Of all the mistakes she’d made in her life, taking that first taste of dragon’s egg with her sister Elizabeth had been the stupidest one Clarissa had ever made. One taste. That was all it took. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration; maybe it had been the second one that had done her in. But saying yes to begin with had led to the biggest error of her existence.

It was hard to remember through the haze that always overtook her mind why she’d done that. Oh there had been reasons. But they seemed… removed. Her parents failing health—they were in full on decline, no longer living as humans—the endless war that every male she knew died in, the starvation, the fear, and her job had been eliminated as unnecessary by the government. Then there was the fact her mate had been reported dead.

She blinked and reached out to touch Auggie’s leg gently. She didn’t want to disturb him. He’d fought sleep for hours. But as the sun touched the horizon, he’d finally closed his eyes, his breathing shifting to a deep tone that told her he wasn’t awake anymore. He needed the rest. The infection that had nearly killed him days earlier was still at risk for flaring again.

If she remembered nothing else from her days as a healer, she knew sleep was essential for recovery.

Clarissa let go of Auggie without disturbing him. He was real. He wasn’t a fabrication of her deranged mind. How was that possible? That was what she didn’t understand. He was dead. For that matter, his brother who he said was Alpha, was also supposed to have been dead for at least a decade. How had Auggie found her after she’d left? What had he been doing in that river to begin with?

Her wolf moved around inside of her. This was the most awake her furry half had been in five years. No doubt it had to do with being so close to Auggie. It was their wolf sides that found each other first and the human half followed, unless they’d known each other since birth. Then, she was told, it was almost instantaneous.

Thunder cracked in the sky, and Clarissa groaned. There was nothing she hated more than being wet. Auggie’s eyes shot open, and for one long second, he looked at her through wolf eyes. That was unusual. Then he blinked, and the wolf vanished from his gaze.

“It’s going to rain.” He got up and stretched. Auggie was a beautiful man. She’d never really thought about it before. He had been so much older than her when she’d realized what he was to her. Then he’d left. She’d asked for stories over the years from people who’d known him well. The best she’d ever gotten was ‘quiet’ and ‘hard to get to know.’ Robbie seemed to have been more of a character, a jokester, the one people looked to for leadership.

Smelling her mate now, there was no question he was an Alpha male. She could hardly hold his gaze; even thinking about it made her drop her eyes to the ground. She sighed. This was hard. So much harder than it had to be because she’d been weak.

He stroked the top of her head. “Look at me, please.”

She felt his energy, his wolf rubbing against hers. For a second, Clarissa stopped breathing. What was that? Auggie lifted his eyebrows but didn’t comment. The reports of his quietness were proving to be true. He seemed, so far, to only speak if there was a pressing need. Whatever he needed to see from her, he did because he turned to address the group.

“Everyone up. We’re shifting. Better to be wet in our fur than drenched in our skin. I am personally done with being sick. I’m not going to run another fever any time soon. Shift. Come on.” The need must have moved him.

The pack stumbled to their feet, Clarissa along with them. Shifting wasn’t such an easy feat anymore. That was why she’d gone to the river that day. She’d shift one more time, enter decline, and never come back. Her wolf would take over. She’d never have to know the pressing need to have to have the dragon serum again. She would simply stop being as she was until she wasn’t anything anymore.

Had her wolf somehow known? Had her wolf known Auggie would be there and picked that spot accordingly?

These were questions for a time when her limbs weren’t refusing to reshape. Some of her packmates were managing. Some weren’t.

Auggie’s gaze landed on her. He hadn’t shifted yet. Was he waiting for everyone else to?

“I can’t do this,” Jane, a female around her age, called. “I can’t.”

“You can. Because I said you can and that is all there is to it. Period.” He snarled, and the others immediately shifted.

Clarissa shook. She wanted to shift. She did. Truly. She wanted him to like her, to want her, to not send her away. Her wolf howled. Panic was a miserable mistress, and it made her want to use even more. Only, there was nothing left. They’d run out of their supply. How could everyone else shift while she couldn’t?

August tapped her chin. “Look at me?”

She raised her eyes to meet his dark gaze.

