Feels fucking good. Can’t lie.

Here, in her bed, her wrapped in my arms after I fucked her so any damned times my cock aches. Won’t stop me from taking her again in the morning, that messy bed hair and those rosy cheeks. Fuck. My dick is getting hard again just thinking about it. Thinking about how fucking good it’ll feel. And it will. Fucking good. In my mouth, I can still taste her sweet pussy, I can hear the sounds of her moans as she squirmed beneath me.

Fucking perfect.

And, I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but fucked if I can stay away any longer.

I’m tired of even trying to.

But I haven’t been completely honest with her, and I know eventually I’ll have to tell her my reasons for wanting to protect her, for wanting to be around her, for wanting in on this so bad. Because of her father, and my brother, and everything it all stands for to me. She’s not going to like it. Fuck no, she’s going to hate it, in fact. But I had to do it.

Now, though, I’m starting to realize it might just cost me her.

And I didn’t think that was going to be a problem, until now.

“What are you thinking about?” Charlie asks me, her fingers stroking over my chest.

Feels fucking nice.

Comforting.

Something I’ve never allowed a woman to do.

“Thinkin’ about fuckin’ you again,” I murmur, turning and pressing my face into her hair.

Fuck.

That smell.

Incredible.

She makes a whiny sound, and it’s fucking sweet. “No way you could possibly be thinking about that, Koda. Seriously. You’re insane.”

“Can’t help it when you smell so fuckin’ good and it feels so fuckin’ good to be inside you.”

She turns her head and looks up at me, those eyes soft and fucking beautiful, face calm. God she’s fucking cute.

“Really?”

I hold her eyes. “Really.”

She nods, turning and snuggling back into me. Like a little puppy, trying to get closer, like she just isn’t getting enough.

“Koda?” she asks me, her voice soft.

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you something?”

I inhale, then exhale slowly and murmur, “Yeah.”

“I feel guilty, about Ellie.”

Ellie.

The poor girl who is fuck knows where and has been fuck knows where for a very long fucking time. And Slater, spending his life chained to Shanks, in hopes he might be able to find her. A fucked-up story, indeed.

“Not your fault, Charlie. You couldn’t have gotten her out, you know those people as well as anyone, you’d have been killed on the spot or worse, chained down there with her.”

She goes silent for a moment, and then whispers, “But I saw her, she was so scared, begging me to help. And I walked out. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever done in my life, Koda. I should have called the police then and there, screw my father’s operation, screw it all. At least she might have had a fighting chance.”

“We both know you were too fuckin’ messed up by your father at that point to do that, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Not a fuckin’ thing. Because that man, he’s the worst of them. The fuckin’ worst. And you were just a kid.”

“But I wasn’t,” she protests. “I wasn’t just a kid. I was nearly eighteen years old, I could have very easily walked out of there, called the police, and done it without anyone knowing. Instead, I wasted time by going home, telling my father I saw a girl, and then going to the police. It was too late by then. And because of me, the only chance Ellie had, she’s now probably been living an entire decade in hell.”

I roll, shifting her so we’re face to face. Her eyes are glassy, and I can see this is fucking bothering her in a big way. I get that. I’ve felt guilt. Lived with it for so many fucking years. So, yeah, I get it better than anyone. Also know it will eat you alive if you let it, and that’s what’s going to happen to Charlie if she doesn’t take it easy and understand her position in this.

It wasn’t her fault.

“Listen to me,” I say, my voice hard, but not cruel. “You could have walked out and called the police. Hell, they might have even come in and saved her. But the reality of that, is very fuckin’ slim. Big men like that, rich, with money, he would have had her out the second he heard sirens. He’d have a plan. A back up. Something in place, I can promise you that. All that would have done is turned the heat on to you, and you know exactly what your father would have done to you when he found out it was you, and he would have found out. You and I both fuckin’ know that.”

She looks away, and I reach up, grabbing her chin. “Eyes, Charlie.”

She hesitantly looks back.

“Not your fuckin’ fault. You went to the cops. You got your father locked up. You did the best you could in a situation where you were surrounded by big fuckin’ brick walls.”

“But, after he got locked up, I forgot about her, Koda. For a while, I forgot. What kind of monster does that make me? I’m not different to him. I should have kept looking ... I should have ...”

“Should haves ain’t goin’ to get you anywhere, Charlie. You and I both know it. I should have done a fuckin’ lot of things, too. But I didn’t, and life is the way it is now because of that. Don’t let guilt eat you alive. Trust me. Help Slater, get involved if you need, find Ellie. But do not fuckin’ live blamin’ yourself. You understand me?” She opens her mouth to argue, but I snap out, “Do you fuckin’ understand me?”

Her mouth snaps shut, and she nods.

“Good girl.”

She stares up at me. “Anyone ever told you that you’re a complete dick sometimes?”

I grin at her, and her face breaks out in one, too.

“All the fuckin’ time, babe.”

Her cheeks flush.

“I like it when you call me that.”

I grin at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Know what I like?”

She rolls her eyes. “If you say sex, I swear ...”

“Like the way your fuckin’ smile hits me right in the heart.”

Her smile is wiped clean from her face and replaced with a soft expression. “You do?”

I nod.

“Well, that’s good.” She smiles softly, the warmest I’ve seen from her. “Because I like the way your smile hits me right in the heart, too.”

And just like that.

We’re both fucked.

~*~*~*~