As soon as we pulled away from her workplace, I felt the giddiness coming off of her in waves. I wasn’t sure if she was just glad to see me again or amused at the way that I had given that ex of hers the chewing out of his life, but either way, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

"It’s so good to see you again," she finally told me, glancing over in my direction and smiling widely. I grinned back.

"Yeah, it’s great to see you as well," I agreed. "I’ve been thinking about you so much since the trip. I was—"

Luckily, my gushing was interrupted by her phone buzzing in her pocket. She drew it out swiftly and pulled a worried face when she saw who was on the other end of the line.

"Is everything okay?” I asked. I guessed that it might be her ex, throwing a tantrum of some kind to try and sabotage our evening. Well, he could just try. I would go back there and tell him off again if I had to. I rolled my shoulders back, already thinking about how much I wanted to land a punch on him. It had taken everything I’d had not to belt him one right then and there when I’d heard him telling Kari that I would get tired of her, but I had restrained myself because I didn’t want to get her in any kind of trouble.

She answered the call, lifting her finger to keep me quiet.

"Clara? Clara, hey.

You okay? The kids okay?" she asked. I glanced over and watched her face drop as whatever Clara told her turned out to be anything but good news.

"Really? You couldn’t – no, no, of course, I get it," she agreed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers and wincing. "Yeah. Yeah, of course, I’ll be back as soon as I can."

She hung up the phone and tucked it back into her pocket, letting out a long sigh.

"Look, Morgan, I’m really sorry to have to do this, but Clara’s got the flu, and she doesn’t want to give it to the kids," she sighed. "I’m going to have to go back there and look after them myself tonight. You mind if we take a raincheck on this evening?”

"I mean, we can if you want," I replied. "Or I can come down with you and help you out with them."

She gave me a hard look.

"Are you serious?”

"Why wouldn’t I be serious?” I replied. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing in that moment; I just knew that I wanted to spend this evening with her, and I didn’t want anything to get in the way of that. Not her ex, not her babysitter, not anything.

"Because I just don’t think of you as the..." she searched for the right words, and apparently came back with a fresh blank. I was a little disappointed, given that I had picked out this fancy place in town for us to go eat at, but actually, the thought of being somewhere more private with her was way more tempting.

"Are you sure you want to be around the kids?” she asked gently, giving me one last chance to back out of this if I wanted to. I nodded, even though I wasn’t really sure what in the name of hell I was actually saying.

"Yeah, I do," I replied. "If you’ll let me."

"Alright, but no funny business in front of the kids," she warned me playfully. "I don’t want them to think of you as anything other than my friend."

"I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise," I swore to her.

"Well, then, I think we should do it," she agreed, sounding excited and a little hesitant, as though she was maybe wondering if this was a good idea at all, but she had decided to run with it for now.

"Give me the directions, and I’ll drive us there," I replied. She directed me back to her house, texting Clara on the way. Clara was dropping the kids back at their place after some afternoon activity. My heart was beating a little faster than normal, and I had no idea why. They were just kids, after all. Kids. Kids couldn’t do me any harm. They were too small for that.

We drove back to her place, and I did my best to keep it together. I was starting to get a little nervous, if I were being honest, and I didn’t want to show that to her – not when I was supposed to be the man in charge here.

She pulled her feet from her shoes and sighed as she stretched them out against the bottom of the car. I noticed, for the first time, that she had a tiny tattoo of a heart on the instep of her foot. I gestured down at it.

"What’s that?" I asked, and she glanced down to see what I was talking about, as though she had forgotten it was there at all.

"It’s my heart," she replied with a smile, reaching down to trace her fingers over the shape of it. It was a pale pink that almost matched the color of her skin. If you hadn’t been looking for it, there was no way you would have noticed the thin black outline that curled just below her foot.

"I got it last year to remind myself to love myself," she explained. "I’m not sure it always works, but it’s good to have it there, you know? When I see it, I take a second to remember why I got it."

"I think it’s really cute," I remarked as we took the last turn onto her street. Alright, it was show time – now or never. I was half-tempted to just turn the car around and shoot back home, but I was here now, and I wasn’t going to let her down.

"Thanks," she replied, smiling at me. She hesitated for a moment once I’d drawn the car to a halt, putting her hand on the door and looking into her house.

"You think this is a good idea?" she asked me again. I patted her hand gently.

"Hey, look, I’m here now," I reminded her. "If you don’t want me to come in, that’s fine. But I just want to spend some time with you, and if this is the only way we get to do it, then I’ll take it. Any day of the week."

She leaned over to me and planted a kiss on my lips, catching me off-guard but making me smile. Then she swiftly fixed her hair behind her ear and climbed out of the car.