“I was not yelling at you.” His words cooled the panic. “I have a short temper, a fast reflex to lash out at weakness. That is among my flaws. You’ll know them all in no time, I’m sure. But I am not upset with you. Never with you. I am disastrously upset that these are the circumstances with which we currently find ourselves. Someday, you will tell me your story.” A smirk moved across his face quickly. “And you’ll do it knowing that I am fast to get angry and that I have a hair-trigger when it comes to weakness. You’ll do it anyway. Because we’re mates.” He pressed his forehead to hers. It had been such a very long time since she had really been clean. Was her scent awful? He hadn’t said anything. They didn’t get invited, as a pack, to stay anywhere that bathing in their human form was an option. The river didn’t get the job done.

August’s voice was low. A deep energy moved through her, and for a second, she could breathe. There was no need to feed the dragon serum need. There was just August Owens.

“You can feel that. That’s my wolf saying hello to you. The essence of him. I can feel yours.”

She found her voice. “You can?”

“By the gods, I can. She is strong. She is why you’re still here.” He closed his eyes. “I am grateful to her. She doesn’t quit trying to move forward. She can be savage, but she’s a healer.” His eyes opened. “Like you must be. You’re a healer.”

She sighed. “Used to be.”

“And maybe will be again. She wants to shift.” His voice sounded certain, as if he knew. Was that possible? How was he understanding her wolf so well when she had no clue what to make of his or any idea whatsoever how to reason with her own? “Shift for me.”

Suddenly, she could. The anxiety was gone. The movements hurt, and she cried out in pain as though she were an inexperienced pup. And yet, still the shift came. Clarissa raised her head to Auggie. He still walked on two legs. Wow, he smelled even better like this. Warm. Male. Hers.

Mate.

Her human words were failing her. That was good. She’d stay like this. It was easier.

August stroked her fur. “Good girl.” He pointed a finger at her. “This is temporary. You’re not in control. Until Clarissa is strong enough again to lead, you’ll listen only to me.”

Okay. That sounded good. Yes, she liked that. He was strong. He would take care of them when the need for that wretched stuff rode through her again.

He looked up at the sky as the rain started. Auggie sighed. “It’s always something.”

His shift came fast. How did he do that? Even when she had been healthy, she couldn’t shift like that. His ears were back. Auggie, as she’d seen him when she pulled him out of the river, was almost entirely black in his wolf form with some brown spots all over him. In her wolf form, Clarissa was completely brown. She used to resent how boring her form was compared to others in her family, who were beautifully colored. Not that she had time to think about that anymore. All she could manage was staying alive.

August grunted at her then rubbed against her side. She whimpered. More. She wanted more of that. He did it once more then scampered around behind her to knock at her hind legs. His intent was clear. He wanted her to follow him, to move.

She did as he demanded—always would—and soon, her pack followed suit.

Clarissa had a love hate relationship with her pack. On one hand, they understood her. They didn’t judge her, didn’t make demands she couldn’t meet. On the other, packs were supposed to make each other stronger and that was not happening with this one.

Thunder struck again, and the rain fell more intensely. She put her head toward the ground and followed August’s scent. For the first time in a long time, perhaps there was reason to be hopeful.

Clarissa’s good mood fled fast. The longer the rain pounded, the harder it got for her to keep up. The dragon serum need had returned. Clarissa growled. It used to be she could escape it when she wore four legs, but no longer. It always found her, no matter what she did.

Her mate detested weakness. He was being kind to her, but sooner or later, he was going to see just how lost she really was. He’d wish she’d found a way to go into decline and never burdened him with her existence. Wolves weren’t supposed to be like this.

Auggie quit running, which made the whole pack stop. She shuddered. He probably felt her mood, knew she couldn’t go any further. He’d soon understand just how bad this was.

He strode over to her and stood very close. He wasn’t even panting. How was that possible? They’d been running for hours. She lowered her gaze, and he nipped at her neck. She yelped. What was that? Auggie turned his head to the side, questioning her. What did he want? Clarissa really didn’t know. She huffed, and he waited for a second before he took off running again. It was going to be a long day.

The rain stopped sometime after noon. They’d covered a lot more land than he’d told them they would, and Clarissa figured they had the rain to thank. They’d never have run this fast or far if they’d been comfortable.

Paula, their leader since they’d lost their Alpha, collapsed onto the ground. She was done. Clarissa understood the feeling. At least she wasn’t the one to finally quit. August must have thought this was okay. He shifted back into his human form, and soon, everyone else was, too.

She didn’t want to. This was easier. The need for drugs tore at her, but she couldn’t get any more if she stayed like this.

Her mate walked over to her and stared. “We talked about this.”

