“I really think tonight’s sponsor should be ChapStick or something,” I joke, glancing again at the pre-show sheet. “I mean . . . blowjobs? They actually approved that one?”

“Well, there was a few requirements,” Susannah says, smiling. She’s been a lot nicer today than the past couple of days. I dunno, maybe whatever was biting her ass has worked itself out, or maybe she just realized being pissed wasn’t doing us any favors.

“What’s that?” I ask, sipping my water and already thinking to tonight. Kat . . . blowjobs . . . Kat’s blowjobs . . . fuck, I’m hard again. “Sorry, one more time?”

“I said, they want us to do a series of shows on oral sex,” Susannah says, looking at her clipboard.

I groan. “Sounds like we’re going to be fielding a lot of callers to fill all that time.”

“We’ll make it work like usual,” she replies. “You ready?”

“Five minutes,” I reply. “Just want to make sure . . . well, no early bathroom breaks.”

I rush to the bathroom, pulling my phone out of my pocket as soon as I’m in the stall. Thinking of u.

Oh? What’s tonight’s show?

I smirk, wondering if I should tell the truth or not. You’ll just have to listen and find out. See you tonight.

I do try to force out whatever’s inside, but no dice. Still, I flush and get to the studio just in time to plop down in my chair. The entry music starts, and I lean into my mic just as Suz gives me a thumbs up. “Good evening, listeners! This is Derrick King, the Love Whisperer, welcoming you to the next three hours of advice, music, and a little bit of fun. With me, of course, is my right-hand woman, Susannah ‘Don’t Call Her Jenna’ Jameson.”

“Tonight’s show is about a subject that, well, let’s just say it’s near and dear to my heart.”

“I didn’t know your heart was next to your balls,” Susannah jokes, and I have to grin, that was a good one.

“Well, let’s just say I’ve thought about this subject a lot. You want to have the honor of telling our audience what we’ll be discussing?”

“Sure, D. Tonight, let’s talk fellatio. Blowjobs, knob slobbing, or sucking cock. Take your pick. If it involves dicks and lips, we’re gonna talk about it tonight.”

“Hell of an intro. I always liked the term blowjob myself,” I admit. “By the way, if blowjobs aren’t your thing, don’t worry folks, we’re having a show on licking pussy too. But for now, you know the deal. Give us a call, drop us an email, the lines are open. First, let’s go to an email. Suz, will you start us off?”

“Love to,” Susannah says, lowering her voice to a sultry purr to set the tone. She’s got a great range of voices, from shrill to sexy. I guess that’s why she’s working in this business. “Dear Love Whisperer, I’ve got a problem. You see, my boyfriend wants me to blow him, but I struggle with it. Am I doing it right? Is he gonna choke me? What about when he comes . . . what do I do? His birthday is coming up, and I’d love to give him this gift. See if I can make it happen for him. Advice? From Kitty.”

Kitty? Great, just fucking awesome. I’m trying to work, and all I can think of is Kat crawling across the floor like a kitten, her lips stretched wide around my cock, balls deep in her mouth. Shit. Focus, I gotta be a pro here. “Well, Kitty,” I husk, licking my lips before I can continue, “first off, I’d like to say you’re quite the girlfriend if you’re worried about this. For a lot of guys, blowjobs tend to consist of a little begging, some half-hearted licks, and then it’s time to move on.”

“Not me,” Susannah teases, and I give her a raised eyebrow. She normally doesn’t get this expressive, maybe she’s just really into it tonight. “I love feeling my man slide over my tongue.”

“That’s the thing,” I add in. “Kitty, there’s two main ingredients to a good blowjob. One, you have to really devote yourself to it. Don’t just do it because you think he’ll like it, you have to suck him off because you want to. Show some excitement about it because it’s supposed to sexy and fun! Second, pay attention to what he likes. Does he want it hard, lots of tongue action, deep throating, hands involved or not involved? Maybe some ball play or even a little bit of anal play. Pay attention to what he likes, and then when you find out, give it to him and don’t hold back.”

