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Critical Instinct by Janie Crouch (18)

Chapter Nineteen

“I’m a little surprised you didn’t have me turned away at the gate.”

A couple hours later Paige sat on one of her kitchen barstools, wrapped snuggly in her robe. She had a cup of coffee in her hands and a piece of toast in front of her that he’d made. For himself he’d made a sandwich to go with his coffee.

She watched him with just a hint of wariness. Considering she had planned to just let Brett in, let him make his professional justification for his actions earlier today, and let him leave, she was pretty darn surprised by the shivers that were still racing through her every few minutes.

“I thought about it,” Paige admitted. She knew now it would’ve been the much safer decision. “What you did at the station… I know it was because of your job, but it sucked, Wagner.”

He winced. “I know. I’m sorry. It was the best of pretty poor options.”

“And once you got here? What was that blitz attack?”

He came to stand right in front of her on the barstool, his hands gripping either side of her hips so that they were face to face. “You were going to keep me out. Emotionally. You’d already decided it. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Wasn’t going to let you go.”

“Sex as an emotional weapon?”

His forehead touched her. “I’m finding when it comes to keeping you in my life I’ll use just about any weapon I have available to me.”

Silver simmered all around him. Determination. It was hard to stay aloof —not that she’d been doing a good job of that anyway— when confronted with a man determined that you would be his. When that was what you really wanted anyway.

“Thank you for contacting my security team so they sent a lawyer,” she finally whispered. “Jacob let me know it was you who let them know what was going on.”

He kissed her briefly then moved back to the table. “I’m glad they got one there so quickly.”

Paige was too. Today had been pretty torturous.

“Why didn’t you come to me with the picture?” he asked her.

“When I saw the ad in the paper this morning I recognized Teresa. I thought she was a missing person. I thought maybe I could help.” Paige shrugged. “I didn’t think the case had anything to do with you. Besides…”

After a few moments of silence Brett prompted her. “Besides, what?”

She took a sip of her coffee, which she recognized as a stalling tactic. But it couldn’t be avoided. “I wasn’t sure exactly what was between you and me. We’d only spent one night together and I wasn’t even sure you wanted to see me again.”

Brett cocked his head towards the living room. “Well, I hope that’s been cleared up.”

As much as she liked the thought, she still couldn’t stop thinking about this afternoon at the station. “The way you looked at me today in that interrogation room. It’s hard. Knowing you were watching the whole time. Could’ve stopped it.” She huddled down into her robe. “I’m having a hard time with that.”

He put his sandwich down and took a step towards her. “Paige—”

She held a hand out to stop him. “Did you think I had something to do with Teresa Cavasos’ death? Is that why you didn’t intervene?”

The thought that he could’ve sat there, suspecting her, made something hitch inside Paige, wanting to break apart.

This time her outstretched hand didn’t stop him. He came around the island until he was standing right in front of her.

“No,” he told her. “I never once thought you were a part of Teresa Cavasos’ death. The entire time Schliesman was questioning you I knew you were innocent.”

Paige felt she could breathe again at his words.

He cupped her cheek with his hand. “I couldn’t go in there and stop it. And once I was in there, I couldn’t give you any special treatment.”

“You were doing your job, I understand.”

But it still hurt.

“There were people watching you. Watching me. Going into that interrogation room as your lover would’ve been the worst thing I could do for both of us.”

She shrugged but didn’t look him in the eyes.

He took the coffee cup out of her hand and put it on the island then cupped her cheeks with both his, forcing her to look up at him.

“I was caught off guard. A new homicide comes across my desk and low and behold it’s the same lady you’d just drawn in your sleep. I had no idea what that meant.”

She nodded. It was freaky. And he didn’t even know the half of it.

“Then they tell me they have a possible suspect they’re questioning. I’m trying to get in touch with you when I walk into the room and find you sitting there. The suspect.”

He drew his thumbs across his cheeks. “But I never thought you did it. I’ll admit, I ran scenarios in my mind and one of them was that you were in some part of Teresa’s murder. But I dismissed it almost immediately.”

He hadn’t suspected her. He’d just had to keep his distance. She could understand it even if it had hurt her at the time.

“I knew I needed to let someone else establish your innocence. Because if I had rushed in there forcing everyone to accept my word for your innocence, once our relationship became public, there could be all sorts of blow back and accusation of favoritism.”

“Not to mention, your department probably frowns upon you sleeping with a suspected criminal.”

He gave her a half smile. “True. Although you weren’t a suspected criminal at the time we slept together. But that probably wouldn’t have mattered much to my direct supervisor. He’s looking for any reason to get me out.”

“Brett, I swear I didn’t know her until I saw her picture in Sunday’s paper. And that was this morning. I didn’t even look at the paper until then.”

Brett nodded. “I know. I was out of the media loop all weekend too or I would’ve recognized Teresa Cavasos when you drew her.”

“Am I a suspected criminal now? Are you going to get in any trouble if someone was to find out you’re here?”

“No, your alibi checked out. Hard to be part of a murder plot when you’re working fifteen hour days with a dozen other people. Not to mention the fact that you have 24/7 security who can vouch for your whereabouts.”

“I just wanted to help them find that woman, Brett. I really thought the details in the background might be some sort of clue. I couldn’t have lived with myself if there was something I could’ve done, but didn’t just because I was too chicken to go to the police station.”

