I hoped I wasn’t sweating. I could feel a light sheen on my hairline, but prayed it wouldn’t build and drip. I tried to look neutral as Onyx eyed me skeptically, but I didn’t think it was working. It was like she could smell my fear. And shit, I WAS scared.

How the hell had a gambling debt turned into an international theft and smuggling operation? I still wasn’t sure how the hell he wanted us to do it, but he was concerned enough that we might get caught that he thought my dad might need to bail us out. I wanted to tell this man, no. I mean, I should have just groveled to my dad instead of getting involved in this shit. But now I was in deep. He’d just told me his plan. He’d just given me details. Even if I groveled to my father, told him everything, and he gave me the money, what would Pauly do? Would he kill me for knowing too much? I mean, sure he wore fancy suits and showed up in establishments like this. But I can’t kid myself. Pauly is a criminal. Would he believe that I wouldn’t talk when I no longer had skin in the game?

If I went along with his plan, I had incentive not to talk. I had my own ass on the line, and therefore he’d assume I’d keep my mouth shut and let me be. But if I didn’t do it, would he still trust that I wasn’t going to talk?

Fuck.

“You alright kid,” Pauly said, slapping my forearm. “You look like you’re gonna puke.”

“He’s fine,” Onyx said before I could even process the question. “He gets all quiet and pensive when there’s a lot on his mind.”

Pauly raised an eyebrow, and I couldn’t help but look at Onyx too. How the hell did she know that about me.

“How long you two known each other?” Pauly asked her.

Onyx chuckled and shook her head. “Not long,” she said. “But I knew his sister. Sometimes when I was deep in thought, Lily would tell me, ‘You’re just like my brother.’”

Her smile faded as the words she’d spoken seemed to settle on her, as if she hadn’t really thought about them before she’d said them and now that she had, she didn’t quite like the taste they left.

Pauly looked between us and smiled. “This is gonna work out better than I thought. The cover will be perfect. It’s Friday. My guy in the state department will hustle your visas through. You’ll be able to leave Tuesday. Does that work for you?”

I swallowed and nodded. “My passport’s up to date,” I said.

“I know,” Pauly said, with a hint of disdain, as if he thought I was questioning his skills.

Onyx nodded, too. “Yeah, I’m on spring break next week, so it’ll be fine for me.”

“You know,” Pauly said to Onyx, whose face still looked as if she’d just swallowed a bitter pill, “You can bring Lynx, too, if you want. My gift to you. A vacation for him, a chance to relax, visit some relatives. Doesn’t Raj’s aunt still live there?”

She shook her head. “No. Lynx is good staying here.” With that she stood up. “If that’s all, Pauly.”

He shook his head, then turned to me. “You, get out. She and I need to discuss a few things. Things that you don’t need to know. Culpable deniability, as folks like your father enjoy saying.”

I swallowed and stood. I was being dismissed and part of me feared it, but most of me was glad. I didn’t want to know any more about this. I stepped toward the door and was opening it when Onyx said, “Don’t go anywhere. We may need you again.”

I turned to her, smiled, nodded, and then left. I sat down at the bar and ordered myself a scotch, neat. A girl with big bosoms, blonde hair and a big smile brought it to me. Her name tag read Stacie. Part of me was tempted to flirt. I needed the arms of a pretty girl to make me feel better right about now.

“Pretty name,” I said.

“Thanks,” she said, as she placed the drink on a napkin and turned to leave.

“You know Onyx, right?” I asked.

She turned back, shrugged. “Seems like you do, too,” she said.

Not giving me much to work with, but I didn’t want to be alone. “Yeah, she was friends with my sister.” I took a swig of the scotch. It burned going down. Fire on the insides seemed a stupid way to quell the anxiety already burning. But I wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Onyx is a good person,” Stacie said.

“So was my sister. She died.” I took another swig, finishing the drink. It was like lava, this scotch. A lava encased inside ice. I lifted my glass. “I’ll have another one.”

