CHAPTER FOUR
“Damn, he tastes good, but I feel okay. I feel like myself. Well, other than the fact that I’m chomping on some guy’s neck, but I’m in control.”
Nikolai smiled to himself as Kamara’s thoughts played through his mind. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met, and she awakened something in him, something primal and long-buried, instincts he hadn’t known he possessed. It was unfathomable to think that less than twenty-four hours ago he’d lamented over the very idea of having a mate.
There were no guarantees. He didn’t know what the next day would bring, or the day after that. Now that he’d found Kamara, though, he was never letting her out of his sight again. Maybe he hadn’t been born a fighter, but he’d do whatever it took to make her safe, to make sure nothing like this ever happened to her again.
For her, he’d walk through Hell.
“That’s good.” Her daintiness amused him, and he squeezed her hips in encouragement. “You’re doing fine. Listen to the signals. It just like anything else, your body will tell you when you’ve had enough.”
She tensed, and her fingers dug into the tops of his shoulders. Worried he’d said something to upset her, he scanned her mind, but all he found was a quiet hiss, like static on a radio.
“Kamara?”
Jerking him closer, she forced her fangs deeper, growling as she drew at the puncture wounds with hard, deep pulls. He’d seen her lose control with Thea, watched her ride out the throes of bloodlust, but this didn’t feel like that. This felt calculated.
“Enough.” Gripping her jaw, he squeezed hard, forcing her mouth open before shoving her back. “Kamara, that’s enough.”
Crimson tinged her lips, and her nostrils flared as she dove at him with a crazed screech. Rising to his feet, he grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her at arms’ length as she snapped her teeth and snarled at him. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he also couldn’t let her kill him. Not because he was afraid to die, but because he knew what it would do to her when she finally snapped out of her haze.
Plus, he’d made a promise, and Nikolai Diavolos never broke his promises.
“Kamara, look at me! Look at me, damn it!”
Unable to talk her off the cliff, he did the only thing he could think to do—he dragged her into his arms and slanted their mouths together in a hard, demanding kiss. Her right fang pierced his bottom lip, and he growled when she clamped down on the flesh, but he didn’t let her go.
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
She repeated the mantra again and again until finally, her eyes flew open, and she gasped as she shoved at his chest. “Stay away,” she demanded, stumbling back into the sink. “Stay back!”
“Kamara—”
“No!” The blanket fell away, but she didn’t appear to be bothered by her nudity. “Stay away from me! I mean it!” Reaching behind her, she gripped the edge of the sink again, holding it so tightly that it cracked in her hand. “Goddamn it.”
Nikolai didn’t know what had triggered her violent reaction to him, but when she held her hand up to reveal a long cut down the center of her palm, he couldn’t keep his distance.
“Here, let me see.”
Curling her bleeding hand into a fist, she clasped it to her chest and shook her head empathically. “It’s fine. You know it’ll heal. Just…just stay back.”
“Okay, easy.” He held his hands up in surrender. “I’ll stay right here. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Her lips turned down at the corners, and her eyes narrowed. “I’m not mad at you.”
She sounded so exasperated he had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back a smile. “Then tell me what’s wrong.”
“Men,” she sighed on a long exhale. “I don’t want to hurt you. Obviously.” She sighed again and shook her head. “Idiot.”
Nikolai couldn’t contain his laughter this time. Other than people who actively wanted to murder him, he didn’t think anyone had ever talked to him in such a way. It was refreshing, and right then, he fell just a little bit in love with her.
“Kamara, I’m fine. Barely a scratch.”
“You have a gaping hole in your neck!” Her gaze fell to his mouth. “And I apparently bit you. Great.”
Nikolai shrugged. “Who’s to say I didn’t like it?” He winked when she glared at him. “It was kinky.”
Finally, that did it. The solemn expression vanished, her lips stretched into a grin, and quiet laughter shook her tiny frame.
“Idiot,” she repeated, but this time, with an unmistakable fondness.
The tension broken, Nikolai felt comfortable enough to try asking the hard questions again. “What happened? You know you can talk to me, right? No judgment.”
