Cutlass

“No, no, no. That won’t do.” Ampetheia, the female with the sharp claws on the tips of her fingers, made a cooing sound as she looked over my application. “We need to simplify how your name is spelled so the hue-mens know how to say this. Can you pronounce it, please?”

“Cutthlaise, Reithhar Warrior of the planet Xouthhgros and Master Machinist for the former BHG489-2140 Colony.”

“No, just your name.”

Their language must be broken on this planet Earth. “That is my name.”

Ampetheia stared for a long moment with eyes as bright and orange as the three suns of my home. Her deep, intense watchfulness ignited instincts I hadn’t felt in many seasons. Instincts to run, to protect myself from a threat. The plan to kill Hohddshoun for pushing me into this process began to unwind in the back of my thoughts even as I plotted how to escape her clutches.

Before I could decide if smashing through the wall or tossing her desk on top of her would be a more effective distraction, Ampetheia sat back and released me from her hunter’s stare.

“You’re heading to planet Earth, to a colony called the United States,” she said, speaking slowly as if I didn’t understand the words. As if my communication core were somehow damaged or malfunctioning. An impossible idea. “They speak a language your name won’t translate to, which means you’ll stick out. You cannot stick out, or you risk being discovered. If you’re discovered, every other non-earthling we’ve brought to the planet through our mate-finding program is in danger. Your name is not worth all those lives.” Her lips pulled up in a way that bared her teeth. I jerked back with a snarl, ready to fight her if need be.

But Ampetheia didn’t attack. In fact, she cooed again, this time a bit more loudly as she pointed at her mouth. “It’s called a schmy-ell.”

“The hue-mens…they schmy-ell? Why?”

“Oh, good grief. It’s not hue-mens. Humans.” She stressed the word, making her lips purse as she sounded it out in the new language. “One word, no pause. And it’s a smile, an expression of happiness and joy. You’ll need to learn their emotional reactions before you head down to the planet. All you warriors have so much to learn.”

I doubted her words, though. I had been taught for many seasons by the best of my tribe. I could fix almost any ship, hunt any animal, and beat any foe. I was through with my learning phase.

Ampetheia tapped her claw against the screen a few times before once again baring her teeth at me. I controlled my initial need to destroy the threat and tried to mimic her facial motions. My upper lip shook, and my teeth ground together. A smile, she’d said. How painful.

“Let’s go with Cutlass.” Ampetheia gave me no say in the matter, so I grunted my acceptance even as my instincts balked at the different sound. I would need to kill Hohddshoun to make up for this idea. Being part of a matchmaking service that paired various species with the beings on Earth seemed odd enough. Matching mates based on nothing more than a few antiquated communications and Ampetheia’s intuition? Worse. What being would fall for this? What type of female would even apply to meet a mating partner via written words? I’d always thought I’d find my mate the same way Reithhar warriors always had—by meeting someone my esehhnce crooned for and giving in to that attraction. But this farce of a dating agency? This was nothing like I’d expected.

Hohddshoun…definitely dead for pushing us to sign up.

There was nothing wrong with the process according to Ampetheia, though. The female tapped her pen against her desk in some sort of pattern before giving me another smile, one that instantly made me want to move farther away from those sharp, white teeth.

She was not one to be taken lightly.

“I have to admit, your application is quite good other than the name,” she said. “So long as you agree not to use any of your Reithhar powers around the humans, I believe we’ll find a match for you in half a Xouthhgros lunar cycle.”

“That fast?” Her estimate was impossible in my world. It took most of my kind many seasons to find a mate, while some never did. Half a lunar cycle on Xouthhgros would pass far too quickly for such a search.

Still, I peered at the images on the walls, the female humans. The couples standing close together or embracing as if mated. Most everything about the beings seemed similar to my own kind—two eyes, proper auditory sockets, no tentacles, biped anatomy. Very similar, indeed, though they looked so much smaller than my kind. Softer, even. A thought that intrigued. After the strong, hard bodies of the Reithhar females, what would it be like to press my cock deep inside such softness? Would I need to be gentle with my ruts, or could I seek my pleasure fully? All questions to be asked, but not of Ampetheia as she was neither Reithhar nor human. Still… “How can you find a suitable mate for a Reithhar Warrior like myself in such a short time?”

