He’s gone when I wake up. He’s always gone when I wake up. I can’t remember a night that he stayed.
I stretch my legs out, giving myself the expanse of the bed. Where I remember him resting is still warm, still partially sunken in from his enormous size. I let myself linger there, feeling the outline of his body as if he was still present.
My body aches; my jaw is sore. Last night was such a rollercoaster of emotions, but at least it ended up like that, with both of us releasing all of our emotions and needs with our bodies. I felt lighter today, maybe even a bit bolder. There’s something about pleasing a man like that that can make a girl feel brand new.
But as I stand, wiggling my feet into the tan carpet of my bedroom, I remember the other part of the night. I wasn’t safe; Tank made that clear. And Anthony with his family on the run… I wondered where they were, and if he had kept his courage enough to rat out Abe and the Aztecs for what they did to his sister.
Oh God. I prayed. Please protect them and keep them safe. I know what Abe is capable of now, and I don’t want to visit them in the hospital, too.
The hospital. That’s where I need to be. Tank himself said yesterday that it was the safest place and that no Aztec would attack there. And I’m sure that if Anthony ratted on the Aztecs like he was supposed to, the cops would surely be back to guarding Carmen instead of relying on unarmed security guards. I look over to the discarded bag full of clothing Tank took out my hands last night and then back over to the open windows.
Tank mentioned he had someone watching me, at least last night. But what good could they realistically do? How fast could Tank get here if Abe came calling for me? I reach over to my side table and grab my cell phone off of the charger and then pick up the bag with the mixed match clothing inside. I don’t have much time to think about it. All I can do is hope I can get out of here soon enough.
After getting dressed and packing the rest of my essentials, I’m on the road in my old Chevy—the one gift I kept from my father. At every stop light, I look back in my rearview mirror. I can’t shake this feeling that I’m being followed, or at least being looked over by all of the other drivers passing me by.
There is a red car about three back from me that seems to swerve whenever I swerve and change lanes whenever I do. But I try not to overthink it. I’m just being paranoid. The shakeup from last night is getting to my head. I take a few deep breaths in and grip the steering wheel a bit harder as I focus on getting off the highway and into the hospital parking lot without getting myself into an accident.
In my mind, I had imagined the hospital to be in some lockdown with people sprinting throughout the hallways as they tried to protect themselves. Everything in my world would be touched by Anthony’s actions. But I was wrong. El Paso General is as sleepy as ever. There’s not a soul around except for a few nurses purchasing candy bars in the gift shop and a doctor or two lingering in the hallways. I even ride the elevator alone, feeling a bit of relief for the peace and quiet.
Passing the reception desk, the two nurses on duty smile at me politely and open the automatic, locked doors for me to pass through. Hank, the security guard, is chatting lightly with two police officers outside Carmen’s door. At least I was right about that. Carmen is as safe as she can be with the police coming back. And even before I can get through the door, the officer checks my ID against the list of allowed visitors. As he hands me back my driver’s license and opens Carmen’s door, I can actually feel my shoulders ease up and the weight in my chest slowly dissipate.
“Girl, you look awful,” Carmen jokes, as I scoot a chair close to her bed. “Not as awful as me, of course. But what happened to you? Bad night?”
“Good and bad, really.” I smile politely at her. I don’t want to give away too much and add to her stress. All she needs to focus on is healing and getting out of her bed without all the wires, beeping, and pressure cuffs. That alone looked like a nightmare.
“It’s a guy, isn’t it?” she says with a matter-of-fact smirk, as if she can read my mind with just a glance at my face. “Please tell me it isn’t that Tank guy. I told Anthony to talk to you. Did he at least call you?”
I pause, unsure what to say. “He stopped by,” I begin cautiously, “but I changed his mind. I explained that Tank was just protecting us because he didn’t do it.”
“Anthony would never believe that load of bull crap, Sierra. He thinks of you like a big sister, too, and he would rather die than see you with an Apache.” She makes googly eyes at me, as she adds a bit slyly, “Even if he had muscles and the cock to die for.”
“I wouldn’t say it is ‘to die for,’ but I’ll just say that he knows how to work what he’s got. And he’s got a lot.” I wink at her with a coy smile.
Carmen loves it. Her face instantly lights up and the beeping machine monitoring her heart races. Girl talk was exactly the distraction she needs. “Tell me more Miss Sierra. Is the reason you’re looking so tired and haggard because someone had a long night in the company of a big dick named Tank?”
I lower my voice as I lean over her bed. “I hurt so bad. I mean, I’ve had this kind of pain before with other guys, but Tank’s so big, and he really went to town on me afterwards.”
“Did you…you know…complete the job?”
“Him twice—one by mouth. Me once. But I let him have a freebie. He did me a, um, favor that I wanted to repay him for. I really wish you would give him a chance, Carmen. He’s not the devil himself. He is actually much softer than what Anthony or the other guys would let you believe. He even cooked me dinner one night. What MC guy would do that for their girl?”
“None of them. That’s why I know it’s too good to be true. I know we talked about this yesterday, but you need to protect yourself outside of wearing a condom and using a bit more lube next time. Don’t let him get too close to you.”
