Chapter Twenty-Two
Warmth was the first sensation that registered. Then a feeling of safety and rightness. Alyssa blinked, trying to clear the cobwebs. She was lying curled up half on Derek and half on their couch.
Derek was home. The sweetest words she’d ever thought.
She blinked and gazed around her family room. Darkness blanketed the room but for the glow of the neon clock on the blue ray player. Nine at night. They’d been asleep for hours, both needing the rest after such an emotionally draining few weeks.
Slowly, so as not to wake her sleeping husband, Alyssa wormed out of his hold and off the couch. Really, it was a fairly easy task as Derek slept like the dead when fully relaxed. It had taken him ages to be able to do that, plagued by nightmares and years of training to be somehow both asleep and alert while in the military.
Now, he looked so peaceful in his slumber. Still handsome as ever. From the very first time she’d laid eyes on him, he took her breath away. Tall, strong, powerful, commanding. A shiver raced through her. He was all those things and more, both in and out of their bedroom.
While sleeping all wrapped up in Derek arms was heaven, sleeping on that couch with a man his size wasn’t exactly like sleeping on a cloud. She rolled her neck across her shoulders and winced at sharp crick in her neck.
A steaming hot shower and two ibuprofens should do the trick. Part of her wanted to wake Derek and entice him to join her in the shower. Conserving water was one of her all-time favorite activities.
Between Derek being injured and the pressure cooker of the past few weeks, she was beyond ready for a release or two.
Or four or five, knowing her husband.
Hearing her strong husband express his pain, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy actually hurt her heart. Then delving into her fear of becoming a mother again. Heavy stuff for the day after Derek was shot. She felt like she’d taken a beating and she wasn’t even the one who was shot and concussed.
No, she’d let him sleep for now. Plenty of time to play later.
They had their whole lives.
All her life, Alyssa wanted to be a mother. She was raised in a very strict, conservative, manner, where woman stayed in the home, raised children, kept house, and served their husbands. There were no choices, no other options, no balance between career and family. Women had one role and one role only, homemakers. It wasn’t being a homemaker she’d had a problem with. Not at all. It was the lack of choices. Lack of free will.
Difficult way for someone like her to grow up. Someone who had a love of design and colors, and making things not only beautiful, but meaningful, personalized. Not only did her parents strongly disapprove of her desire to become an interior designer because it would take away from her obligations to her family and father’s church community, but they also accused her of being materialistic. Seduced by worldly desires.
It had been a serious struggle, but with Derek’s support, she’d broken away from that life and found one where she could pursue her dreams.
That being said, the desire to be a mother had been instilled young and stuck around even when she didn’t. And it was still there. The urge to raise a child, maybe more than one. But it was blanketed by a fear so powerful she wasn’t sure she could overcome it. The notion of having another child that could be hurt terrified her. So much was out of her or Derek’s control. So much could go horribly wrong.
As she made her way to the master bathroom, she rested her hand on her lower stomach. She very well could be pregnant right at that moment.
Instead of the stranglehold of panic and terror that had kicked every other time she contemplated that fact, this time she was hit with a sharp mental image of the future.
It was so clear, she’d swear it was real. Derek running around their back yard with a dark haired, squealing boy on his shoulders. Both had huge grins on their faces as they played.
Her steps faltered. Holy crap. That feeling? The fluttering in her stomach and zing in her blood? That was excitement.
She was excited about the prospect of having another child.
With a grin and a lighter step than she’d had in months, Alyssa entered the master bathroom. After turning the shower on full blast, she dug around for something to wear afterward. What she’d love to do was slip into some lingerie and seduce her husband, but considering the head injury and bullet wound, even Derek was likely to take a pass on lovemaking for the evening.
By the time she returned to the shower, the water had warmed and clouds of white steam hung thick in the bathroom. The instant the hot water rained down on her neck, her muscles relaxed. Took a few hours on the couch to knot it all up, but thirty seconds under the water, and she felt everything loosen.
She washed her hair and body with vanilla scented products—Derek’s favorite—then shaved all the necessary areas until she was smooth and smelling pretty damned good. Lingering wasn’t the wisest idea since he could wake at any time, but the heat of the water beating down on her was hypnotic.
Just a few more minutes then she’d get out
She closed her eyes and tilted her face into the stream, arching her back.
“If that’s not the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is.”
