward him was completely gone. Even before he actually hurt me it was gone. One of the things I was afraid of was that he might douse me with whatever that was and I’d feel something for him.”
“Why would he ever use something like that on himself? If he wanted to get you to be attracted to him, he would use it on you, not him. It was to his advantage to make you want him, not the other way around. He had to have been naturally attracted. Probably the more he hurt you and you reacted the way he needed, the more it fed his attraction. Either you were right and the truth serum had a side effect, or they were trying out their own, obviously not as good as Whitney’s creation.”
“That information wouldn’t have been included in the file Violet gave Cheng,” Zara pointed out. “Whitney went through his computer very carefully. All details are compartmentalized. She gave Cheng the facts, that the United States had teams of soldiers enhanced both psychically and physically. There were some details, but mainly she counted on Cheng getting a soldier from your particular unit. She detested everyone here because they accepted the babies with their venom, and Pepper and Cayenne with theirs. Whitney was upset that he hadn’t gotten rid of Violet a while back, when he first began to lose control. He paired her with him, thinking that would take care of the problem, but it didn’t.”
“Because he doesn’t understand emotion.”
“No, he doesn’t,” she agreed. “He doesn’t seem to really feel much for anyone, unless it’s his adopted daughter, Lily, but she’s truly the only one, if he really does.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, thinking of all the talks she’d had with the doctor. “Although he even experimented on her. It bothered him that Ryland, her husband, was one of the first GhostWalkers because he considers all of that team flawed.”
“They need anchors, someone to draw the overload of psychic energy away from them, or they get brain bleeds like Pepper.”
She nodded. “Whitney never liked that she had a baby with Ryland. I know, if he got his hands on the child, he would experiment on him. He talked about it. Whitney often talked to me about experiments, mostly, I think, because he didn’t have anyone he trusted that much and he was certain I’d never be able to get away from him.”
“And you could understand what he was talking about.” Gino stood up and moved back into the shadows of one of the porch columns. She liked him close. Touching her. She really was too far gone on him if he couldn’t stand just a few feet away without her feeling the loss.
“Bellisia and Zeke are here, princess. Their car just pulled up.”
“I don’t see them.” She leaned forward to look into the yard, but she didn’t see Ezekiel’s car. She hoped Gino was right. She really wanted to talk to her best friend. She needed to straighten things out between them. She’d chosen Gino as her partner and she’d fallen hard for him, but she owed it to Bellisia to give her permission to tell her husband what Zara was hiding and to clear things up between them. She had never been terribly good at asserting herself, but this time, she had to make Bellisia understand why she’d lied about wanting to go out into the world and give talks.
She wanted to get away from Whitney’s compound, but traveling alone was terrifying. Surely, she could explain that to Bellisia’s satisfaction. Of course, it wasn’t that Bellisia wouldn’t understand—it was the fact that Zara had lied to her.
“Zeke likes to park close to the road, just out of sight of the house, but also of anyone passing by. He parks where that big stand of trees covers his car. You okay? They’re coming now. I’ll disappear and give you time to talk to her.”
She wanted to cling to him, but she wasn’t going to be a coward. She loved Bellisia and her sister deserved an explanation. “Thank you. And I’ll have an answer for you about who to talk to when you come back.”
“She’ll tell you Trap and Wyatt are good men and they won’t talk out of turn.”
She hoped not. If they did, she knew there was a good chance the major general would send her right back to Whitney. If not him, someone above him.