Alena

 

The room was as dingy as I would have expected from a place like this. And old, too. Nothing had been updated in years, maybe decades. Tired, worn carpet that might have been green in a former life. Dark paneled walls—how had anyone ever thought that was a good look? It didn’t come off as being a bit natural, but maybe that was never the intention. The one wall which wasn’t paneled, the one opposite the bed, was a deep red-orange color. Another holdover from an earlier time when everything was either red-orange or deep yellow. The nineteen seventies and early eighties weren’t exactly a high point for interior design.

 

The bedspread was probably original to the room as well. I shuddered to think how many people had slept beneath its big, splashy print. How much DNA was on that thing? My skin crawled. It was probably completely flammable, too. How many people had almost burned to death with lit cigarettes in bed? There were nearly more cigarette burns on the carpeting than there were clean patches.

 

All I could do was keep thinking about the way the room looked, or else I would go crazy. The chipped laminate on the dresser. The ugly pictures on the walls. The musty curtains on the window.

 

My captors only added a little something extra to the space. One of them, the one who had smiled at me, was looking out the window. Who he was waiting for, I had no idea. Or maybe he was only keeping a lookout in case somebody came up. I couldn’t imagine who would. I hadn’t told anyone I was coming. God, why hadn’t I? Why had I been so headstrong? I should have known something fishy was up, but I was so happy to hear what I thought was Sara’s voice.

 

Of course, it wasn’t. I didn’t know who this creep had gotten to call me and pretend to be her, but they clearly didn’t have a heart. Who would do that to a person? It was sick, sicker than anything that had happened yet. They knew I would come running if I thought my sister was waiting for me. They played me.

 

I was too busy being crazy stubborn, and out of my head with grief and worry for Sara. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I should have known Cole was only trying to keep me safe. He wouldn’t have played me. And I had pushed him away, probably the only person who could protect me from what was going to happen now. I promised myself that if I ever got out of this, I would start listening to other people. I would remember that I didn’t always know the whole story and that sometimes other people could help me in ways I couldn’t help myself.

 

I had been so blind. Convinced that because he was a “bad” person, I couldn’t trust him. He was only out to protect his club, all that. But in the end, he had cared for me. Would he mourn me when I was gone?

 

I told myself to stop thinking dark thoughts like that, but seeing as how a couple of maniac criminals had tied me to a chair, it was hard not to. The other one, Alan, was sitting on the bed. The TV was on, a grainy, static-filled cartoon. It sounded unbelievably stupid and crude, but he loved it. The IQ wasn’t running high with this one. If it had only been him, or maybe even him and the other one by the window, I might have had a chance at outsmarting them. Telling them I had to go to the bathroom and climbing out the window, or using something as a weapon against them. Anything. I would have tried anything.

 

But there was the other one. Skull. I remembered his face in the picture I took from Sara’s things. If only I’d had the chance to take it to the police like I’d wanted to! I might have at least made it more difficult for him to get away with this. Whatever it was he was planning to do.

 

He was desperate. I knew that much. His eyes were shifty. He would pace back and forth, talking to himself. While I half-heartedly watched a cartoon with Alan, Skull was outside on the phone. I could hear him raise his voice occasionally. What was he saying? And to whom?

 

I didn’t want to let myself believe he was talking to Cole, but there was a chance. He’d tried to warn me, so he had to know I was on my way to Skull’s trap. Maybe he was trying to save me. It seemed like too much to wish for, but I couldn’t help wishing anyway. Oh, please, I thought, closing my eyes. Please, let him find me. I swear I’ll never doubt him again. I’ll let him love me and protect me, and I’ll do the same for him, as much as I can.

 

Had I just used the word “love”? I had. Did I love him? I knew I cared for him, that there was an insane attraction between us. It was a fact of nature, like breathing to stay alive. I needed him, and I might be starting to love him.

 

Though I wasn’t sure how much longer I would be breathing. I really couldn’t keep the dark thoughts away.

 

“He’s coming back,” Thug Number Two said. He sat on the bed, watching the TV with Alan and me. It was a ridiculous situation, and had I not been so terrified I might have laughed. Just a happy little family, watching cartoons. One of us was tied to a chair, but so what? I realized as I bit back laughter that I was starting to panic, maybe becoming hysterical. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t give Skull any reason to kill me sooner than he planned to.

 

The door opened, and for a brief moment, the smell of fresh air overrode the stale cigarette smell of the room. Then Skull closed it with a slam.

 

“What did he say?” Alan and Number Two watched as Skull paced by the window.

 

“Nothing much. I don’t know if he’s coming here or not.”

 

“But he would, wouldn’t he? For her?” Alan jerked a thumb in my direction.

 

I knew who they meant. He was coming! I knew he would! I only hoped he would make it in time.

