FOURTEEN
Ellie watched him as she took a long sip of her tea, her throat dry. She swallowed, putting the cup back down on the counter, and walked into his arms.
Because she couldn't let the fear win. Because each time she did, it made it easier to let it win the next time. And the time after that. And also, because regardless of how her body had reacted, she wanted him. She wanted him more than she could ever recall wanting anyone. Then he had gone and been so... good. Again. Understanding and kind, more worried about her than his own frustrated desire.
Was there anything more attractive than a man who actually cared?
Ellie kissed under his collarbone, her hands rubbing across his lower back. Xander took a deep breath, the side of his face resting on her head. "Ellie, this is probably not..."
"Shh," she said, pulling slightly away and going up on her tiptoes. "Can we just... pretend that didn't happen?" she asked, not quite able to meet his eyes. "Please," she said, the word barely above a whisper.
"You're sure?" he asked, his hands already sneaking up under the heavy material of his sweatshirt.
"Mmhmm," she said, leaning up and planting a kiss on his chin because she couldn't reach his lips.
He laughed, smiling down at her. "Okay," he said, sounding amused. "Use me for my body," he said, winking at her.
Ellie giggled, shaking her head. "Only if you promise to use me for mine," she said.
"Oh, I was planning on it," he said, his hands slipping down and grabbing her ass, hauling her against him. She could feel his hardness pressing against her and she sucked in her breath. "But, how about this time... you take the lead?" he asked.
There was insecurity almost immediately. It was the kind of self-consciousness that can only come from never being given the chance to do anything but lie there. But there was an equal amount of excitement too. And a strange feeling she didn't recognize right at first, but realized was... power. After years of complete and utter powerlessness, she was being given the choice to be the one completely in control.
"Okay," she said, feeling a bit nauseated, but wanting to give it a try nonetheless.
"Okay," Xander agreed, grabbing her ass harder and lifting her the air. She screeched, throwing her arms around his neck as he walked her back toward the bed.
Once at the side, he put her down on her feet and took a step back from her. "Alright," he said, smiling a goofy boyish smile. "Do you want me clothed or not?"
Ellie smiled, looking at her feet for a second, getting her courage. "Definitely not," she found herself saying, ignoring the weird fluid feeling in her belly. Because this could be fun. If she worked past the uncertainty, it could be so much fun.
Xander nodded, watching her as he reached down and untied his drawstring, letting his pants fall to his feet and stepping out of the legs. He winked at her and got into the bed, propping his arms behind his head, lying there in all his naked glory. Awaiting instructions.
She almost laughed. She wanted to laugh. And he probably wouldn't have taken offense. But, a part of her that used to read trashy magazines, reminded her to never laugh at a naked man. No matter how silly they might be acting.
She took a deep breath, reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt and hauling it off of her body, tossing it carelessly to the floor. Xander's smile froze on his face, his eyes getting heavier, losing their amusement. Emboldened, Ellie reached for the waistband of her pants, pulling them down quickly before she could talk herself out of it.
When she stood back up, Xander had sat up and moved to the side of the bed, his feet resting on the floor. He stretched his arms out toward her, waiting. Waiting for her to step into them. Because she was the one in charge. She walked closer and stepped between his legs. His arms went around her; his face moved to press against her belly.
They stood like that for a long time. Ellie's hands went up, one resting on his shoulder, one stroking his hair, just enjoying the closeness, enjoying the intimacy. She felt his warm breath on her belly and she sighed. "Okay," she said, releasing his hair. "I think it's time for the bed," she said, feeling shy again. Would she ever get better at being commanding? Was it something that needed to come naturally? Or was it something you could learn?
"Yes, ma'am," Xander said, pulling backward and reclining against the pillows, propped up on his side. He looked up at her, seeing a bit of the uncertainty, and tapped the space next to him. She could take the lead, but she needed someone to help her along.
She slid in beside him, looking up at the ceiling for a exaggeratedly long time. His hand reached out, touching her belly. "Is this okay?"
"Mmhmm," she said, tilting her head toward him, but closing her eyes.
He stroked slow circles around her belly, varying sizes each time, until she was arching into his hand. His hand moved upward, the tips of his fingers grazing the sensitive undersides of her breasts. When she didn't flinch or start breathing too heavily, his hand moved upward, cupping one of her breasts and running his thumb over the hardened point.
Her eyes flew open. "You alright?" he asked, praying she was. There was so much more he wanted to do.
She nodded, looking down at his hand. He squeezed her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, making her arch off the mattress. He moved slowly, sliding his face across her ribs and taking her other nipple into his mouth, licking the point.
Ellie closed her eyes, letting herself get completely wrapped up in the sensation. Her breasts felt heavy and sensitive. His tongue sent a wave of need down her body. She groaned, pushing her thighs closer together, trying to ease the throbbing there.
