Chapter 8
Brad’s breathing was ragged. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to kiss Lyrian.
Especially since he could see that she wanted it as much as he did. Her own breathing was uneven, and the look in her eyes was all but begging him.
He wanted to. So much.
But it seemed like a really bad idea after he’d just told her he wanted to help her find her family, even if it meant they couldn’t be together. It certainly wouldn’t indicate his commitment to that cause.
How could he say he wanted that in one breath, then kiss her in another? Especially when he knew that they couldn’t have this. He could have given it a go, tried a long distance relationship, maybe even looked at taking unpaid leave from work. But as she’d explained, there was no trial to this relationship. It was all or nothing.
The idea both intrigued and terrified him.
Lyrian took the decision away from him by groaning softly, then rising on tiptoe and crushing her lips to his.
Her boldness broke through the last of Brad’s resolve. How could he resist her now?
He pulled her body against his, delighting in the way it seemed to fit perfectly, as though made for him.
His heart pounded, and blood rushed in his ears.
What were they doing? This was crazy.
How far were they going to take this?
He knew they couldn’t sleep together. Not like this. He wouldn’t risk bonding with her unless both of them were certain.
But now that she’d kissed him, he didn’t intend to stop.
And he didn’t.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, in the shade of the giant rock, kissing as though their lives depended on it. If a dragon had come by then, Brad suspected they would have made an easy target.
But none did.
So he let their surroundings fade into the distance, and let himself enjoy the feel and taste of her.
When her hand slipped lower, past his waist, to grab his buttocks and pull him even more firmly against him, an awareness forced its way through his distraction.
He pulled back, breaking contact with Lyrian’s lips, and stared down at her, breathless. “We shouldn’t…”
Her eyes darkened. She knew as much as he did.
And she wanted to ignore it as much as he did.
In that moment, staring into each other’s eyes, something passed between them. An unspoken acknowledgement, and understanding that went far deeper than words.
Suddenly, Brad felt at peace with their decision.
It didn’t lessen the want. Not one bit.
But it did make it easier to bear.
It made it possible for him to give Lyrian one gentle kiss, then pull back. It made it possible for him to keep holding her hand, without needing to give into the want and pull her up against him.it made it possible for him to smile at her and say, “What’s our next move? Lisa is a dead end. How else can we look for your brother?”
Lyrian stared at him for a few moments, as though she was having a harder time moving on than he was.
Brad smiled encouragingly. If he could do this, he knew she could.
It seemed to help. She took a deep breath, and a determined look came over her face. “We can’t go back into the town. Not for a few days at least. So we need to look elsewhere.”
Brad nodded. That made sense. “Where?” he asked.
Lyrian hesitated, then gave a sigh. “The only place I know for certain is where that Trima dragon came from—my next brother’s Mesmer chamber.”
Adrenaline hit Brad, half fear about going up against another dragon, half excitement. “Right. If that dragon is gone, is it likely to be unguarded?”
“I don’t know,” Lyrian said. “It’s possible, but unlikely. Another dragon will probably be there by now. But their presence indicates that there’s a high probability that my brother is still there.”
Brad hesitated. He didn’t want to burst Lyrian’s bubble, but it had to be said. “He won’t have any more idea where to find the rest of your clan than you do, will he?”
“No, he won’t. But if we can wake him, then there will be two of us. That makes us safer, and means we’re more likely to survive if another Trima dragon attacks us.”
It was hard to argue with that logic. Brad nodded. “So how do we wake him then?”
This was one bit he didn’t really understand. The dragon magic kind of went over his head. He’d have to follow Lyrian’s lead on this one.
And for some reason, she was hesitating. Not meeting his eyes.
Brad had asked the question casually, more concerned with how they were going to get past a waiting dragon than anything else. But from the way Lyrian was acting, something else was going on.
Uneasiness squirmed in Brad’s stomach. “What is it?” he demanded.
