McKenna

In the shadiest part of San Francisco, in the one place you don’t want to go at any point in your life, I use a key to enter the one-room shithole of an apartment that belongs to my brother. I don’t even have to take a step inside to know something is terribly wrong. The sense of danger hangs thick in the air as I enter Evan’s ransacked apartment.

While he’s never been the cleanest of people, the place has been turned inside out, papers everywhere and furniture overturned. Obviously, someone was here looking for something very specific. Now knowing that, apparently, my brother was in a partnership with a reporter at a trash magazine, I can only imagine that perhaps Evan recorded the wrong person, and they wanted that recording back. Or he owed someone money, and they were looking for that cash.

They’d never find it. My brother’s broke.

Dread covers me like a cold blanket, and as my mind takes me to the worst place, a creak sounds behind me. I whirl around, ready to defend myself, but my fear is meaningless. “What are you two doing here?” I ask, placing my hands on my hips.

Ryder brushes past me, entering the apartment, scanning the area from left to right. “When Alex showed you out of headquarters, she put a tracker on you.”

“She did what?” I lift my arms, glancing over myself, looking for anything that resembles a tracker.

Ryder approaches, stepping in behind me, and tugs on my shirt. “It’s here.” He holds up his hand, showing a small black sticker.

“You do realize how wrong it is that you put that on me, right?”

“Of course, I do.” Ryder places it in one pocket then pulls black latex gloves from the other and begins putting them on. “But I had no doubt that you would lead us to where your brother might be. Therefore, as sorry as I am, it’s also a necessary evil.”

I don’t know how I can hate what he’s said and yet somehow understand at the same time. Though my thoughts are halted when Gabe steps closer to me, gives me a good once-over, then sighs heavily. “I know being tracked is invasive, and I’m sorry about, McKenna, but we need to get to the bottom of this, whether you like that or not. Your brother needs to be stopped, one way or the other.” He pauses. Then arches a single eyebrow. “Would you have told us where to find him?”

I pause and ponder, then frown, crossing my arms.

Gabe inclines his head. “Exactly why we didn’t ask.”

And just like that, he’s done talking and begins looking around the apartment. Regardless that I’d love to point out how many laws they’ve broken, Gabe’s also not wrong—my brother has been secretly recording them and selling their stories to a tabloid. He does need to be stopped, and that’s exactly what brought me here. To tell him to turn himself in to the police. Protecting Evan isn’t an option at this point. And when Gabe gives me another quick look, I see the torment there; he’s not enjoying any of this.

I stuff the remainder of my objections away, because neither Gabe nor Ryder had any choice in any of this. Evan did this to them. Still, I worry about when my brother faces down the wrath of Ryder and Gabe. “Let’s say you do find my brother, what do you plan on doing with him?”

“I want him to stop selling our private information,” Gabe says gently, glancing at me over his shoulder. “We won’t hurt him, if that’s what you’re worried about. Though I think that point is moot anyway.” His gaze sweeps the room. “It appears he’s already in a shitload of trouble.”

I follow his stare, looking at the mess before me, and my heart sinks. Sure, Evan gives me more trouble than at most times I think I can handle, but he’s still my brother. I love him. He’s the only family I’ve got. My mind begins to swirl with unthinkable horrific things, including that it’s quite possible my brother is hurt somewhere.

Evan, where are you . . .

Just as coldness sinks into my bones, Ryder’s warm voice breaks through. “Alex,” he says, talking into the cellphone that’s in his hand. “We’ve got a situation here at Archer’s apartment. It appears that he’s either been robbed or there was a fight.”

“Give me a sec here . . .”

There’s clicking coming through the cell’s speaker, indicating Alex is typing on her laptop. Then, the clicking stops, and she says, “All right, from what I can see, the cops don’t have him, and he’s not at any local hospitals. Anything else?”

“Not yet,” Ryder states. “I’ll be in touch if there’s any other developments.” He ends the call, shoving his phone into his pocket. “You said that your brother is likely behind this because of money, do you know of any other trouble he could be in?”

“No.” I hug myself harder now, suddenly feeling very cold and very much alone. “He also doesn’t really tell me things. The only time we talk, it seems, is when I’ve bailed him out of trouble.”

“Is that your choice or his?” Ryder asks. There’s no judgment in his voice or his expression.

“Mine.” I rub my arms chasing away the chill and add, “The last time I had to bail him out, he owed a lot of money to the wrong people. I paid that debt and we had a falling out. But he always comes back and straightens up.” What if this is the one time his luck runs out?

Gabe is unusually quiet. Something Ryder seems to notice, too, since he turns to Gabe, sighs, and frowns at his friend. “Things are much more complicated than we originally thought. What do you want to do here?”

Do you want to help her find her brother or do we leave this alone? is what he isn’t saying.

Gabe runs a hand through his hair, eyes on me. I can tell deep down he wants nothing to do with Evan, and for that I don’t blame him. Evan has caused chaos in so many lives of people that Gabe loves. I’d been so angry at Gabe earlier but now I feel only culpability when I stare at him. I did this. I wasn’t careful with my code that Gabe trusted me with.

Whatever he sees on my face makes him sigh, too. He turns to Ryder and replies, “I want to talk to Evan and that means we need to find him first. Do whatever you can to make that happen.”

