Cade

 

I had always thought that this time of the year went fast in the business world, but the speed at which Christmas came hurdling toward me and Mara was completely overwhelming. It seemed like days flew by in the span of a few hours, and I wondered if this was what happiness was like.

I guess I'd always assumed that I was happy. I was happy on my own, and I was happy working for my uncle and then building my fortune. Good looks and cash: once you've got that, you've got it made, as far as most people are concerned.

I didn't realize how devastatingly lonely I had been until I looked over at Mara the night of the disastrous French dinner. We were crammed into that tiny bed after wearing each other out, cuddled as close as we could get. Her cheek was pressed against my chest, and she had one arm thrown over my waist as if she owned me. She murmured a little in her sleep, a frown marring her forehead, but she quieted and calmed when I reached up to stroke her hair. She made a contented noise and snuggled closer to me.

In that moment, I realized a few things. The first was that I had never been entirely happy before that moment. Not in all my life. She felt like Christmas morning every day, like some precious treasure I had to keep safe.

The second thing I realized was that I loved her.

It was like lightning striking. The world felt different after I realized it, and after that, there was no way that I was sleeping. I loved her, and nothing would ever be the same. This was the real thing. This wasn't something I was selling to people who were too busy to do much beyond work, and this was the thing that people might search for their entire lives and never get.

At some point I dozed off, but I awoke again close to dawn. There was a chill to the air, and in the night we had both burrowed under the covers. With a silent sigh, I disentangled myself from Mara and the blanket, tucking her back in as soundly as I could before reaching for my clothes.

“Mmm, why don't you come back to bed?” Mara asked blearily. “It's too early for much of anything.”

I chuckled a little, evading the grasping hand that snaked out of the covers to drag me back.

“Unfortunately, I really can't stay in bed with you all day, much as I would like to,” I said. “Work needs to be done, and if I stay with you, I'll just be deliciously distracted.”

“So be distracted. I figured one of the benefits of having all that money was getting to work when you wanted to and being free to do as you pleased the rest of the time.”

“You'd think that, wouldn't you? Later though. Later we'll have all the time in the world.”

I nearly caved and told her what I was thinking of right then and there, but somehow I stopped myself. She didn't do much more than tug at my shirt sleeve petulantly when I leaned in for a kiss, and before I had closed the door behind me, I could hear her breathing level out.

I sneaked through the house toward the front door, but I needn't have bothered. Shannon Becker sat curled in the living room with a cup of coffee in her hands, and she raised her eyebrows at me when I paused in the hallway.

“There's some coffee if you want some,” she offered. “Sorry, I don't know what the etiquette is for running into your sister's date first thing in the morning.”

“Well, assuming you don't run me off with a shotgun, I'll say that we're all doing well,” I said. “And yeah, coffee is good too.”

The coffee was surprisingly good, and Shannon wandered into the kitchen to watch me as I poured myself a mug.

“I tend to think that Mara can handle her men,” she said, “but then there's you.”

I turned to her with a curious expression on my face. Shannon and Mara didn't look much alike. Where Mara was all hourglass curves, dark, dark hair and tumultuous green eyes, Shannon was plainer, quieter.

“If you think Mara can't handle me, I'm pretty sure you're wrong.”

Shannon's smile was thin.

“I think she thinks it,” she said. “You did a number on her ten years ago.”

There was something razor sharp about Shannon's words, and I frowned at her, sipping the coffee and trying to keep it from burning my throat.

“Are you...threatening me?” I asked, because in her plaid bathrobe with her hair in a messy bun, Shannon didn't look very threatening.

“I would if I thought I could bring anything scarier than Mara could,” Shannon admitted. “Really, shotgun speeches are more her area than mine.”

“Ah. So what's your area?”

“Just telling the truth, I suppose. Mara acts really tough, but the truth is that you hurt her. She never told anyone about you and what happened, did you know that? She kept it from all of us, and she used to tell us everything. I think you hurt her too much for that.”

I stared at Shannon, wondering if she was laying it on thick, but she looked utterly serious.

“I didn't know that,” I said, and she looked carefully into my face. Mara was all motion, but Shannon had a gift for stillness. Finally, she nodded.

“All right. I think you'll do the right thing and treat my sister right. At least, I hope you will.”

 

Shannon's words stuck with me the rest of that day. The thought that I’d be able hurt Mara, not just anger her, not just irritate her or frustrate her, was still slightly incredible to me. Because that meant she cared about me—cared about me a whole lot. It made me feel like even more of an ass for making that long ago mistake about her spring dance.

Mara and I talked on the phone and texted constantly in the days leading up to Christmas Eve, but I wasn't able to see her again. I told her I was busy, and that was the understatement of the decade. I had never really thought about how much effort it took to put an empire on hold, but it required all of my attention.

The key to making the money I had in my career was constant diversification, and putting the right people into key positions of power. When I called, they answered, and in a series of meetings involving various concerned and surprised people, I let them know that I would be taking a step back from everything. They would be in charge of the day-to-day affairs, and unless an actual emergency arose, this was going to continue indefinitely.

