Ever since I’d woken up yesterday and found Hannah gone, living had felt like walking through hell. No note…nothing. She wouldn’t answer my texts. Didn’t answer my calls.

I stared out the window of Dad’s office at nothing and everything. Riley Realty sat in a prime location downtown. Situated on the top floor, the views were magnificent, but all of a sudden seemed lackluster.

Rose, Dad’s secretary, poked her head in. “Mr. Riley?”

It was funny to be called by Dad’s name. I turned around, expecting him to be behind me looking over my work. Evaluating and criticizing every dotted i and crossed t. Oh, he was there all right, but not in the flesh. He lived in my head, constantly reminding me that I wasn’t enough.

“Rose, you’ve known me since I was born. Call me Decker…please. Mr. Riley will always be my father, and I am not my father.”

The older woman nodded. In her early fifties, she looked much older, but I imagine that came with the job. “Your mother is here.”

I rolled my lower lip between two fingers. If Mom was here, that meant Dad was doing better. Maybe he’d surprise us and make it out of the hospital after all.

“Send her in.”

Dressed in navy blue and white Chanel, Mom looked like she’d walked hot off a magazine cover, not out of the hospital ICU.

I stood up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You can walk in, Mom. You never need an invitation or an announcement.”

“I brought tea.” In her hands were two cardboard to-go cups. There was no doubt she’d stopped by Dushanbe. “Moroccan Mint for you. Oolong for me.”

Normally, I’d be pleased with her selfless gesture, but even the smell made my chest tighten. Somehow I’d totally messed it up with Hannah. I couldn’t get the woman out of my mind, and as evidenced by her complete dismissal, I was obviously purged from her thoughts.

“John tells me you were on a date when we brought your father to the hospital.” Mom placed her tea on the desk and sat in the chair in front. “He says she’s a nice girl. Tell me about her. Hannah, is it?” She smoothed her skirt with her hands, and then gave me that mom look that said, tell me everything.

“We had one date, and that was it. She’s not interested.” A punch to the chest would have felt better than admitting that.

“What happened?” Always poised, Mom should have been the first lady of the United States, not the first lady of an egotistical real estate mogul.

“It’s just not a good time, Mom.” I twirled my finger in the air. “Look around you. Do I seem like the kind of guy who’s going to have time to date?”

Mom was like a professional poker player. Her face rarely showed her emotions. Her only give was a slight nibble of her lower lip.

“Decker, I’m proud of you, but this is your dad’s legacy. Not yours.” She leaned across the table and took my hands. “If you like this girl, make time for her.”

“I liked her plenty, but it’s too complicated.”

Mom’s thumbs rubbed across my knuckles. “Your dad was always driven. It was one of the things I fell in love with. He pursued me as hard as he did the next sale. Don’t think for a minute he didn’t go after what he wanted with vigor.”

It only made me feel worse to hear Dad took the time to get what he wanted because I never felt like he’d taken the time for me. Then again, he did spend countless hours teaching me the business—involving me in and entrusting me with his most prized possession. Maybe every red mark on a contract, every look of disapproval was his way of telling me he loved me. Life was too damn confusing.

“It is my legacy. It’s what he wants, and I’ll be damned if I’ll disappoint him.”

“I love that you want to please him. But at the end of the day, it’s more important that you make yourself happy. Your father lived by his own set of rules. You should too.”

I rubbed the exhaustion from my eyes. I had dove into my new normal. Meetings were intense. Work was hard. Time evaporated quickly. “How is Dad?” I stopped by the hospital yesterday once I’d delivered the contract to the bank. Instead of an atta boy, I got a long list of new to-dos.

Mom’s eyes filled with sorrow. “When he’s not in pain, he’s a tyrant. When he is in pain, he’s worse. They’ve given him a morphine button.”

I struggled to come to terms with this love/hate thing I had going with my father. I didn’t want him to die and me to be left with regret. That thought alone reinforced the decision I made, in that moment, to be everything he wanted me to be.

“I’ll stop by the hospital later.”

She leaned back and picked up her tea. “He’ll love that. He really lights up when you come to visit.”

Yeah, but it’s not happiness, it’s the flames of agitation and anger that make him glow. “Can I bring anything?”

