“What a wonderful day to be alive!” Elspeth exclaimed as she twirled in the fresh air, arms spread wide.

Someone groaned. “You do realize it’s gray and soggy.”

“Nothing wrong with gray. My grandma has gray hair, and she’s awesome!” She was also quick with the wooden spoon, which led to Elspeth being light on her feet.

Babette peered one-eyed, much like a pirate, at the overcast, dripping sky. “I spent an hour straightening my hair, and now because you insisted on having that cab drop us a mile from the house, it’s ruined.”

“Exercise does the body good.”

“That’s an infomercial slogan, and again, since you seem to not realize it, it’s raining!” Babette shook her fist at the dark clouds.

“Isn’t it glorious?” Elspeth held out her hands to feel the sprinkling raindrops, the moisture a balm to the skin. “I love the rain. It’s nature’s way of nourishing the soil, which, in turn, allows life to flourish and bloom. April showers bring May flowers,” she sang.

“Gag me with a spoon.”

“Why dirty a spoon when you can just shove your fingers down your throat? Do you need help? You can borrow mine. They’re long.” She did so love to offer aid to her friends. Not that Babette considered herself Elspeth’s best friend yet. She was shy that way, claiming she didn’t need one.

However, Elspeth knew better. Now that Deka had gone off with that handsome beau of hers, Babette needed someone to take her spot—and Elspeth was determined to be that girl! Especially since her last best friend ran away.

That was the last time she listened to her mother when she said “if you love something set it free.” Her friend took flight and left Elspeth with an opening.

Babette slapped down Elspeth’s hand. “I don’t need your help to throw up. Just keep talking, that will do the trick.”

“I’m a little concerned about your obsession with vomiting. I do hope this isn’t a cry for help. Bulimia is a very severe illness.”

“I am not bulimic.”

“That’s the spirit.” But Elspeth made a note to keep a close eye on Babette just in case. Arranging an intervention was exactly the kind of thing a good friend did. In the meantime, someone needed to know she was loved just the way she was.

“Put me the fuck down!” squealed her almost-best friend.

At a touch over six feet, Elspeth knew how to give the best hugs, the kind that lifted a person off the ground and made them feel special. Ignoring the false protests, she squeezed Babette—who didn’t even reach her chin—tightly.

Crack. Something in Babette’s spine adjusted, and not for the first time, Elspeth wondered if perhaps her talents were wasted.

I should be a doctor!

She’d tried to apply at the local clinic. They’d declined, citing some need for an actual medical degree. Crazy talk. Who needed certification in chiropractic medicine when it came naturally via Elspeth’s super-duper therapeutic hugs?

“Would you stop it already,” Babette said, pretending to sound grumpy. Elspeth knew it was just a sham because, hello, everyone loved a hug. “We’re gonna be late for the meeting with our king.”

How responsible of her new best friend to remind her. “Late for a very important date! We can’t have that. Fear not, my short-legged bestie. I’ll get us there on time.” Tossing Babette over her shoulder, Elspeth ran for the large house, a mansion by most standards, but to dragons, it was just a house—with a few dozen bedrooms and a ballroom fit for royalty. Human royalty, to be specific.

Dragons preferred to party in the open air when possible, where they could spread their wings and fly. There was nothing like feeling the air currents under a dragon’s wings.

Elspeth had been doing a lot more flying lately now that the world—AKA the humans—knew of their existence. It had become hard to deny with social media having caught them several times now. The oft-repeated excuse of “fake news!” no longer worked. Especially after a dragon in France went on a talk show and demonstrated live for an audience. Was offered a book deal right after. Only, that dragon disappeared.

The Fleur de Lys Sept—which eschewed a color because they prided themselves on their diversity—claimed they’d placed the dragon in protective custody since the world knew her face.

How kind of them, especially since the North American Septs told their members that they’d be skinned alive if they pulled a stunt like that.

Elspeth had no interest in talking to the media; however, she didn’t mind the world knowing about their existence.

Sure, some of her kind grumbled about knights coming out of the woodwork to slay them, and the internet ruminated about dragon hoards—and there seemed to be an inordinately high number of ladies claiming to be virgins on dating sites—but personally, Elspeth thought everyone was happy to discover their existence.

