The next night, after a long, restless day of sleep, a small group of guards and I began our search. We started under bridges and old decrepit buildings; any place where a human or animal might be hiding. We honed our senses in and searched for hours. All we managed to collect were a few stray cats and dogs, but no humans.
At four a.m., the group separated to go home before dawn.
“Get your ass home, James. The sun’s coming up soon,” Jessie, one of the guards, said before he flittered away into the night.
I nodded before I started back toward my car. I had parked it away from the search area since I was sure the purr of the engine would send anything we were hunting deeper into hiding.
Instead, I ran on foot with the group as we hunted with plans to return to my car once we were done.
I hadn’t brought the Concept this time, opting for a much quieter black BMW. I slid my finger over the flawless paint, enjoying this part of my collection. No other vampires I knew held on so tightly to things that used to belong to humans, but I did. Thankfully, no one asked why. Otherwise, I would have to admit I missed the beating of my own heart and the movement of the blood in my own veins.
I wasn’t sure how well that would sit with the others, but those thoughts stayed planted in the back of my brain, always pushing the memories of my past to the front like an old black and white movie.
My car rushed past the outskirts of the city, old buildings that once held so much life left crumbling in disrepair. I was about to turn and enter the city when I passed a building we had missed. It was still holding strong, even though it looked as though the grass and weeds had made it their home.
The soft hum of my car radiated in the stillness of dawn. With my windows down, I could hear the night as it came to an end and the creatures that crept through the black went back into hiding. A moist dew-filled breeze blew through my dark hair. Taking a deep breath, a scent that I could never forget filled my senses.
Immediately, I slammed on my brakes, my tires squealing into the haze of the impending morning. My fingers dug into the steering wheel before I slammed the car into park.
I was inside the building before my car had even turned off. Not often did I use my vampire speed, but that moment was a special occasion. I sniffed the air around me, and the pungent sweetness of human blood expanded through my senses. It was then the repetitive heartbeat sounded. It wasn’t far away, I could tell by how loud the beating was.
I worked my way farther into the building and came to an open door. I sensed the human before I saw it. The beating of its heart sounded like it was a part of my eardrum. I flinched at the sound and blocked it out. The dilapidated building around me smelled of mildew, but even with the strong odor, I could still smell the richness of its blood.
Fear that I would lose it and feed rushed through me. I held my breath, but the smell was so strong I could practically taste it on my tongue. The constant pulse of its heart called to me, and the scent of blood pulled me forward. When I finally saw her, I took a deep breath and prepared myself.
She was sleeping on an aged cot on the side of the old broken-down room. With one arm slung over her eyes and the other arm flung across the bed, she snored loudly. I stepped up to the side of the cot and held my breath again. I knew what would happen the minute I breathed her in, and I knew I either had to get it over with and suck her succulent nectar or I had to control myself and help my race.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath letting her essence fill me. The age-old desire to sink my teeth into the nearest and largest artery took over me. I had to step away and remember that not taking her, not sucking the life force from her body, could possibly save vampire kind as I knew it.
The room began to swim around me, and I felt a dizzying wave attack my senses. The burn in my jaws was unbearable, and my fangs dripped acidic venom into my mouth. I repeated in my mind to relax, hoping I could listen to my own conscience. I silently prayed to a God I had long forgotten that the desire to feed would pass soon.
The wind blew through a broken window close to her bed, and her scent invaded my senses again. The burn in me intensified, and I knew I was going to snap and kill her at any moment. I would selfishly end all hope for the survival of me and my kind. The breeding plan rested on me, and my obscene desire to rip the girl’s throat out.
I blinked rapidly and swallowed over and over again. Extreme panic rose in me, making me feel as if my heart had kick-started again. That was all in my head, of course, but stranger things had happened.
To gain self-control, I stepped away and debated whether I should go back to my car and try again after I had calmed myself some. I knew then that my senses were coming back to me. No other vampire in his right mind would think twice about feeding after going so long without blood, yet there I was, thinking three times.
Finally, the monster in me won. I took a step closer to where she slept. No one would ever know she had been there. No one would ever know I had thirsted for her and then finally drank every last ounce of blood from her body. I could get away with it easily.
I reached out and pushed a thick shock of black hair from her face. She shivered at the touch of my cold, dead fingers. It was then I noticed her wide brown eyes staring fearfully back at me. I backed away from her, my eyes never leaving hers. She sat up slowly as if being faced by a hungry lion. Only in truth, a hungry vampire was much more dangerous.
“Get out,” she hissed.
Her heartbeat increased, and the sound of her blood rushed through the room like a freight train. I tried to remain as calm as possible.
“I can’t do that,” I said quietly.
“Fine,” she said.
She stood from the dirty cot and then courageously walked up to me, shocking me. She stood proudly face to face with me, and I couldn’t help but feel a small of amount of awe at her bravery.
I stood stoic even though I was panicking on the inside. If she got any closer, just one more step, I would suck her dry.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice sounding much calmer than I felt.
My mouth was on fire, and the room was starting to spin. It took all the willpower I owned to keep my hands to my sides.
“Does it hurt?” she asked boldly with her chin in the air like a brave soldier.