“So Derrick, what do you like?” Susannah asks, a gossipy tone to her voice. “I’m sure our listeners would love to know your hottest desires . . . fast and rough, teasing little sucks, maybe the grapefruit trick I’ve been hearing about?”

I purse my lips, thinking, and all I can see is Kat. My cock throbs in my pants, and I smirk before answering. “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a bad blowjob. Unless there’s teeth,” I say, a shudder of fear snaking through my body. “But I’m sure some guys are into that too. But I’d advise on a Q-and-A before going that route, ladies. But let’s just say that I’m loving what I’m getting.”

“Oh, he must be good then,” Susannah shoots back, a little cattier than I expected, but before I can say anything she gives a big laugh. “All right, let’s try a caller. Go ahead, Eric.”

I don’t have time to ask Suz what the fuck was up with that crack because I’ve gotta help this caller. “Yeah, uh first thing, big fan Derrick, you’ve helped me a lot with my girl. Big props to you.”

“Thanks Eric. What can I help you with tonight?”

“Well, how can I convince my girl that swallowing isn’t deadly? I swear every time she goes down on me it’s either she pulls off in time for me to blow on her face, or she starts spitting like a garden sprinkler. But I really, really want to see her take a mouthful and swallow it down, know what I mean?”

“I do, it’s a pretty common thing for a lot of guys,” I reply, trying to pull my thoughts together. “At the same time, a lot of women don’t like it. Some of it is cultural or demographic, they’ve been taught that cum is somehow dirty or gross. Spitting can feel like they’re rejecting you on some level, and swallowing seems sexy, like they’re taking a part of you into themselves.” I pause. Susannah raises a hand at me, and I segue to include her, “Susannah, what’s your take?”

She smiles, her eyes glinting with naughtiness, “So many thoughts. From the woman’s perspective, there’s a point of gag where nothing’s going to stop your body’s natural reaction. The trick is to get behind the gag or in front of it. She needs to take you deeper down her throat so that when you come, it goes down easier. Or, maybe compromise and stay in front of the gag, come into her open mouth, get the visual of her with a mouthful and then she swallows like a good girl without the pressure of you continuing to fuck her face at the same time.”

“Good advice. Thanks for the female point of view. Also, Eric . . . man-to-man here, this might not be about her. Are you making it attractive for her to want to put her face in your crotch? I mean, what’s your lifestyle like?”

“Uhm, I’m pretty busy. I work long hours but do my best to stay healthy. I take vitamins, stuff like that.”

“All good, but before you want to get down with your lady, make sure you’re showered and fresh, and stay hydrated,” I reply. “And lay off alcohol, caffeine, and if you do smoke . . . well, this is another reason to quit. Eat right too. All of these things have been shown to affect the taste of your cum. Keep it clean, keep it healthy, and hopefully tasty.”

We continue, and I give Eric a few pointers. Once we’re done, it’s time for a music break, so I turn it over to Susannah, who spins Madonna’s ‘Like a Prayer.’

“Little old school, isn’t it?” I ask once the mics are off. She gives me a look, and there’s something different about the way she’s looking at me. Back to that upset look, I don’t know.

“Best song about blowjobs ever made,” Susannah says before singing along with some of the lyrics. I raise my eyebrow. She’s got a point, but I’ve got other things on my mind.

Leaving the booth, I pull out my phone, texting Kat. You listening?

Of course. And no, I’m not Kitty, just in case you were wondering. I know just how to make you come in my mouth. And don’t worry, it’s delicious.

I moan, thinking of the sight of her and text back. I wish I could see you naked and with my dick in your mouth right now.

Well, we’ll see if I can make that happen later.

I hear the song wrapping up, so I hop back in the booth while Susannah grumbles. “We’ve got work to do.”

“Chill Suz, we’ve got this,” I reply. Madonna finishes up her ode to the sacrilegious blowjob, and we go to an email about a woman who gets off most when she’s got her head tilted back off the edge of the bed. The idea’s hot, though I’ve never tried it. I toss it to Susannah. “I dunno, Suz, sounds like a good way to get a head rush for the sucker, not the suck-ee.”