Sucking her lip between her teeth, Kamara winced when her fang stuck her lower lip. “Damn. That’s going to suck.”
“You’ll learn how to prevent that as well.” Leaning back, he folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. “Now, stop deflecting and tell me what happened.”
“Nothing.” She looked away, refusing to meet his gaze. “I just lost control again.”
He didn’t believe her, not for a second, but when he tried to slip into her mind, he was greeted with a rousing rendition of the theme song from Three’s Company.
“Stop that.”
“Stay out of my head,” she shot back.
Nikolai paused. “How did you know?”
“You react to things I’m thinking. Your heart beats faster, or you do that thing where you purse your lips on one side.” She shuffled her bare feet over the gray-speckled tiles. “Earlier when I was thinking that I couldn’t be a vampire, I didn’t use the word, but you did.”
“Smart girl.” He hadn’t been as careful as he’d thought, but that didn’t change the fact that she was hiding something from him.
“Can all vamps do it? Read minds? Or is it just you?”
“Yes and no,” he answered carefully. “Vampires can’t hear everyone’s thoughts.” He watched her, unsure how much he should reveal. It seemed to be a common theme of their new relationship that he just couldn’t bring himself to lie to her. “Just my mate’s.”
“Oh, right, that.” She bobbed her head thoughtfully. “Then, shouldn’t I be able to hear you as well?”
Goddess above, he couldn’t think with her standing there, completely naked and utterly unabashed. “Maybe you’d like to find some clothes before we continue this conversation.”
One side of her mouth lifted in a crooked grin. “Does my nakedness bother you?”
“That’s not exactly the word I’d use.”
She laughed, the sound bright and vibrant. “Okay, fine, but I’m going to jump in the shower first.”
“Good. I’ll go find you something to eat. Does anything in particular appeal to you?”
“Eggs. I don’t know why, but eggs sound amazing right now.”
“I’m pretty sure all we have is powdered.”
“That’s fine. What about cheese? Please tell me there’s cheese.”
Nikolai laughed as he shuffled past her to the doorway. “I doubt it, but I’ll check.”
“Nikolai?”
It was the first time she’d spoken his name, and he liked the way it sounded on her lips. “Yes?”
“Thanks for everything.”
“My pleasure.” He stepped through the doorway, but paused to look over his shoulder. “If you need me, I’ll hear you.”
She smiled as she tapped her temple. “Right. Built-in Bat Signal. Got it.” With a flick of her wrist, she ushered him away. “I’ll come find you when I’m finished, because we’re not finished talking.”
“I look forward to it, cara mia.”
Walking away from her was the hardest thing he’d ever done, and that included breaking into the Abraxas compound to rescue her. All the way out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen, he reminded himself that she was safe. No one knew where they were, and nothing would happen to her in the time it took her to shower.
“Is she okay?” Thea asked the moment he stepped into the small kitchen with its ancient appliances and country-chic décor. “Is she better? Did you tell her?”
Rhys wound an arm around his mate’s midsection and leaned in to kiss her temple. “Calm down, angel. Let him talk.”
“Oh, holy cow,” Roux exclaimed as she hurried around the sofa that separated the shabby living room from the kitchen. “She got you good, huh?” She pointed to Nikolai’s neck. “Are you okay?”
Even those in the cabin without supernatural hearing would have heard Kamara’s scream and her demands for him to stay away from her. He appreciated that none of them had mentioned it, and inquired only about her well-being, because he wasn’t in the mood to discuss his relationship issues.
“She’s okay. She’ll be down after she showers.”
“Well, that told us nothing,” Roux commented, turning to glare at Deke when he poked her in the ribs. “What? I just want to know how she is.” She turned back to Nikolai and fisted her hands on her hips. “Spill, Nik.”
Sighing, Nikolai turned to go search the tiny pantry for the canister of powdered eggs. “She’s emotional, erratic, up one minute and down the next. Mostly, I think she’s taking it well, all things considered.”
Eggs in hand, he returned to the electric stove, but stopped when Kamara’s voice slipped into his head.