Xander lifted his head, moving across and taking the other nipple into his mouth, his hand sliding down her ribs and all the way down to the side of her thigh. Then back up. And down. A slow, lazy exploration, building the tension until her hands were digging into the sheets and her mouth was open, her breath huffing out of it erotically. Then he lifted his head, watching her face as his hand started to slide across her thigh, stroking her knee, working upward.
Ellie took a deep breath, her thighs falling open to his curious hands. Her eyes opened, looking at his. Waiting. Anticipating. But Xander's fingers were slowly stroking the soft skin of her inner thighs, drawing it out, knowing how badly she needed it, but determined to make her ask (or beg) for it. His finger slipped into the crease where thigh met hip and a shudder ran through her body. "Oh, my God," she sighed, her hips moving upward, shameless in her desire.
He looked at her, his brow arched upward, awaiting his orders. She almost wanted to laugh. As if it wasn't painfully obvious what she wanted. "Touch me," she said, her voice barely a whisper, her cheeks turning red.
But he wasn't going to let her get away with it that easily. "Where?" he asked, innocently.
Ellie closed her eyes and took a breath, as if saying a silent prayer for patience. She reached down, grabbing his hand and moving it inward.
"Ohhh," Xander said, leaning down and planting a kiss on her nose, "there."
Ellie was going to say something smart, snarky, but then his finger slipped between her delicate folds and every thought flew out of her mind.
She remembered this part, the finger testing to see if she was ready before he jumped on top of her. Nothing romantic. Nothing sensual.
Nothing like this. Xander's finger slid upward, working tiny small circles around her clit. Ellie's knees came up off the mattress, her feet planted, her hips moving into his hand, needing more. Then his finger started moving side to side and his mouth fell on hers again. Softer. Sweeter. A kiss she could melt into.
The pressure was building. Her body was reaching for something just out of reach. And then his finger slipped downward. With an almost-growl, Ellie sank her teeth into his lower lip as punishment, making him grunt.
His finger dipped lower still, pressing at her entrance, not pushing in for an impossibly long time. She pushed her hips against his hand. He pulled away, waiting for her eyes to open, wanting to watch her as his finger slipped slowly inside.
Xander took a breath, watching her eyes widen as his finger slipped into her tight, wet core. Once his finger was fully in, he paused, waited. Until her hips started to move against him. Then he pulled it halfway out and back in. Slowly. So slowly it was almost painful.
It wasn't enough. Ellie rocked her hips to meet him, the pressure only building, becoming more overwhelming with no end in sight. She needed him. She reached out, grabbing his side, pulling him, trying to make him come over her.
Xander smiled down at her, removing his hand and reaching across her body for a small box he kept on the makeshift nightstand. She heard the telltale crinkle, the sound that said she was safe, that they were being safe.
He stretched out back on the bed, ignoring her hands trying to drag him back on top of her. "Here," he said, reaching for her hip and pulling until she sat up. She knelt next to him, looking down, confused. He stroked his hand down her thigh, grabbing her knee and pulling her across his body until she was straddling him. "I think this will be better," he said, not wanting her to feel trapped if he was on top of her, not trusting himself to be able to keep whatever pace that would be best for her.
Ellie looked down at him, uncertain. In the past, sex had been strictly missionary or from behind. She had never been given the opportunity to be on top. She wasn't even entirely sure what she was really supposed to do.
"Do you want to stop?" he asked. Please, oh God, please say no. She shook her head, looking down at him, her confusion plain on her face. "Lift your hips, baby," he said, one of his hands slipping down to grab his cock. When she pulled herself upward, he stroked his cock between her sensitive folds, moving up to rub around her clit, then slipping back down and pressing against her entrance. His hand slid down to the base, waiting.
She rubbed against him a few times before slowly sinking her hips back down, feeling his cock push past the threshold. There was a stinging, a pinching, reminding her how long it had been, just barely painful... the need so strong it quickly overtook the discomfort. She took him in slowly, lost in the sensation of him widening her, filling her impossibly full. She felt her hips push down on Xander's hips just when she was sure she couldn't fit him any deeper inside.
She opened her eyes, looking down at him, knowing she was smiling a foolish, girly smile and not caring. Xander smiled back, reaching out to take one of her hands in his. His other hand settled on her hip.
Ellie grabbed his hand tighter, starting to move tentatively, unsure. She pushed her hips forward, groaning as his cock pressed against her front wall, hinting at a sensitive spot but not quite pressing against it. She pulled her hips back slowly. "Oh," she groaned, taking a deep breath.
Xander watched her as she slid up and down his body, trying to focus on her enjoyment, trying not to pay attention to his own need for release. She was so fucking tight.