Why, just the other day, she’d made some children extra happy by taking them for a ride in the sky. Their mother, obviously upset that she was too heavy to join them, had screamed and sobbed on the ground the entire time.

When Elspeth landed and returned her brood, she’d patted the mother on the head and trilled, “You’re welcome.” The woman peed herself in excitement.

It felt good to give back to society.

Entering the house via a door that opened just in time—unlike the last time when she’d crashed into it—she remembered to kick off her shoes. Cleanliness was only part of the reason.

With Babette firmly situated on her shoulder, Elspeth dashed down the hall of the house, the marble floors—streaked with gold and polished to a high gleam—slippery. Once she’d gained enough speed, she slid, her momentum carrying her.

“Whee!” she squealed. Babette groaned. Probably because she was upset that she’d forgotten to wear socks and couldn’t glide, too.

Elspeth really should keep some tucked on her person for the next time, so her bestie could join her in the fun.

She executed a turn to brake by the double doors leading into the king’s office—formerly the Silver Sept’s formal library. Rather than take over the Silvergrace matriarch’s office, the king had opted for a grander space with books. Elspeth assumed the king had chosen it because he was so smart. However, others claimed it was because he liked the easy access to the garden, where he could escape.

Which was also really smart. Despite the fact that their Golden king had mated, some of the more eager mamas with marriageable daughters were still trying to change his mind.

Luckily for Elspeth, her mother had stopped trying to play matchmaker, especially after what had happened in Hawaii. Apparently, Akamu—her suitor—still wouldn’t go anywhere near the ocean.

“Put me down,” Babette demanded, giving a little wiggle.

Elspeth neatly flipped Babette onto her feet and exclaimed, “We’re here. And on time. You’re so very welcome.”

Her bestie peered at her via a squinted eye. Did she need glasses? A monocle would be cooler.

“Don’t you dare lay hands on me again,” Babette grumbled.

Elspeth didn’t take offense. Poor Babette did her best to hide how she suffered after Elspeth’s gentle letdown where she’d explained to a gaping Babette that she preferred boys. But Elspeth had thought it better to tell Babette upfront than lead her on.

“Sorry for not taking into account your unrequited lust for me. It won’t be long before you meet someone you can lavish your desires on.”

“I desire to throttle you.”

“Have you been exercising with those hand grips I gave you? I think we both remember how well it worked last time.” Playful Babette had pounced on Elspeth and held on tightly to her throat, yelling, “Fall, damn you!”

Instead, Elspeth giggled and sent a wiggling Babette flying.

“One day, a piano will fall on your head, pushed out of a window, by me.”

“Just like a cartoon!” Elspeth clapped her hands. “I can’t wait.” Another person who shouldn’t wait? The king.

It wouldn’t do to be late by standing around outside his office. Elspeth raised her fist and solidly rapped on the door. Taking a step back, she stood patiently in front of it, minding her manners.

“How are we supposed to surprise people in flagrante delicto if we give them warning we’re coming in?”

Her bestie had so much to learn when it came to caring about others and good manners. Good thing Elspeth didn’t mind teaching her.

“It’s rude to just enter.”

“Says you. I say, out of my way.” Babette shifted left, and Elspeth leaned to block. A quick dash right saw Babette bouncing off her arm.

Hands planted on her hips, Babette blew a hunk of hair out of her face and huffed, “Let me pass.”

Elspeth shook her head. “We have to wait.”

“Wait for what? We’re expected.”

“Manners, my dear friend. They’re for everyone. Did you know, if everyone used their manners, crime would drop sixty-five percent per day?”

“What about the other thirty-five percent?”

“They’re murdering psychopaths who weren’t hugged enough as children.” At least according to a blog Elspeth subscribed to. The narrator wasn’t a true doctor or scientist or anyone with a degree for that matter. But he had started the online group dedicated to the use of hugs to prevent the apocalypse.

Someone shouted, “Come in.”

“About time,” muttered Babette.

As Elspeth politely opened and held the door for her bestie, Babette swept past, her petite frame wearing a pink velvet jumpsuit with Hottie printed across the butt.

