CHAPTER 25
The air smelled different. Loke breathed deep of it and frowned as it no longer burned his lungs. They easily expanded in a fluid movement, their silence rousing him further from sleep when he had grown used to them rattling and wheezing. Strength coursed through him and he was aware of it for the first time.
Aware that he had been weak and now he was strong again.
He slowly flexed his fingers against the soft material cushioning his tired body, pulling it into his fists. The aches were gone too. The burning in his bones that had left him feeling they were turning to ash.
What had happened to him?
He wasn’t back in Hell. He knew that much. He wasn’t in the Archangel facility either. He was somewhere new and unfamiliar.
Loke groaned as he tried to open his eyes and they stung despite the low level of lighting in the room. Perhaps he wasn’t back to full strength after all, but he wasn’t being drained of his energy by the mortal world either. Something had happened that had given him back his strength and had stopped it from fading away again.
Whatever that something was, it had left him feeling different.
He opened his eyes again and they burned less this time, allowing him to take in his surroundings. A room with wooden furniture and a soft bed. He looked down the length of his body at his bare feet where they hung off the end of the bed. His blue leather trousers almost matched the colour of the sheets beneath him.
Loke drew in another deep breath and used his senses to pick through the smells. There were others in the building with him. Immortals. He could smell shifters, elves, and the wretched demon who had knocked him out.
He could smell Anais.
He singled her out, using his senses to track her as she moved around somewhere below him. His heart stung and he rubbed his chest, trying to soothe it as the constant voice at the back of his mind began to taunt him again, reminding him of everything she had done.
The demon might have been the one who had knocked him out but it was Anais who had brought him to the mortal world and had placed him into the nefarious hands of her masters.
Anger curled through him, making him restless and driving him from the bed. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of it, and paused as his head turned and the room spun around him. He pulled down another breath and stared straight ahead at a wooden set of drawers as he waited for the dizzy spell to pass.
The door to his right opened and Anais stood there, the brighter light of the corridor casting her into shadow. Her blonde hair hung around her slender shoulders, threads of it clinging to her black t-shirt. That black t-shirt blended seamlessly into her dark trousers, making her appear more like a wraith than something real.
Loke hung his head and grasped the edges of the mattress with both hands, anchoring himself to the bed when all he wanted to do was stand and cross the room to her, and pull her into his arms and feel that she was indeed real. The part of himself that was having difficulty handling what she had done rebelled against those softer desires, replacing them with a need to lash out at her.
He turned his face towards her.
She held her hands up. “Don’t speak. I need to say something.”
Loke nodded, curious to know what was on her mind.
“I’m sorry about what happened. I know it doesn’t change anything, and I shouldn’t have let them take you like that. It isn’t what I wanted, but it all happened so quickly and I didn’t have time to think.” She paused and cast her gaze down at her boots. “Or maybe I did… I was muddled and part of me wanted to go back… and Sable said that Archangel only wanted information about the dragons so we could rescue the others. I was an idiot to believe them… and Sable feels pretty awful about it too because they duped her as well. If I had known they were going to put you in a cell like that… put you through tests and… if I had known that you couldn’t be in this world without being in danger… I’m sorry. I really am.”
He could feel her hurt flowing through him and it cooled his anger enough that he could look at her with clearer eyes and a more forgiving heart. She had placed him into the hands of Archangel, but she had also rescued him from them, placing herself in great danger and no doubt damaging her relationship with them.
“What did you want?” He rose onto his feet and she lifted her gaze to meet his.
The dark circles beneath her eyes alarmed him and he had moved a step closer and had raised his hand with the intention of touching her pale cheek before he even realised what he was doing. He halted and held her blue gaze instead, waiting to hear her answer.
Anais looked off to her right. “I don’t know.”
Her expression turned troubled and he could feel the conflict within her. She hadn’t only hurt him. She had hurt herself too. He could hear it in the tremulous beat of her heart and smell it in her scent. She was nervous around him. Guilty. Afraid. Not of him, but of what he might say or do. She was afraid he would lash out at her verbally to inflict pain on her and punish her for what she had done.