She laughs a little. “Maybe some people like a little head rush? For real, don’t hang upside down too long, this is a finishing move that will get you past your gag reflex like we talked about earlier with Eric. But don’t go falling off the bed and blaming your concussion on us.”

We bounce back and forth, taking calls and doing music breaks for the next hour. I try to stay focused on my job, but about halfway through, I get another buzz on my cellphone. Dad.

How is the show going tonight, Derrick?

That’s Dad, never uses a single text contraction or emoji or anything. Not bad. Hey, Jacob will be at home to play in a few weeks and got us box tickets. Can you go?

Of course I can go. It’s football so I’ll be watching either way, there or at the house.

Growing up, that was what he and I bonded over first. Not that he didn’t let me explore other things, but where some fathers would tell their son about the baseball greats, or take their sons camping, with us, it was football. Oh, we’d still go fishing or hiking, but his ‘old man stories’ weren’t about fish that got away, but about watching Dwight Clark make ‘The Catch,’ or Doug Flutie’s miracle throw while at Boston College. We bonded over the somehow fated Super Bowl win of the Patriots after 9/11, and now that my former college roommate is a pro and relatively local . . . well, Dad’s got a reason to closely follow the team.

I know he felt like it was the end of an era when I quit playing, but ultimately, I think he’s glad I did reporting. Especially with all the medical data these days about players getting their head smacked on the field. Now, I think he’s still trying to understand just what this whole Love Whisperer thing is about. Personally, I’m glad he’s probably not listening in tonight. Better for him to think I talk about love and relationships than blowjobs and swallowing.

OK, I text him. I’ll send you details tomorrow, Jacob should have them to me by then.

“Yo, Derrick!” Susannah growls, and I look up guiltily. “We’ve got a show to do!”

“My bad,” I reply, setting my phone down on the table. The light comes on saying we’re live. “We’re back, and I hope you’ve been drinking plenty of water, because it’s getting warm in here. What do we have next, Susannah?”

“A little offshoot from the norm,” she says, grinning wickedly. “We’ve got Jamie, who has one of my personal fantasies happening in real life.”

“Go ahead Jamie, I’m listening.”

“Hi Derrick,” a woman says. “I’ve just started a new relationship with a guy from France, and he’s had a lot more experience than me. Last Friday night, I came home and he . . . well, he was on his knees with another man. They invited me to join in, and while the sex was mind-blowing, I’m a little worried in that my boyfriend seems to be more into sucking cock himself than into me. He’s asked if he could invite his friend over again this weekend, and I’m not sure what to say.”

Well now, that’s awkward. I get through the call with the same advice I normally give, communicate and be honest with each other, because what the fuck else can I really say to that? But by the time we’re done, it’s time for another commercial break. As soon as the clear light goes on, I reach for my phone, tapping out a message to Kat.

1 hr left.

U can do it!

I smirk, naughty thoughts running through my head. Got anything to motivate me?

I seriously don’t expect her to reply, and at first I think maybe she’s busy. With about thirty seconds left in the commercial break, my phone buzzes again and I pick it up to see it’s a pic.

“Oh Jesus,” I whisper as I see Kat, naked from the waist up, her hair framing her face as she shows me a mouthful of what’s obviously milk or something, but the image gets through, especially as she’s let a little dribble from the side of her mouth.

Motivated enough?

I gulp, my cock surging in my pants until I’m nearly desperate to have some relief. With shaking thumbs, I text back. Don’t plan on sleeping alone. And no panties 4 our date.

She sends back an evil smiley emoji, and I’ve got a very horny and very worried feeling that I’ve unleashed a long repressed . . . perfection.

So what is a second date to you?

Kat’s quick with her reply. It’s late, so pick me up. We can have drinks at a bar around the corner.

I’m aware enough to see Susannah giving me the signal, and I go back to the show, faking my way through another email. As soon as I can, I’m back on my phone with Kat.

Still listening?

Always. Getting some new ideas too. If you’re good . . . maybe I’ll show you. Not second date tho. Gotta wait a little longer.