Alyssa gasped and righted herself. Derek’s voice hit her the same time a waft of cold air cut through her steamy paradise. He stood in the open door of the glass shower, one arm over his head and leaning on the frame. Wearing nothing but some ink, a smile, and a lumpy bandage on his left shoulder, he stared at her with smoldering, hungry eyes. Between his legs, his thick cock jutted out, tempting her beyond reason.
“Derek,” she said on a breath. She was sure he could see the love and desire shining in her eyes. There was no point in hiding it. After two years of heartache, struggle, loss, and pain, they’d found their way back to each other. For the rest of their lives, she’d make sure he knew just how loved and wanted he was.
He stepped into the shower and wrapped his solid arms around her, drawing her flush against her very favorite set of abs. If she’d thought the shower was warm, it was nothing compared to the heat radiating off her man. His was the kind of warmth that burrowed deep into her heart and soul, heating every cell in her body. Especially those between her legs.
“Wait, Derek, your shoulder,” she said. “Are you allowed to get it wet? And you have a concussion. You should probably lie down some more.”
“The bandage is waterproof. Doc said it was fine. That nap did wonders for my headache. Even if it wasn’t all good, nothing is keeping me from my wife right now.”
“But—”
“I missed you,” he whispered as he dipped his head. His lips and breath tickled her ear, causing goosebumps to rise all over her skin despite the heat of the water. “I’ve missed you so damned much, Lyss.”
Concern for his wound was replaced with need. “Me too, Derek. I—”
“Wait,” he said pulling back until their gazes met. “You know I’m not the smoothest with the words, unless we’re talking dirty words.” He winked. “But I want to tell you something.”
Alyssa nodded, and her heartrate kicked up. Despite what he thought, he could have her a quivering pile of need with just a few words. “Go ahead.”
“There’s no denying the past two years have been awful. We’ve talked, and will continue to talk to each other, and with Maggie, about Katie and our relationship, but I think we are both finally starting to heal in that regard. Not that the wound will ever fully close…”
He stared down at her like he was unsure of how to express himself and she gave him a soft smile. “I understand what you mean.” And she did. They’d never forget Katie. Never stop grieving her loss. But they would get to the point where they could think about her with love and remember the wonderful times instead of feeling a gut-wrenching pain whenever her name was mentioned.
With a nod, Derek picked up one of her hands and held it over his heart. “I could always feel you here, and I haven’t been able to feel you lately.” His smile turned sad. “You’re everything, Lyss. Everything. Whatever I do, wherever I am, I can always feel you,” he said as he pressed her hand harder over his heart. “And it’s slipped away so slowly I didn’t realize how closed my heart was. And then all of a sudden, I was empty. You were here, but I couldn’t feel you. And I miss you in there so goddamned much. My heart is open again. Please come back in, and I promise I’ll lock you in there so tight, you’ll never get out again.”
Though she’d promised herself she was done with crying, tears mixed with the water running down her face. He’d just described so perfectly everything she’d been feeling but unable to put into words. Her own heart had hardened the day Katie died, unable to bear the pain and unwilling to allow the possibility of further pain. So it had closed.
“I will do anything to get back in, Derek.” She choked out the words. “I’m here and I’m never going anywhere.”
“Anything, huh?” he asked as his lips quirked. “Even hire some therapist with a crazy sex plan?” He released her hand and trailed his own up and down her spine.
“It worked, didn’t it?” Her nipples stiffened to taut peaks as his hands roamed over her slick body.
A genuine laugh left him. “I think it’s pretty safe to say a plan involving you naked and coming will work for damn near anything.” His hands settled on her ass and pulled her against him, one leg on either side of his thick thigh. He ground her against the firm muscles until she gasped and let out a little moan. “Hope you said all you have to say, because we’re done talking.”
“Yeah, I’m good,” she said. She could barely think, let alone talk as the course hairs and sculpted planes of his thigh rasped against her clit.
“Feel good?”
“Yes.”
“You’re wet, baby.”
“We are in the shower.”
“Not what I mean, and you know it, smartass. You want me?” his eyes were heavy lidded, and his hands flexed against her ass. Ten fingers holding her tight.
“God, yes. I’m dying here, Derek.” In a move so fast, she never saw it coming, he spun her until her front was pressed against the shower wall. When her warm nipples hit the cooler tile, she yelped, and Derek chuckled.
His big body curled around hers from behind, engulfing her and making her feel small, feminine. One at a time, he lifted her hands and placed them on the slippery tile wall above her head then held them in place.