The darker part of himself believed she deserved such retribution, but the rest of his heart squashed it out of existence because what was done was done and nothing they said or did would change it. He was stronger now, somehow able to cope with being in the mortal realm, and his life was no longer in danger.
He refused to hold a grudge when she had believed that he would be treated in a better manner than he had been. She hadn’t betrayed him or intentionally placed him in danger. If he had been more honest with her about his species and why he had never been to the mortal realm, she would have known he couldn’t survive in her world and she never would have allowed her friend to take him from his cave.
He knew that in his heart.
A heart that loved her.
A heart that feared for her.
“I had another vision.” He let that confession slip out as a whisper but she reacted as if he had shouted it, her head jerking up and her eyes shooting wide as she stared right at him, her heart hammering in his ears.
“What did you see?” Her voice was weak, each word trembling on her lips.
“I saw you die,” he whispered and took another step towards her when she swallowed hard and paled further. He couldn’t shake the vision this time or how it made him feel. Afraid. Weak. Frustrated. He wanted to protect her but he couldn’t. No matter what he did, the vision only changed slightly. “The location was different, but the shadowy figure and the outcome remained the same.”
She dropped her gaze to the strip of floor between them, her fair eyebrows furrowing as she clenched her fists at her sides.
A deep need to comfort her filled him, but he remained where he was, struggling with his feelings as he looked at her. His little Amazon. She looked so weak now and afraid, and it pulled at him, strengthening his need to protect her.
“I thought that since I took you from the battlefield, I would have created a big enough interference in events to stop them… I had thought your fate would change.” He barely held himself back when she wrapped her arms around herself. “I will protect you, Anais.”
Her head lifted and her eyes leaped to meet his. “Why?”
He could understand her confusion, because part of him was also confused. He swore he had been muddled from the moment he had met her, never knowing whether he was coming or going, or what he was feeling. He no longer felt like the master of his own body. Something had seized control of him the second he had set eyes on her in the midst of that battle.
Possibly his heart.
He should have been angry with her, but the need to shield her from whatever dark future awaited her overshadowed that feeling. His love for her was too strong to deny. It was too powerful to be weakened or destroyed by the things that had happened. It was a love that would never fade. It would never die. It was eternal.
He didn’t have the courage to tell her those things though, not when he was unsure of how she felt about him. The look in her eyes, the soft edge of need, told him that she wanted to hear them but he couldn’t lay his heart on the line.
Not when he had been carefully guarding it for six thousand years.
“The elves have agreed to take you back to your home.” Those quiet words cut at his heart and they seemed to lash at her too.
Lines bracketed her mouth as she tried to smile and he decided that he didn’t like seeing her this way. Defeated. He preferred the female warrior he had met on the battlefield. The one who had been confident and courageous. Strong. Sure of herself. Was she feeling the same way as he was, suddenly unsure of herself and uncertain of her feelings and everything else?
Before meeting her, he had been as sure of himself as she had been, certain of his future. He had known what lay ahead of him and the direction his life would take. Everything had been set in stone and she had shattered it.
She had turned his life upside down, but he wouldn’t change anything that had happened. Well, maybe the past few days, but never the rest of it. He didn’t want to go back to that life, that monotonous existence.
He didn’t want them to part, and that was exactly what she was saying was about to happen.
The elves would take him home.
Without her.
She would remain here, in the mortal realm, far beyond his reach.
Not if he had his way.
He was going to fight her on it.
He was going to fight for her.
Loke closed the distance between them. “I would like to meet these elves.”
She tilted her head back and looked up into his eyes, her blue ones reflecting the pain he felt in his heart, and nodded.
He allowed her to lead him from the room and down a set of metal steps into a pale expansive room. He wasn’t sure where they were and it was on his mind to ask her as they crossed the room to a door, but then she opened that door and he stepped into the next dimly-lit black-walled room.
The room from his vision.
