Chapter Thirty-Seven
Summer
Even though I’d made Brady a promise that Tom and I would talk and address the fact that we belonged together, I still hadn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t agree with what Brady was saying, I just didn’t understand how Tom and I could be together, not when our paths were leading us in such different directions. Even though Tom and I hadn’t talked in the way Brady wanted us to, we’d found our easy friendship again. I’d missed that.
When the last stragglers from dinner left, I found myself sweeping off the porch, feeling such comfort in the tiny things that had made Springhill such a home for me. It was an odd feeling but somehow, I felt home, like I was right where I belonged.
Tom came up the porch steps as I finished sweeping. He took the broom and put an arm around me. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I answered as I looked up at him. “Seems Brady is feeling better.”
“Yeah,” he responded. “Definitely had a hearty appetite.”
It was the first time Brady had had enough energy to make it downstairs to eat dinner with all of us and Tom was right—he’d practically scarfed down everything.
Tom took my hand and led me away from the porch and down the steps. I wasn’t sure if he had any idea where we were headed but we were taking the same route that would find us at the cabin—my old cabin. His old cabin, which was probably now his again.
“You want to see the pups?” he asked.
“That would be really great,” I answered as he opened the door for me. Bob and her pups were curled up in the corner and they immediately came bounding over as soon as we walked in. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them.
I sat down on the small couch and Tom poured me a glass of white wine. He got a beer from the fridge and popped the top on the counter. Then he took a seat next to me and propped his feet up on the coffee table.
He took a drink of his beer, and I took a sip of my wine. We studied each other for a few seconds. In one way, it was awkward. And in another way, it was the most comfortable I’d been since before I’d left the ranch over a year earlier—the last time we were together.
“How is it? I mean, how is it out there? In California?”
“It’s good. Really good. I work for some great people; Deena is fantastic and she’s helped me a lot. Aria is happy. I’ve been able to save some money too. Riding a lot of really nice horses is amazing...”
“I’m glad to hear it,” he answered but he seemed anything but.
“It hasn’t all been good,” I started as I glanced into my glass and zoned out on the amber liquid.
“Why’s that?”
I looked up at him then. Really looked at him. “Because I’ve missed you. More than I can say and more than I ever wanted to.”
He nodded. “I’ve thought about you every day, sometimes every second of every day. I’ve dialed your number at least a thousand times just to hear your voice, and then I’ve thought, ‘No, I can’t interfere with what she wants, her life.’ I really wanted to be selfish, Summer. Even now, I want to be but I keep fighting it.”
I closed my eyes and lowered my head. “You aren’t selfish.”
He didn’t respond. We both just sat there, listening to the night. For my part, I was happy just to be sitting next to him, smelling him. God, I’d missed him so much.
“So?” he asked.
“So what?” I whispered.
“How are you?”
I took a deep breath. How was I? “Better. A lot better. I mean, I won’t lie to you and tell you I’m this undamaged person. But I’ve faced the facts that I had nothing to do with my dad’s decisions.” I stared into my glass again as I further pondered his question. “I’ve dealt with my feelings of abandonment by both of my parents, but it’s still there, you know?”
He squeezed my hand because he knew me well enough to know that the tears were well on their way. “Things just happen, and it’s all in how we react. It’s all in what we do with the pain. Do we allow it to destroy us? Do we allow it to control us? Or, do we grapple with it and put it back in its place?”
“You always knew exactly the right things to say,” I said with a quick but sad smile as I glanced up at him. He wiped the tears from my face. I knew I had to bring up the subject of us but I wasn’t sure how. “And you?”
“Me what?” He grinned that crooked little grin of his that made my heart ache even more.
“How are you?”
“Other than missing you every goddamned day of my life, I’m okay. I’ve got Bob and the pups. Had to put Jenny down last year. Colic.”
I instinctively rubbed his arm and my heart ached for him. “I’m sorry. She was a good girl and I know what she meant to you.”
He nodded. “Got a new horse. A few, actually.”
“A few?”
“Yeah. I actually just bought a place down the way.”
“What?” In the craziness of what had happened, we hadn’t talked past any of the big stuff, but this was huge news. “You bought your own ranch?”
“Yes.” He swallowed back some more of his beer and there was something in his eyes that looked like impatience. “But we can talk about all that later.” He took a deep breath. “For now, I need you to listen to me, Summer, because there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Okay.”
“I made a mistake. I let you go and I shouldn’t have, not without fighting for you, not without telling you how much you mean to me. I’m all about you living your dream but I let you go without telling you how I felt about you and I’ve been kicking myself ever since you left.”
He turned his entire body to face me. Then he put his beer down and took my glass of wine, setting it down on the coffee table. He held both of my hands and looked me square in the eyes.
“I don’t know where life has taken you, Summer. I don’t know if you have someone. I don’t know if you’re happy. I don’t know anything. And so, this probably isn’t fair to do, but I promised myself that if I ever got the chance to see you again, I would say what I needed to.”
He paused for a few seconds as he stared at me, as if searching for the right words. He tightened his grip on my hands and I folded my fingers over his. He was so warm, so big and so handsome. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a man and I was desperately in love with him. I always had been.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ve loved you from the moment you stepped out of that old truck. And I loved you even more with every day that passed. I should have told you and, goddamn, I wish I had but I was afraid.”
“It’s okay,” I started but he shook his head.
“No, it’s not okay. I should have been man enough to admit this to you over a year ago but I was too proud and too stupid really. I kept trying to convince myself that you were just like all the others.” He laughed at that thought. “But you aren’t. I love you, Summer and I’ve never stopped.” He looked at me and took my face between his hands. “I’m only going to ask you this once and if you don’t feel the same way for me, I promise I won’t ever bother you with it again. I’ll let you walk out of here and go back to your life in California and I’ll do my best to move on without you.” He inhaled deeply, his eyes burning into mine. “Do you love me, Summer?”
I gazed into those blue eyes of his and felt my heart soaring. “Yes.” And I meant it with every vibrating fiber in my body. I hadn’t admitted it when I’d left and I’d done my best to forget about him but it had been useless. “I’ve always loved you too.”
His grin was radiant and tears began to bleed freely from my eyes as I smiled up at him, both of us laughing.
“I know you have a whole other life in California,” he started in that sexy, deep voice of his. “But if you are amenable to it, I want you to come back here, come back home. We could build a life together, a good life. You know I would support you in all of your dreams and now I’ll be able to financially make them happen too.” He paused as he watched me. “Please tell me you’ll consider it?”
“I already have,” I answered as more tears plummeted from my eyes. “And I knew that once I came back here, there was no way I could leave again.”
For the first time in a long time, I was sure of a decision I was making. Yes, my life in California was great and yes, my career had really taken off. But I wasn’t happy. How could I have been when every day and night my heart was pining for this man? I’d thought that chasing my dream was everything but what I’d failed to realize was that my dream was sitting right in front of me.
“I love you, Tom,” I whispered as he gathered me in his arms and held me tightly.
“Welcome home, my love. Welcome home.”
The End
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