Ampetheia didn’t seem surprised by my doubt. “We match quickly and accurately at the Intergalactic Dating Agency. Earth is ripe with females hungry for a strong, willing male to be their mate, so we have more human applications than I can match, which is a wonderful place to be.”

“But my Warrior brother, Hohddshoun. You have not matched him or Maivehricck.”

The matchmaker frowned and slid her finger over her computer screen. “Ah, yes. Their applications are still in process, but no worries. We’ll find someone for them. We have an 85% successful first-match rate, which is much higher than we usually start out with on a new planet. Human women are hungry for strong, sexy, take-charge men in their beds, and the Reithhar species, in particular, has always been known for their decisiveness when it comes to their mates. “You’ll be snatched up in no time, as will the other two warriors.” She leaned over her desk, those orange eyes glowing, only slightly off-color from my own bright yellow ones. “But this won’t last. Males and nonbinary maters are coming from just about every galaxy to find their perfect mate. We wouldn’t want you to miss out.”

Those words caused a prickle of worry to run over me. No, I wouldn’t want to miss out. My people were gone, and only the other hunters and crewmembers who’d been on the exploration trip with me the day our colony was destroyed were left. My chance at a Reithhar mate had ended with a single explosion on planet Xouthhgros. This was an opportunity to continue my species, to find a female who made my esehhnce croon. With luck, Hohddshoun and Maivehricck would have their own opportunities. This was mine, and I couldn’t pass it up.

“What do I do?”

Ampetheia tapped one of her claws on the tablet she slid my way. “You touch here, lover.”

I didn’t even attempt to decipher the black symbols on the screen before grabbing the tablet and pressing my fingers where Ampetheia pointed. The tablet glowed blue for a moment before letting out a quiet beep.

“Done.” Decision made and contract approved, I tossed the tablet back on the desk. “You may find me a mate.”

“Perfect. Now, the letter for your human female. We write that for you because there’s no way the translation would come out perfectly. Their language is a bit clunky. Besides, we would never expect you to learn to read any human dialect. It’d be a waste of time unless you and your match choose to stay together and on Earth. Spend the two weeks you promised to participate getting to know the human instead of the language, I say.”

“Two weeks?”

“Oh, did I forget that part?” This time, the teeth-baring didn’t seem so innocent. “You have two Earth weeks to finalize your mating. After that, we plop you back in the pool and reassign a match. Hopefully, if we get this right, we won’t need to do that. Eighty-five percent first match success rate, remember? Even after the humans learn our clients aren’t earthlings. Though, I do recommend waiting until the end of that two-week period to bring that up.” She leaned forward, lowering her voice as if not wanting others to overhear. “Some of the humans get a little funny about the whole non-Earth being thing. We try to filter those types of humans out of the pool of candidates, but one or two sneak through. We’re working on the process.”

“Fine,” I said. “I won’t tell the human female.”

“Great. And we’ll get you some lenses to cover those eyes.”

“Why do my eyes need covering?”

“Oh, honey. Consider yourself lucky. Eye coverings are no big deal. I cover mine whenever I deal with the humans. Be thankful you’re not one of the ones with some sort of rainbow skin color or non-biped shape.” She leaned forward as if telling me a secret. “The ones with tails are the worst. There’s just no hiding that.” A visible shiver rocked her shoulders before she sat back and bared her teeth at me again. “But eyes are simple. No one on Earth has such bright eyes as we do. The earthlings will think you’re the son of a skuule buhhs or something if you don’t cover them up.”

The pictures my translator showed for skuule buhhs did nothing to hold back my ire. Still, I managed to growl out my last question without any direct threat to the female. “What else?”

“Right, the letter. Let’s see.” She eyed me up and down, an entirely different sort of predatory inspection. “Tall, handsome warrior available to fulfill your every damsel in distress fantasy.”