The next day, Kate and Errol tell us they need to spend some more time in the city, but Arawn and I are ready to head back to the Tribe's cave system.

Back home.

The city is great, and I like seeing everyone here, but I want to be back where we can be the most comfortable. Where the people who are becoming my family live. It's really nice having a place I actually think of as home.

We were in the tunnels with Annabelle a lot longer than we've been here with the Tribe, but I never thought of them as home, as a place I felt safe. Those tunnels were just a place to exist, a necessary thing to endure if we wanted to survive. Things have changed for the better in a very short amount of time. It's kind of crazy to think of sometimes.

I rub my sweaty face against the shoulder of my shirt as we continue through the desert. Unfortunately, the heat on Tajss is not one of the things that has changed. More's the pity.

Since we decided to head back on our own, and the rover may be needed to transport other people or things, we're traveling the old-fashioned way—on foot. Well, mostly on foot. I've gotten really used to driving, so it's kind of sucking extra hard.

Arawn tightens his hold on my waist. "Are you okay?" he asks, looking down at me as we touch down on the sand once more. He's picked up some human ways of saying things that's really pretty damn adorable. But I might be biased. I think everything about Arawn is adorable.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reassure him with a smile. "Just hot. But what else is new?"

He smiles back.

"It is not much farther now. We should—" he stops talking and turns his head to the right abruptly. The movement sends a shot of adrenaline through me as I turn to look in the same direction. I didn't hear anything, but I trust Arawn's senses out here a lot more than I trust my own. He's built for this place. When I turn, he is proven right. I see a shadow before I see the beast itself. By this point, I'd know a guster anywhere.

The large lizard is unmistakable even from just a shadow, the humps on its back and the random spikes on its tough skin translate quite readily.

When it rounds the boulder that obscures it from view, it lets out that distinctive growl that somehow manages to blend both the howl of a dog and the hiss of a cat in a spine-tingling sound that just feels wrong.

I stare at the razor-sharp teeth revealed when it opens its mouth and swallow hard, feeling my heart beating fast. Yes, it's scary. It's even scarier because of my past experience with them. I've seen these things kill people viciously, the images, the sheer terror of it, burned into my mind. I've seen the damage they can do. Sometimes, knowledge doesn't give you power. It gives you fear.

I take a deep breath and forcibly steady myself. Cowering isn't an option. I grip the pole I made sure to bring, but I know the weapon would not be enough to even the playing field between me and that thing. Luckily, I'm not alone.

"Stay here," Arawn orders, letting go of me and stepping away, bringing his lochaber around in a two-handed grip.

He doesn't wait for me to acknowledge the order, simply leaps towards the beast that obviously has its eyes set on us, his wings helping him float over the distance.

I know he's facing the thing head on for me. I know if he was traveling alone, he might have outrun the thing rather than expend energy killing it. But with me along, he has to take care of the threat because I slow him down.

All right. I grip the pole between my hands and watch, ready to intervene with whatever strength and skill I can muster if Arawn needs help. It might not be much in comparison to him, but a well-placed poke could be enough to distract the thing long enough so he can make the kill.

But as I watch Arawn leap into the air, his tail whipping out behind him, his wings flared out to give his leap an added lift, the sun gleaming off the blade of his lochaber, I realize he's not going to need my help after all.

The guster shifts at the last moment and Arawn's blade sinks into its tough back rather than at the base of the skull like he was aiming for, but he turns it to his advantage. Using the handle to steady himself, he lands on the beast’s bucking back. I don't know how he manages to stay on it.

I take a step forward, heart in my throat as I see the thing twist its head back in an almost boneless maneuver, its jaws open wide as it tries to snap at Arawn. If it manages to get ahold of him, I know for a fact its bite strength is powerful enough to cut him in half.

I've seen it.

But Arawn shifts out of the way smoothly and yanks the blade out of the animal, and when the guster turns again to try to chomp down on him, he's ready with his weapon. With a grunt of effort, he jams the blade right through that open mouth, his body twisting hard to move fast and powerfully. The blade goes right through the back of the guster's throat. Arawn jerks the blood-covered blade to the side in a hard wrench, severing the spinal cord.

The guster dies instantly.

I stare, trying to process the fact that he already won. Arawn pulls out his weapon and leaps off the thing's back as it falls to the ground, limp. My heart is still racing as I look down at the felled beast.

Well...shit.

Arawn steps forward and wipes his bloody blade on the animal's now still side, barely out of breath. The fight was quick and harsh.