My balls are aching, but her message is clear. No sex tonight. Fuck. Okay, I guess I’ll survive. I try to go back to the show, but I’m distracted by thoughts of Kat and I know I’m fumbling my way through some of the calls. Hopefully no one’s noticing.

During the next song break, Fifty’s Candy Shop, I duck out to not only take a piss, but to get my head right.

Honestly Suz does have a reason to be upset with me. I realize I’ve phoned it in tonight, on exactly the type of show I shouldn’t be. God, just the idea of three hours of talk about blowjobs has me rolling my eyes while at the same time my cock pulses in my pants, thinking of Kat and her pic.

But that’s the problem, I should be focusing, I should be able to for three hours. I shouldn’t be focusing on Kat but instead on each of my callers. If I get bored, I crack jokes with Susannah about the calls or emails. I deliver on the mic, not on text.

“Tomorrow,” I promise myself as I head back down the hallway. I open the door to see Susannah not in her mini-booth but in mine. Surprised, I stop to see her set my phone down on my desk. “Somethin’ wrong?”

“Sorry,” she says, seemingly all smiles. “Your phone was buzzing around again. I turned it off for now if you don’t mind. We really need to focus and finish tonight out right.”

“I agree,” I reply a little sheepishly. “I’m sorry about tonight’s show. I know it’s been a clusterfuck sometimes, and you’ve saved my ass. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“I get it, I really do,” Susannah says. “Derrick, we’ve all got shows that are tough, and lives outside this place. But we’ve got the potential to do really great things here, bigger and better than ever, but that will never happen if you’re fucking around, barely dialing it in for the shows. I’m happy to do the prep, research, and planning. All you’ve got to do is show up and speak, but tonight, you’ve barely done that. I need you to be a fucking pro like usual, okay?”

The venom in her last sentence irks me and I’m about to shoot back about her own cattiness, but Fifty’s ending and we’ve got to get back on the air.

Somehow, we get through the rest of the show and ironically things go well enough that as the outro music plays, Susannah’s in a lot better mood. “Hey, D?”

I’m in a hurry to see Kat, but still I look over, leaning back in my chair. “Yeah?”

“Sorry about the bitch act before. I’m just worried about you, that’s all. Is everything okay? You keep texting and calling and that’s not you. This isn’t the first time that’s happened lately either. You seem distracted. Anything I can do to help?”

I shake my head, getting out of my chair. “No, I’ll get it together. I’m sorry too. Do me a favor though, let’s just keep this between us, but I met someone and it’s a little all-consuming. I got this, promise.”

“Fresh relationships are like that,” Susannah agrees. “Lucky girl. Is that all?”

“No, I was talking to my dad but he’s fine. Just been awhile since I really spent time with him, so I gave him some more text time than I should have. All good, sorry if I wasn’t pulling my weight. I’ll do better.”

“Okay,” Susannah says, giving me her trademark smile. “Keep it up though, and I’ll make sure that we do a whole slew of topics that you hate. Should I go crazy romantic until you vomit pink roses, or some seriously kinky fetish that makes your ass pucker? I got it . . . baby talk. Does Derrick-werrick need a little powder-poofy?” She laughs maniacally, and I can’t help but grin at her. This is why we work together.

“Okay, okay . . . I promise to get it together as long as you never, ever call me that again! You mind wrapping up the studio? I kinda have a date.” I smile, knowing it’s a big ask after the night we’ve had, but hopeful she’ll cut me some slack because I need to get to Kat.

“Go party, Don Juan de Radio,” Suz says. “But I demand perfection tomorrow. We’re poised for great things!”

I’m already walking toward the door, thankful for the reprieve, but answer her. “We are doing great things, Suz. We’re actually helping people here.”

She says it softly, but I hear it anyway. “But we could help more if we had a bigger platform. Syndication, Derrick. We’re so close.”

“It’ll happen or it won’t, Suz. I’m happy either way. Don’t worry about chickens that aren’t even eggs yet. Anyway, gotta run. Thanks! You’re the best. Tomorrow . . . I promise. I’m back on track and ready to rock.” And before the door even closes behind me, all thoughts of work whoosh out of my head to be replaced with Kat and how she’s waiting for me.