Lyrian hesitated again, then took a deep breath. “I need to be the one to wake him,” she said firmly. “A blood relative is the best option we have. Which means you’re going to have to watch for the dragon.”
Now Brad’s stomach was squirming for an entirely different reason.
He wasn’t too sure about facing up to an angry dragon at all. Especially not with only the shotgun for protection. And there was another concern. “What about Anarian?” he asked. “Can you take her with you?”
Lyrian hesitated, then nodded slowly. “I suppose so. It will certainly be safer inside the Mesmer chamber. The Trima dragons can’t enter.”
That was news to him. “Maybe it’s safer if we’re all in there then? Then you and your brother can take out the other dragon and we can leave.”
It seemed like a workable plan to Brad, but Lyrian was shaking her head. “Calrian will be weak when he first wakes. It will take him several weeks to regain enough energy to be able to fight.”
Brad frowned. That didn’t seem to be workable at all.
In fact, it seemed like a particularly bad process all round. “So dragons can regenerate, but they’re not back to full strength for several weeks anyway? Doesn’t seem like that much benefit.”
If he operated on someone, they’d be back to normal in a month or two. Maybe not fighting fit, but close to. It was longer, yes, but not as much as he would have expected. And he didn’t know how injured her brother had been in the first place.
There it was again. Lyrian looked away. Towards Anarian, yes, but the baby hadn’t stirred.
What was going on?
Brad took a step towards Lyrian, and lifted her chin towards him. “What is it?”
Her eyes were haunted. She licked her lips.
The uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach was back. There was something she wasn’t telling him. What was it? And why?
“There is a way a dragon can regain their energy much faster after the Mesmer,” she said quietly. “But it would only be possible with an unrelated dragon, so it’s not an option for us.”
That gave Brad a clue, but he needed to hear it from her. “What is it?” he asked quietly.
Lyrian took a deep breath. “Sex,” she said flatly.
For a moment, Brad wasn’t sure why she’d been avoiding telling him. Yes, it was a strange quirk of dragons, but what wasn’t? Surely she wasn’t embarrassed? They’d slept together twice, and from what he’d seen, she certainly wasn’t a prude.
Then it hit him.
She wasn’t embarrassed that her brother could recover faster if they could find an unrelated dragon. This wasn’t about her brother at all.
This was about them.
“Was that why you slept with me? When I first arrived?” he asked roughly.
He could see it in her eyes even before she spoke. That hesitant, guilty look. “Yes,” she said slowly. “Henry knew I needed someone. He couldn’t do it, he was too old. So he sent for you.”
But Henry hadn’t sent for Brad. “Actually, he sent for my brother, but he couldn’t come.”
His words sounded distant, even to his ears. He was surprised he managed to get them out without stammering. His life had been turned upside down when he arrived here and had found out about Lyrian, but he thought he’d risen to the occasion reasonably well.
Now the ground shifted under his feet, a new reality hitting him almost as hard.
It was only random chance that Brad had been the one to come. If it had been Nate, then he would be the one who Lyrian was with. He’d be Anarian’s father.
It wasn’t like Lyrian had chosen him because she felt something for him.
She wasn’t in love with him. She’d used him. First to help her recover, and now to help her escape from the Trima dragon, and to find her clan.
Brad stumbled back, his heart roiling in his chest.
He’d thought they had something special. Something unlike anything he’d ever experience before.
He’d been searching for a way to work this out so that they could be together. He’d thought she was too.
But now he was beginning to wonder if she even cared. Once she found her family, she’d probably be glad to see the last of him.
Lyrian’s eyes widened at his words. She reached out a hand to him, but Brad backed away. “That doesn’t matter though,” she said. “You were the one who came.”
“But it wouldn’t have been any different for you if it had been Nate though, would it?” he said bitterly. “You still would have slept with him if he’d arrived instead of me. It was all about healing, and never about me.”
