Chapter 34 - Naomi
My mother is patting her face, smoothing her clothes down and glancing around the room. We’ve moved to the living room to talk and she’s got a blanket thrown over her legs.
“Hand me that scarf, quick,” she says, pointing to a coat hanger. I do as she says and she wraps it around her head. “How does that look? Do I need some lipstick?”
“You look fine, Mom. What is he doing here? How did he find my apartment?”
“I don’t know,” she says, pinching her cheeks. She looks like she’s hyperventilating.
I’m in shock. Ten minutes ago, she told me my father’s name for the first time in my life. And now he’s here? How did he even find my address?
None of this makes sense, but I don’t have time to figure it out. A heavy hand knocks on the door. My mother yelps, and then takes a deep breath to compose herself. I wait until she nods to me, and then I open the door.
Jerry Irving is with Max. My eyes go from one to the other and my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Jerry—my father—is tall, with a thick head of grey hair. His eyes are dark brown, and he’s got the look of a man who used to be in great shape in his youth.
His arms are stiff by his sides. He stares at me, wide-eyed.
“Naomi,” he breathes.
“Hi.” Do I call him Jerry? Calling him ‘Dad’ seems wrong. “You, uh, want to come in?”
He nods his head down, staring past me towards my mother. My eyes flick to Max, and I step aside to let the two men in. Jerry runs a hand through his hair, stepping inside and wiping his feet on the rug.
“Keep your shoes on, it’s fine,” I say. “You guys want some coffee?”
“Sure,” Jerry says. “Thanks. I’m sorry to barge in like this.” His gaze swings to my mom and I watch his eyes widen ever so slightly. “Hi, Jackie.”
“Jerry,” my mother says. Her earlier nervousness is completely gone. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in weeks. She lifts her hands towards Jerry, who practically runs towards her. He clasps her hands and sinks down on the sofa beside her.
“Jackie,” he breathes. “You look fantastic.”
My mother starts laughing and shakes her head. “You’ve always been a smooth talker. You don’t have to lie. I know I look like I’ve been kicked in the ass by cancer.”
“I’m not lying. How’s… how’s that going?”
“It’s going.”
My mother glances at me, and I slip into the kitchen to make some coffee. Her face is flushed, and she’s still holding Jerry’s hands. My heart is thumping. I don’t know what to think. She told me that Jerry was the love of her life, and that he left to build his company. She wanted to live in the country and continue painting. They broke up right before she found out she was pregnant with me.
I put a filter in the machine and then get the feeling I’m being watched. I pause, turning my head to see Max in the doorway. I freeze, not trusting my hands or my voice.
I wish I had a monologue prepared for this moment. I wish I could tell him what I think of him, tell him what today was like for me.
But I’ve got nothing. I just turn back to the machine and pour some water into it and flick the machine on.
“I’m sorry, Naomi. I’m so sorry.” His eyebrows are drawn together. I lean against the counter, folding my arms across my chest. He takes a deep breath. “I didn’t know. It’s not until I went to Jerry’s office and spoke to him that I knew I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”
I nod. “Thank you,” I say. “I appreciate the apology.” My voice sounds tense, even to my ears. Max runs his fingers through my hair and looks at me with those stupidly piercing blue eyes of his, and I hate how much I want to forgive him.
I turn to watch the coffee drip into the pot, not wanting to look at his annoyingly perfect face.
Finally, I take a deep breath.
“Why didn’t you believe me?”
I glance over my shoulder. He crosses his arms, biting his thumbnail and staring at my old linoleum floors.
“I don’t know.”
“It hurt.”
“I know.”
The coffee machine gurgles, and I pour the steaming liquid into four mugs. I hand him two of them, grabbing the other two and nodding towards the living room. I’m not ready to forgive him. Just a few hours ago he was throwing me out like I was some lying scumbag. And now he comes here, to my house, with my father of all people! And he thinks I’m just going to fall over and forgive him?
I can’t. I just can’t. Not right now. Not like this.
I sit down across from my mom and Jerry, who both turn towards me. Max leans against the wall in my peripheral vision and I try to ignore the thumping of my heart. I’m being torn apart by so many different emotions right now, all I can do is sit down and breathe.
Jerry clears his throat.
“It’s nice to meet you, Naomi.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry… If I’d have known…”
“Mom told me that she kept me a secret from you,” I interrupt. “I know you didn’t know about me.”
“I hope that maybe we can get to know each other?” His voice is hesitant. My mom has a hand on his thigh. She looks like she’s still in love with him, even after all these years.
I nod. “Yeah, we can do that.”
It comes out as a croak, and I clear my throat.
“Maybe I can take you out to lunch sometime. Maybe I can take you both out,” he adds. My mother smiles. She squeezes his thigh.
“I think you and Naomi will have lots to talk about without me,” she says gently.
As much as I want to ask him a million questions, I know it isn’t the time. I force a smile and nod, and then get up.
“I’m going to give you guys some time to catch up. Max?” He jumps up, eyes wide. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I slip into my room and grab the little black velvet box in my underwear drawer, and then follow Max out the front door.
Jerry and my mother are still staring at each other when we walk out. As soon as we leave the apartment, the tension between Max and I escalates. I fumble with my keys when we get to his car, staring at my hands and waiting to find the courage to say something.
“I’m sorry, Naomi,” he whispers.
I finally meet his eye. I nod.
“I know. Thank you. And thanks for bringing my… Jerry around. Saved me looking him up.”
We stare at each other for a few moments as Max’s eyebrows draw together.
“I was hoping, maybe, we could hang out? I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
I smile sadly, shrugging. “What is ‘us’, Max? A pretend engagement? What are we going to do? Keep pretending? Or are we going to tell everyone the truth and then start dating from the beginning?” I shake my head. “Maybe this is a sign.”
“A sign of what?”
“A sign that we should just let it go. I have a lot to deal with, with my mom and now, with Jerry. You’ve got your parents to deal with. Your new position at the company. This gives you an excuse to end the engagement without consequences. Let’s just… leave it where it is.”
“I don’t want to leave it where it is, Naomi,” he says, taking a step towards me. He reaches towards me but I take a step back. My throat starts to close and my heart feels like it’s shattering more and more with every second that I stand out here. I shake my head slowly and watch the pain enter Max’s eyes.
“Is this what you want?” He asks in a hoarse whisper.
I can’t speak. I just nod, and pull the ring out of my pocket. When I hand him the box, his face crumples. He flicks the box open and stares at the ring, and then at me. His mouth opens, but he says nothing.
I turn away from him. I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want to stay here with him, because then I might change my mind.
So I turn away, and I run back towards my apartment. As soon as I’m inside the building, I sit down on the staircase and let the tears flow. I watch him get into his car and drive away, and I cry some more.
I know it’s better this way. It’s simpler.
It’s over.