“He won’t even listen to me!” I scream, sobbing into my hands as I sit in my bedroom. I haven’t used this room as anything more than a changing room in months, not since our trip to the cabin and us starting to sleep together. But now I’ve retreated here, letting out my anger, my sadness, and my frustration in a safe place where I know I won’t hurt him with my.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and I wipe at my eyes furiously, knowing I can’t let Rick see me like this. He’s made his decision, and while I want him to change it, I can’t let him see me like this. I won’t let his final months be ruined by my crying. “Come in.”

The door opens, and Freida enters quietly, coming over and sitting down next to me. Without saying a word she wraps her arms around my shoulders. The simple gesture is all I need to start sobbing again, stroking my hair and holding me close. “If it helps, I understand,” she says softly. “I had to go have a cry myself.”

“I… I didn’t want to love him,” I rasp, sitting up and taking a tissue Freida’s somehow made appear from nowhere. “I told myself over and over again that this was all just a business arrangement, that the time with him was just a way to get more comfortable, to lower stress so that I could have the baby… but it didn’t help.”

Freida nods, wiping at her own eyes. “I could see it happening, but I didn’t say anything because I kept hoping that Rick would change his mind. But that man… maybe an inventor and businessman like him has to be strong willed, but he’s the most stubborn son of a bitch I’ve ever known. I swear the reason he’s been able to survive with his disease for this damn long is because he’s too damn hard headed to die.”

“But he is… and he won’t try to save himself,” I whisper. “I want him to stay with me. We can have another baby.”

“He won’t take the risk. Rick’s always been pretty altruistic, for all his self styling after Alexander the Great and all that shit when he was younger,” Freida says. “He knows, and I know, how dangerous Harvey Stone is. It’s not that he wants to start a war, but in the pursuit of power Harvey won’t care if the wrong irresponsible people get ahold of Rick’s technology. The stuff that’s in the vaults… Su Lin, a lot of it is scary. He’s actually held back on some of the ideas he’s had, but if he dies then Harvey gets them all. Rick can’t risk the baby on the odds, the danger is too much.”

“But… but I love him,” I repeat, feeling like the rest of the world can burn for all I care. “Why can’t he see that?”

“He does, I know he does,” Freida says. “If I could see it, you know Rick can.”

“But he doesn’t love me,” I half sob. “Aren’t you supposed to say it when the other person says it to you?”

Freida sighs, side hugging me again. “I don’t think Rick ever will say it. In his mind Su Lin, he’s saving you from pain and having to carry around a ghost in the long run. When he met you I could see it in the way he talked about you, he thinks you’re an amazing woman. And he wants you, after he’s gone, to be able to find someone who will love you as much as you deserve. So he won’t say it… even if he does love you.”

“You think he does?” I ask, and Freida nods.

“I think he loves you more than life itself. I think if he’s going to have a miracle and be able to see your child born, it’s because of that love, and something else.”

“What?” I ask. Freida turns on the bed to me, taking my hands as she looks me in the eyes gravely. “But-”

“But nothing. The only way he’ll be able to get that far is if he has your strength by his side. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I nod, wiping at my eyes. “He’ll never see me cry.”

* * *

“And you have the notary’s form?” the clerk asks in a bored voice. She probably handles a hundred cases a day, and on the surface what I’m doing doesn’t look all that different than any of the other things she does.

The Mankato city office isn’t very remarkable, considering what I’ve seen over the months that I’ve been in Minnesota. If there is anything to make it noteworthy, it’s the bone chilling cold that seems to seep even through the triple paned windows and thick insulation, a product of the foot deep snow outside. The sky is leaden, I’m sure there’s going to be another snowfall this afternoon, which is why I asked Freida to bring me into town to take care of this.

“Yes,” I reply, handing over the form. Among other things, Freida’s a certified notary public. Sometimes I wonder if the woman isn’t a secret agent at times as well. “Here you are.”

The clerk looks it over, nodding. “The fee is twenty five dollars.”

I hand over the cash, and she stamps a receipt, handing it back to me. “There you are. Have a nice day.”

I can hear her call for the next customer as I walk away, looking at the simple receipt. It doesn’t say much, but I know it’s powerful. It’s proof that, when Rick is too sick to make decisions or is otherwise incapacitated, I have full power of attorney. It was Rick’s idea, as he reviewed his life in his preparations to die. The corporate bylaws that establish that Harvey can’t take over once our child is born also have a loophole that could allow Harvey to act in any gap where Rick can’t, but the baby isn’t born yet. Just in case, Rick wanted to make sure I’m triple covered, as he put it.

I pull the hood up on my sweatshirt as I walk out into the frigid Minnesota air, gasping as I always do and making me suck in more of the lung-searing Arctic atmosphere. Freida’s waiting for me behind the wheel of the big Toyota truck that Rick has for this sort of weather, tires swaddled in chains and four wheel drive making sure it’ll take a lot more than some snow to stop this beast.

“You know, you’ve really gotta learn how to hold your breath and breathe shallowly through your mouth until you’re used to it,” Freida says in an attempt at humor when I close the door, coughing and rubbing at my throat. “Didn’t it ever get cold in Beijing?”

“Sure,” I hack out, peeling off my scarf and feeling the heater on my face, “but that was at night, and it’d get a little below freezing or so. Not this. How do people live in this sort of weather?”

“With a good fireplace and warm food,” Freida says. Since my crying in her arms, she’s been a constant source of strength for me, her ever present good humor allowing me to go this past month without breaking down. She’s taken me to doctor’s appointments, helped Rick as his body’s weakened, and more. I don’t know what I’d do without her. “Come on, let’s get you home, you’ve got a prenatal checkup tomorrow.”

“Wait,” I say as I look at the paper in my hand, “Freida… this power of attorney, it starts working once Rick is unable to make his wishes known, yes?”

“Yes,” Freida says, shifting the truck back into park. “Why?”

“I want to talk to Dr. Gordon,” I tell her. “Tomorrow, when we go to the hospital, make sure he’s available too.”

Freida narrows her eyes, giving me a questioning look. “Are you thinking what I think you are? You know I won’t let you hurt the baby.”

“No, nothing will happen to my child,” I reply, taking her hand. “But… well, I’ve been doing a little bit of reading on the Internet, and I had an idea that I want to talk over with Dr. Gordon. I just hope there’s enough time.”

Freida nods, and we pull out of the parking lot. As we drive slowly through the streets, not rushing and getting into an accident, Freida turns the heat down. She doesn’t need it as much as I do, she’s used to this madness. As we turn away from downtown and start the drive back towards the estate, she speaks up again. “By the way, I know Rick won’t say anything… but happy Valentine’s Day.”

I smile, looking over. “I know he won’t, but I’m sort of at peace with that. You’re right, Rick can’t say it, he’s too stubborn. And I won’t annoy him about it. But if he can’t say it, then I’ll just love him a lifetime’s worth in the next few months.”

Freida nods, swallowing back a lump in her throat and keeps driving. Just as we get close to the estate, she speaks up again. “Don’t ever change, Su Lin.”

I smile, rubbing my stomach. It’s starting to bulge now, which makes me happy. “I plan on doing a lot of changing. But I’ll need the help of a very strong woman next to me to make those changes. Know anyone interested in the job?”

“I might.”