You look like a sparkly weirdo elf.

I shoot daggers at my reflection in the mirror. I’m wearing a green sequined minidress that I haven’t put on since New Years Eve three years ago. It’s ridiculous.

This is the fourth outfit I’ve tried on this morning. I have no idea what to wear for the Christmas meal with Gage. Not to mention, I’m bleary-eyed from lack of sleep after finishing up decorating the tree with Addi last night, putting out milk and cookies for Santa, getting her to bed, and then setting up Santa’s presents under the tree (and eating the cookies) before I finally got to bed this morning around two.

Not that that’s when I fell asleep, of course. I spent quite a while thinking with nervous anticipation about Gage coming over today before I eventually managed to drop off.

Addi woke me at six forty-five to open presents — shaving fifteen minutes off our rule of not before seven o’clock, but I decided to let that slide this time. We opened Santa’s presents and her father’s present (bought and wrapped by me, of course). We both agreed we’d save our gifts to each other for when Gage is here. I made her her favorite breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes — for special occasions only. Now Addi’s in her room playing with some of her new stuff. And I’m in my room, trying to pretend that I’m not freaking out about having the hottest man I’ve ever seen over for Christmas dinner.

I peel off this ridiculous dress and rummage around in my closet for something that doesn’t seem so overly formal and festive. I’ve gone back and forth all morning about whether it was a mistake to invite Gage over today. On the one hand, now I’m a complete and total nervous wreck about the day, for reasons I only brought on myself. On the other, having him come over seems to have worked some kind of magic on Addi’s glum mood. After Gage left last night, she insisted on finishing up the garland for the tree, and then retreated to her room to make a secret present for him. She even wrapped it herself, dragging the box of Christmas wrap in and closing the door so I wouldn’t see anything. The only clue I have is that there may have been glitter involved — which I only know because I saw the tell-tale signs on her fingers afterwards.

And then, it did seem incredibly sad that Gage would be spending Christmas on his own, even though he didn’t seem that troubled by it. I just can’t imagine it. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Addi with me and had to spend the holiday by myself. So even if he doesn’t care, I do. If I hadn’t invited him, I would have been looking out the window at his house all day — imagining him in there all alone, just acting like it’s any other day.

But the problem is, now I’m spending Christmas day with a man whose mere presence makes me feel like my skin is going to melt off my body. I’m pretty sure my core temperature raised a couple of degrees yesterday while he was in the vicinity. There’s this thing that happens to me every time his eyes lock on mine. A jolt of electricity runs through me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Even worse, the heat that grows between my legs when his eyes are on me makes me uncomfortably aware of my arousal. It’s incredibly distracting, and even worse because I’m pretty sure he knows how attractive I find him. Which sends me into this spiral of wondering whether he finds me attractive, too. Which makes me wonder whether he’s ever had the kind of thoughts about me that I have about him.

And that is just not conducive to me holding it together today and acting like this is just a nice Christmas dinner with a neighbor.

Finally, on the fifth potential outfit, I settle on a simple red sweater. It doesn’t look too overly Christmassy, and does a reasonably good job of flattering my figure. I put it on with a pair of slimming dark jeans and black ballet flats. I apply just enough makeup to hide the tired circles under my eyes, match my lipstick just a shade darker the sweater, and pull my hair up into a loose bun so I don’t get too hot while I’m cooking dinner.

I’m just emerging from my bedroom when Addi comes out of hers, holding what looks to be a friendship bracelet she’s just made with the bracelet maker she got from Santa. “Can you help me tie this on, Mom?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Addi holds up her wrist. I wrap the bracelet around and tie the two ends in a knot.

“What time is Gage coming over?” she asks, her eyes shining with excitement.

“He said he’d show up sometime mid-afternoon.”

Addi sticks out her lower lip and pouts. “That’s forever from now. What are we going to do until then?”

“Christmas movies and your new game, of course!”

Santa always brings Addi some sort of game or puzzle for Christmas, so we can spend the afternoon as a family instead of her retreating to her room with her new toys. This year, it’s a new card game I found online. After I make the two of us cups of hot cocoa, we go into the living room and sit around the coffee table to play. I made sure the game would work fine for just two people, and we spend a good two hours learning the rules and playing the best three out of five.

I win, but not by much; Addi’s smart as a whip, and has a competitive streak that she gets from her father.

After the game, I have Addi choose a movie to watch while I do some meal prep and check on the food that’s cooking in the oven. Instead of turkey or ham, I’m preparing a roast this year. It seems to be progressing just fine, and I’m go through the mental calculations of all the other things I have to time when the doorbell rings. Looking over at the clock on the microwave, I realize it’s already almost three. That must be Gage. My stomach does a nervous flip.

“I’ll get it!” Addi cries, flying up off the couch.

She runs to the front door and slides to a stop in front of it in her stocking feet. She flings it open to reveal Gage, in a leather jacket with patches on it. He’s carrying a paper shopping bag in one arm.

“Hi, Gage! Merry Christmas!” she grins.

“Merry Christmas to you, too, kid.” He looks over at me, and his voice drops a couple of notes lower. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” I say, certain that he can hear my heart pounding loudly in my chest. “Come on in.”

Gage steps over the threshold and sets the bag down. He shrugs off his leather jacket, and looks around for a place to lay it.

“Addi, can you please hang Gage’s jacket up in the front closet?” I direct her. Obediently, she takes it from him and carefully hangs it up. Gage picks the shopping bag up and crosses through the living room into the kitchen where I’m standing.

“How’s the washing machine?” he asks as he sets the bag down on the kitchen island.

“It’s fixed,” I smile. “I ran the wet towels through last night with no problem. Thank you again.”

Gage’s eyes run slowly down my body, making me shiver. When he gets to my feet, one corner of his mouth lifts. “No monkey slippers today?” he asks, a twinkle in his eye.

“Not today,” I agree, turning the same color as my sweater. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I brought my own.” He reaches into the bag and pulls out a six pack of beer. “Wasn’t sure what you’d have on hand. I’m not much of a wine guy.”

“Want to come see my room?” says Addi, appearing at Gage’s side. “You didn’t see it yesterday!”

“Uh, sure?” Gage replies, looking at me. He twists open a bottle of beer and I shrug at him.

“You’ll probably get a tour of all the presents she got from Santa this morning, too,” I warn him.

“Oh yeah!” Addi cries. I snicker at Gage’s slightly alarmed look.

“Okay, let’s go.” He looks back at me as Addi leads the way in front of him. “If I’m not back in fifteen minutes, call the authorities.”