Elspeth tended to wear more practical items, given she had a thirty-six-inch inseam. Custom-made slacks and denim comprised her daily wear for the most part. However, she did have a fetish for Rockabilly-style dresses in vivid colors with skirts that flared. And bright red lipstick.

Today, she wore a shade with a name that almost made her blush, but she loved it—Crimson Blowjob. Mother would have a fit if she knew, whereas Elspeth got a thrill each time she rubbed her lips together.

Now if only she had a man in her life to apply that lipstick to. Alas, a tall woman was intimidating to a lot of men—even a dragon one. Most couldn’t handle her zest for life.

But one day, my dragon prince will come. Yes, dragon, because the police said if she accidentally put one more guy in the hospital with broken bones, they’d investigate her for assault. As if she were to blame for their poor calcium intake growing up.

Now, if only she could find him. She’d seen his face in her dreams, but he’d proven elusive.

Babette didn’t pay any mind to the office they entered. Probably because, much like in school, her bestie was used to being sent to the office, whereas Elspeth never got called in.

Everyone should be a teacher’s pet. It came with so many perks. And it made her classmates so jealous. She could still hear their chanting—“Brown nose. Ass kisser”—as they tried to overcome their disappointment that they weren’t the coveted student.

Given Elspeth rarely got called in front of important people, she looked around with curiosity at the large space. It truly was a library, the kind she loved, with towering bookcases that spanned a few levels and a ceiling that stretched high above. The shelves covered the entire width and height of the walls and were equipped with silver rails upon which hung wooden ladders.

Wouldn’t it be fun if someone threw on some kind of lighthearted musical song and she had to scamper up those ladders then swing across, singing as she looked for books?

It had worked well for the princess in that movie, and in the end, she’d gotten the beast. Who’d proven more handsome when hairy than shaven.

Alas, the few knickknacks in the room didn’t animate to form an orchestra, which meant that Elspeth could only stare longingly at the shelves, crammed with tomes of all kinds. Leather-bound and dusty, the silver leaf on the spines faint. The more recent books displayed the advances in printing technology with cardboard spines.

According to Babette, the shelf of romances no longer held a place of pride since the king wasn’t a fan. He’d opted to replace them with rolled-up scrolls from ancient times.

A smart guy no matter what the others said. Nothing wrong with being a meticulous geek. Yet Elspeth knew of the grumblings. The treacherous words. “When will he take us to war?”

The dragon Septs didn’t seem to realize that Remiel wanted peace, not battle. From all accounts, he shared some of Elspeth’s philosophies—without the hugging.

Pity he was taken. Even whilst sitting behind his desk, he presented the image of the type of man who would attract a nubile dragoness.

Big and broad-shouldered, his short hair a pure gold tone, his eyes shone brightly as he perused them.

Having practiced for this moment, Elspeth dropped into a deep curtsy, miming holding a skirt despite her pants. “Oh, glorious king, I am so honored to have been called into your esteemed presence that I might serve you in any which way you need.”

Babette, overcome with the regal presence of their newly anointed king, made a retching sound. Poor thing. Her nerves must be bothering her again.

“Rise, um, Elsie, right?”

“If my king decrees it, then so shall it be.” Elspeth beamed. Such an honor to already have a nickname with the king.

“And I see you brought Babette.”

“Yo.” Her almost-best friend saluted him with two fingers.

The king slammed shut the lid of his laptop. “Thank you for coming. Have a seat.”

Choosing the left seat, Elspeth perched with her knees tightly pressed together, her back ramrod straight, and her hands demurely folded in her lap. Whereas Babette flopped onto the chair alongside her, one leg hanging over the armrest, and snapped a piece of gum before saying, “What’s up, Remy?”

Shocked, Elspeth leaned over and whispered, “That’s our king.”

“And?” replied the woman who was blowing bubbles and then popping them with a loud crack.

“We should address him as ‘your highness’ or ‘your majesty.’”

The king cleared his throat. “Um, that’s not necessary. Remy is fine.”

Elspeth almost fainted with the honor. The king had given her permission to address him by his first name—and a shortened version at that. This would go in her scrapbook as the bestest day ever, supplanting this morning’s bestest moment when her mother had surprised her with bacon and a message to, “Get your ass to the big house. They need volunteers for a mission.”

