Behind her, Nik stilled. It had taken all of Jess’s courage to ask, even though she was sure she knew the answer.

It was her, probably. Maybe he was mad that she wouldn’t give him an answer yet, or maybe he was already thinking about leaving on tour. But being this close to him broke her open in a way she’d never experienced, and she couldn’t not ask.

Because as beautiful, as heart-stoppingly perfect as the sex had been…he was holding back. He’d been too open from the beginning for her not to notice.

He lifted her off his lap and onto the bed beside him. His expression was serious.

“I wasn’t sure if I should say anything…” he began, and she held her breath.

“Just tell me.” I can take it. Maybe.

“Will you come to New York to spend Christmas with me and my family?”

Her stomach lurched. That was not what she’d expected him to say. “What?”

He shifted, turning to look her full in the face. The position drew her attention down his magnificent body that seemed to know exactly how to move with hers. “What?” she said again.

His grin lacked some of its usual brightness. “When my mom called earlier, I told her about you. Asked if I could bring you with me.”

“Wait, you told your mom about me?” Already? Damn, this was going fast. Too fast. But curiosity briefly outweighed terror. “What did she say?”

He gave a light laugh. “She’s thrilled, of course. Can’t wait to meet you.”

Swallowing hard, Jess pushed herself off the mattress and stood. God, her thighs were still wobbly with aftershocks from the very thorough orgasm he’d just given her. “Hang on, I need to clean up.”

Even as she ran for the bathroom, she called herself a coward. This was twice now she’d gone to hide after he’d pressed her about the future beyond this third date, and he was too observant not to notice.

But this had gone so far outside the play zone, she had no idea what to do. Feelings were involved, and physical intimacy. Now he wanted to bring family into it? They were only on their third damn date!

And besides, what was the point? This would all be over soon.

In the bathroom mirror, her eyes were wide and scared. She had to calm down, and the only way that would happen would be if she pumped the brakes to stop them from speeding into unknown territory.

Why would he ask her to meet his parents? Family shit was never part of the bargain. She didn’t even go see her own family in Chicago for the holidays, so it didn’t make any kind of sense for her to fly all the way to New York City to see his. It was ridiculous.

She’d originally agreed to these dates as a temporary thing, never expecting it to go this far. And now that she knew he had a tour coming up, all her fears were confirmed. Three dates, and then, at some point, he would be leaving. Thanks for the memories, see you never.

None of it made sense. But she was too heartbroken to sort it out.

After cleaning herself up and wrapping her body in a towel, she took a deep breath, calling on every ounce of sarcasm and confidence she possessed. Then she swung out of the bathroom to break his heart.

“Thanks for the invitation,” she said, keeping her tone light and breezy, like he’d asked her to go to the library and not meet his parents. “But it would be kind of silly for me to visit your family when I don’t even visit my own, you know?”

He sat on the bed in his boxers, his expression utterly blank. The perpetual warmth in his eyes had disappeared.

“Especially since I don’t even like Christmas,” she added with a forced laugh.

As she said the words, they tasted like a lie in her mouth. After all the work he’d put into showing her a good time this month, she was starting to love all this Christmas stuff. But the memories would always be tied up with him, and what hadn’t been.

More painful holiday memories to add to the collection.

Nik stood and nodded once like he agreed, but his eyes had shuttered and all traces of his easy smile had disappeared. “The roads are probably clear by now,” he said, his voice flat. “I’m going outside to clean off the car.”

He grabbed his clothes and walked past her into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.

The hollowness spreading inside her said she’d made a very big mistake. She just didn’t know which part of it had done the most damage.

The drive back to Los Angeles was made in near silence, aside from Jess’s music playlist, a mix of classic jazz and recent hip hop. Nik wanted to ask her about it, but really, what was the point?

Just as he’d feared, she’d rejected his offer. Laughed it off, like she hadn’t even taken it seriously. Taken him seriously.

From the very beginning, she’d doubted his sincerity, insisting that this was all a game to him. As if he didn’t know his own feelings. As if he couldn’t tell that he’d never felt this deeply about anyone else.

This was love. Yes, already. The early stages, or so he guessed. He was falling in love with Jess Davenport.

Maybe he should have told her, but again, what was the point? She wouldn’t believe him anyway.

Besides, after so much vulnerability and openness, he was exhausted. He just didn’t have it in him to bare his soul yet again.

So, they’d packed up, speaking only when necessary, and hit the road.

They were almost back when Dimitri called. Nik answered via the car’s Bluetooth.

“Da,” he said, then continued in Russian. “You’re on speakerphone, and she’s in the car with me.”

He cut a look at Jess, who kept her eyes down, fiddling with her phone. It was the height of rudeness to talk about someone in another language when they were right there and you knew they couldn’t understand, but at the moment, he was too tired to figure out how else to handle what was surely coming.

“Mama said you’re bringing your girl home for Christmas.”

Yup, there it was. Nik sighed. “Nyet. And she’s not my girl.”

There was a long pause on Mitya’s end. “Oh. Well. Sorry, I guess.”