Just once, out of all those pictures she’d drawn over the last three years —all those dead and bruised women— faces she didn’t know, she wanted one good thing to come of it. All the exhaustion, the nose bleeds, the muscle spasms, if just this one time she’d been able to help, then maybe it would’ve been worth it.

But she hadn’t.

“I know seeing that dead woman was jarring for you. I’m so sorry,” Brett told her. “The reason they were so suspect of you is because the blouse Teresa was wearing in your drawing was the same one she was found dead in. She was actually found Friday, although her body wasn’t identified until today.”

“It was difficult to see her dead, especially since I was hoping otherwise. And I knew the shirt had something to do with it because Detective Schliesman kept coming back to that.”

It was time to show him, Paige knew. Not all the pictures, because she wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But it was time to show him the other picture of Teresa Cavasos she’d drawn. The one just like the police photo where she was dead.

“But the reason I had such an extreme reaction,” she told him, touching him on his arm, “with the vomiting and everything, wasn’t just because of the shock of seeing her dead.”

“What was it?”

She took a deep breath and got down from the stool. This probably wasn’t going to go well.

“I have to show you.”

* * *

That wasn’t what Brett had expected Paige to say. She wrapped her robe tighter around her and led him out of the kitchen and down the hall.

He was glad she had listened to him, had understood why he had acted the way he had today at the station. The crisis seemed to have passed, the aloofness he’d felt from her that had been so intolerable to him was now gone.

His relief was all but palpable. He had no idea why someone who’d been in his life such a short time meant so much to him, he only knew it was true. She wasn’t shutting him out, physically or emotionally. Nothing else was as important as that.

But as they walked down the hall he realized that although she wasn’t distant any more, wasn’t holding herself apart from him, there was another type of tension. And it had to do with whatever she was about to show him.

When he realized which room she was taking him to, tension filled him too.

The room with the easel.

She stopped in front of the closed door and turned to him.

“I don’t know exactly when I drew this. I don’t date them. But it was months ago.”

Brett didn’t know what he was about to see, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good. They both took a breath as she opened the door and turned on the lights.

On the easel was a drawing of one of the crime scene photos of Teresa Cavasos. The exact replica of one of the photos Schliesman had shown Paige today. The crime scene photo after Teresa’s body was found.

Thoughts flew through Brett’s head as he studied the picture.

“Did you draw it in your sleep?”

Paige nodded.

Brett just stared at the picture. Now he was officially at a decision point. Knew that whatever he said next, how he reacted to this picture, was going to choose the path for their relationship.

Because seriously. What. In. The. Hell. Another one? Another picture, the exact replica of a crime scene photo?

He could either choose logic: she’d drawn the picture this evening after Schliesman showed it to her this afternoon. Paige was an artist, she could remember details normal people wouldn’t remember, even after only seeing the photo for a few minutes.

Logic dictated she was telling him she drew it months ago as an attempt to get attention. That there was something in her that needed people —maybe law enforcement personnel specifically— to provide her succor. To make her feel important, visible, not forgotten.

It wouldn’t be unheard of, and would even be understandable, given her attack. Logic would argue that it was natural for her to want to keep law enforcement focused on her, to make her feel safe, since her attacker had never been apprehended.

It was even logical that she could’ve faked sleeping while drawing the other picture of Cavasos Saturday night, just to draw Brett closer. Or maybe her mind even believed she was sleeping.

Perhaps this was all a desperate cry for help. One Brett needed to take seriously.

Logic was one option.

Or he could completely ditch logic and believe the almost impossible: that Paige really had drawn this picture months ago, before Teresa Cavasos was dead or missing or even in danger.

Just like Paige had drawn the picture of herself before the attack.

Brett was in conflict. Because in order to believe that Paige was of sound mind and emotional stability he had believe that she was somehow psychically connected to hideous violence.

Which was, ironically, crazy.

Or in order to believe this picture had been drawn in any sort of reasonable way, of conscious mind and at a logical date and time, he had to believe that Paige —who was watching him so calmly from the side, not saying anything— was just a stop short of the loony bin.

Brett felt like the oxygen was being systematically extracted from the room. Breathing was becoming harder and harder. He had to get out of here. Clear his head, think things through. He couldn’t do that with Paige’s big blue eyes watching him so intently.

He turned to her. “I’ve got to go. Just for a while. I’ve got to figure out…” What? If he needed to find someone who could provide psychiatric help for her? If he could go against ten years of police detective methods and suspend everything he’d ever held true?

She nodded. “But Brett, there’s really something else I should show—“

He held out a hand to stop her. Whatever she wanted to say or show him, it would have to wait. Right now he just had to figure out his own mind.

He grabbed her gently by both her upper arms and brought her close. He kissed her forehead breathing in her scent.

“Whatever it is you need to show me, it has to wait, okay? It’s all I can do to process this.”

He finally felt her nod against his lips.

“I just need some time to sort things out. I’ve got to go,” he said again. He released her and took a step back. “No matter what, you do not show that picture to anyone, do you understand me?”

Brett had no doubt, alibi or not, Paige would be arrested if she showed up at the station with that picture claiming she’d drawn it months ago.

He could tell she was about to say something more but stopped and just nodded. Her features were pinched and she had her arms wrapped around herself as if she was expecting a blow.

To think he’d put that damned expression on her face twice in one day crushed him.

She was confused. Was hurt. But he couldn’t do or say anything to help her right now.

Not until he figured out in his head what the hell was going on.

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