“Does what hurt?” I asked confused.
“To die. Does it hurt to die?”
A memory of my body slowly dying flashed through my mind. The memory of the pain of every organ inside me stopping while my brain still functioned stabbed at me. The feeling of the blood in my body coming to a complete halt still managed to take my breath away. Those were things I was sure I would never forget.
“It hurts like hell,” I responded.
She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head like she was working up her nerve.
“Just make it quick,” she said.
Her wrist cracked when she pulled down the collar of her shirt to make her neck more visible. I noticed the dry, cracked dirt on her hands and the black curved lines that formed her cuticles.
She stared fearlessly away from me, and again, for a moment, I appreciated her bravery.
She sighed and swallowed hard.
“I only have one request—don’t turn me. Don’t make me what you are. I don’t want to be a monster.”
I stared at the deadness in her eyes.
How could a living person seem so dead?
How could she not enjoy the breath and blood in her body?
How dare she take advantage of the wonderful parts of her body that still functioned?
It angered me that she didn’t appreciate her life more—that she was tossing away the one thing I longed for.
Breath.
Blood.
Life.
Then I took a deeper look into those wide brown eyes and understood.
She was done.
She was giving up.
She wanted to die, and I was her form of suicide.
She intrigued me, and at that moment, I needed to know more. I wanted to understand why she wasn’t frightened of me—of death. I wanted to know her struggle. Not as bad I wanted to suck on every succulent inch of her flesh before sucking her dry, but still, bad enough.
“Why don’t you want to live?” I asked.
A sarcastic huff of laughter rushed out of her as she shook her head in annoyance.
“I’m tired. I’m hungry. And I’m just flat out sick of running and hiding. Let me ask you something.” She turned to face me, the deadness in her eyes shocking me yet again. “If everyone you ever loved, if everyone that ever loved you was dead, would you want to live?” Her eyes watered a bit. “Everything that made me happy in my life has either died by the hand of your people or died of starvation. Put me out of my misery, stop my suffering—please.”
She whispered the word please like a silent prayer.
Like a wish she’d had for far too long.
Her voice was dehydrated and raspy; her lips cracked and ready to bleed.
I pushed down my sick desire to lick them for just one small taste of the old blood. The burn in my throat was still there, but now it was bearable.
A single tear slid down her dirt-streaked face, leaving a semi-clean line of tanned flesh in its wake. I was fascinated by that tear; that single glistening production of the human body jarred me.
I remembered tears.
I especially remembered happy tears.
They were wonderful.
Suddenly, the memory of the family and friends I left behind after my change flashed through my mind. I remembered watching those family and friends from afar as they each died one by one.
The memory of my mother dying from fever and then my father from heart failure after my mother’s death flashed. The memory of my little brother, Charles, who died in World War One; the memory of Sarah, the girl I loved deeply, as she eventually married and had children. She died during the birth of her third child.
Sarah.
She was so young and beautiful.
“How old are you?” I asked the girl who stood before me.
If you could get past the ratty old clothes and dirt stained face and hands, she was beautiful as well.
She was tall and lean with dark hair and alert brown eyes. I watched as she lifted her hands to push back her wild tangled locks of hair. She was in need of a bath and a brush, but other than that, she was the prettiest human I had seen in many, many years.
Her full bruised lips pulled down into a confused frown.
“What?”
“I said… how old are you?”
Her throat worked up and down as she swallowed. The pulse on the side of her neck taunted me as it banged on the thin outer layer of skin. Almost as if begging me to bite it.
The burn inside me grew, and I thought for another moment I was going to give in to that pulse. I thought I was going to give in to my nature and forget the memories. Forget the purpose. Forget the rest of my race.
The room began to spin faster, the smell of her intoxicating me and increasing my craving.
“I’m twenty. Why does it matter? How old are you? Three hundred or four hundred?” she asked sarcastically.
It’d been so long since anyone had asked me that, I had almost forgotten my age.
“I’m am one hundred and fifty-six years old.”
Her eyes widened even more.
“You don’t look a day over twenty,” she said in amazement.
I smiled for the first time in years. My face felt stiff and unused, and the thought that it’d been so long since I had anything to smile about made me sad.
“I was nineteen when I was changed into a vampire; we don’t age—as I’m sure you already know.”
“Yeah, I know about that.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why haven’t you killed me yet?” she asked impatiently. “You’re just playing with me now, aren’t you? I’m your prey, and you’re the despicable predator. This is a game to you, and you’re playing with me. Just do it already! Kill me! I won’t allow you to poke at me like I’m a pile of potatoes on your plate. Just do it!” She glared back at me.
I let my eyes drop over her form once again, taking in the state of her clothing and the dirt on her young skin. The burn in my jaws lessened as a tiny bit of guilt seeped into my stomach.
We had done this to her.
Her jaded perspective and lack of care for life were because of my kind.
I didn’t know her personally, and I never would, but something told me she didn’t deserve the life she had lived. Something told me she deserved so much more than a gruesome death at the hands of a monster like me.
And with those thoughts, my craving calmed, and I was able to think clearly again.
“I’m not going to kill you,” I said, holding my breath to hold on to my calm. “You’re coming with me.”