“Me too.” He switched lanes as they approached the exit to Jess’s neighborhood. “I’ll be home soon.”

Alone, he wanted to add, but no point heaping his melancholy on Dimitri. Mitya would’ve done it to him, but he was a drama queen. That just wasn’t Nik’s style.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he followed the navigation to Jess’s West Hollywood apartment, reconsidering. He’d never been in love before. If there were ever a time to give moping a try, this was it.

He pulled up in front of her apartment complex and swung out of the car, heading for the trunk to get her bags. Just because his feelings were hurt wasn’t a reason to drop his manners altogether, and he felt bad about talking about her in Russian with Dimitri while she was still in the car. In hindsight, he could have said he’d call Mitya back. It hadn’t occurred to him at the moment. Lack of sleep, the long drive, and heartache were messing with him. He just wanted to get home—well, to his brother’s house—and climb into bed.

Yeah, moping sounded pretty damn good.

Jess was waiting behind him when he turned with her suitcase. He set it beside her.

“Have fun with your family,” she said, her tone subdued.

“Thanks.” What else could he say? Have fun with your…Netflix?

“What day do you get back?”

“The twenty-eighth.”

She nodded. “Well, text me when you get back to LA. But I don’t think we should be in contact while you’re gone.”

He should’ve expected something like this. Still, it was like a kick to the gut, leaving him winded and…hurt. But what could he do?

He nodded. “Fine.”

There. She’d said it. The entire ride back, Jess had been trying to think of how to put up some kind of boundary against Nik after he’d so thoroughly demolished her emotional defenses. “No contact” was the best she’d come up with.

“You should focus on your family,” she added, as if that would soften the blow. She hated hurting him this way, but she was desperate for some space. The cabin trip had been too much, too fast, too deep. She needed distance to sort out her feelings, and three-thousand miles ought to do the job.

Besides, she could already feel him withdrawing. And that hurt, too.

Nik turned to get back in the car, then stopped. He spoke with his back to her.

“Jess, I need you to understand something. I’m leaving to spend the holidays with my family because that’s what I do, and I’m respecting your choice not to do that. You will be alone over Christmas because that was your choice. You’ve sworn up and down that it’s what you want.” He turned, and his eyes roiled with emotion. His body fairly vibrated with it. But what was it? Frustration? Anger? Something else?

“So, I’ll give that to you,” he continued, slashing a hand through the air. “Even though I wish to god you’d come with me, or let me stay with you, I’m going. Alone. Because that’s what you want.”

She swallowed hard. He was right. Nothing he’d just said was a lie. So why did it feel so awful? She tried for bravado. “Don’t get it twisted, Nik. You’ve known this about me from the start.”

“You’re right.” His lips pressed together and his eyes pinched like he was in pain. His voice was tight with emotion, but strong. “But you know what else I know? You mask your feelings with humor. You answer a question with a question. You say you don’t want to get into something serious because people play games, but you’re the one who’s been playing, ever since we started this, because you’re too scared to take it seriously. So you tell yourself that I must be playing, too, when the reality is I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. So ask yourself, Jess, are you taking life seriously, or are you just playing around?”

She sucked in a breath, stunned silent. Fuuuuck. He’d told her.

And she couldn’t deny a single word of it. She was still that lonely girl listening to Nina Simone in her tiny bedroom, dreaming of someday making a deeper connection with someone.

Suddenly, only one thing mattered, and she had to get it out before the tears backed up in her throat let loose.

“Will I see you at New Year’s?”

Shit, she’d just answered a question with a question. Again. But as much as she needed space from him now, she also needed to see this through to the end, to see him one last time.

Even if their midnight kiss would also be a goodbye.

His shoulders slumped, and he looked absolutely defeated. She’d done this to him. Made this vital, energetic, happy-go-lucky man look so sad and wounded. How had everything gone so wrong?

“Maybe,” he finally answered, and it was the confirmation of everything she’d feared from the start.

He wasn’t coming back.

He must have accepted the tour. But then, why shouldn’t he?

He’d made her believe. Gotten her feelings involved. And now he was leaving for good. Just as she’d known he would. There had never been a real chance for them.

She tried to make her voice light and breezy, to belie how much she was hurting inside. “Well, lemme know if you come back. You know where I’ll be. But like I said, I think it’s best if we don’t contact each other over Christmas. See ya.”

The second she turned around, the tears spilled over, and she hurried into her building’s lobby, dragging her suitcase. Behind her, the car door opened and slammed.

She took the elevator up to her empty apartment. She’d only been gone one night, but it was like she hadn’t been there in months. Everything seemed strange.

And then it hit her. No Christmas decorations.

She took off her shoes and jacket, left the suitcase by the door, and climbed into bed fully dressed.

Already, she missed him. Would it have been so hard to invite him up instead of sending him away?

And then the tears really flowed, because if it had been easy for her, she would have done it. But she hadn’t. So, what did that say about her, that she’d run all the way from Chicago to Los Angeles, looking for connection, only to push away the most amazing man she’d ever met?