"Alright, let’s do this," I muttered to myself as I followed her. I was nervous, sure, but I could do this – I took in the exterior to her house, making like I was scouting out shooting locations. Yeah, it looked like the kind of place that you would use to shoot a warm family comedy. Not a horror movie, for sure. Now, I just had to find a way to get into character and stay there.

She unlocked the door and stepped inside. Within an instant, a couple of kids came barreling in. A boy and a girl, the girl a little taller than the boy, both of them with Kari’s dirty-blonde hair. They hugged her tight, and she hugged them back. The look on her face was that of such bliss that I didn’t want to say a word to ruin it.

"Olivia, Sammy," Kari pulled away from them and turned to me. "This is Morgan."

"Hi," I greeted them as I stepped forward and smiled. I wasn’t sure if it looked natural. It didn’t feel natural. What if they recognized me from one of my movies? They would have been a little out of the age range, but kids these days could find anything online...

"He’s a friend of mine, and he’s going to be helping out around the house tonight," she continued, and then she shot a look at me. "Right, Morgan?”

"Right," I agreed. I had no idea what helping out around the house actually looked like, since I had a cleaner and I tended to eat out instead of cooking, but I looked forward to finding out exactly what that meant.

"Alright. Let’s get inside, shall we?” Kari suggested, hustling the kids back into the house. "We have a lot to get done tonight. But I need something to eat first."

I slid inside the house behind them and took the place in once I was on the inside. It was so different than anywhere I’d been in a long time, so normal. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I had lived somewhere like this growing up. My entire life, I had been wrapped up in this crazy world that had nothing to do with real life, but here I was, in this little house, with a real family. And it felt more real than ever.

I was surprised at how nice the place looked, which I knew was my natural fancy-ass instincts kicking in and not a reflection of how she was as a person. I knew that her cash situation wasn’t exactly perfect, but the house was cozy and nicely-decorated, clean and tidy and neat. On a few walls, pictures that the kids had drawn were hanging, brightening up the dark corners with color and light. The house had an open-plan living room and kitchen and dining area, and the kids had a few books and toys scattered in front of the couch where they had been playing before we had arrived back.

Kari headed straight to the kitchen, but I caught her arm and shook my head.

"Let me cook," I suggested. She raised her eyebrows at me in amusement.

"You’re serious?” she asked, her voice incredulous.

"I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself alive all of this time if I hadn’t been able to at least cook something," I pointed out to her. She shrugged and gestured for me to lead on.

"Well, show us what you can do," she replied. I headed to the kitchen and got myself acquainted with it – I hadn’t had to cook for myself for a long time, but the nanny I’d had growing up had shown me how to make a couple of pasta dishes back in the day. I could just about remember her recipe for a vegetarian bolognese, and it was made of enough pantry staples that I guessed I would easily be able to knock it out for them.

I started to cook, chopping the onion roughly and trying to guess how much little kids would eat apiece. Behind me, Kari had started hanging out with the kids, and the bunch of them were giggling and laughing as they chatted and drew and shifted toys around. I kept on stealing looks at them over my shoulder, and I wondered how many times they’d spent their evenings doing this, just the three of them. Was that ex of hers involved? She hadn’t spoken to me much about him, but judging from the way he had treated her earlier this evening, I would wager a guess that he wasn’t exactly making an effort to treat her exceptionally well.

Once the food was on the stove and bubbling away – making the house smelled beautiful, all fresh and savory – I made my way over to join them, crouching down a few inches away so that I didn’t intrude.

"How’s it going?” I asked a little nervously. Olivia looked up at me, and I started – she had her mother’s eyes, so striking that it was almost uncanny.

"Well, I’m getting some homework done, but they’re just playing," Olivia replied, gesturing to her mother and her brother. She was sitting in front of an open notepad, doodling on it.

"Looks like you’re being very productive," I agreed with her. She beamed at me, and Kari reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Looks like you’re just drawing to me," Kari remarked gently, and Olivia snapped her head up to look at her mother, instantly on the defensive.

"That’s not true!” she protested, and Kari laughed.

"Hey, it’s fine. Why don’t you come help us?” she suggested, pushing the blocks that she had been playing with toward Olivia. Sammy was a little younger than Olivia, and he kept on stealing glances at me, as though he could hardly get his head around being near me at all.

"Yeah, you can’t get your work done until you’ve had something to eat," I pointed out. "You need your brain power, don’t you?”

"I guess you’re right," Olivia sighed in agreement, and I sat down on my butt and reached over to pick up one of the blocks. It was just like the ones that I had been working on when we had been back in the cabin, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw it.

"You should take a shot at these," Kari suggested, her mind obviously heading to the same place that mine was.

"What do you mean?” Olivia asked, furrowing her brow in my direction.

"I helped your Mom out by fixing up some old toy blocks recently," I explained.

"Is that what you do?” Sammy asked, his eyes wide, speaking at last. "You fix toys?"

