38
claire
I’m lying in bed waiting for Daniel’s call. Chris’s request to watch a movie together caught me off guard, and I feel some remorse for saying no. It’s what I’ve been yearning for. Spending time with him would have been the right thing to do, but I’m not that eager to fulfill his request. Not out of spite. Not out of any sense of retaliation. I simply don’t want to watch a movie. I’m tired and I’d rather stretch out under the covers of my warm bed and talk to Daniel. He texted earlier. Can I call you tonight? Late? I texted back. Yes. It’s all I’ve been able to think about.
We never discussed the things he said on the phone the night I called him when he was out with the guys. I thought it might be weird the next time I saw him, but I didn’t say anything and neither did he. We simply acted as if the whole thing never happened. And I certainly didn’t mention it to Elisa when she asked if I’d talked to Daniel recently. I was certain she’d warn me to be careful. Tell me I was heading toward the deep end.
I’ve always been careful, but I wouldn’t mind being a little less careful.
Then, about a week later, he called me. It was late and I’d been watching a movie in bed. When my phone rang I answered it and without preamble he said, “Are you in bed?”
I knew instantly that we were back on that unfamiliar ground, and a ripple of excitement washed over me. I reveled in the anticipation, wondering what he might say. “Yes,” I said.
“Were you sleeping?” he asked.
“Not yet.”
“How was your day?” I pictured him settling in for a long conversation, maybe lying in bed the way I was.
“Uneventful. How was yours? Did you help your friend move?” Daniel didn’t have to work that day, but he’d volunteered to help one of his fellow officers move into a new home.
“Yes. My back is killing me. He had the heaviest furniture I’ve ever carried. I need a massage. Know anyone who’s good at them?” I could tell by his suggestive tone that he wouldn’t mind if I was the one who rubbed him down.
“I’ve got a guy, actually,” I said. “Just let me know if you want his number.”
“You have a guy?” His voice had taken on a very different tone when he asked that question. Flirty to curious in less than ten seconds.
“Oh, relax. Walt doesn’t give happy endings. Not like my neighbor Julia’s guy.”
“Julia has a guy, too? She told you he gives her happy endings?”
“No, she didn’t tell me. And then I went to him when Walt was on vacation. That was the problem.”
“Are you saying her guy got you off?” By that point Daniel just sounded pissed.
“No! I flew off the table as soon as he touched me.”
“He touched you?”
“Just barely.”
“Where?”
“Well, it wasn’t my back.”
“I will shut them down tomorrow, Claire.”
“Don’t, please. It was an epic miscommunication. He stopped immediately and apologized profusely. Besides, you and I both know this probably goes on all the time.”
“It’s illegal.”
“I know that. But there are women who seek it out and there will always be someone willing to give it to them. Julia’s guy is putting himself through college by giving the big O to any woman who wants one.”
“Did you entertain the possibility of letting him give you one, even for a second?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Why?”
I answered Daniel honestly. “Because he was just some guy I didn’t know.”
Daniel and I never got back on track after that and we hung up a short time later. I’m guessing he was as unsatisfied by the conversation as I was. Maybe tonight will be different.
He calls a little after eleven. I put my phone on vibrate so Chris wouldn’t hear it ring if he happened to come upstairs.
“Can you still talk?” He speaks softly and I wonder if he’s in bed or lying on the couch.
“I can talk,” I say.
“Is he home?”
“Yeah. But it’s okay.” Once I declined his offer to watch a movie Chris probably opened his laptop and started working. Who knows when he’ll make it upstairs?
“How was your day?” Daniel asks.
“Busy.”
“Did you get everything done?”
“Yep. I finished the last pie an hour ago.”
“Did you stay inside?”
“Yes. The kids wanted to go to the mall to see Santa, but it was so cold and dreary that I just couldn’t do it. I paid for it, though. They had a raging case of cabin fever.”
“But you’re warm now,” he says.
“Yes. Definitely,” I murmur, certain he can hear the change in my voice, the timbre of my words as they roll slowly off my tongue. “What about you?” I ask.
He chuckles softly. “I’m nowhere near as hot as you.”
“I beg to differ,” I say, wondering if we’re going to speak in double entendres the whole conversation and not minding a bit if we do.
“What are you wearing that’s keeping you so warm? Or not wearing,” he asks, laughing. “I really have no idea.”
“Flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Nothing that you or any man would find remotely interesting, I’m afraid.” I often wore lingerie for Chris, but the opportunity hadn’t presented itself in a very long time. “The last time I checked, the Victoria’s Secret models weren’t covered in cotton from head to toe. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“That’s okay,” he says. “In my head you’re wearing something entirely different.”
My heart rate speeds up a bit. “Sounds like you have a preference in women’s lingerie.” Chris has always been partial to black silk chemises.
“Not really. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but there’s something I like even better. Call me a minimalist.”
Now all I can think about is being naked. And I’m pretty sure that’s all Daniel’s thinking about, too.
Suddenly, I wouldn’t mind being naked.
But I’m not at all comfortable with taking this much further, because I don’t think Daniel and I could ignore it the next time we’re together. And I like this tension we’re building; I don’t want to release it yet. “See? You do have a preference,” I say, hoping the light, teasing tone of my voice is enough to bring us back from the edge a bit.
He just laughs and says, “I do, indeed. I also like women with blonde hair and brown eyes, who eat turkey and Swiss sandwiches and wear way too many layers of clothing because they’re cold all the time.”
“You can’t see me, but I’m smiling.”
“I wish I could see you,” he says. “Will he? Later?”
I hear the longing in his voice, and I want to tell him he has nothing to worry about. But some things are just off-limits, and the intimacy issues that Chris and I have are between us and no one else. “No,” I say. “I’m tired. I’ll be asleep long before he comes up.”
“I don’t understand that.”
“I know.”
“I should let you go,” he says.
I suppose that’s one way to ensure that I really am asleep before Chris comes upstairs.
“Sweet dreams.”
“You, too. Bye, Daniel.”
I don’t fall asleep right away, though. Mostly because I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to make love with Daniel.