“Am I crazy? I’m probably crazy. Maybe it’s all the drugs they gave me. Maybe something went wrong when I turned.”
He wanted to assure that she wasn’t crazy, that what she was feeling was perfectly normal for a newly turned vampire, but of course, he couldn’t. It was curious that she couldn’t hear his thoughts, but then again, he’d never known another vampire to meet their mate during their transition.
“Here, we got this,” Rhys offered kindly, holding his hand out for the canister of powdered eggs.
“You can hear her, right?” Thea rummaged through the cabinets, coming up a moment later with a small skillet that she placed on the corner burner of the range. “That’s how vampires recognize their mates? Is she okay?”
“Yes, on all three counts.”
Before he had a chance to say more, Rhys yelled across the room at Roux. “Hey, didn’t you pull some bacon from the freezer the other day?”
“Yep. On it.” Roux hurried around the island to the chipped and dented white refrigerator. “This place is surprisingly well-stocked.”
“There’s a group of about eight that stay here on a semi-permanent basis,” Deke answered. “They’re transporting a group to New Mexico, but they’ll be back in a few days.”
“How the hell can you possibly know that?”
Deke winked at his mate. “Someone named Sergeant Amelia Norton left a note.”
Nikolai had just wanted to prepare a simple meal for his mate. He hadn’t expected everyone to storm the kitchen and take over like they were preparing Sunday brunch.
“You guys are aware that I’m perfectly capable of making some eggs, yes?”
As one, they all turned to look at him, then went right back to their respective tasks.
“We’re aware.” Passing by him on her way to the refrigerator, Roux patted him on the shoulder with a sort of sisterly affection. “I think you have enough to be worrying about right now, though. Let us help you. That’s what friends do.”
The patio door opened on the other side of the kitchen, and Miles Irati strolled into the kitchen. “Damn, looks like she got you good.” He nodded at Nikolai’s neck, then held up a blood bag. “This should perk you up.”
Catching the blood bag the lieutenant tossed at him, Nikolai ripped the stem off the pouch and downed the contents in three long swallows. He knew better than to wait so long, and letting Kamara feed on him probably hadn’t been the best idea. With everything that had been happening, it wasn’t like any of them were getting regular meals, but if Rhys or Deke skipped breakfast, they weren’t likely to rip off someone’s head—literally.
“So, I have a question.” Removing the bacon from the fridge, Roux lobbed it across the room to Thea, then rested her elbows on the island countertop. “So, it’s not like in the movies, right? Vampires don’t burn in the sunlight. You’re not dead.” She waved her hand at Miles and fluttered her fingers. “Obviously.”
Nikolai dropped the empty blood bag into the waste bin, then leaned back against the opposite counter. “Are you approaching a point?”
She glared. “Yes. You’re the one who interrupted.”
“By all means.” He waved his hand, snorting at the feisty female.
“Okay, if you’re not all dead, does that mean you’re not all turned?”
“I wasn’t turned.”
“Me, either,” Miles added.
Thea shook her head, her eyes softening at the corners. “Zerrik was born a vampire.”
She put on the face of the good soldier, but it was evident to anyone paying attention that Thea was hurting. It was to be expected considering her best friend had been murdered right in front of her.
They’d all lost someone they cared about, either to the Purge or in the aftermath. There hadn’t been time to grieve, though, not when someone new wanted the rest of them dead at every turn. People needed to mourn, and until they did, they’d never really be able to let go. There’d always be a darkness, a hole, and that kind of emptiness could destroy a person.
Nikolai probably knew that better than any of them.
Unaware of his morose thoughts, Roux continued along the same vein of questioning. “Okay, then that means that vampires can be born?”
Miles and Nikolai nodded in unison.
“Then…how the hell do you feed a baby vamp blood?”
Of all the things she could have asked, that was the last thing Nikolai had expected. Catching him off guard, he stared at her blankly for several seconds before throwing his head back and roaring with laughter.
“This is what you think about?” he asked when he’d regained his composure. “You are very strange, Roux Jennings.”
“Just answer the question, Nik.”