"Yeah," I agreed with a smile at Kari. "That’s what I do."

"Like Santa?"

"Like Santa," I nodded, and Olivia looked at me with surprise. She seemed to be doubting what I was saying, so I shot her a wink, letting her know that we were just playing a game to please her brother. She smiled back at me and returned her attention to the toys.

"I’m going to get a drink," Kari announced, getting to her feet. I didn’t want to be left alone with the kids, so I sprang up to join her at once.

"You doing okay?" I asked her, and she nodded. She was smiling so wide, it looked as though she was going to split her face in two.

"It’s so amazing, seeing you with the kids," she remarked.

"Well, I’m flying by the seat of my pants here," I replied with a chuckle. "Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever spent this much time around children before in my life."

"Maybe you should," she replied, cocking her head at me and smiling flirtatiously. "It suits you."

I wasn’t sure why, but something about hearing those words come out of her mouth sent a shock down my spine. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but I didn’t like it. I decided to turn my attention back to cooking for now and leave her to hang out with the kids. Short, sharp bursts – that was the best course of action for me and the little humans through there.

As I cooked, I couldn’t help but think back to the nanny who had taught me this in the first place. Her name had been Amaya – God only knew if she was still alive these days – and she had had soft gray hair and a gentle smile and a kindness to her that I’d found myself craving whenever I wasn’t around her. She’d always brought me into the kitchen when she was cooking, making sure that I could see what she was doing and explaining how this ingredient added to the depth of flavor and how that one balanced out the other. It was all coming back to me, and doing this made me feel safe, the way being around her had made me feel safe as a child.

Before long, the meal was cooked, and Kari was beside me, helping me lay it all out on the table. The kids gathered round, and Kari helped Sammy into his seat.

"I can manage by myself," he protested, and she planted a kiss on his head.

"Yeah, but I like helping you," she replied as she took her own seat. "This looks brilliant, Morgan. Thank you."

We started eating, and the kids chatted about school and their friends and the playground they had been at that evening. For once, I was more than happy to just sit back and let the conversation flow over me. It was so nice to be listening to something other than the social stats of the latest studio release or how exactly I was supposed to schmooze the head of a new production company. This was real life, as real as it came, and I was already realizing that it was much nicer than whatever I had been doing these last few years. Easier and gentler. Kinder, almost. Nobody here was trying to play games or win at something they didn’t even know how to play. We were just spending time with each other, hanging out. And I was more than happy to just sit back and let it all wash over me.

Once dinner was finished, Olivia helped me clear away the dishes while Kari took Sammy for a bath.

"You going to get your homework done now?” I asked, hoping that my attempts at conversation were enough to impress her. Olivia shook her head.

"No, I want to play a bit more," she replied, smiling at me. Her eyes were shining, as though she couldn’t believe that I was really here. I knew how she felt. I had never exactly pictured myself playing house, let alone doing it so enthusiastically.

Kari eventually emerged with Sammy once more, all scrubbed down and clean, to find us playing with blocks on the floor in front of the television.

This was so calming. I could have done this all day if I wanted to. Hell, all night. Fuck, I could have gone right ahead and done this forever if I’d had the chance.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, something in me seized up. It was just like it had been when the same thought had entered my head with regards to Kari, but worse. Because this was something far more than just having a crush on a woman I liked. This was her entire life. This was her entire family. This was everything that I had spent such a studiously long time trying to make sure that I never got near, that never got near to me. Family wasn’t something I could do, and there was a good reason for that. It wasn’t who I was. It had never been who I was. The thought of being involved with something like this for the rest of my life, of being responsible for caring for these kids and keeping them from the harm that the world could mete out against them – it was far too much for me.

I got to my feet, suddenly. Kari looked up at me, her brows furrowed.

"Everything okay?" she asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied. I was already looking for my coat in a blind panic. I was being an ass, but I couldn’t stick around here a minute longer. I wished I could take her aside to explain it to her, but even if I had been able to get Kari by herself, I wasn’t sure I would have been able to get the words out.

"I just remembered, I have a meeting with my agent tonight," I lied to her quickly. "I won’t be able to stay. I should get back – I should get back to the city."

"Alright," Kari replied, getting to her feet. "At least let me—"

But before she could finish whatever it was she had to say, I was out the door. I wanted to stay and explain myself to her, but I felt as though the walls of that place were closing in on me. If I’d stayed a moment longer, I wasn’t sure I would ever have made it out of there at all. I hated myself for it, hated myself for what a coward I had been, for how unable I was to deal with anything like family. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I ever would be able to.

I climbed into the car and slammed the door behind me, gripping the wheel for a moment before I pulled away. Well, if she hadn’t thought I was a freak before, then she certainly thought I was now. I could kiss goodbye to any chance I might have had with Kari. Whatever we’d had, it was over. And it was all my fault.