When Beau was done telling me his story, his whole body was shaking. He didn’t cry or say a word, but I could tell how much telling me had impacted him.

So, I pushed through every single feeling of jealousy in my body and moved closer to him on the counter, until his head was resting on my shoulder. And I kissed the top of his head, his thick mop of hair. I’d never noticed his scar ran into his hairline, a thin, snaky line through his hair. It made him seem more vulnerable, and my own eyes filled with tears his would not spill.

“That’s awful,” I whispered against his hair. “I’m so sorry, Beau. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I don’t even know how to make it better.”

He looked up at me, his eyes drunk on pain and lust. I gasped when he did, seeing so much need in his eyes it surprised me. I didn’t think he wanted me anymore. Not after hearing all about that girl… Alessia.

“I need you right now,” he said in a growl. “I need to fuck you now. I need to feel like myself again. I need to remember what I’m doing. Who I’m doing it for.”

“Okay,” I whispered back, and in a flash, his hands were on me, tearing at my clothes.

My stockings ripped, my corset split down the middle as he tore at me like a madman. He wouldn’t stop until I was completely exposed to his hungry eyes, and I let him do it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to stop. I just wanted him to feel better. I needed to show him he was going to be okay. Maybe we’d both be alright if we stuck it out together.

His mouth was on mine. He didn’t kiss me, he bit me, drank me in, fucked my mouth with his until my head was ringing with alarms telling me this wasn’t like last time. This was about pure need, about claiming my body when he couldn’t have claimed hers. And as much as I wanted to hate her, Alessia, for being his first love, I couldn’t. I wanted to make him better. I wanted him to feel love again; a love he never could have with her.

“Fuck me,” I whispered into his ear. “Please, Beau. You have to fuck me. I want to feel close to you.”

He lifted me off the counter in response, his fingers tangling in my hair and pulling me so close I could barely breathe.

“I don’t know if I should,” he growled against my lips. “I want to hurt you. I want to make you mine completely. I don’t know if you’re fucking ready for that.”

My heart thumped at his words, and I knew I wasn’t ready at all. But I knew how much he needed it, and how much I wanted to give myself to him.

“Show me,” I said. “Please show me how you own me, Beau.”

He let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a growl, and lifted me off my feet. His touch was gentle on the arm I’d hurt, but harsh and digging into my skin everywhere else.

Beau carried me into his bedroom. My eyes tried to drink in the room as he let me down on the bed, and I crawled towards the headboard. But before I could get too far, his fingers wrapped around my ankle and he pulled me back roughly, his fingers hot on my skin.

“You’re not getting away,” he told me darkly. “You wanted this, babydoll, now it’s time to fucking take it.”

He ripped his shirt off his chest and I stared at his exposed skin. I was scared, so scared my vision was hazy as I waited for him to make his move. But he wouldn’t, didn’t. He just circled the bed like a damn predator, and it felt like a wolf getting ready to attack its prey. I’d never felt more vulnerable than in that moment.

“What are you waiting for?” I asked, trying to sound braver than I actually felt. “Take what you want, Beau. Stop fucking holding back.”

“No,” he grunted. “I can’t. Can’t hurt you. Can’t watch you suffering.”

“Do it!” I demanded, getting up on my knees and crawling towards him. “Why won’t you do it?”

“Shut the fuck up, Lucy,” he groaned.

“You would do it for her!” My voice was furious now, dripping with barely held back anger. “I bet you would do it for her.”

“For who?” He was fucking trying to make me say it. He wanted me angry. He wanted me jealous, and I hated him for it.

“You would do it for Alessia,” I said in a small voice. “She was your favorite. She’ll always be your favorite.”

His fingers wrapped around my throat and raised me off the bed, just like that. I felt like a ragdoll as he slammed me against the wall and my whole body resisted him. But I was no match for him, not when he was like this, like a fucking wild wolf.

“I wouldn’t,” he barked at me. “I would never fucking hurt her.”

“Yeah,” I laughed bitterly, clawing at his hands at my throat but getting nowhere with it. “Of course you wouldn’t.”

“No,” he snarled. “I would never hurt Alessia. She was sweet. Innocent. She was too young.”

“I’m young!” I argued. “You said I was too fucking young for you, Beau. What does that make us? You didn’t want to hurt Alessia, but your whole fucking body, your mind, is telling you to hurt me! What the fuck does that make us?”