“No, sweetheart, we have everything we need.” Mom took her tea and left. I stared at mine and thought about Hannah. Clearly, it had all been too much for a first date.

* * *

The sun had set when I walked into the hospital with a briefcase full of contracts—signed contracts. I’d busted my ass all day to get ahead of the game. Poor Rose looked pale with exhaustion when she left.

I marched into Dad’s room with a confidence that only existed on the surface. At some point in the day, I’d decided the only way to deal with my father was to go in with a take-no-prisoners attitude.

“Hey, Dad.” I ignored his orange skin and haunting yellow eyes. I pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed across from where my mother sat.

“Decker? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I was at work for twelve hours.” I set the briefcase on the edge of the bed. “Just wanted to bring the contracts I’ve worked out today. We have five closings tomorrow. Three on Wednesday. Thursday I’m booked with meetings. Friday I go into final negotiations for the Trident Building.” I pulled out a stack of folders and set them on his chest. “Just wanted you to know that things are going fine. I’ve got it under control.” I wouldn’t tell him that each contract I read made me want to rush to the nearest bar and drink a bottle. That each meeting made my insides churn like a hundred hornets were buzzing and stinging me at random.

“You did all that?” Dad tried to sit up but was too weak. Mom pressed the button that brought him upright.

“It’s what you pay me to do.” I closed the briefcase. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting a friend.”

“Hannah?” Mom asked.

“Not tonight.” I offered Dad a handshake. His once firm grip was frail and weak. “Happy reading.”

After a quick kiss and hug for Mom, I left. My first stop was the liquor store for a bottle of vodka. My second stop was The Dive so I could give Tanner a chance to talk me out of plunging into hell.

Like usual he was manning the bar.

“You look like hell, man.” Tanner’s eyes missed nothing, especially the bag-covered bottle in my left hand. “You on the fence? Or have you fallen off already?”

I slammed the unopened bottle on the bar. “Still sealed but calling to me. No, that’s not accurate. It’s screaming my damn name so loud I can’t think of anything else.” Except Hannah.

“This about your dad?”

“I’m not sure anymore. It’s about a lot of things.”

Tanner took the bottle, opened the top and poured the liquid down the sink. “Start talking.”

I’d done the same thing for him when his wife left him. She was also an alcoholic and didn’t like him sober. He didn’t like her drunk. Also a fixer, Tanner tried to lure her to the light side—the sober side. But she preferred the dark.

I told him about working my ass off and hating every minute of it. “I’m not lazy,” I stated. “I’m all in when it’s a good cause. I just don’t see world domination by land deals a worthy use of my time or resources.”

“What do you want to do?” He poured me a cup of coffee and leaned against the back bar.

“I want to be a fixer like you and Hannah. I want to end my life knowing I made someone’s life better.”

“You’re doing that now with your dad.” He said it with a shrug. “Finish what you started. It doesn’t have to be a lifetime choice. Just a choice that doesn’t leave you with regrets.”

He was right. The only thing was, it felt like a lifetime decision. “He wants me to grow old and gray behind that desk.”

Tanner wiped at the already clean counter. “And JC Penney started as a catalog. Everything changes. If you continue to live in the past, you’ll never have a future. Now tell me about Hannah. She’s a cute little thing.”

I gave him the abbreviated version. I left out the hot sex and went straight to her refusal to take my calls.

“Is she a worthy cause?” Tanner grinned at me. I knew that look. It said, I’m giving a lesson with your words.

“She could be everything.” Even before I’d tasted her and had sunk myself deep inside her, she had been in me. She’d burrowed under my skin with her smile and her laughter. I liked the spunky side of her that threatened me with a butter knife before she bandaged my arm.

“Then I imagine you should go all in.”

My fingers ran over the rough scabbed skin destined to become a scar, but it would be one I’d remember fondly because it had brought me to Hannah.

“You’re right. She ran, and I need to know why.” I tossed a twenty on the bar.

“You know you don’t have to pay for anything here.” He pushed the twenty toward me.

“Keep it, man. You just saved me again. Surely that’s worth twenty bucks.”

Tanner chuckled. “Well, tonight I’ll go to sleep knowing I did something worthwhile.”