Derek

Every morning before practice, I’d seen Hayden leaving the café, her face a stony mask, without the usual smile or the spring in her step. I’d fucked up, and she was paying the price. Spending the whole week without her had been agony. I’d thought I could get over her, but the more time I spent away, the more I wanted to go to her.

“Heads up, D!” someone shouted. I couldn’t tell who it was, because my head wasn’t in the game. However, the warning was too late. The searing pain of the football slamming into my back brought me out of my inner turmoil, and all I saw was red.

Growling, I picked up the ball and jerked around, ready to kill. “Who threw the fucking ball?”

A couple of the guys backed away, lifting their hands in the air. But then I found the culprit, with his arms crossed over his chest: Blaine McCarthy. “I did,” he snapped.

I charged toward him and threw the ball right at his head. Unfortunately, I missed. “You got a problem, dickface?” McCarthy was a prick who thought he was better than everyone else. I’d been itching to get a piece of him ever since I joined the team. Some would say Jax was worse, but I had to disagree. I tolerated him because he was part of the team, but I was in no fucking mood to deal with him today.

Nose to nose, I faced off with him. He was ready for a fight and so was I. He tried to push me off and I reacted the only way I knew how: I punched him square in the jaw. His head snapped to the side, but then he recovered and started to lunge.

Evan jumped in between us while Cooper held McCarthy back. “Dammit, D, calm the fuck down,” Evan growled, holding me back. Breathing hard, I glared at McCarthy as he pushed Cooper away.

McCarthy pointed at me, his face full of fury. “You’ve been playing like shit all week. Either you’re here or you’re not. If you can’t get your head in the game, you need to get the fuck off the field.”

“McCarthy, that’s enough!” Evan shouted. My anger slowly dissipated as McCarthy’s words sank in; he had a point. With my head not in the game, the team would be affected.

Coach Joel caught up to us, his calm gaze moving between us. Hitting McCarthy had been a mistake, but it’d felt good to do it. Now I had to face the consequences.

“What’s going on, boys?” Joel asked.

Sighing, I closed my eyes for a second and then faced him, but it was McCarthy who answered. “It was just a misunderstanding, Coach. Everything’s fine now.”

Joel snorted. “Your face doesn’t look fine.” Then he looked at me. “Looks like you need to cool off. Go to the locker room, now.”

“Yes, Coach.”

Once inside, I sat in front of my locker, holding my head in my hands. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get it together?

“Derek?” Kate’s voice echoed from the doorway. “You in here?”

“I’m here,” I answered.

I could hear her footsteps and looked up to find her staring at me. “Care to talk about what happened out there?”

Huffing, I sat back and banged my head against the lockers. “Did Joel ask you to counsel me?”

Kate pursed her lips. “No, I came here of my own free will.” She sat down beside me, her expression soft and full of concern. “I saw what happened on the field. Care to talk about it?”

“I fucked up, Kate. Not just on the field but with everything else in my life.”

“Are you referring to Hayden?”

I nodded. “I lied to her and did something I shouldn’t have. Now there’s no way in hell she’ll ever talk to me again.”

“Have you even tried?”

Clenching my teeth, I avoided her stare. “No.”

“Then how do you know? Hayden seems like a smart, reasonable woman. I’m sure she’ll talk to you if you put forth the effort.”

I shook my head. “You don’t know what I did.”

“Why don’t you tell me?” When I met her gaze, I knew she could see right through me. Eyes wide, she looked as if she could kill me herself. “Holy shit, are you serious? Please tell me you didn’t have sex with her and then leave.”

I held up my hands in defeat. “I didn’t know what else to do. Being with her scares the ever-loving fuck out of me. I feel things I’ve never felt before.”

“Even with Brianna?” she asked.

The guilt came roaring back. “Things are different with Hayden. I miss Brianna more than anything, but what I feel for Hayden surpasses everything I had for her. I feel guilty.”

“Derek, no,” she murmured softly. Taking my hand, she held it gently in hers. “You can’t not feel things because of your love for Brianna. We all know you still love her, but she’s not here anymore. She’d want you to find happiness again. If you feel so strongly for Hayden, that’s a good sign. It means you’re finally moving on. There is nothing to feel guilty for.”

I squeezed her hand. “So you don’t think badly of me for falling for another woman?”

She giggled and kissed my cheek. “Of course not. But I will be pissed at you if you don’t try to work things out with Hayden. She’s a good match for you.” Getting to her feet, she pulled on my hand and I stood. “After practice, you better go to her. Promise me you will.”

“I promise,” I answered with a chuckle.

