Tequila. I needed Tequila.

I decided that getting Joaquín drunk was the best option. After we walked around town, I stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of Don Julio Blanco. He’d been jailed for seven months; he’d definitely want to cut loose and get wasted.

I tried to pretend that Joaquín loved me only as a sister and that we had been reunited after a long deployment. It worked for the most part. We ate enchiladas suizas from our favorite cantina, indulged in ice cream, hit up a store to get a change of clothes and toiletries, and then strolled through the galleries.

Back at the cottage, Joaquín started a fire. Even though it was the middle of summer, the thick Carmel fog made the night air chilly. We watched television on the sofa, where he gave me a few kisses. I was completely grossed out but kept telling myself this was just like a love scene.

He stood and placed blankets in front of the hearth. “Come here, babe.”

Babe? Fuck. I walked over to him and lay beside him, staring at the embers. “It’s so beautiful here. I just wish we could go back to the way we were. With Mama and Papa. We were so happy.”

Joaquín turned toward me, his eyes radiating anger. “Fuck them, Mia. They lied to us. They fucked me up. Dad beat me within an inch of my life when he caught me staring at you and then kicked me out of the house. I had no choice but to join the Navy. I was only seventeen.”

I remembered the night Joaquín had left, his face bloody, his nose broken. Papa had told me that Joaquín was involved in a fight, but he wouldn’t let me go see if my brother was okay. The next day, he was gone. I never even got to tell him goodbye.

“I never knew he was the one who hit you. I had no idea why you were in such a rush to join the Navy. They told me some guy was bullying you and you just wanted to leave so you took the GED and joined. I was hurt that you didn’t tell me yourself.”

“I couldn’t. They wouldn’t let me. I was just a teen, and they tried to deprogram me. The mind doesn’t work like that. You can’t tell someone to stop thinking about someone, or to stop lusting after someone. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t deny it. They deserved everything they got.”

My blood chilled. “Joaquín, did you have anything to do with their deaths? I need you to tell me.”

He looked at the fire. “I wished them dead. Out loud. And someone made my wish come true.”

My breath hitched, and he must have heard it because his eyes turned back to me. I was playing a part. I had to calm down. Plus, he wouldn’t have brought me all the way here just to kill me.

I took one of my yoga breaths and said a silent prayer. Please keep my son safe from this monster.

Joaquín kissed my hand. “I did it for you, Mia. I did it for us. Without them, nothing stood in the way of us being together.”

I held back my tears, refusing to let him see me cry. How could I have never seen how disturbed he was?

He didn’t press me any further, and before I knew it, the warmth of the fire overtook him and he drifted to sleep. I considered taking the keys and running away from him, but then I would never find my son.

***

I woke the next morning and found Joaquín sitting on the deck staring at the ocean. I sat next to him. “Hey. Will you take me to see our son? I just need to hug him. Please?”

“Sure. But we can’t take him with us. I’m only on bail; I could be recharged anytime.”

Especially since you are guilty.

I kept that thought to myself. “Where is he?”

“Get ready, and we’ll go.”

I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a ponytail. With my hair back to my natural color, I looked more like myself, which was a small comfort in all this chaos. I wasn’t the same person I was a year ago, though. I was stronger, relentless. I wouldn’t give up.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Joaquín was staring at me. He pulled me against him. “If I take you to see him, you need to do something for me.”

He didn’t need to say what he wanted from me. His hand on my ass told me everything I needed to know. I ran my fingers through his hair. “I’ll do whatever you ask if you take me to see him.”

He released me and went to get ready himself. I went to the front porch and saw a truck a few houses down.

Mitch’s truck. Luckily, Mitch had purchased this truck after his divorce so Joaquín wouldn’t recognize it. There were three people inside, and I didn’t need to see their faces to know one of them was Grant.

I wanted to run to him, but I didn’t dare. Instead, I raised my hand just a bit and waited. The driver flashed the lights just as Joaquín came out, and I was forced to turn away. Acting casual, I followed Joaquín to his truck, knowing Grant would follow.

Three hours later we were back in my hometown of Marin and pulling in to a small apartment complex in the Canal.

Joaquín opened the truck door. “Wait here.”

I nodded, and he went to an apartment and came back in a few minutes with an older Mexican man. Joaquín got back into the truck. “Julián is at the neighbor’s apartment for a playdate so you won’t have to worry about the grandma recognizing you. Tomás will take you over to meet him.”

“You’re not going to come?” Not that I wanted him to.

“Nope. Look, we can have other kids. But it’s best if we forget about Julián. His existence gives me a motive to have killed Tiffany. I’m going to let you say goodbye to him.”

Fuck you. The only person I’m going to say goodbye to is you.

“I understand. He doesn’t even know us.”

I scanned the parking lot, looking for Mitch’s truck, but it wasn’t there.

And no other vehicle entered the parking lot. After ten minutes, Tomás opened my door, and I followed him to a third-floor apartment, which was apparently his since he just walked right in. Tomás greeted the woman standing in the kitchen with a kiss. He motioned me over to the sofa.

Again I nodded, but before I could sit down, Julián ran out of the other room dressed as a superhero. He was holding a little girl’s hand.

All I saw in his perfect face was Grant. The strong cleft in his chin, the devilish grin. How had I not seen it before? Had Joaquín ignored this strong resemblance? Well, he clearly hadn’t seen him in a while and Julián’s features must’ve become more developed. I shuddered. If Joaquín looked at my boy now, it would be clear that Julián was Grant’s son, not his. I wanted to scoop my boy up and run away. But I couldn’t, I had to wait. I knew that if I could buy myself enough time, Grant would be here.

Tomás handed me a bag of weed. This fake drug deal was a cover for my being in this apartment. My son was being babysat by a drug dealer.

My hand grasped the outline of the gun in my purse. I could grab my son and run, but where would I go? Julián ran into another room, and I forced myself to thank Tomás as he ushered me out almost as quickly as I came in.

Fuck.

He escorted me back to my brother. I sat next to him, and he locked the door and drove away.

Tears welled in my eyes as the distance between my son and me grew greater and greater.

Please, Grant, please find him.