"Uh..." I swallow, taking a step closer. "Should we break it down for meat?" I ask, clearing my throat as my voice comes out slightly squeaky. Trying to sound normal because he looks so unfazed. Arawn shakes his head, turning back towards me.

"No. We are near enough to the caves that we can send a group out here to retrieve the meat. I do not want to stay out here with you any longer unless absolutely necessary." He scans the horizon. "There is no reason to take the risk."

Yeah, I'm completely okay with that. So I lean against Arawn as he wraps his arm around my waist once more and uses his wings to help us skim across the sand.

I tighten my grip on him, still processing. I shudder a little as I think about what would have likely happened had I been alone. Yeah, I might have made the guster work a bit for its meal. But there's no doubt in my mind that it would have been successful in the end. I just don't have the reflexes, the speed, or the power that Arawn has. Or the other Zmaj do.

It galls a bit, knowing I simply don't have the freedom to travel across the desert on my own, due to safety issues. But reality is what it is. And I'd rather be alive than try to prove any kind of nebulous point. I'm also fortunate enough that I don't have to travel the desert on my own in any case, so why borrow trouble when I have enough already on my plate?

When the cave system comes into view, along with the protective wall, I breathe a sigh of relief. Home and safety. I'll never take it for granted, not here on Tajss.

Hell, I never really had it on the ship either. Not with the family I was stuck with—or lack thereof.

"Home sweet home," I say quietly.

"Yes," Arawn agrees simply. "I am glad to be back."

That makes two of us.

When we walk in, we're greeted by everyone with hugs and questions about our trip. We've arrived a bit before everyone would be finishing up work to take part in the communal meal, but they decide to put things down a little early, excited to catch up with us.

"What was the New Village like?" Delilah asks.

"Is Jackson still at the helm?" Bashir chimes in.

"Did they come to their senses and decide to ally with us?" Padraig questions, his tone scathing.

"Jackson's still in charge," I answer first. "Though that vocal minority is definitely something to watch out for." Bashir nods, frowning. "And I guess they came to their senses a bit, though it did take more than we'd hoped..."

I look back at Arawn.

"There was an attack on the village," he explains baldly.

"An attack?" Bashir asks, his voice sharp. "By a beast of some kind?"

If only it were so simple.

"No,” Arawn says. “By a foreign group there to kidnap the humans. The emblem they wore made it clear they were connected to a planet the Zzlo do business with. That was confirmed by both Rosalind and Visidion when they were shown a patch Errol collected from one of the bodies."

That sends everyone into a tailspin. I totally understand. This threat wasn't even on my radar before.

"Kidnappers? Shit."

"I've heard of the fighting rings. Bad news."

"Obviously you were able to fight them off. But will they be back?"

"Wait, so the villagers finally realized how vulnerable they are? This is what it took!?"

Arawn holds up a hand and the buzz of conversation dies down slowly.

"The villagers did indeed realize the exact extent of their vulnerability," Arawn acknowledges. "This is why they offered a trade—Zmaj protection in exchange for the ore they are digging up from the mines."

"Rosalind is figuring out patrols right now," I add. "She doesn't want to leave them vulnerable any longer than strictly necessary."

That sends people off again. Obviously, this is something that will affect us here too, if the Zmaj have to take turns going out to the New Village to provide that protection. That means putting themselves in the way of danger. Both in the journey and if there's an actual attack.

I understand having mixed feelings about that, especially when the Zmaj will be protecting people with deeply seated xenophobic views. Putting your life on the line for people who don't want you to mix with their race...yeah, that isn't ideal.

Needless to say, the attack and the village as well as the resulting exchange is the hot topic of conversation during dinner. Though I also notice people aren't ignorant to the change between Arawn and me. We sit together, which is a clear change from before.

We are obviously a lot closer and a lot more comfortable with one another, touching casually, leaning against each other. Though, admittedly, the change is me. Arawn would have liked to be this close well before my own change of heart. I almost can't remember why I was so resistant to the idea. It seems so stupid now.

When I nudge Arawn, wanting to leave the dinner, I see Delilah and Nora give each other a knowing look. Yeah, I know how it looks. Fuck it. I don't care if everyone sees.

Now that I'm not resisting Arawn, I feel like I can't keep my hands off him, and I don't want to try. Luckily, it sure looks like he feels the same. He constantly has a hand resting on my thigh, an arm wrapped around my waist or shoulders, or is holding my hand in a warm, comforting clasp. He wants to touch me as much as I want to touch him. It feels really good to be so wanted.