He brought my body closer to his, and I responded, because I didn’t know any better. My body arched towards his, desperate to make contact even when he was hurting me.

“It makes us fucked up,” he said against my lips. “So fucked up, babydoll. You’re my poison. You’re fucking toxic.”

“I’m your sickness,” I whispered into his mouth. “You can’t escape. I’m going to kill you. I’m going to end you.”

“You’re my salvation,” he said firmly, and then he made a grab for my hands, pinning my arms above my head. I struggled, but he wouldn’t let go no matter how much my body thrashed under his. I wanted to get away almost as much as I wanted to stay. I wanted him to do something. Prove how badly he wanted to hurt me. My whole body ached for him to make all his promises come true. I longed for his pain. I wanted to beg him to give it to me.

“Hurt me,” I begged him. “Hurt me and fucking prove it.”

He groaned and unbuckled his pants. My eyes went wide as he brought out his cock. That day, it looked like a weapon. Swollen, so hard it looked like it was made of iron. He pointed it towards me and I shivered, desperate for more. Desperate for him to show me he was serious about this. I wasn’t Alessia and I never would be. But I could be a different kind of medicine. A different way to save him. To make him whole again. Scars and all.

“I want to,” he said weakly. “I want to punish you. But I don’t have a reason, babydoll. I can’t punish you for no reason.”

My body arched as I whimpered for him.

“Please,” I said. “Please. You can.”

“Why?” his voice was desperate. “Why would I punish you if you haven’t done anything wrong?”

I looked right into his eyes and gave him a wicked little smile. I licked my lips, and whispered, “Because I fucking want it.”

He let out a growl, and his whole body shook. It was like watching a transformation happen inside of him. Like he finally let go of his monster and allowed it come out and play. My pussy had never been wetter for him than in that moment. I felt my own juices dripping down my legs as he held me up like that, my thighs slick with my own arousal. I whimpered for him, and he plugged my mouth with his tongue. He kissed me, and in that kiss, there was everything I needed to know about our relationship.

It was fire and ice.

It was bad and it was so good.

It was damaging and healing.

It was hurting and it was beautiful.

It was everything I needed. It was all kinds of fucked up. And I was never going to leave Beau while he gave me what I fucking wanted.

And all I wanted was him.

“Get on the bed,” he said into my mouth, and he let go of me so suddenly I stumbled to the side.

Beau watched me with hungry eyes as I walked over to the bed, climbing on it on all fours. And then before I could make another move, he’d made a grab for me, taking me by my waist and pulling my ass to the edge of the bed. I couldn’t even make a sound before his cock was buried inside me, and it was only when I felt all his inches throb so deep that I mewled out loud and clawed at the sheets, not sure whether I was trying to get away or grip onto something.

“Need to fuck you,” he grunted behind me, and his cock started moving. It was so deep inside me I thought I could feel it in my stomach. He fucked me like he owned me, not just my pussy and my whole body, but my poor battered mind too. “Come on, Lucy. Fuck yourself on my dick. I want to watch you move.”

Having his whole length inside me was painful, but I took it, and I rocked back and forth on his cock while has palms landed on my ass over and over again, punishing it, spanking me for things I hadn’t done wrong. Every time his hand made contact with my tender skin, I mewled and begged for more like a whore, and it only made him fuck me harder. My butt bounced on his crotch, bringing him in deeper, desperate to get him so much further inside me, to make him tear me open if he wanted to and just give me every little bit of himself.

“Please,” I said, barely recognizing my own voice. There was a desperate quality to it I wasn’t used to, and it made Beau groan out loud. “Please fuck me harder, it doesn’t hurt enough. I want it to hurt more.”

He let go of my ass, his fingers finding my tits and twisting my nipples so painfully I felt tears in my eyes. But I wouldn’t scream. I just let out a needy little moan.

“Fucking cry,” he growled. “I want to hear you crying for me.”

“You’ll have to try harder,” I mewled, even though I was already so close I had to bite back tears of pain as he tortured my tits. “Hurt me more, Beau, I know you want to.”

“No,” he said firmly. “Don’t want to hurt you.”