How exciting! Given it would be a great honor to serve, of course she’d dragged Babette along. Although she’d had to fib a little, teeny-tiny bit to get her bestie to come, replacing the word volunteer with chosen.

“Why are we here? Elsie, over there,”—Babette jerked a thumb, quickly adopting the king’s new name for her—“said you wanted to see me.”

“I was looking for volunteers—”

“You mean this is optional?” Babette straightened. “Then I am out of here.” Her best friend—because, obviously, only a BFF would call her by her new nickname—made to rise, only to stop as Remy—giggle—spoke.

“Yes, optional because I only want volunteers who aren’t deterred by danger.”

“Danger?” Babette plopped down and leaned forward. “Exactly what kind of danger?”

Did it matter? Elspeth clapped her hands. “We accept.”

“Slow down, Elsie. We don’t even know what he wants yet,” Babette interjected. “Or how much it pays. We are being paid, right?”

The king gave a solemn nod. “Of course. A flat stipend per day plus expenses. A bonus if you save the realm from grave danger as per”—he shuffled some papers on his desk and held up a thick sheaf—“section nine A of the forty-fifth article on subjects participating in an investigative capacity for the crown.”

Fancy mumbo-jumbo talk for getting paid to go on an adventure. The dragons hadn’t survived this long without a proper king by chance. They had a charter of rights and rules—so many, many rules—that outlined all kinds of behavior.

Most Septs tended to pick and choose which they followed; however, Remiel and his newly formed leadership had opted to use them as a baseline for drawing the Septs together for the greater good and protection of dragons.

“If we’re getting paid, then I’m in,” Babette declared before Elspeth could get over her excitement at the fact that she was going on another mission.

She’d thought it exciting when she got sent to the secret lair of the king’s brother, Samael, and then got invited to fight in the great battle against the dragon mage, Voadicia. Front-line spot! Apparently, she’d acquitted herself well because here she was, about to embark on her second dangerous mission.

“Count me in, too!” Elspeth exclaimed.

The king blinked. Probably in pride at their willingness to serve the crown. “Aren’t you going to wait to hear what the mission entails before accepting?”

“Considering I need a whole new wardrobe”— because poor Babette had lost her appetite and weight when she found out the woman she’d fallen in love with was actually a homicidal dragon mage from another dimension using her to get information and rule the world—“I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

“And where my best friend goes, I go,” Elspeth declared.

“We’re not best friends,” Babette growled.

“Yet,” Elspeth sang. But in her heart, she knew. Best friends forever.

“While I only requested one volunteer, two is probably even better. Especially since I’m not sure what we’re facing.”

“Is that bitch Voadicia back, making trouble?” Babette asked. Which seemed unlikely, given she’d been swallowed by an alternate dimension. “I wouldn’t mind tearing her into meat chunks and feeding her to an ogre.”

“And I shall spread the excrement created to fertilize the fields.”

Both Babette and Remiel stared at her. Elspeth clapped her hands as she had her opportunity to spread her message of love my planet.

“Reduce, reuse, recycle. It goes for everything. Bodies, too.”

“In this case, there is no body,” Remiel said. “As far as we know, she’s still trapped in that alternate dimension. And according to my scientists, she won’t be getting out of there alive.”

“What if she sucks the souls of the creatures in that dimension and stays strong?” asked Babette.

“That’s a problem about a thousand years away. I’ll let the future kings deal with it. Our situation is less grave and happening right now, in Ireland. I’m not even sure if there is a problem. However, the Emerald Sept has asked me for help.”

“Is it leprechauns?” Elspeth asked. The books she’d read indicated that they were foul-tempered little creatures that tasted sour, but Elspeth believed they were just misunderstood—and probably in need of some overnight marinating in a vanilla-sugar mix before roasting over a fire.

Not that she ate meat anymore. Elspeth was a vegetarian—going on two weeks now. She’d started as a vegan but couldn’t live without cheese.

Now, she opted for meals that didn’t bleed, but she would admit, it wasn’t easy to ignore the delicious protein that kept taunting her. She’d dreamed of a cow last night, with great big eyes, asking why she’d forsaken his delicious rump roast.