"You would like to retire?" he asks, turning to me immediately.

I nod. "I'm tired. Where do you want to go? Your cave or mine?" I never thought those particular words would ever come out of my mouth. Especially not referring to caves. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a weird alternate reality where I'm becoming a Flintstone. Maybe I should tie a guster bone into my hair. Start a new trend.

Arawn smiles. "Mine has more space," he says immediately. "And my pallet is larger."

Can't argue with that. It has to accommodate his body, after all.

"Okay. Your cave it is."

So we say our goodbyes, ignoring the looks we get, and head back to Arawn's cave.

"Are you very tired?" Arawn asks once we're alone, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in close to his hard body. Hard in more ways than one. I can feel exactly how “not tired” he is, right up against my front.

"I'm not that tired," I respond, rubbing against him lightly.

"Hmm. Good."

I'm smiling as his mouth comes down on mine and he shifts us over to the pallet. It's thick and plush, cradling my body perfectly as Arawn gets to work. By the time he's done getting out all that energy, I'm ready to pass out like a baby. I turn and kiss his warm neck, snuggling into him and closing my eyes as he holds me close. I'm asleep before I know it. Who needs sleeping pills? I sleep deeply, not stirring at any point.

Waking up the next morning is just as great. I could really get used to waking up with Arawn's body wrapped around me.

"Morning," I murmur, turning in his arms to kiss his chin, his cheeks, his lips.

"Hmm."

We stay like that for a little longer than I normally would, snuggled together in the warm nest of his pallet. I don't usually have such a good incentive to delay the start of the day.

When we do finally get up—keeping in mind that we have duties to fulfill, now that we're back—and walk over to the bulletin board hand in hand, I'm a little surprised to see that the tasks we're assigned for the day have more than a little overlap. I'll be seeing Arawn throughout, as if we're already mated. Our interaction last night was definitely noticed. Not that I didn't know that before, but this concrete change is still a little surprising. Especially so fast.

Arawn makes a pleased sound. "Good. It seems as though our first tasks will take us both to the kitchen," he murmurs.

"Yeah."

And you know what? Spending so much time with Arawn during the day sounds great to me. Maybe I should be wary of spending that much time with him so fast, but I'm not. I'd be happy to spend the whole day and night with him, honestly.

Oh, man. I'm becoming one of those people who made me want to gag before. If I start mentioning Arawn in every sentence, I'm going to have to smack myself. But it doesn't seem to matter that I know I'm becoming that person.

Despite those thoughts, I float through the day, touching Arawn whenever I see him, sitting with him at lunch time. Seeing the heat in his eyes as the day goes by. The same heat that I feel rising inside me.

By the time the communal dinner comes around, we're both more than ready to be alone again.

To that end, we eat quickly, trying to finish this last task.

"Slow down—don't choke on it!" Delilah laughs as she sees me shoving food into my mouth. "Trust me—Arawn won't start without you."

"Uh huh," I agree. Yep, I'm completely shameless.

He's sitting not that far away, done with his food and ostensibly watching a checkers match.

But I feel his eyes on me the entire time, so I don't think he's really keeping up with whatever's happening with the game. His mind is on something else entirely.

I swallow, feeling myself blush a bit. Okay, maybe not completely shameless.

"Well, I don't want to take that chance," I shoot back with a grin as I clean up my plate. "See you later."

I can hear her laughing behind me as I get up and walk over to Arawn. At least I'm a good source of amusement.

He's already up and ready to go before I reach him, plainly sitting there just to wait for me. We leave hand in hand. I almost float back into his cave, anticipation building inside me. We're definitely in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship.

Though, if I think about it...all of the Zmaj-human couples I see don't seem that far removed from how we're feeling. It's an interesting realization, but I don't have much time to dwell on it.

As soon as we're alone once more, we strip and drop down to the pallet, completely in sync. As I kiss him, smooth my hands over his skin, over the delicate bones in his wings, I wonder how long we'll feel like this. How long we won't be able to keep our hands off of each other.

Months?

Years?

Forever?

I might die, but I'm not mad at the thought.

Arawn rolls me onto my back as I'm ruminating over that, pushing my legs apart with his heavy thigh. Breaking the kiss, he props himself up on his arms, his eyes scanning me. I feel my face and chest flush under his regard.