His blood turned to icy sludge in his veins and he quickly took in the large room, and the occupants of it. The demon and the elf male. Which one would be the one who killed her?
His heart set off at a pace and he stormed towards the two males. The dark-haired elf eyed him with suspicion and called his black armour, replacing his tunic and trousers with it, and arming himself with sharp black claws.
As he had seen in his vision.
Loke snarled at the male, baring his fangs, and prepared himself to attack.
“Loke.” Anais was between them in a flash, blocking his way to the elf male.
The russet-brown-haired demon’s eyes glowed red and his broad bare chest heaved with each hard breath he took as his dark leathery wings emerged and his horns curled around to flare forwards into twin deadly points on either side of his face. The elf used Loke’s temporary impediment to his advantage, calling a black blade to his hand and backing off a step to gain some space.
The black-haired female he knew as Sable looked ready to join the two males in fighting him.
Loke growled, grabbed Anais by her arm and shoved her behind him. His claws grew longer as he faced off against the demon and the elf, his focus fixed on them so they couldn’t attack unnoticed. He bared his fangs again and kept Anais tucked close to his back, shielding her with his body as he tried to calculate which of the two males was the one in his vision.
The elf was the prime suspect. He had the right build and the talons.
“What are you doing?” Anais tried to get past him.
He moved with her, his eyes constantly locked on the elf’s violet ones. He was still weaker than usual, and the elf was old and powerful, a prince of his kind. The chances of him surviving a fight against the male, especially when the demon and the huntress looked ready to assist him, were slim but it wouldn’t stop Loke.
He would protect Anais, no matter what.
“Explain yourself.” The elf took a step towards him.
Loke roared and lashed out at him, swiping with his claws. The elf leaped backwards to evade his blow and glared at him.
“Loke, calm down!” Anais grabbed his left arm and pulled on it, but he stood firm, refusing to give the elf an opening in which he could attack. “He wants to help you.”
He wanted to kill Anais.
Loke felt sure of it.
This was the male he had seen in his most recent vision, the one who would cause her death.
But ultimately, it would be the elf prince who died this night.
Loke wouldn’t allow the male near her. He would kill the elf before he had a chance to hurt his little Amazon.
He broke free of Anais’s hold and launched himself at the elf. They clashed hard but the elf made no move to attack him. He grabbed Loke and grappled with him, and Loke snarled as he realised the male intended to restrain him. He brought his right arm up hard, looping it over the elf’s one and twisting out of his grip. He drew his arm back, his gaze narrowed on the elf and his focus on taking the male down before he could incapacitate him.
The elf released his other arm and Loke grinned as he saw his victory playing out in front of him, all because the elf refused to fight him and would only defend.
He would eliminate this threat to Anais and she would finally be safe.
He went to launch his fist at the male with every drop of strength he had in his body, a hunger to strike the elf down in order to protect his mate driving him and filling him with a dark craving for violence and bloodshed.
Anais grabbed his arm and he turned on her with a snarl.
And stopped dead as he caught sight of himself in the mirror beyond the black bar.
His eyes glowed bright blue, shining vividly in the low light, and his nails were like talons, his hand raised to grab her shoulder and push her to safety.
It was his vision.
A shiver went through him, as cold as ice but burning like fire, and he couldn’t breathe as it all fell into place.
He had seen that image now staring back at him. A male lifting a hand to her, his talons poised to strike her down.
He had seen himself.
He was the one who would ultimately cause her death.
That was the reason he had seen her die in his cave. Why he had seen her die in this room.
That was the reason he couldn’t see the person who did it, because he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to kill her, but he would.
And he didn’t know what to do.
It wasn’t that he would kill her right now, but that it would happen at some point, and the sickening heavy feeling inside his chest told him that he knew when that point would be.
The need to claim her as his mate burned in his blood and she wasn’t strong enough to survive mating with a dragon.
And he wasn’t strong enough to deny his need to do it.
“Loke, what’s wrong?” she whispered.
He released her and staggered backwards, shaking his head as he stared at her through wide eyes, sick to his stomach as his heart shattered in his chest.