“I don’t think it’s those pesky buggers,” Remiel stated, interrupting her salivation over the thought of burgers charbroiled to perfection. “While no one has caught anything on camera, there are eyewitness reports of a flying creature and missing people.”

“Is it a dragon?” Babette asked.

“Maybe. But it seems unlikely. According to the history books”—he swept a hand, indicating some shelves behind him—“there are only rare incidences where dragons have ingested people. Usually, the complaints are about missing livestock.”

“If it’s not a dragon, then what other flying creatures are we aware of that do eat humans?” Babette asked.

Elspeth raised her hand and wiggled on her chair.

The king looked her way. “You know what it is.”

“Not exactly, but I do know of a few races that fit the bill. Griffons.” Extremely rare. “Harpy.” Which did not taste like chicken. “Giant vampire bat.”

“Those aren’t able to carry a person,” Babette noted.

“Maybe they were small people.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t get sidetracked,” said their wise king. “As of now, attempts to bait and corral the creature have failed.”

“Bait how?” When Elspeth’s mother wanted to find her, she baked cookies. No one could resist fresh-baked goodness.

“Having some hunters meander around the areas it’s hit, looking like easy snacks.”

“Hunters never look easy,” Babette remarked, and Elspeth had to agree. When predators roamed, they held themselves a certain way. That attitude was what separated the hunter from the prey.

“Whatever it is, the few times the hunters have come close, they failed. It’s as if they’re chasing a shadow.”

The term shadow chasing reminded Elspeth how she used to do that as a child. Then, one day, she managed to catch her shadow and hug it. It never appeared again. She liked to think it had gone on to a better place.

“Is that it then?” Babette asked. “Hunt down the mysterious thing in the sky? Seems like an easy enough case. Where’s the danger?”

“Did you not hear the part where I mentioned people going missing?”

“And?”

Remy expanded. “As in gone, never to return.”

“People disappear.” Babette’s shoulders rolled. “Happens all the time to the puny humans.”

On account that they were low on the food chain. It was why Elspeth had started a group to have them recognized as valuable household pets. Thus far, she was the only member, and she’d yet to find a human that didn’t run away. The next time she adopted a stray from the streets, she’d have to install a taller fence—and electrify it for their own safety.

“Actually, it’s not just humans missing. A few dragons have disappeared, too.”

“Cool,” Babette exclaimed. “Real danger. I was beginning to think you were paying me to take a vacation.”

Her enthusiasm was contagious. Elspeth smiled and clapped her hands. “Fear not, oh mighty leader. Your loyal subjects shall move with haste to the scene of the crime and ferret out the culprit, as well as rescue anyone we can find.”

“After I go shopping.” Babette held out her hand. “If you’ll just give me your credit card.”

Remy steepled his fingers. “This could be serious.”

“We shall treat this mission with the utmost respect, Your Majesty. We shan’t return until we’ve succeeded.” Elspeth held her hand over her heart as she gave her solemn oath.

“We’ll kick ass, no worries.” Babette waggled her fingers.

Remy sighed as he handed over a credit card. “Be careful, would you? If I had anyone else to send, I would, but with our coming out to the general populace, we’ve found ourselves busier than usual. Some of the younger members of the Septs seem to think they can gallivant about with impunity. I’ve got the farmers’ association calling me, claiming we’re eating their livestock. Congress trying to pass a bill that would force us to lodge flight plans every time we go above a thousand feet. Then there are the fake websites popping up claiming to sell dragon parts.”

“Mine’s not fake,” Babette exclaimed. “I’m selling legitimately used panties.”

Remy stared at her. “Dare I ask why?”

Babette shrugged. “Beats washing them.”

“Perhaps I should find someone else.”

Elspeth jumped in. “Don’t worry. We’ve got this. We promise to leave no rock unturned. No mountaintop unexplored.”

“No tavern unvisited.” Babette winked. “We got this, boss.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“If we’re done”—Babette rose from her chair— “we should get going before the stores close. I’ve got lots of shopping to do and panties to wear before we leave.”

An ecstatic Elspeth was permitted to go along and carry said purchases. Babette even let her wear some of the panties she had to mail.

Her plan to become best friends was working!