"You are so soft," he croons, cupping a breast in one large hand. "So beautiful."

"I feel beautiful. With you," I confess.

I've never felt so desirable. So completely feminine.

He leans down to kiss me, my hips cradling his as his erection slides against me. Hot and hard, it feels amazing.

"Good."

The way he touches me, looks at me...I can't get enough. We devour each other again. My sleep is just as deep. The next morning is the same as the one before. Arawn's arms are starting to feel like the place I should be always.

It would scare me if I had some distance. So much desire, so much want for someone else...It makes you vulnerable. But I don't have any distance. I'm right in the thick of it. And what would worrying accomplish anyway? I'm already in too deep.

The next few days pass in the same rosy, delicious haze. We spend the day taking care of tasks that have us interacting regularly. We have all our meals together. And as soon as the suns set, we can't keep our hands off each other. The day ends. And then we wake up together to start all over again.

It's almost...perfect. But perfection isn't real. It never lasts forever. It can't. Reality eventually intrudes. It doesn't take long before something introduces a sour note into our idyllic routine.

It happens on a morning like the last few, with Arawn and me cuddling before we absolutely have to get up and get started with our day. I feel warm and relaxed. Arawn cups the side of my face, his eyes tracing my features. I'm getting used to seeing the love in them. Love directed at me.

"You are so lovely. I sometimes imagine how adorable our children will be because of you."

My smile fades, and a stab of real fear hits me, shaking me right out of my relaxed state. Like someone just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over me. I pull back reflexively, unable to help my reaction.

I know he didn't mean to alarm me. I don't think it even entered my mind that it could be a sensitive subject. But even the casual mention of children—our children—has my emotions immediately entering a tail spin. I need some distance, some space to process all of this.

"Is something wrong?" Arawn asks, frowning as I sit up.

"No," I reassure him, trying a smile. I know it isn't very convincing when his look of worry only intensifies. "Uh, we should probably get started with the work we need to get done today," I offer lamely as I climb to my feet.

I can't think of a better, more natural way to get away. I grab my clothes and start dressing quickly. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I need air.

"Are you certain nothing is wrong?" Arawn asks again, getting to his feet as well, reaching out to turn me around with a gentle hand on my arm.

"No, I'm fine," I say again, patting his hand and slipping out of his hold in the same move. "I'll see you out there, all right?"

And then I'm out of his cave, avoiding looking at his face. Avoiding whatever I'm making him feel. Like a coward. But I'm spooked. Beyond spooked. And the kicker is...I don't really even know why. Why did that casual comment hit me so hard?

As we go through the day, I maintain my distance from Arawn despite running into him constantly due to our assigned tasks. An irritation now, where it felt like a wonderful perk before.

I can see his confusion, his hurt as I avoid lingering around him, keeping everything business only. But I feel like I need that distance to try to process this aversion I feel at the thought of children with him. It's perplexing, to say the least. In complete contradiction to the feelings I have for my sweetheart of a warrior, the deeper instincts he's uncovered in me.

To add to the mess, I feel a sense of panic at my own distress. I know I could lose him if I don't have his children, if I don't agree to mate him. I know that. Know how important both mating and family are to the Zmaj.

But even though I know that risk, I still can't shake this fear, this sense of being trapped. I never wanted children, it's true. I never played house, pretended to have a family of my own like some of the other girls my age did. It just wasn't me. I never even expected to be in a long-term, committed relationship.

But here I am now. In love. Facing the very real prospect of eventually mothering Arawn's children. And the idea is killing me. What's wrong with me? And what am I going to do?

That night, I eat quickly once more. But not because I want to be alone with Arawn like before. When he stands along with me, I shake my head.

"I'm...I'm going to go back to my cave," I say in a low voice, cognizant of all the ears likely listening around us. "I'm sorry...I'm just tired."

It sounds like a lie even to me. But there's no way to make it sound like anything else.

"I... see." Arawn slowly sits back down, his face clearing of emotion. Hiding what he's feeling. "Perhaps I will see you in the morning?"

I nod, tossing him a brief smile.

"Sure."

But then I hurry away without another word. And I feel terrible about it. That night leads to more nights I spend away from him. And more days where I minimize contact.

I know it isn't fair to him. Know that I'm hurting him when he doesn't deserve to be hurt. Know that I risk losing him, not just because of this distance I'm creating, but also because of this outright fear I have of children. Of continuing his line.

But I don't know what else to do.

How can I fix this?

Can I fix this?