“I just want you to meet him. I think you’d change your mind if you could just hear him out. He’s trying to help you.” I genuinely want this to happen. I think Carmen would love matching wits with Tank. And the part of me that longs for a real sister needs Carmen to give him her approval without pre-judging. If she only knew what he was like outside of being an Apache patch wearer, she’d see he isn’t the monster everyone paints him to be.
Carmen looks towards the partially open door. Two more cops have gathered outside. They are whispering urgently to one another while talking into the black walkie-talkies perched on their shoulders. Hank, the security guard, is gone. Carmen leans back into her pillows and stares at the ceiling. A small, relieved smile crosses her purple and black face. “By the looks of it, I don’t need Tank’s help. The cops seem to have this handled.”
I gulp nervously as I ask her, “Did they say anything to you about the case?”
“An officer came in today. I think his name was Thompson. He mentioned that they had a new lead. Someone came forward with a picture and a name, but they were still working out the details.” She fiddles with the remote and sighs, as she gives up finding an appropriate channel. “I actually feel sorry for the person. I mean, I appreciate the help, but it’s a death sentence if it turns out to be a MC behind this.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that right now. All that matters is that it will be over soon, if the officer is right.” This has to be a good sign. Anthony did his job, and the cops are now after Abe and the Aztecs for this. While I realistically know from experience that so many cops are in the pockets of MC gangs around this town, I also know that if other Aztecs get word that Abe was behind it, they won’t be too quick to defend their leader. It’s one thing to take out a rival; it’s another thing entirely to take out a family member and the daughter of a legacy. Abe had something bad coming for him, and I’m a bit glad to get a front-row seat for the show.
Both of us sit silently, watching the television. Some trashy soap opera was the only thing we could agree on. A husband had come back to life after being presumed dead in a house fire—his wife looking anything but happy about it. So much drama. So much death. I could almost see my own scenario play out on that screen with Tank and I riding into the sunset, our family and friends presuming us to be victim of evil Abe’s horrible plots.
I must have nodded off in the huge leather lounge chair because when I awake, there’s a nurse hovering over me and the blinds are drawn down to hide against the mid-day sun. “Miss,” she says exasperated. “Wake up, miss.”
“Hmm… what?” I shake my head, willing myself to be more alert. I apologize quickly for falling asleep though I can’t imagine I’ve broken any rules.
“Miss, there’s a visitor here to see Carmen, but he is not on the list.”
“That’s fine,” I reply, not totally comprehending what is going on, “Whoever it is, let him in. She’s sleeping anyways.” I roll over to my side to see Carmen fast asleep, the remote still clenched in her hands. Her monitors beep and buzz as normal. It’s almost soothing.
The nurse walks out, as I stand to greet whomever is here to see Carmen. I walk to the mirror to fix the mess of my hair that’s gone wavy where it was laid on, wetting it with water, and then tug at the hem of my short, blue-plaid sundress. It was always just a bit too short, but it was the first thing I grabbed this morning.
“Don’t fix it. It looks great from this angle.”
My heart bumps in my chest, as I spin terrified towards the voice. Tank leans up against the door, his entire body taking up the space. He is smirking at me, as my mouth opens in a gasp. I look over towards the bed. Carmen’s still sleeping…thank God.
“What are you doing here, Tank?” I ask urgently, approaching him slowly.
He moves in towards the room and shuts the door so we’re closed off from the three cops that are still standing watch. “I heard you were here. I figured you shouldn’t be alone. Not right now.”
“Why ‘not right now?’ What’s happening?” My voice is panicked, as I think of Anthony and his kids being found out, dragged from their home, murdered in cold blood.
He senses my fear and walks towards me. His hands hold my shoulders in place, as he sits me down at the small table at the side of the hospital room. He takes a seat next to me and lowers his voice, aware that Carmen shouldn’t be in on this. “Anthony did his thing. As far as my guy tells me, he’s still at the station with his wife and the kids. Nothing to worry about there. But the Aztecs know, and they’re on the prowl. They think Anthony turned on Abe.”
“Those brainwashed bastards! Don’t they get it that Abe actually did it? Why would Anthony nark on his own leader?”
“Because, although he is a sorry excuse for a human being, he still knows how to command a room. He can get them to believe anything if he tries hard enough. It’s how this works. My men trust me, and if they heard that someone had squealed on me, it would be the same consequences.”
I look him up and down. The man sitting before me is my vision of Tank—the guy who cooks me dinner, who brushes away strands of hair from my eyes, who soothes me. It’s not the Tank who commits heinous crimes and commands a small army to break every law known to man. But deep down inside, I know that it’s his true self. He’s not any better than Abe. I was going to have to come to grips with that eventually.
“So,” I say after a long moment of contemplating, “What comes next?”
“Yeah, Tank. What does come next?”
The sound of the door opening behind us startles me, as I rush over to Carmen’s bedside. Tank stands, throwing the chair to the ground. We both stare at the unknown man pointing a gun directly at Tank’s head.