“Liar!” I hissed, pulling away until his cock slid out of me with a pop and Beau grunted something under his breath. I turned around and crawled back towards him, looking up into his different-colored eyes, my palms placed on the sheets and my mouth sucking the tip of his cock between my lips, tasting my own juices on him and mewling as I sucked his precum off the crown.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Look at me, babydoll. I want to watch you do this.”

I did. I sucked his cock so needily I barely made a sound, and he reached towards my ass. Before I could tell him off, he had a well-lubed finger on my ass, gently pressing against the hole he hadn’t fucked yet. I cried against his cock, but it only came out as a muffled sound that didn’t make any sense.

“Keep fucking sucking,” Beau told me, and I closed my eyes when it was all too much, and kept sucking on his cock like it was a bottle of wine and I wanted to get every last drop out. “Don’t you stop, babydoll. I want you to get it all down your throat, but you have to work for it.”

He pushed the tip of his finger inside me and my body resisted. But his hands held me down and he wouldn’t let go, making me take the tip of his finger as I screamed silently around his cock. He pushed in deeper. He pushed in all the way, and I clawed at him, my fingernails digging into his crotch. I was too scared to bite his cock, but I fucking wanted to. The sensation of having something in my ass was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I wanted more. I wanted him to fuck it.

“You like it,” he chuckled. “You fucking love it, don’t you? My perfect little whore.”

His cock was covered in my spit and my eyes rolled back as he started to finger-fuck my ass. I did love it, and I wanted so much more, my hips started rocking against his hand by themselves, making Beau laugh out loud.

“Needy little bitch,” he told me gently. “You want my finger in your ass to make you come, baby?”

I mewled, my mouth still full, and he let go all of a sudden, forcing his finger out with a sound so embarrassing I wanted to die. But there was no time for that because suddenly I was on the edge, and then I was over it. Coming and begging as his cock slipped from my mouth, finally giving words to my struggle, saying his name over and over again and begging for so much more, begging for obscene, disgusting things to be done to me.

“Please, Beau, fucking please,” my mouth made sounds without me wanting it to. “Fuck my ass, fuck my pussy, fuck my mouth, fuck them all at the same time, I want everything filled, I want it all Beau, I want you to fuck me up, leave bruises, leave marks, bite me, fuck me, make my pussy yours.”

He lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes, his voice savage when he spoke.

“What if I knock you up?”

“I don’t care,” I whispered. “I don’t give a shit, just fuck me.”

“What if I ruin your pussy?” he went on, and I struggled against his grip, so desperate to get back on his cock.

“I don’t care,” I repeated. “Ruin it, it’s yours, do what you want.”

“What if someone else fucks you after me?” he demanded.

“They won’t!” I was losing my mind. “I won’t let them. Not ever.”

“You better not,” he snarled. “I’ll fucking ruin that cunt before I let anyone else have it, babydoll.”

I cried out as he flipped me on my back, and then he was on top of me, forcing his cock back inside me. He fucked me like a toy, like he was using my body to get off with it. I lost count of how many times he made me come and just let it happen. I let every orgasm wash over me like the tide, washing away the day we’d had, making me whole again. I screamed and thrashed but I still didn’t cry.

He slapped my pussy and I howled in pain.

“Cry!” he ordered me. “I want to see you fucking cry!”

“No,” I choked on the word. “I won’t!”

“Fucking cry,” Beau growled. “You don’t want me to make you.”

“Make me!” I hissed. “Fucking make me!”

He fucked me like a savage.

When I was nothing but a mess of tangled limbs and half-whispered words, he turned me around and kept fucking me from behind. He did it for what felt like hours. Until my body started resisting. Until I crawled away from him and begged him to stop.

My poor shivering body tried to get away when another orgasm took over, making my knees buckle and making me fall flat on the bed. Beau watched me come again, his hand on his cock, my pussy making a mess of his sheets. He was jerking off as he watched me.

I couldn’t speak anymore. Couldn’t say a word. I just lay on the bed like a used up, broken little toy. And I started to cry. Not howl or heave with it, just let the tears fall down and curled up into a ball, waited for him to make it all better.

His body crashed against mine and he forced my face up, groaning when he saw my tear-streaked cheeks.

I tried to beg him to make it better, but he spoke up first.

“That’s a good girl,” he told me gently. “Now I’ll really start to fuck you, babydoll. Keep crying and you can have your cum.”