 

Then again…was he in danger, too? The way they talked about him, I started to wonder.

 

“I knew he would try to get in the way,” Skull brooded. “I didn’t want any of it to turn out like this.”

 

“He knows, though, right? He knows what we’ve been doing. If we have to get rid of her, we have to get rid of him, too.”

 

What had they been doing? Maybe this wasn’t all about Sara after all.

 

“Think about what you’re saying,” Number Two spat. “He’s the president of the MC. No way the rest of the club would let it go if he just magically ended up dead. They’d wanna look into it. They would find out we did it. There are always ways of finding out.”

 

“Don’t even talk about this shit!” Skull sounded furious, and even I flinched away, though he wasn’t paying a bit of attention to me. I might as well have not been in the room.

 

My head was spinning. What else was Skull into? Maybe Sara had found out about it. Was that why he’d killed her? And I had come too close to the truth of what he’d done, and now he felt as though he had to get rid of me, too. Only these idiots didn’t know about Sara, did they? They just knew about whatever dirty dealings they were involved in. Skull had been a busy guy, I could tell. Playing a few different hands in the same game.

 

I watched Skull out of the corner of my eye. No doubt about it, he was desperate, and getting more desperate every minute. He had unraveled. He must have been handsome and charming if my sister ever got hooked up with him. There had to be something special about him for her to have given him the time of day. I couldn’t see it at the moment, considering what a mess he now was.

 

I felt him staring at me, and I deliberately kept my eyes on the TV. “You,” he said. I swallowed hard, still not willing to look at him. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how scared I was. And I was definitely terrified, no doubt about it.

 

He sat on the bed, close to the chair in which I sat. I smelled the rank stench of sweat on him, and it made my nose wrinkle in disgust. I wasn’t sure if I preferred his usual whiskey and cigarettes smell, but I thought I might. Anything was better than the caged animal he now reminded me of. Only fear for my life kept me from suggesting he get in the shower.

 

“You just had to keep sticking your nose where it didn’t belong.”

 

Right, blame me. Make sure none of the blame for whatever mess you got yourself into falls on you. Pathetic. But I bit my tongue, reminding myself I wasn’t exactly dealing with a completely logical person. I had no idea what he was capable of, and dancing on a minefield would only get me killed faster.

 

Now that I knew Cole was on his way, I could stall. Once he got here, everything would be okay. I had to believe that. The belief gave me the courage to speak, though my throat was parched and dry.

 

“I only wanted to know what happened to my sister,” I croaked. “Wouldn’t you want to? If you had someone in your life who you cared about more than anything, and they went away? Just…disappeared? Wouldn’t you want to know what happened? Could you let them go that easily, even if it meant danger for you?”

 

He stared at me for a long time, so long it made my skin crawl. The other two idiots, I could tell, had no idea what I was talking about. So my theory had been right. They thought Skull was in trouble over one thing, while I knew he was in trouble over something else. The confused looks they kept giving each other made me understand that they were in the dark. They were only muscle for this idiot to use.

 

“What’s she talking about?” Alan asked.

 

Number Two nodded. “Yeah, I thought she was on to what we were doing. When she talked about her sister earlier…I was wondering what she meant, but I didn’t wanna ask then. What’s her sister got to do with it?”

 

“Both of you, shut the fuck up,” Skull said, not looking at them. He was only looking at me, with a sick smile on his face. “You wanna know what happened to your sister, huh? That’s all you wanna know? That’s what all this has been about for you? Finding out what happened to the little girl you loved. Right?”

 

“Of course! Didn’t she ever tell you about her life? About how close we were?”

 

He shrugged. “Yeah. Sometimes. I know you raised her.”

 

I nodded empathically. “That’s right. So why is it so surprising that I would want to know what happened to her? She’s like…well, she’s like my own daughter, in a way. Wouldn’t a mother want to know what happened to her daughter?” I took a chance and glanced from Skull to the other two thugs. Maybe, if I couldn’t get through to him, I could get through to them. Maybe one of them would feel sorry enough for me that he’d be willing to speak up for me when Skull decided it was time for me to die.

 

I looked back at Skull. “I just wanted to know what happened, so I could find some peace if she was already gone. That’s all. Why is that such a crime?”

 

“Because it was all my fault.” His voice was flat, dead. He reached for me, and it was all I could do not to flinch when he touched my hair. “So pretty,” he murmured, though his voice didn’t sound like he thought it was pretty at all. He didn’t really care. He was just talking, or maybe remembering Sara. We did look a lot alike. I realized that might give me an advantage, too. If I could prey on his memories of Sara, I might buy myself more time.

 

“We looked almost exactly alike,” I said. “Except ten years apart, of course.”

 

“You look young enough,” he mused. “You could have passed for twins. Only your eyes are a little different from hers. Hers weren’t as intense as yours. And your hair is a little more golden than hers was.”