“Good, because if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass.”

“And if I do, Hayden will do it for you. Either way, I’m getting what I deserve.” I just had to hope Hayden would listen to me.

After practice, I showered and made my way to Stonebrooke Veterinary Hospital, hoping Hayden was still there. I was afraid if I called her, she’d avoid me. Luckily, her car was there, so I waited. When the door opened, I watched as Amanda left with the blond girl who’d tried to flirt with me the last time I was there. A few minutes later, Hayden walked out, but she wasn’t alone.

“What the fuck is going on here?” I grumbled to myself.

It wasn’t Michael but another guy who was around my age. His gaze was fixed on Hayden, and I didn’t like it; he wanted her. I could see it in the way he stood protectively at her side and in the way he smiled at her. All I wanted was to see her face, but her back was to me. I started to get out of my truck but stopped when he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. An overwhelming sense of rage consumed me, and I gripped the wheel as tightly as I could.

I didn’t have a right to her, but dammit to hell, I wanted to be the one with her, kissing her. By the time I looked back over at them, they were gone. I’d missed my chance. The thought of her with another man was enough to drive me in-fucking-sane. Putting my truck in gear, I sped down the road, not knowing what the hell I was going to do. I was half-tempted to show up at her house and demand that she talk to me, but that wasn’t going to work with her, not while I was angry.

Nothing was going to help until I got her back. The Carolina Tavern was up ahead, so I pulled in to catch my breath. As if on cue, Michael walked out the back door, carrying a bag of takeout. Opening the truck door, I rushed out to catch him.

“Michael!” I shouted. He turned and caught my gaze only to stare daggers at me and continue walking. “Michael, wait!”

He flipped me off, and I completely deserved it. “Fuck off,” he growled, unlocking his BMW. Before he could get in, I slammed my hand on the door, shutting it. His nostrils flared and his look could kill. “You have a lot of nerve, McLaughlin.” The guy had balls, but I could snap him in half. Still, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Hayden’s best friend.

“I know Hayden’s mad at me, but you’re the only one who can help.”

“You’ve lost your fucking mind. I’m not helping you do a damn thing,” he spat. “Now get the hell out of my way.”

I refused to move my hand, desperate for him to listen to me. “Give me five minutes. That’s all I ask.”

He glared at me. “Two and then I’m out of here.”

“Fine,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I messed up with Hayden. I know that. Never in a million years would I admit this to anyone, but that girl fucking terrifies me. After my girlfriend and child were killed in the accident, I lost all hope of ever caring for anyone ever again.”

He gasped. “She was pregnant? I didn’t know that.”

I looked down at the ground. “Not many people did. The media didn’t publicize that part as much.”

“Man, I’m sorry.”

I cleared my throat and continued. “I never planned on falling for Hayden, but I did. The thought of losing her scares the shit out of me, but not having her is worse. I thought I could push her away and save myself.”

Michael huffed. “Well, while you were thinking about yourself, Hayden cried herself to sleep every night. I know because I’ve been with her. I haven’t seen her like that in a long time.”

“That’s why you need to help me make it better.”

He shook his head. “Not going to happen. After your so-called one-night stand, Hayden went home and found some pretty disturbing things about you. It looks like you have a habit of screwing anything that walks. Judging by the pictures, you’ve been with hundreds. That’s not the kind of guy I want for her.”

“I’m not like that anymore,” I challenged. “I wasn’t like that when I was with Brianna, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be like that with Hayden.”

“Prove it. Instead of talking to me, why don’t you look for her yourself?”

My jaw tensed. “I did and found her in the arms of another man. I got pissed and left.”

His brows furrowed. “Another man? Who the hell are you talking about?”

“Fuck if I know. He walked out of the clinic with her.”

Recognition flashed on his face. “Must be Jeremiah.”

“Who is he?” I asked, growling the words.

“He’s one of our colleagues, and he has a major hard-on for Hayden. I suggest you move fast if you want her back. You might be too late.”

“I can’t be,” I said. Then an idea popped in my mind, and I grabbed his shoulders. “I have a plan and I need your help. I’m leaving tomorrow morning for another pre-season game in Atlanta. I want you to make sure Hayden watches it. I’ll make my move then.”

“What are you going to do?”

Slapping him on the arm, I smiled and started toward my truck. “You’ll see. Just make sure she watches it. I won’t let her down this time, I promise.”

Michael sighed in defeat. “If I do this, you owe me!” he shouted.

I stopped at my truck. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to collect,” he said, grinning wide. I didn’t care what it was. I would do anything to get Hayden back.