When one man, who I had put in charge of all Florida operations, asked me privately if everything was okay, his worry actually looked foreign to me. In my mind, I was already living in another place, another world with Mara. It would be perfect, and there was a chance I might never go back to what I had been doing before. If that was the case, some of these arrangements might become permanent.

I shook my head and told him there was nothing to worry about. I had simply changed, and it was time to do something else.

After the meetings were finally over, I finally had time to do what I had held in the back of my mind the entire time. Some of the arrangements were very quick, but others took a little longer. It took all of the resources I had at my disposal to get everything ready for Christmas Eve, but I did it.

I showed up at Mara’s place just after dark.

This time, she knew I was coming and that I was taking her out. She met me at the door in a shimmering lilac gray dress that made her eyes even greener, and the smile she gave me made my heart beat faster.

“Are we all good?” I asked teasingly. “You can tear yourself away from your novel for a little while?”

“All good,” she said with a grin. “God, but it's good to see you. I've been missing you for days.”

She hugged me tight, and the kisses we exchanged were on the verge of going from sweet to passionate in a moment. As much as I wanted to take her back upstairs, I had plans for the evening, so I pulled away.

“I've missed you more than I can say,” I said warmly. “I'll try to say it though if you like. Go on and get your coat. I made reservations for us at the French restaurant.”

We talked of small things on the drive over, and it occurred to me that she had no idea what was coming. There was no artifice to her at all, nothing that expected a single thing from me besides me being myself.

This was right. This was perfect.

We ate the delicious French food, and when I asked her if she was ready for dessert, she grinned at me.

“You know I always am,” she said with a smile. I gestured at the waiter, who nodded and brought out what looked like a globe of dark chocolate decorated with swirls of white. She looked at it quizzically, not quite sure what to do with it, and I nodded at her.

“You break it,” I supplied. “There's a surprise inside.”

“So it’s like an enormous Kinder Egg,” she said with a grin.

She cracked the top off the chocolate globe with a spoon, and with a surprised look, she drew out two tickets.

“Cade, what's this?”

“First class tickets to Beijing,” I said with a grin. “I have a house there, and we can leave whenever you like. Hell, we could be in Beijing by the day after tomorrow if you wanted.”

She stared at me.

“And what are we going to do in Beijing?”

“Whatever you like,” I said expansively. “Work on your novel, see the sights, drive out into the country to see what that's like. Mara, these last few weeks have been amazing. I want to be with you, and I want—”

“You want,” Mara said heatedly, and to my shock, she stood up, laying her napkin to one side. “I'm seeing a distinct theme here, Cade.”

She stalked out of the restaurant, leaving me so shocked that for a moment I just let her go. Then I hurried after her, throwing a few hundred down on the table to pay for the meal. I caught up with her in the frigidly cold parking lot, and before she could go another step farther, I grabbed her arm.

“What the hell, Mara? You can't just storm out on me like that without some kind of explanation.”

She whirled on me, jerking her arm out of my grasp. Her eyes were brilliant in the lights of the parking lot, a green so hot they almost burned.

“Explanation? All right, I'll give you an explanation, Cade, but I don't know how much good it'll do because you don't seem to hear it, ever.”

“What are you—”

“This is just like when we were seventeen,” Mara cried. “You think you can go ahead and make all kinds of decisions and that I'll be happy to go along with them. You think that I'll drop everything in my life just to follow you around on whatever adventure you've got cooking.”

“This wouldn't be just my adventure,” I protested. “This would be ours—”

“No, it's yours,” she spat. “You decided on Beijing, you bought tickets...”

“Christ, I can buy tickets somewhere else...”

“Don't bother, I'm not going! If this is how you want to live your life that’s fine, but you’ll have to find someone else to do that with—because it’s not for me.”

Something dark in me reared its ugly head, and I glowered at her. I wasn't sure how this had all gone so wrong, but it had, and that stung worse than I thought it would.

“Does it feel good to be the one saying no to everything, Mara? Is this the closest thing to power you ever get to feel?”

She gaped at me, but I tore ahead, heedless of the shocked look on her face.

“Do you get off on turning away from things? Is it because I'm not good enough for you? Is it because you're afraid of taking risks? You've always got responsibilities and plans to follow, but I can't help but notice you’re the only one making them.”

“What are you—”

“You're always so rigid. You're always doing what other people think the right thing should be. Sometimes, that right thing seems to keep you from doing anything daring, taking any risks at all. Sometimes that right thing isn’t right for you at all!”

Mara clamped her jaw shut with a snap, and to my shock I could see there were tears in her eyes.

“Leave me alone,” she said. “If you don't let me walk off right now, I will call the police and have you arrested.”

Her threat shocked me less than her tears had, but I still froze where I stood. I watched as she stalked to the end of the block, and after a few strokes on her phone, a cab came and picked her up, leaving me alone.