“Breastfeeding. They bite their mothers when they breastfeed.” He spared a look at Miles, unsurprised to find the male shaking with barely contained amusement.
Roux grabbed her right breast and winced. “Baby vamps are born with fangs?”
Nikolai nodded solemnly. “Just little ones, though.”
Everyone in the room watched an array of expression play over Roux’s face. Her eyebrows drew together. Her nose scrunched. She pursed her lips. She tilted her head. She started to say something, stopped, then hummed a little as her brow furrowed deeper. Finally, she looked up at Nikolai with a steely glare.
“You made that up,” she accused.
Everyone in the room doubled over with unmitigated laughter. Goddess it felt good to laugh, to poke at little at a friend, and to just have five minutes of normal.
“Oh, hardy-fucking-har,” Roux groused, but her lips twitched conspicuously. “Make fun of the human chick. Awesome.”
“I’m sorry,” Nikolai apologized through his chuckles. “I couldn’t resist.”
“Fine, I forgive you, but I still want an answer.”
“Puberty,” Miles answered. “We don’t need blood until puberty.”
“Shifters don’t change for the first time until puberty,” Deke added, bending to kiss the top his mate’s head.
“Same for werewolves,” Rhys said over his shoulder as he stirred the skillet of eggs.
Roux gaped. “Wow, and here I thought zits and bleeding from my vagina were bad enough at that age.”
Naturally, every male in the room became instantly uncomfortable at the mere mention of a natural bodily function that didn’t affect them, Nikolai included. He wasn’t proud of his reaction—the way his nose curled or how an involuntary shudder rippled up his spine.
“Speaking of which,” Kamara called as she sashayed into the kitchen, “do I still have to deal with that every month?”
She’d dressed in a borrowed black tank top that clung to her small breasts and delicate curves like a second skin. The khaki cargo pants, however, appeared at least two sizes too big, sagging off narrow hips and creating a gap between her waistband and the hem of her shirt.
“No,” Nikolai answered, his voice filled with gravel, his eyes fixated on the smooth skin of her lower belly. “You’ll have all the symptoms, but you won’t…um…you know…”
“Bleed from my vagina?” she asked sweetly, batting her lashes a little too innocently.
“Okay, that’s awesome.” Miles turned one way, then the other, then around in a complete circle. “I’m going to go find, uh, people. The other people. Later.”
Before anyone could say anything or call him back, he was gone, hurrying out of the room through the back door that led to the covered patio.
“You are trouble.” Purring, Deke wound his arms around Roux’s middle and pulled her close. “Definitely a bad influence.”
Nikolai just smiled and held his hand out, pleased when Kamara took it without hesitation, allowing him to pull her next to his side. “I don’t think this one needs much influence. She’s bad enough on her own.”
His mate nodded. “Accurate.”
“Cara mia, you know Thea and Rhys already. This is Captain Deke Collins and his mate, Roux Jennings.”
Kamara gave them a little wave. “What about the one that just ran out of the room?”
“Miles Irati.”
“Hmm, okay. And these ‘people’ he went to find?”
“Luca and Deidra.”
Pulling away, she tilted her head back and stared up at him. “Deidra? Pretty werewolf with a bad attitude? She’s here?”
The apt description made him chuckle. “Indeed. She and Luca are taking stock of the armory out back.”
Kamara still held his hand, but she shuffled her bare feet and kept shooting glances at Thea from the corner of her eye. It hadn’t escaped his notice that she’d spoken only to him since entering the room, but her charming smile and easy banter had distracted him, not to mention the strip of bronzed skin showing at her hips. His ego had overclouded his better judgment, and for that, he was ashamed.
“Stay out of my head,” Kamara whispered into his mind. “I’m okay. I just…everything feels different now.”
Dipping his head, he pressed his mouth to her ear and whispered, “It’s different, but that doesn’t make it wrong. You’re safe here, cara mia.”
An indulgent grin curved her lips. “You’re sweet, but that’s not what I meant. I’m a badass vampire now, right? Not to mention I used to get shot at for a living. I can take care of myself.”