She harrumphed and lay on all four paws. He didn’t have to like it. Just because he was above her in dominance didn’t mean he would always get everything he wanted. She was going to stay in furry form if she damned well pleased.

And… he sunk onto the ground next to her. “Grumpy, huh?”

Well, yes she was. The smell of everyone’s need for the drugs wafted through the air. It stank. She knew she must stink like that, too, which only made it worse.

“Do you remember Duncans Pond back home? Did you ever go swim naked there?”

She had, actually, but she’d not thought about it for years. It was a rite of passage that the youth thought they were getting away with. The adults simply turned a blind eye because they’d done it themselves many times when they were young.

August closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to say anything else? Why had he asked? Now all she could think about was Duncans Pond. The water was always cold, yet they’d leaped in joyfully and squealing. Most of them would sneak out and have sex. Unmated sex wasn’t forbidden, but the pack leaders didn’t look favorably upon it. Again, it was something most adults didn’t think about too much. A few months after they’d be given this freedom, females were quickly locked down again. No one wanted their daughter entering a mating as a tainted woman. Bad reputations lasted.

This was, of course, not the case for the males. Not fair by any standards, but the way things had been before the war and for a few years into it. Toward the end, no one had the energy to care about such things.

She’d never had sex with any of the willing males. From the time she was eight, she’d known she had a mate. She’d waited. Until she heard he was dead. Then she’d had mindless encounters meant to numb her.

That was all she wanted. Over and over. And probably why she ended up in these circumstances to begin with.

She was weak. Why on earth had he brought this up?

Clarissa called the shift onto herself and, through the creaking joints and pain, came back to her human form. “Why did you ask?”

He opened his lids. “Just wondering.”

“You were just wondering?” Seemed a pretty random thing to be just wondering. “Did you do that because you knew I’d have to shift to ask you?”

He shrugged, the barest of movements. “Did I?”

Oh, he was infuriating and… as she stared at his profile… sexy as hell. Too bad she had no sex drive to speak of. Hadn’t for years.

He side-eyed her. “What is your favorite food?”

“Are you just wondering?”

He was right. She was grumpy. This was the stage right before she needed it again. The drugs. It was always about them. Even when she tried to think about other things or do anything else, it always came down to when and how she would use.

His smile twisted sideways. “I am sick in the head because I love your bite. Keep snapping at me, Angel Face. Keep doing that. Don’t stop.”

Now he had to be making fun of her. Her nose couldn’t tell. How did he disguise his scent like that? Auggie shot his hand out, grabbing onto her wrist. It didn’t hurt, but it did still the random chatter that was always plaguing her head. “Answer my question.”

“Cooked or uncooked?” The question really came down to whether he meant in her human form or her wolf.

“Uncooked today. Cooked tomorrow.”

Her head hurt. “So this is to be a nightly conversation?”

“Maybe.” He sucked in a breath. “The bite tells me you’re still in there. Defeated people don’t yell. So bite my fucking head off.”

Wow. This man was so confusing. “In every conversation I ever had about you with pack mates, nobody ever said you were so pushy.”

“That would be because few really know me. Not even those who claim to. I’d say there are maybe five people in the world to really get me at all. You’ll be six, and you’ll know me better than even they do. I think that’s how it works. Tell me what you like to eat uncooked.”

She got up on her knees. “I didn’t used to be like this. I know you were off fighting the dragons and that something happened because they told us you were dead. But I really wish you could have known me when I wasn’t… this.”

Auggie’s face fell for just a second, and then he seemed to recover. “What. Do. You. Want. To. Eat.”

“When I used to be able to hunt, I liked wild turkey. I haven’t seen one in years.” There. Was he happy now?

He got to his feet. “Stay here. I mean right here. If you have to pee, you can do that and come back. When I get back, you will be in this spot.”

“What?”

Just like that, he shifted and ran off. Where had he gone? Clarissa pulled her knees to herself. He’d told her not to move, and it had felt like the kind of order she should obey. An Alpha order. She put her head on top of her knees. Okay, she’d stay right there. Why had she yelled at him? Clarissa closed her eyes.

A shake on her shoulder woke her, and a second later, Auggie’s face floated into her vision. “Time to eat.”

Eat? He wanted her to think about food. Her stomach roiled at the thought. “Sorry, I have no appetite. This is the part of the addiction where I stop caring about anything except getting my next dose.”

He shook his head. “Your wolf will want food. Shift. Everybody, shift.”