I don’t watch or listen to their exchange. I focus on what’s in front of me, looking at all my brother’s things. Sure, he isn’t a saint. He’s never been. And yes, maybe he’s been a giant pain in my ass for most of my life. Regardless, I want to find him, too. My best chance to do that is the guys he’s burned, but I also know putting him into their hands isn’t protecting him either.

Conflicted and confused, I move toward my brother’s cellphone sitting on a coffee table covered in papers with Evan’s black ink drawings. That’s where life failed him. He’s a struggling talented artist, and his depression is what makes the gambling high so addictive. When I look at his cell, I’m even more convinced something is wrong. He’d never leave his phone behind. “No calls. No texts. Nothing,” I say to myself.

Ryder answers me anyway, “It’s likely been cleared.” He holds out his hand, and after I pass him the phone, he presses a few buttons. “Yeah, it’s been wiped clean.”

“That can’t be a good sign,” I say.

Ryder shakes his head, places the phone back onto the coffee table. “No, I’m afraid not.” He sighs again, obviously pondering, glancing around the room once more. “I’ll get Alex to run his phone number and we’ll see who the last person he talked to was. That could point us in a good direction.”

“What about looking into his bank records?” Gabe asks.

“Probably useless,” I interject. “My brother likes money. It’s an addiction, remember? He only uses cash. It’s the feel of it, the power. I’ve never seen him use a debit card.”

“Not good news for us, sadly,” Ryder says, stepping over papers on the floor as he heads toward the door. “But we’re not at a dead end yet. I’ll get Alex on this and see what she comes up with.”

My mind spins with my choices. Sure, Gabe and Ryder have decided they’re going to help me, but they never considered what I want. With my heart racing and fear drowning me, I need to find my brother, and I need to do that now with professional help.

I grab my phone from my pocket and press my finger against the 9 button, when Gabe asks with a frown, “What are you doing?”

I press 1. “I’m going to call the police so they can help me find my brother.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Gabe says, hastily striding forward and plucking the phone from my hand.

Hand still extended, I raise my eyebrows. “And why is that exactly?”

“Believe me, McKenna, I’m doing this to protect Evan, not hurt him. You’re emotional right now.” His eyes are soft, looking a lot like the Gabe I know. Gentle, sweet, all types of warm and charming. “We need to get a better understanding of what’s going on here before you involve the police. You say that your brother is often in trouble. Well, darlin’, bringing in the police might backfire entirely.”

“As if I care about that,” I retort, waving my hand. “Right now, the last thing I’m worried about is him getting arrested for gambling or whatever.”

Regardless of what I’ve said, Gabe tucks my phone into his pocket, then steps closer to me; those warm eyes of his are so easy to get lost in. I put up my guard, protecting the heart he’s already shattered once today. “I’m not concerned about Evan,” he says, voice soft. “I’m concerned that whoever did this”—he waves around the apartment—“will not be happy that we’ve involved the police. I’m concerned about you.”

My heart wants to tug a little. I force it not to. “Then what do you suggest we do?”

“I suggest we let Ryder do what Ryder and his team do best.” Gabe turns to Ryder, who’s watching us quietly and closely. “Your team can start on this?”

Ryder nods. “We’ve already started.”

The rest of what he says drifts away because I can’t even make sense out of what I’m feeling. It’s like I’m falling, drowning in a sea of all the things I can’t control. So much has happened in . . . what, a couple hours. So much has changed. Emotion tightens my throat, and I need to get away from it all and into some fresh air. I hear Gabe’s curse follow my quick exit. I run out the door and down the staircase, going as fast as I can toward the front door of the complex.

The second I reach outside, “McKenna, stop,” blasts through the air I desperately need to inhale.

I freeze on the sidewalk, staring at the cars whizzing by, my chest rising and falling quickly, my eyes struggling to stop the tears from spilling over.

“Look at me.”

When I don’t turn, Gabe adds, even softer now, “Please. Look at me.”

I shut my eyes, gathering strength, then I turn to him, and say, “I’m sorry Evan did this to you. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, McKenna, an apology from you is not what I want,” is Gabe’s hard reply.

There’s so much there burning between us now, I can’t even understand all that’s happened, and all that’s gone wrong, or how to fix any of it. We’re raw, and it hurts so fucking much. “In two hours my life has crumbled.” I admit the truth since I think that’s all that can save me now. “I need to pick up the pieces but I don’t even know where to start.”

He flinches at my words and stays far enough away from me. I can tell he’s fighting against wanting to touch me and not wanting to hurt me any more. “We need to take this one step at a time. The first step is finding your brother.”

The door opens again, and over Gabe’s shoulder, I spot Ryder striding out of the apartment building. He doesn’t pay us any attention; he’s talking on his cellphone and walks right by.

When I look at Gabe again, his eyes are still fixated on me. He leans in closer, and I don’t back away when his warm breath brushes across my face. “Be mad at me, hate me if you must, but please, McKenna, let us help you.”

Right then and there, with cars and pedestrians passing us by, I see the thing he’s kept hidden up until this point, but suddenly he lays it bare for me to see. He’s broken, destroyed in ways that I understand because I’m destroyed in those same ways.

For that reason, and for other reasons that I don’t fully understand, I move to his car and slide into the back behind the driver’s seat.

Gabe joins me not a second later, getting into the driver’s seat. After he shuts the door, his strong gaze meets mine in the rearview mirror. “We find him, then?” he asks.

I nod. “We find him.”