Of this, he had no doubt, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do everything in his power to protect her. It was in his blood, encoded in his DNA. From the moment he’d seen her, he knew he’d die for her.
“Never mind,” she insisted. “I was having a moment. I’m better now.”
“You’re worried they won’t accept you as you are now.”
Though he continued to keep his voice low, everyone in the room—apart from Roux maybe—could hear him. One of the few hazards of being friends with a houseful of Gemini. However, lack of privacy was the least of his concerns.
“Look around, Kamara. No one is going anywhere.”
“Maybe they’re afraid I’ll eat them if they make any sudden movements.”
“Petulance and self-pity do not become you, cara mia. You’re the same person you have always been.” He paused, his lips twitching against the shell of her ear. “Just moodier.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Straightening, she released his hand and took half a step to stand slightly in front of him. “Thea, I am so sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“If you apologize to me again,” Thea answered, “I’m going to punch you right in those shiny new fangs. Got it?”
As a general rule, Nikolai never hit a female, but if the shifter tried to hurt his mate, he might have to make an exception.
Although she wasn’t touching him, wasn’t looking at him, Kamara knew the instant Nikolai tensed. She could feel his mood shift, hear the sudden acceleration of his pulse. She couldn’t say how she knew he was angry, only that she could sense it, like the eerie sensation of being watched.
Pinpointing the cause of his sudden dissension took little imagination.
“Calm down, Nik,” she sent directly to his mind. “She’s not really going to hit me, and even if she does, I’m pretty sure I can take her. Leave it alone.”
His heartbeat slowed almost at once, and he reached out to skim his fingertips up the back of her arm. “I understand. I’m calm now.”
With emotions, sensations, desires, and needs all warring inside her, to say she’d been preoccupied and a little self-centered would be an understatement. She’d been around enough Gemini to know their habits and instincts when it came to their mates, and she couldn’t change his drive to protect her any more than he could. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to change it.
From the moment he’d walked into her temporary bedroom, she’d felt drawn to him. Being near him soothed her. His touch swaddled her in comfort and safety. He’d been patient and kind, refusing to abandon her even when she’d nearly killed him. It hadn’t been a huge leap to guess they were connected in some way, especially since he’d been invading her dreams for so long.
When he’d confirmed she was indeed his mate, a chosen partner guided to him by fate or destiny or divine intervention, he’d only confirmed what she’d already suspected. Of course, she knew as much about mating a vampire as she did about being one.
In the old world with its old ways, she’d have balked at the idea of being bound to someone she barely knew. She’d never been the type to believe in love at first sight or soul mates. Honestly, she’d been cynical of love in general. She’d be thirty-three in the spring, and she’d only had one serious relationship, which had ended in heartbreak, trust issues, and a continuing phobia of commitment.
With Nikolai, she felt none of that. She couldn’t explain if she tried, but she felt it, the incomprehensible yet undeniable fact that he would never hurt her or destroy her trust. He’d already proven that he couldn’t lie to her, and even if he tried, she felt sure she’d be able to detect any untruth.
Nikolai’s palm pressed against hers, and he linked their fingers together before pulling her back by his side. “You’re right. I will never hurt you,” he promised. “I’ll never lie to you.”
“Stay out of my head,” she chastised, but without any real heat or conviction.
In reality, she was beginning to enjoy that part of their connection. She just wished it would work in reverse.
“It will,” he assured her. “We’ll figure out what’s blocking it, cara mia. I promise. I have no secrets from you.”
No secrets.
He’d never lie to her.
God, she was such a hypocrite. She expected those things from him, despite knowing him for only a few hours. It wasn’t fair to hold him to a higher standard, not when she was hiding secrets of her own.
“Kamara?”
Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, aware that everyone in the room had been silently following her exchange with her…mate. Fuck, this was really happening. She was really a vampire, mated to another vampire, and not just any bloodsucker. No, not her. She couldn’t do things the easy way. Instead, she’d gone and found herself the fated partner of a goddamn prince.
Eyes open, she released the breath she’d been holding and squeezed his hand. “Is there somewhere we can talk? In private?”