The scent of the turkeys hit her before anything else did. She got to her knees, staring. “Where did you get five live turkeys?”

He grunted rather than respond. “Shift. Get yourself some dinner.”

When was the last time she’d hunted anything? Technically, this wasn’t going to count as hunting. The turkeys were wandering in a circle, not ten feet away from her. They weren’t going to be hard to get.

“I don’t know if I can shift.”

He shook his head. “I know you can. You were struggling earlier, and you got through that. Your wolf is tough. You are, too. If you can’t see that right now, hold on to the idea that the wolf part of you is. Shift.” He turned to the others. “No one touches that turkey all the way on the left. That’s my mate’s turkey. When she is done with it you can have it. Anyone makes any moves toward the turkey before that, they deal with me.”

She rose on unsteady feet. He told her she could do it, and so she did. Or maybe it didn’t matter. What she needed was that turkey. Her wolf wanted it.

The world turned red. She was going to eat that turkey. Right. Now.

She came back to herself slowly on the ground. Her head was in Auggie’s lap; he stroked her hair. The sun had fallen. There was turkey carcass everywhere. Her stomach was so full, she groaned. “What happened?”

“Nothing bad,” he said. His voice was low, easy. “You were hungry. You ate. You shifted back. Nothing bad at all.”

“Why can’t I remember?”

Auggie continued his long strokes of her hair. Her muscles were loose. “You checked out for a bit. That’s okay. Our wolves need to be allowed to just be sometimes. Close your eyes. We have half a day to get to my brother’s pack tomorrow. You’ll need to be rested. Nothing bad will happen to you tonight.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry this mating is starting out so badly.”

“It’s not.” He didn’t smell like he lied. Maybe he really believed this was going to be okay. “I’ve seen things, Angel Face. I’ve seen… stuff you wouldn’t believe. This is just normal for the way things are. You’re going to be better. Close your eyes. Sleep.”

Clarissa wanted to spend the night listening to his voice. “Why aren’t you dead? You’re supposed to be dead.”

“If I’d known I had a mate waiting for me, I wouldn’t have been dead. I’ll explain that to you another time. Sleep.” His wolf pressed against her again, and she closed her eyes. Maybe someday when she was stronger, she’d be able to resist. Not yet. Right now, she had to do what he told her to do. It was a good thing that, so far, he’d seemed to be so completely on her side.

Sadness woke her. It had always had a scent, and right now the air was filled with the acrid, overpowering scent of sadness. It came straight at her, directly from Auggie. She stumbled, too slowly, upward.

“What’s wrong?”

He stood over two bodies. It took her a half a second too long to realize what she’d even thought. Bodies. Two of her packmates were dead. Both females, Linda and Pam, were younger than she was. She walked slowly toward Auggie.

“They’re dead.”

He nodded. “They died overnight. I heard it happen, and I tried… there was nothing to do.”

This was the reality of what they had done to themselves. “We’re all going to die. I… I appreciate that you’re trying, but I’m sure it’s too late and…” She ignored the rumbles around her from the rest of her packmates. August Owens had to understand.

He grabbed her and pulled her to him. A second later, his fangs elongated and he bit down on her neck. She gasped, the world tilting on its side. That was a mating mark.

Auggie didn’t let go. He continued to bite down. Usually this kind of thing was saved for moments of intimacy, when a couple was alone.

Her body shook, and a warmth pooled in her stomach. What was happening? “Auggie?” Why was he doing this now?

He let go, his tongue coming out to lap at the wound. “Listen to me very carefully. This ties us together. That is my mark on you. That reminds you that you are mine, that you belong to me. Period. You are not to die. Whatever happens, no matter how hard this gets, I am connected to you. If you die, I will follow you there. Even if we don’t know each other better than we do now. You. Are. My. Mate. You will not die.”

She shook in his arms. Those were huge statements. It was true that mates followed each other into decline and death. But that usually happened after the mating dance was completed, when a couple had truly bonded. The bite took place then, too.

He had tied himself to her, and he didn’t even know her yet.

“Why did you do that?”

He took her cheeks into his hands. “Listen to me, Angel Face.” Why did he keep calling her that? Why didn’t Auggie make any sense? “You. Are. Mine. I keep what is mine alive. I always have. You will not leave here without me.”

She swallowed. “When they told me you were quiet, I assumed that meant easygoing.”

“Well”—he shook his head—“you were wrong.”