 

“That’s true. But she was still beautiful, right?”

 

He sighed. “So beautiful.”

 

Then why did you kill her, you bastard? “I remember when she was little, how I used to love putting ribbons in her hair and dressing her in pretty dresses. She was like my little doll, you know? My life-size baby doll. And she loved it. Some little girls don’t like when you fuss with them, but she loved it when I made her look pretty. I wish I had more pictures of those days. She was such a cute little girl. Not that fake, pretend kind of cute, either. You know what I mean. The sort of kid who knows they’re cute and plays it up.” Skull smirked, and I smirked with him. “Yeah, you know what I mean, I can tell. She wasn’t precocious. She was just…adorable.”

 

“I bet she was smart, too,” he said, his fingers still idly playing with my hair. I let him play if it meant I had more time.

 

“Oh, smart as a whip. And wise. She could see through a situation so easily. Even when she was little, she understood grownups. She could see right through them. Like, you know when you’re a kid, you miss things. Little clues. You don’t understand why people act the way they do because you’re too young to get it. But not Sara. She always saw right through bullshit. She had a gift for that.”

 

He smiled. “Yeah. She wouldn’t let me get away with shit. If I tried to make up a story, she would call me on it right away.”

 

Is that why you killed her? Because she knew you were into something and wouldn’t let it go? Damn it, Sara. Why didn’t you just let it go? Let him think you believed his lies?

 

I smiled despite my thoughts. “She was the same way with me. You should have heard the Santa Claus debate. Oh, my God.” I genuinely chuckled, remembering how hard it had been to keep her believing in Santa when he didn’t make logical sense to her. And she had known I was lying to get her to believe me. She could be impossible back then. I only wished now that her stubborn streak hadn’t been so strong. Maybe she would have listened to me when I begged her to stay away from this creep. It was hard to understand what she’d seen in him, the way he currently looked and smelled.

 

“I didn’t wanna hurt her, you know.” He looked at me, and I saw tears in his eyes. “I mean it. That was the last thing I ever wanted. She didn’t deserve to be hurt.”

 

“I know she didn’t. And I can tell you cared for her.” I told him what he needed to hear, even though the words were half-stuck in my throat. I didn’t know any such thing. How could he have cared for her if he had killed her? But I had to keep him talking. If he was talking, he wasn’t killing me. Oh, Cole, please hurry.

 

“I did. I loved her.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “You believe me, right? You believe I loved her?”

 

I nodded. I would tell him whatever he needed to hear, even though my skin crawled and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the accusations I had for him. “Of course. I can see it. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about her. Only someone who loved her would talk that way.”

 

He nodded, looking relieved that someone believed him. I wished I could take a scalding hot shower to wash away all the dirt I felt on me and inside me. What he had felt for my sister was a sick, perverted excuse for love. No way he could have truly loved her if he’d killed her.

 

“What happened, then?” I asked as gently as I could. “I know you didn’t mean whatever it was, because you loved her. But how did it happen? Was it a fight?”

 

“Yeah, we were fighting.” He finally let go of my hair, his hand falling to his side. He stared at the floor. I saw tears dripping onto to burned carpet.

 

“I know how stubborn she could be. It was nearly impossible to win a fight with her once she really sank her teeth into whatever she was fighting about.” He nodded like he was relieved somebody finally understood what he had been going through with her.

 

He shook his head, still looking at the floor. “I kept telling her to let it go, that it didn’t have anything to do with her. But she wouldn’t. She kept getting in my face and calling me names. She said I was better than what was I doing.” He looked at me and laughed bitterly. “I wasn’t, you know. She thought I was, but I wasn’t. She thought I was so much better than I was. How funny is that? She didn’t really know me. She only saw what she wanted to see.”

 

The first truly self-aware thing I’d heard from his mouth so far. “What was it you were involved with? I don’t understand.”

 

He sighed. “She knew I was selling drugs on the side. Even Cole didn’t know about it. The rest of the club didn’t know either. Only these two.” He jerked his thumb in their direction. They looked absolutely riveted by his story. I wished I could knock their stupid heads together.

 

“And when she found out, she lost it, I guess.” I nodded sympathetically, all the while wondering why the hell she hadn’t gotten away from him as soon as she found out. Bad move, honey, I thought. I was sure she was smarter than that. I had hoped she was, anyway. For a clever girl, she could be awfully stupid.

 

“She did. You know how she was. She wouldn’t let it go. She was…well, she was like you. You wouldn’t let it go either. I think that’s what got me more upset than anything else. You reminded me of how she wouldn’t let go of our fight, even when I told her I wanted her to.”

 

I nodded again, like I understood every word. “I know how impossible she was,” I said. I hated talking about her in the past tense, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I didn’t want to push him over the edge. I kept my tone low and smooth, hoping to soothe him.