Ellie pushed faster, feeling a tightening in her core, knowing if she could push past it, there would be something amazing. Her hand pressed down on Xander's stomach, her short nails cutting into his skin. She was too lost in her own sensations to notice. Her head tipped back, rocking against him, moaning wildly.
If this was what sex was supposed to feel like, she had never really experienced it before. The urging. The pleasure that was almost pain. The unknown... begging her to push harder, faster.
"Baby," Xander's voice broke in, gravely and strained. She opened her eyes, looking down at him, sweat glistening slightly on his chest. "Come here," he said, reaching for her arm to pull her forward.
Ellie followed his direction, laying her body down on his, her arms slipping under his shoulders.
He needed to take control or she was going to drive him to the edge before she got what she needed. His hands slid down her back to grab her hips, holding them in place. He starting moving his hips upward, his thrusts fast, almost frantic.
"Oh," Ellie cried out, her head falling down on his chest. "Oh, my God," she groaned out, her thighs tensing as he pushed into her, deep, relentless, never giving her a second to have the desire ebb. He pushed her mercilessly toward something that had every muscle in her body rigid, sweat slick on her skin. Her fingers bit into his shoulders, her hips dropping down lower.
She felt suspended for a second, her breath catching in her chest, unable to inhale or exhale, unable to cry out as her orgasm hit her hard and fast. Her fist slammed down into his arm as her body clenched over and over, a sensation so strong that her entire body started to shake. "Xander," she strangled out finally, his thrusts becoming wild as her body slowly continued to grab his cock.
His fingers crushed into her hips as his hips thrust once more into her, deep... deeper than before, pushing against the back wall as his body tensed then shook as he came. "Fuck, Ellie," he ground out between clenched teeth, his hands keeping her hips pressed roughly against him.
Ellie collapsed onto his body, her face buried in the crook of his neck. She felt completely and utterly drained. Her bones felt liquid. Her muscles were spent. Tears sprang to her eyes as she struggled to even out her breathing. If that was what an orgasm was, she had never actually experienced it before. She had always gotten to that point, that point right before, that feeling of suspension, an all encompassing awareness... but she never knew what it was like when you pushed forward through that and crashed downward.
Fireworks. Those were the fireworks women always talked about. No description she had ever heard even came close. It was a completely alien sensation of being out of your body and yet, somehow, more in your body than you ever have been before. Every nerve ending had practically vibrated with her orgasm, leaving every inch of her tingling afterward.
No wonder people loved sex so much.
If her legs weren't shaking, she would want to do it all over again. She had been missing out for years. Her entire life.
Beneath her, Xander's heart was slamming against her chest. His skin felt feverish and sweaty. She took a deep breath, breathing him in, wanting to remember exactly what that moment was like. His hands moved up her back, stroking up and down her spine. She closed her eyes and just... felt.
Xander fought the urge to fall asleep that way... her covering him, straddling his waist, him still inside her. He felt completely spent. Every bit of strength had been drained. Damn if she hadn't been one of the most satisfying sexual encounters in his life. There had been plenty of nights at Lam, full of too much drinking and flirting, women all-too willing to fall into bed with him. Fast, punishing sex. Kinky sex.
But sex with Ellie felt... explorative, like she was experiencing everything for the first time, like each sensation was new and exciting. And she so openly enjoyed herself, so fully threw herself into the feelings that he had to bite hard into his lip to keep his demanding orgasm at bay.
Finally, he patted her butt and pushed at her hips until she rolled off of him, her eyes small and sleepy. She moved onto her side facing him, her legs pulled up toward her chest, her hand slipping underneath the pillow. Her hair was a wild mess around her face and her cheeks were flushed. He leaned down, kissing her quickly on the lips. "Beautiful Ellie," he said to himself, but she felt the words with a fluttering in her belly.
He climbed out of bed, fully naked, without any kind of self-consciousness and walked into the bathroom.
Ellie brought her hands up to her face, wanting to squeal with whatever feelings were trapped inside her. She rolled onto her back, kicking her legs against the mattress, feeling the sex-sedated weight of them and smiling wider. She heard the water in the bathroom. Scooting the blankets down, she slipped under, rolling back onto her side. Like nothing had happened. Like she didn't just have a little victory dance.
Xander walked back in, glorious naked Xander, tilting his head to the side at her. Because she was still grinning her silly grin. He walked over to the bed, moving the blankets aside and climbing in next to her.
She had expected him to roll away from her and fall asleep. That was her experience in the past. But then he moved down on his side next to her and his arms were reaching toward her, pulling her against his body, his head coming down on top of hers.
And he just... held her.
Ellie snaked her arm around his back, holding on too tightly and not caring. It felt too nice to be held to worry that she might seem needy or clingy. His arms only squeezed her tighter and she nuzzled her face against his chest and felt herself slowly start to drift off to an exhausted sleep.