“It wasn’t like that at all,” Lyrian protested, her face a picture of misery. “It was just that first time. The second time, that was because I wanted to.”
That should have helped. And it did, a little.
But not enough.
It mitigated the pain in his heart, but by such a small fraction it was barely noticeable.
The practical, sensible part of him was saying that it was irrelevant. That she hadn’t slept with his brother, so what did it matter. That it was entirely possible she’d come to care for him since then, and that things might be different now.
But his heart didn’t care. It still hurt too much.
“You could have at least told me,” Brad said flatly.
He wasn’t sure why that would have made it better, but it would. If he’d known before it started, it wouldn’t be like a punch to the gut now.
“Would you have believed me?” Lyrian challenged.
Brad hesitated. “I’m sure you could have convinced me,” he snapped. Even as he said the words, he knew he was being unfair. If he were talking to a friend going through this, he’d tell them what mattered was now, not then. But it didn’t help.
“Even if you didn’t tell me at first, you should have before we slept together the second time. If it meant something, then why didn’t you tell me? At the very least, you could have explained why you refused to talk to me after that.”
He’d tried so hard. He’d wanted so desperately to understand, both when she refused to talk to him then, and when she’d kept this from him for so long now. Why? Why hadn’t she just told him? All he’d wanted were answers, a chance to understand what was going on.
He tried to make excuses for her. She’d been scared and alone, and in an impossible situation. She still was. She’d just done what she needed to do to survive.
But even if his mind could rationalise the situation, his heart continued to insist that this changed everything.
It changed the situation from them both being swept up in this amazing passion into… well, being just like any other relationship he’d experienced.
He was used to people lying to him or tricking him. Usually because they wanted something. He’d always been able to see it for what it was, and not let it bother him. He’d let it be their problem, not his.
This was different.
This was very much his problem, and he cared far too much.
“I’m sorry, Brad. I wanted to,” Lyrian said, her voice breaking. “But I didn’t think you’d believe me.”
An excuse. Almost a painful one. “You didn’t even try.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Maybe that’s because I was scared to. Scared to admit that I might just care about you more than I should. I knew I couldn’t get involved, Brad. My clan had to come first. Back then I didn’t think it would be anywhere near this hard to find them. I thought all I had to do was show up at the lair...” Her voice trailed off.
“And now you’re clinging to me because you’re worried you might not be able to find them, aren’t you?” Brad demanded, struggling not to let his voice break. It hurt to even ask, but he had to know the truth.
“No, it’s not like that…” Lyrian protested. “I’d feel the same way even if I knew exactly how to find my clan.”
They were the words he wanted to hear, but Brad struggled to truly believe them.
Oh, she might feel different now. She might even truly care for him. But it hadn’t started out that way for her.
And it had for him.
He hadn’t known any of this. He’d slept with her, and fallen in love with her, been swept up in that amazing passion, without anything more than his own feelings.
This revelation didn’t change his feelings for her in the slightest. He still ached to be close to her, and he was still tempted to sleep with her, despite knowing what it could mean. Even knowing she’d kept the truth from him.
But he couldn’t possibly let this change his life, knowing that it might not mean as much to her as it did to him.
If he came here, left behind the only life he’d ever known, his job, his apartment, his friends and family, all he would have here was her. That wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. It would destroy any relationship that didn’t have a rock hard foundation. And solid this wasn’t.
Despite all that, he couldn’t just walk away. They were tied together. They had a child together.
Why they’d slept together didn’t matter. Nothing would change the fact that he was now a father. Their daughter would connect them together for the rest of their lives.
There was no walking away and never seeing her again.
He had to find a way to spend time with Lyrian and not want to sleep with her. To be able to look at her and smile, without wishing it meant something more.
And the first step would be finding her brothers. Then he wouldn’t feel as responsible for her safety. Then, much as he didn’t want to leave Anarian, he could get some distance. Being away from her for a few weeks would allow him to clear his head.
To figure out what he really wanted, and how to make that happen.