 

“She could be. But I loved her. I really did. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. The only good thing.” He smiled a little, then looked up at me. “I don’t know how much Cole told you about our lives when we were growing up, but there wasn’t much of anything that was nice or pretty or pure. She was pure, though. Sweet and pretty and nice. Not some tramp or skank, like I was used to.”

 

And you killed her. The only nice, pretty girl you ever knew. Way to go. It was getting harder to hide my disgust, try as I might to avoid getting him upset.

 

“So what happened? I mean, you were fighting. I guess it got out of hand? I know how easy it is for that to happen.” I bit the inside of my cheek again, struggling to hold back the rage that was growing inside me. I hated to imagine what Sara had been through, but this was the only way to keep him talking.

 

He nodded, miserable. The tears were flowing more steadily. “Yeah. It got out of hand. She just got me so mad, I couldn’t see straight. She was pushing me and screaming at me and calling me all these names. She told me she thought I was better than what I was doing.” He laughed, and there was a bitter edge to it. “She was wrong. I wasn’t better than drugs. I’ve never been good enough for anything else. I’m trash.”

 

“I’m sure she didn’t see it that way, or else why would she have been with you?” Why, indeed? I still couldn’t understand it. Maybe he was like her penchant for the bird with the broken wing. She’d tried to bring one into the house, once, so she could nurse it back to health. We had compromised, me telling her she could keep it in a shoebox on the porch and take care of it only while wearing heavy gloves. Was Skull another broken bird she thought she could fix? My poor, naïve girl.

 

“I never knew what she saw in me. I only thought I was lucky she saw it.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand and drew a shuddering breath. “Anyway, that’s all over now. I killed her, just like I kill every good thing in my life.”

 

I flinched involuntarily at the mention of her death. This was almost too painful, but I had to keep going, if only for her sake. “What finally happened? How did she push you that far?”

 

He shrugged. “I don’t even remember.” He was starting to blubber, his words running into each other. “I was a little high, and I wasn’t thinking straight. And she kept coming at me, and I only wanted her to shut up and stop yelling at me. But she wouldn’t. She kept going and going. So I hit her.”

 

I winced. He fell silent. Eventually, I had to ask, “That’s it?”

 

He nodded. “Just once, across the face. She fell and hit her head, and she stopped moving.” I closed my eyes. So that was how it happened. At least it had been fast. Poor Sara. I’m so sorry. You deserved more than that.

 

My gaze shifted to the two idiots standing on the other side of the room. Sure enough, their dumbfounded expressions told me they had no idea how deep this all went. The whole time, they had thought it was only about drugs. What did he tell them to get them to trick me? Maybe that I knew and was going to tell the club? Or that my sister had known, and she told me? Something gave me the impression that whatever it was, he hadn’t needed to try hard to get them to believe him. They weren’t exactly the brightest bulbs.

 

“And that was it, huh? She just…died?”

 

He nodded. “I, like, tried to check her pulse and all that stuff, but I couldn’t find one.”

 

My brow furrowed. That was all he had done? Just tried to check her pulse? But if he had been high… “Then what?”

 

He cried harder and had to control himself enough to speak. I did what I could to keep my face blank. What right did he have to act so upset? I was the one who had lost the person closest to me, and he had the nerve to act like a grieving widower.

 

“I put her in her car and drove to the edge of town. I left her there, in the woods. I thought…I don’t know what I thought, really. Maybe the police would think she had an accident or something? I don’t know. I walked back home from there.” It took forever for him to get the story out, seeing as how he was sobbing the entire time. I knew I would have to tread softly with him.

 

“So you left her in the woods?”

 

“Yeah! I said I did!”

 

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand, you know?” He left her body in the car, in the woods. How hadn’t she been found, then? I knew the police had scoured the woods for her—it was the first place they’d looked. How could they have missed her car?

 

What if she wasn’t dead?

 

I couldn’t help having a little bit of hope after what he had told me. No, it didn’t make sense that she wouldn’t come to me as soon as she woke up from her injury. But what if her memory was screwed up, or she had been too afraid to show her face? She might have gone somewhere else. Her bank account was empty—the police had assumed that whoever took her had emptied it, but we never knew who did it. Maybe she had, and she was living somewhere this whole time.

 

It still didn’t explain why she wouldn’t have called me, but the only thing I could imagine was that she had been too afraid and ashamed of being wrong about Skull to reach out to me. Or maybe she’d just been afraid of him. She’d known, finally, that I was right when I told her he was no good, and she wasn’t sure what he would do to her if he knew she was still alive…and that she knew what he was doing behind the club’s back.

 

For the first time, I felt real hope.

 

All I had to do now was make sure I didn’t get myself killed before Cole got to me.