“You ready to feel even better?” With an excruciating slowness, he trailed the tips of his fingers from their joined hands, along the outside of her arm, over the curve of her breast, down the softness of her belly, and straight to her clit.
The many seconds it took him to get there, knowing that was his destination, were agonizing. She trembled, crowded between her husband and the wall as he circled her clit then moved on to tease the opening of her sex.
“Asked you a question, gorgeous,” he said, dipping one finger into her then right back out again. Her pussy clenched, an effort to keep him inside, but he was too fast.
She whimpered. “Y-yes. Ready.” Her head dropped forward, landing on the shower wall with a gentle thunk.
“Good girl,” he said, slipping a long finger back in her pussy at the same time his teeth closed over the side of her neck. “You miss this? You miss me inside you? Fucking you with my fingers? My tongue?” As he spoke, he brushed his thumb over her clit and a second finger joined the one wreaking havoc inside her.
Then, the hard length of his erection pressed into the base of her spine. “My cock?” he asked.
Miss it? He had no clue. Not one freaking clue.
God yes, she’d missed the pleasure. The orgasms. Hers and watching his. But, just as much, she’d missed the connection. Knowing there was only one person in the world she shared this closeness with. Only one person who got her heart, mind, and body.
“Yes, I missed it, Derek,” she said as his fingers sped up and his free hand palmed a breast. He worked her nipple, twisting and pinching with just the right amount of pressure. Just shy of too hard. The small bite of pain shot straight to her clit.
“Me too, baby. Me too. Nothing better than this hot pussy sucking me in. Any part of me. You want more?”
“I want everything.”
“Damn, that’s a good answer, baby.” He pressed kisses along the back of her bent neck and down the first few inches of her spine.
When his two fingers slipped from her, she cried out in protest. “No!”
“Shh,” he whispered against her ear. “Don’t worry, baby. When have I not taken care of you? I’ll give you what you need.” He slid his thumb through her saturated folds, gathering the wetness. Then, he moved his thumb back, until it was pressed against the tight ring of her ass.
She tensed, but only for a second. They’d done plenty of anal play in the past, and she liked it. Really liked it. But the thin line between pleasure and pain always brought just a hint of anxiety along with it. That was a bit of a turn on in and of itself.
“You good?” He licked the shell of her ear and she had to fight to keep her eyes from rolling back in her head.
“So good. Just been a while.”
“Too long.”
“Yeah.”
As he worked his thumb into her anus, he shoved two fingers back into her pussy and pinched her nipple with his other hand. The pleasure changed from a slow, burning build up to a sharp, almost harsh sensation.
“Oh God, Derek,” she said on a moan as his thumb seated in her fully. He began to rock his hand back and forth alternating the deep penetration between his fingers in her pussy and his thumb in her ass.
The shower stall grew almost unbearably hot, her breath came in rapid hitches, and the world became hazy.
“Shit, baby, love the sound of my name when I’m fucking you. Say it again.”
“Derek,” she said. It wasn’t her normal voice. It was a desperate, needy plea for release.
“That’s fuckin’ right. Know we’ve been playing games these past two weeks. And I love playing with you, but never again. You’ll never call me another man’s name again.” His hand increased in speed and intensity until she was so lost in the sensations she could barely make sense of his words.
“I’ll play whatever games you want to play. Be whatever you want me to be. The cable guy. A CEO. The fuckin’ mail man. But you will only call me Derek. Especially when I’m fucking you. Especially when you’re coming.”
With that, his fingers moved at a furious pace. Her legs shook so hard, she was pretty sure the only thing holding her up was his hand between her legs. He left her breast and pinched her clit between his thumb and forefinger. “Say it now,” he growled.
“Derek!” she screamed as her vision went white and her world consisted of nothing but pleasure. He kept at her through the orgasm until the quaking subsided and she slackened against him.
After removing his hand, he turned her around and gripped her head between his palms. He brought her mouth so close a breath couldn’t squeeze between them.
“Am I dead?” she asked with a lazy smile. Pleasure chemicals coursed through her system. Her limbs were limp, heavy. For the first time in two years, she felt truly satisfied.
“Hope not,” he whispered against her mouth. “We’re just getting started.”
That was exactly what she’d been hoping he’d say.
“Welcome home, Derek,” she said as she snaked her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his.
Finally, finally she could begin to move forward with her life.
Derek was home.