Chapter Ten
Fuck Marcie.
That bitch could spend all afternoon fawning over Rasha for all Jess cared. Standing there, arguing with her, was Jess’ only regret. She didn’t like Rasha that way anyway. Who cared if he was fucking Marcie?
Not me.
As she stomped through the hallway, Jess finally decided this was the afternoon she would find a hobby.
Maybe she and JB could figure out how to make a rim and basketball. If she’d thought about it more, she would have brought the one they had made in Laconia.
She could blame it on boredom but all in all she missed JB. She hadn’t seen much of him since she started working and, well, he decided to fuck every female here.
“Hello.”
Jess startled at the ominous voice filling the hallway. Her flailing hand knocked over a vase of freshly cut flowers. “Holy shit, Ship. Stop doing that.”
“I am sorry.”
“Eva’s outside,” she said, righting the vase and its contents.
“I know.”
Jess glanced from side to side and rubbed her hands together. “Um…okay then.”
“Do I make you nervous?”
“No, not really… Well, maybe a little.”
“Why?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re nice, but…” Jess stopped and looked around again. “Where exactly are you? I feel like I’m talking to myself.”
A purple mist appeared before her. She let out a curse and took a few steps back.
“Is this better?”
“No, not really,” she said, concentrating on the see-through mist. “You can’t, like, go through me or anything, can you?”
“I could but I wouldn’t.”
A shudder ran up her spine. “Make sure you don’t touch me.”
“I’ll make a note of it. Where are you going?” Ship asked.
Right, she was going to see what JB had been up to and find a hobby. She started down the hall again with Ship following in a trailing purple mist. “I’m going to see JB.”
“He is indisposed at the moment.”
Nice way of putting it. Indisposed sounded a lot better than “he is fucking at the moment”.
Okay, sooo not hanging out with JB.
Maybe she could go through some of Rasha’s backlogged appointments. Eva hadn’t been lying. Rasha needed help. For every ten appointments set for him, he only kept two to three. Mazel had done all she could by trying to help organize his day as well as Taio’s but at some point she had just given up.
“How are you adjusting to life on Sonis?”
Jess took the next hallway that would lead her to her office. She shrugged. “It’s okay so far.”
“Are you and Rasha getting along well?”
“I guess so.” She hadn’t given it too much thought. They were getting along. It was…easy. “How long have you known Rasha?” she asked.
“I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known Taio. They were playmates as children.”
Again, she couldn’t wrap her mind around a small version of Rasha. Being small would mean he was once vulnerable. Small and vulnerable? She almost laughed out loud.
“Is he treating you well?” Ship asked.
So far he was the best boss she’d ever had. All she did was arrange his appointments and make sure he kept them. Despite his innocent flirting, he was harmless. He didn’t want her. Not really. There were too many beautiful Sonian females around, childbearing women to choose from or—she hated to admit it—Marcie to keep him busy. The attraction he was feeling or thought he felt toward her was nothing more than fleeting.
“No complaints about Rasha but what can you do to get rid of Marcie?” As far as she was concerned, if she could bury Marcie in the sand, Sonis would be the perfect place to live.
“I don’t believe you have to worry about Marcie. Despite his previous dalliances, Rasha is still unattached.”
Indisposed and now dalliances. Ship must not like saying sex, fucking, sexual relations or any other word to describe the deed. She stopped at her door as the thought hit her. “Hold on, are you trying to set me up?”
“No.”
After she scanned her hand, the door slid open. “You could have fooled me.” She made her way across her office and dropped in the chair.
Ship followed her inside. “Eva has asked me to ‘push’ for information about you and Rasha.”
Jess laughed and shook her head. “The word is pump. She wanted you to ‘pump’ me for information.” After she turned on her computer console, a holograph of Rasha’s calendar projected over her desk. “Tell Eva to mind her own business. Nothing’s going on between me and Rasha and nothing ever will.”
She used a finger to motion over the icons of appointments and business contacts. She sifted through them, categorizing them.
“Eva does need to mind her own business but I am afraid that is unlikely.” Ship let out a small sigh.
Jess snorted. “If she’s trying to play matchmaker, she failed. I don’t want one of these giant aliens.”
“Jessica, there aren’t many DNA differences between humans and Sonians.”
Her fingers froze midair. “Don’t ever call me Jessica.”
“My apologies. JB calls you Jessica, does he not?”
“Only when he’s trying to get his ass kicked,” she ground out.
“Noted.”
Her fingers thrummed against her desk. “Plus, I’m not a suitable mate. As I was just reminded by a bitch, I can’t have children.”
“I shall remind Eva.”
“Thanks.”
A knock sounded at her door, catching her attention.
Yazmine.
Jess caught her breath. “Ship…do you mind leaving us alone?”
“Of course not,” he said. The purplish haze dissipated into nothing.
“Did I interrupt you?” Yazmine asked.
The once-confident alien who had oozed sex appeal now appeared as a wounded female. Her hair was braided and knotted into a bun. Her orange-and-red gown hung loose on her frame. Her once curvy body had been replaced by skin and bones.