She frowned as she watched me, then placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “Sure, hon, but it might take a minute.”

She walked away and I admired the view. I hoped she’d come back. My attempt at chatting had failed and I wanted another chance. Or maybe I just wanted more liquor. She was right about it taking a minute. When she didn’t come back soon enough, I flagged the bartender and ordered three more scotches, gulping them down almost as quickly as he brought them. Finally, it seemed the liquor was starting to work. Some of the fear that had consumed me during the meeting had given way to numbness.  Another shot turned up in front of me. I swallowed it down. Bitter. Like I’d been feeling earlier. But that was going away. Liquid mood improvement. I realized I was worrying too much. The worst that could happen would be me backing out, Pauly deciding he didn’t trust me, and then killing me. And I’d be dead, like Lily. Mom and dad would have two dead kids, but I’d have nothing left to worry about. This was all starting to make sense.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Ryan,” Onyx said.

I turned on my stool and smiled up at her. “You really are beautiful,” I said, meaning it. I don’t know why I’d never told her that before. The first time Lily introduced us, I’d thought she was beautiful. However, that was Lily’s rule number one. I was not to hit on her friends. Never. It had stuck with me, and I never questioned it after she’d told me that her first year of college. Not to mention, the one time I had hit on her friend—that was before she instituted the rule; perhaps it was even why she had instituted the rule—it was a total disaster. I remember the girl stifling a laugh. So, I didn’t hit on Lily’s friends. I just didn’t think of Lily’s friends as dating prospects. At least, if the thought crossed my mind, I’d banish it quickly.

“I thought Stacie cut you off,” she said, pursing her lips.

“Went straight to the bar slender,” I admitted proudly. Damn. Did I slur that word? I really hadn’t had that much to drink. Five I think, or maybe six.

“You took a cab, I presume?”

I shook my head. “I drove the jag,” I told her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pay the insurance and parking once my parents cut me off, so I wanted a few last moments of joy with my baby.

She blew out. “I’ll drive you home,” she said.

I smiled. “That’s a good idea,” I had to admit. “But how will you get home?”

“Uber,” she said and inclined her head toward the door.

I stood, and my head swooned for a moment, but I regained my equilibrium. This place certainly didn’t water down the drinks. I walked beside her as we exited the club and rode the elevator downstairs. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the valet card. She took it and we walked to the front, where she handed it to one of the two valet parking attendants. It was a nice night for March. Warm. Had to be 70 degrees.

“Global warming isn’t so bad,” I told her. “See how nice the weather is.”

She rolled her eyes at me, but said nothing.

I leaned in close and whispered. “So, how’d you get involved with these criminals?”

Her eyes widened for a moment and then she just laughed, loud and boisterously, leaning into me and patting my shoulder. “You are so, so drunk. You say the craziest things.” She giggled and shook her head as if I was ridiculous. She made eye contact with the valet who hadn’t gone to get the car, and he nodded disapprovingly at me.

Finally, my car returned, and the first valet handed Onyx the key. Valet two held the door open for me and valet one ran back around to get the door for Onyx. Slow night if they were both tending to us, or they both thought Onyx was hot as hell in her little black dress and wanted to look for as long as possible. I could totally respect that.

Once the doors were closed, the onboard GPS system alighted, and Onyx pressed a few buttons, deftly figuring out how to pull up my home address the memory. She pulled out into traffic and we began our drive. New York is always crowded, but it was 10 o’clock at night, so it was more like mid-day rush for a normal city. She drove pretty well. “You have a license?” I asked, though a bit late, because if she didn’t, it was moot by now.

“Yes,” she said. “I had an internship in California and it was pretty important to get a license. Here, not so much, but I still like having one, in case I have to travel.”

The GPS spoke a direction and she stopped talking to listen.

“You never told me,” I said after the computerized voice stopped. “How did you get involved with Pauly?”

“My father,” she said, her voice tight.

“Your father was in the mob?”