“Yes, of c—”
“Cade!” Roux yelled loud enough to wake the dead as she rushed across the living room to the bottom of the steps to throw her arms around the male standing there. “You’re awake.”
“Nothing gets past you,” Cade quipped, but his tone sounded hollow.
The male didn’t have the benefit of a vampire blood transfusion like Kamara. Where she’d mostly recovered from her ordeal with the Abraxas coven, at least physically, Cade still looked close to death.
His skin had taken on a sickly gray hue, and it stretched too tightly over his diminished frame. Dark bruises swept under his sunken eyes, and track marks ran up and down both of his forearms. His head had been shaved, like hers, and he rounded his shoulders as he crossed the room, his body vibrating with involuntary shakes.
If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was a heroin addict coming down from his latest binge.
“Here.” Thea slid a plate of bacon across the island. “Don’t argue, Novak. Just eat it.”
Kamara nodded. “It’ll help. You need the iron.”
Picking up one of the crispy slices of bacon, Cade used it to point at her. “You look better.”
“Trust me. You don’t want to get better the way I did.” Tilting her head back, she opened her mouth to reveal her pointed canines. “Not exactly FDA approved.”
From what she knew about Cade Novak, he had a definite hate-on for all things paranormal. His time with the Abraxas coven could only have deepened his dislike, but she hoped he’d realize that the people in the room were his friends.
“Damn,” he breathed. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He folded the bacon twice and popped the entire thing into his mouth, chewing slowly as he continued to watch her. “You don’t seem that upset about it.”
Kamara shrugged. “Better than dead.”
“That’s one person’s opinion.”
Nikolai and Deke growled, Roux gasped, and Thea dropped her head and groaned.
Kamara, however, smiled. “Yes, and considering my opinion about my own body is the only one that matters, you can shove yours right up your ass.”
“Whatever.”
Bristling, she marched around the island and prodded his chest with her index finger. “What happened to us sucks, no doubt. You could show a little fucking appreciation, though. These people?” Pausing, she waved a hand around the room to encompass everyone there. “They risked their lives to save ours. Don’t be a dick.”
A slow smile curled his dry lips. “Fair enough.”
That had been far too easy. “What?”
Placing a second slice of bacon back on its plate, Cade rested both hands on the countertop and sighed. “I wasn’t commenting about you being a vampire,” he relented. “I meant that some people might find death a better option than living with those memories.”
“Cade.” With a pinched expression, Roux shook her head. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Not me.” He smiled at her, but it was tight and obviously forced. “You know I’m too stubborn to go down without a fight.” With what appeared to be a great deal of effort, he looked around the kitchen, meeting each person’s questing gaze. “Thank you.”
He didn’t say more, but it was enough, and Kamara imagined putting aside his own prejudices to extend the gratitude hadn’t been easy.
“So, if you weren’t talking about yourself or Kamara, then…” Trailing off, Roux looked over her shoulder toward the staircase. “Duncan?”
Cade nodded. “All I’m saying is that you might want to keep an eye on him. I don’t think he should be alone right now.”
“I’ll go.” Turning off the stove burner, Thea kissed her mate’s cheek, then hurried to the stairs.
While worried for Duncan, something else Cade had said struck Kamara. “Wait. Back up.”
“Which part?”
“Did you just say you remember what happened?”
Everyone perked up, all eyes on Cade.
“Me?” He shrugged. “Not much. Just flashes here and there.”
“But Duncan remembers?” Kamara pressed. “What has he told you? Does he know anything about what happened to Abby?”
Ducking his head, Cade rubbed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t the most informative conversation. He wasn’t making a lot of sense, to be honest.”
Deke shoved away from the sofa where he’d been quietly watching the exchanged. “Then, how do you know he remembers anything?”
Hands still resting on the back of his neck, Cade lifted his had just far enough to look at the shifter. “Trust me. I know.”
“Maybe I should go check on them,” Rhys mumbled as he rounded the island.
His concern proved to be both well-placed and unnecessary. Footsteps pounded down the stairs, and Thea jogged back into the kitchen, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed. She looked at everyone gathered and shook her head.
“He’s gone.”