“No, come in.” Jess indicated the seat across from her. Nervously, she shifted around the items on her desk. She had known this day was coming but hadn’t prepared for it mentally.
Yazmine eased into the chair. “Eva suggested that I talk to you. She said you were improving from your captivity in the brothels and thought you might offer me some advice to help me get over my ordeal.”
Jess choked. “Get over it? No. I deal with it, albeit not in the best ways most days. But I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.”
Yazmine slumped in her seat. The air seemed to leave her lungs just as easily as her confidence slipped away. “I thought…” Tears streamed down her face.
Jess did something she’d never thought she would do in a million years. She got up and stood by Yazmine’s side and pulled Yazmine against her. Yazmine buried her face in Jess’ stomach and let her tears run free.
“I think about it every day. Some days more than others. The healers have taught me relaxing techniques. They help to calm me when the panic attacks come on. I’ve realized that not only am I stronger, I’m wiser. Back then I was weaponless and powerless. But now I won’t ever be caught off guard again,” Jess said.
“I’m not like you. I’m not a fighter.”
“I wasn’t either. But it’s what I’ve become. I had to fight back then and even now I have to fight to control my emotions…my thoughts.”
Yazmine shuddered. “I can’t get the images out of my mind. The slightest smells make me remember things I’d hoped to forget.”
Jess hugged Yazmine’s head. “I hope I forget in time. But in the meantime I try to use my emotions to get stronger…better.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be strong again.”
Jess cradled Yazmine’s chin. “Listen, you are strong to have gone through what you’ve been through and survived. The road to recovery will not be easy for us. But we will recover and we will be whole again.”
“How do you do it? How do you get out of bed every day and have the courage to live…to want to live?”
Jess released her chin. “Everyone knows that I hid on Kane’s vessel when I escaped. But…” She thought back on that night, how scared she was and how alone she had felt.
Thinking and reliving those first days brought the familiar overwhelming sense of pain to the surface. Shaking, she lowered herself to the floor.
“Jess.” Yazmine crawled onto the floor next to her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ve upset you.”
“No, no.” Jess held Yazmine’s hand. “I want to tell you. I haven’t spoken about this to anyone before.”
Yazmine nodded.
“I’m only free because I gave up on life.”
“I don’t understand.”
Jess took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm herself. “I escaped from my room because I…” She paused, too ashamed to say what happened out loud. “I was looking for a way to kill myself.”
“Oh Jess.”
“Everyone thinks I did something heroic.” She shook her head. “I didn’t. We weren’t allowed any items that could be used to do ourselves harm. I was so tired of living and doing…those things that I snuck out and stole some clothes. I wanted to find a weapon so I could end it all.” She let out a nervous laugh. “The guards stopped me and asked me for payment. They thought I was a patron.” Her laughter came easier this time. “When I didn’t have anything to give them, they forced me to leave. There was an unattended vessel and I snuck on it. By the time I finally found a blaster, the crew boarded and the vessel took off.” She shrugged. “So you see? It was by accident.”
She hiccupped and Yazmine ran her hand across Jess’ hair. “But you made it away safely.”
“I stayed in that cabin for days. Just me and that blaster.” She looked down at her hands, remembering. “I willed myself to use it. I had escaped one prison for another. I didn’t want to live another day being forced to have sex. Sometimes I would stare at it for hours, wondering if death would claim me quick.”
“What happened? What changed your mind?”
Jess shrugged. “Sometimes I wonder if my mind is changed.” She looked at Yazmine. “Some days I get out of bed filled with spit and hellfire and others I want to curl into a ball and die.” She squeezed Yazmine’s hand. “But I’m here. I choose to live. I choose to not let those brothel bastards win.” Jess let out a heavy breath. “Sometimes I think of going back there and killing them all. And knowing my temper, I just might one day.”
“Eva killed Umar. I’m glad he’s dead but a part of me wishes he was still alive so I could do it myself. I feel like it would help with closure,” Yazmine said.
Jess gathered Yazmine into a hug. “There may be days when you feel like ending it all but you must realize there is a reason you’re alive and he’s dead.”
Yazmine nodded.
“You know who helped me through it all?”
“Kane?” Yazmine asked.
“Yes, but mainly JB. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to or if I just needed a shoulder to cry on.”
Yazmine slumped. “He has tried to get in touch with me. I didn’t want to contact him. I can’t continue the relationship that we had on the vessel.”
Jess rubbed her back. “Hon, that’s not why he’s contacting you. He wants to see how you are doing.”
Yazmine wiped her tears from her face.
“Go see him. I’m sure you won’t regret it.”
“Thank you for sharing with me.”
“Anytime.” Jess rose and helped Yazmine to her feet.
“When I am ready to talk about what happened to me, can I come back?”
Fresh tears overtook her eyes. She pulled Yazmine into an embrace. “You can come back any time you want.”
* * * * *
“Marcie is under the impression you want me.” Rasha watched Jess in order to gauge her reaction.