She laughed. “My father was a thief. He specialized in jewels. Diamonds were his favorite, but he’d steal emeralds, sapphires, rubies, anything sparkly and worth money. He worked for Pauly.”

“Lily never mentioned it.”

“Because Lily had more sense drunk than you do sober,” she said.

Ouch. That hurt.

She seemed to realize she’d offended me and continued in a less harsh tone. “Lily didn’t know a lot about it, though. It’s not something you go around telling people.”

“I guess not,” he said. “If you talk about your criminal activity, you could go to jail.”

She laughed. “Ryan, you are...” she paused for a bit, and finally settled on, “drunk.”

“I know.”

“Let’s just get through this, OK? Neither of us is that excited, but it’s a long flight to India, and we’ve got parts to act, so let’s just focus on that, alright?”

Her words made sense, but the evening felt foggy in my mind. I nodded regardless, figuring there was no way to back out of this now. Or was there. “What would Pauly do if I backed out?”

She took her eyes off the road to look at me. We were at a stoplight, so I guess it didn’t matter. “You’re having second thoughts.”

“Maybe,” I mumbled. “I mean, it is a crime. If we’re caught smuggling, my dad may not be able to help.”

She nodded. “Then back out.” Her voice was clipped and her fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter.

“Will you be mad if I back out?” I asked.

She didn’t look at me, just focused on the road, her hands tightening on the wheel, the strain in her muscles visible. “Does it matter to you, Ryan? Does it matter to you at all what I’ll be? Or is the only thing that matters what happens to you? Because you’ll be alright either way, won’t you? You’ll either disappoint your parents and be the same Ryan or you’ll disappoint me and be the same Ryan. It doesn’t matter what you do. You just have to decide, Ryan. You have to make a decision.”

The tires squealed as the car shot forward when the light changed to green, and a few moments later, she slowed down so as not to crash into traffic ahead.

“What the hell?” I blurted, but slower than expected.

“Sorry,” she said, a vein in her neck bulging. “I haven’t driven in a while.”

She didn’t look sorry. She sped up again as a lull in traffic permitted, her mouth a scowl.

She didn’t say it, but she was clearly mad. “I won’t back out,” I said.

“You can do what you want, Ryan, but you need to commit to something. That was always your problem, you know. Lily said you’d be awesome once you decided to commit. Commit to something other than fun and a good time. I don’t know how you got this deep into Pauly, but I do know you should get out. However, you need to, get out. And commit to do good. Lily would have wanted that.”

I stared at her, stunned. I hadn’t expected her burst of anger. The liquor was starting to curdle in my stomach. I took a deep breath, and tried not to hurl. I should have frat-boy mettle, but I’ve never been good at holding my liquor. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on anything but what I’d signed on for. It wasn’t working.  It didn’t help that there was silence in the vehicle except for when the automated GPS voice gave a direction. The air felt too full. Finally, I asked, “What would you do if I backed out?”

She sighs, her eyes on the road, her face still bitter. “Find another way, I guess,” she said. “Why does it matter?”

“Because you didn’t want to do this, and I dragged you in, and if I backed out, I want to know what it will cost you.”

She shook her head. “The same thing you lost,” she said, her tone bitter. “My brother, Lynx. I need the money to help him.”

I stared at her, feeling a bitterness rise in me. She wasn’t right to compare whatever financial problems her deadbeat brother was having to the loss of Lily. “I don’t think it’s the same,” I mumbled.

She glanced at me a moment, pure hatred in her eyes, and finally said, “You’re right. It’s not the same.”

The car slowed and the computerized voice said, “You have arrived.” She pulled over, put the car in park beneath a sign that said, “No Parking Zone,” and hopped out of the car. She inclined her head across the street to a popular bar. “I’m going to wait for my Uber over there. I take it you have valet here?”

I didn’t. But I nodded anyway. I was done with Onyx.

“If you’re out, call Pauly. Otherwise, I’ll see you on Tuesday,” she said as she slammed the door.