Jess removed her eating utensil from her mouth and let it drop with a clang on her dinner plate. Immediately her hand flew up to her lips. “I think I threw up a little in my mouth.”
He studied her food. “Is the food unsatisfactory?” The only reason he had suggested the buro flank was because Eva swore it reminded her of chicken, whatever that was.
Jess swallowed and slowly turned to face him. “Marcie has nothing to worry about.”
He settled back into his seat. “I think she does.” Her eyes narrowed at him. “I am attracted to you.”
“You can’t be serious,” she muttered. Jess focused her attention back on her food.
“I am.”
He’d thought long and hard about revealing his feelings to her. Eva told him not to expect Jess to be receptive but Eva was wrong. Jess was more than receptive. He’d caught her eyes roaming the length of his body more than once. And by the glint in them, she appreciated his body just as much as he appreciated hers.
“I told you before. I’m here to work for you. If we can’t keep this professional, I’ll have to quit. I don’t need a complication.”
“I’ll let you think on it for a little while then.”
Jess snorted. “That’s something I don’t have to think about.” She pushed her plate away and scooted back from the table.
“Where are you going? You’ll miss the entertainment.”
“Will it be something different than those reptile thingies who writhe and contort in the middle of the room?” Hisnapol dancers were legendary for their grace but by the way Jess’ face twisted into a scowl when she described them, he guessed she didn’t appreciate them as much as he did.
“No, they are scheduled to perform for the remainder of the lunar cycle.”
“Then I’ll pass.” Jess stood and said her good nights to everyone at the table. “They give me the heebie-jeebies.”
He stood to leave with her. “I’ll walk you home.”
As he approached her, she did a double take. “I can find my way. Plus I wouldn’t want to give Marcie any reason to think I’m moving in on her territory.” Jess glanced to the other side of the room.
He didn’t need to look to know she was watching Marcie. He was sure Marcie watched them as well. “I’m not hers. We are not bonded.”
Now that he’d met Jess, he could never see himself with anyone else. He’d tried to open up to the idea of committing to Marcie and having children but something was always lacking. After experiencing how his heart reacted to Jess, he knew what was missing and he wanted it.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s got her claws hooked deep into you, in your back to be more specific.”
Why did she have to bring that up? “That was before.”
“Before what? I came along and made you forget about the other females?” she said, batting her eyelashes.
He nodded. “They are nothing but a distant memory.”
“They?”
“Jess, I’ve had my share of females.”
She didn’t slow her steps as she held up a hand. “That’s not the kind of thing you say to a woman you’re interested in.”
He shrugged. “I’m just stating a fact.”
Jess activated the door security and entered. “I was the only female in an all-male crew.”
He stumbled as he crossed over the threshold.
“Just stating a fact,” she added.
She was right. He shouldn’t have brought up other females. He definitely didn’t want to hear about her with other males.
Jess went down her hall without a backward glance.
“Do you think you could have feelings for me?” he asked, following her.
“It’s not that easy.” Jess stopped. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t act on them.”
“We are not that much different from each other.”
She exhaled. “Stick with Marcie, Rasha.”
He moved closer. “I choose you.”
She shook her head adamantly and placed a hand on his chest, stopping him. “I came from a brothel.”
“I am aware.”
“You don’t get it.” She hugged herself. “I’m not mate material. I’ll never be mate material.”
“Why not?”
“Things touched me there. They used my body.”
He wanted to wrap his arms around her. Jess needed him—a protector. He could be that for her. “Like many other human females, you were forced into the brothels. This was not your choice.”
Jess turned her head as if too ashamed to look at him any longer. “You don’t understand.”
Unable to stop himself, he reached out to her and held on to her arms. Her flesh trembled under his touch. “Tell me, make me understand.”
She didn’t push him away or flinch out of his grasp. He took a chance and gathered her into his arms, where she melted into him.
“They made me like it,” she said, disgusted.
He gently caressed her back. “Made you?”
“They would fill my room with, with…I don’t know. But it was sweet smelling. My stomach would churn every time the smell began to seep through the vents. I knew what was about to happen and couldn’t do anything to stop it. I would run to the door and bang on it, trying to force it to open. I would even hold my breath for as long as I could. By the time those things came for me, I was waiting for them. I would beg them to bed me, sometimes in tears because I wanted it so bad.” She sniffled and her breath hitched.
Great Ancients. If he ever got a chance he would split her former owners from groin to brain with his jango. Not only for what they had done to Jess but for what they were probably still doing to countless others.
“It’s called Xy. You could not have resisted if you had tried.”
She cried softly. Her tears wet his chest. “I’m disgusting. I did awful things and I enjoyed it.”
“That’s how Xy works. It’s made to make you want sex and to enjoy it.” He pulled her away from him. Her eyes were rimmed in red with tears spilling over and down her cheeks. “It’s not your fault, Jess.”
Her body trembled and her knees began to buckle. “I’m nothing more than a barren whore who’s trying to start again. I’m not good enough for you.”
His mouth crushed over hers.