“I have to leave… now… I have to go.” Loke looked from her to the elf male, the one who apparently wanted to help him get back home.
There was a knowing look in the male’s violet eyes. Those eyes seemed to see straight through him, leaving no part of him untouched. The elf prince knew what was happening, even if Anais couldn’t see it.
“We can go,” she said.
Loke’s eyes leaped back to her and the pain in his chest only grew worse as he realised that she wanted to return to Hell with him. He had been wrong. She wanted to be with him. Gods, the fates were cruel. All he wanted was Anais, but he could never trust himself with her.
He shook his head and her face fell, her hurt swift to race through him and worsen his own agony.
He kept backing away from her, even when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and swear he would find a way they could be together. He couldn’t risk it. The need to claim her as his mate was already strong and he had already come close to initiating a bonding several times. If he took her back with him, if he stayed with her, it was only a matter of time before he lost his mind to the need to mate and ended up killing her.
“The vision,” he whispered when her blue eyes implored him to explain why he was hurting her and distancing himself. “I just saw it again.”
She took a step towards him and held her right hand out to him, her need for him to take it shining in her eyes and lacing her feelings. Gods, he wanted to give her what she needed, but he couldn’t.
It was killing him.
He shook his head again and fear touched with pain and sorrow crossed her face.
She took another harder step towards him. “It’s just a vision.”
He held his hands up and she stopped. “It was not a vision this time. It was the vision made real. I saw what I had witnessed in my dreams. I saw myself.”
She began to shake her head and her fair eyebrows furrowed.
“What are you saying?” she snapped, her voice thick with emotion that told him she knew exactly what he was saying but she didn’t want to believe it.
He didn’t want to believe it either, not even when all the evidence pointed to it being true.
“It is me. I am the one who will kill you.”
The silence in the room grew heavy with tension and he could feel everyone’s eyes on him but he didn’t take his off Anais.
“No.” She folded her arms across her chest and frowned at him. “I won’t believe that.”
He wished he could say the same thing with as much conviction as she had, but it wasn’t about believing. It was the truth. It was fact. Nothing could change it.
“I have to go, Little Amazon,” he whispered and clenched his fists at his sides to stop himself from reaching out to her and clinging to her as he wanted to. “I need to do this. I must protect you. It was always about protecting you… saving you. I did not think it would come down to protecting you from myself though.”
“We can work it out.” She took another step towards him, her eyebrows furrowing again and tears swimming in her eyes as her pain grew stronger, beginning to eclipse his own. Gods, he didn’t want to hurt her. When she looked at him like that, he wanted to pull her into his embrace and take all her pain away. She shook her head. “Don’t do this, Loke. We can figure out a way around it or to make it not happen.”
“I cannot… will not place you in danger. I have to leave you.” His voice hitched as his throat closed and the aching in his heart grew fiercer, ripping him apart from the inside. Six thousand years of life and now he felt as if he was dying, all because a little mortal female had made him truly feel alive for the first time. The thought of existing without her destroyed him, but he would do it if it meant knowing that she was safe. He coughed to clear his throat but his words still came out hoarse and strained, raspy with emotion. “Please do not make this any harder than it already is for me.”
She kept shaking her head, the pain in her eyes colliding with fire, anger that he could feel in her and he deserved. He was hurting her, and it made him feel like a bastard, but if he had to wound her in order to drive her away and save her life, he would do it.
“You’re my mate,” she said it so resolutely that he halted, his feet frozen in place by her announcement and the steely look in her blue eyes that challenged him to deny it.
He couldn’t.
Not when every fibre of his being was constantly screaming that she was his and he needed to mate with her to bind them together for eternity.
“You are my mate,” he whispered and held his hand up when she went to speak. “I know it deep in my blood… but I also know what that means. Mating is dangerous for dragons. It is not unheard of for a male to accidentally kill their female during the bonding process. We lose control and are consumed by our instincts.”
He started backing away from her again, maintaining the distance between them as she strode towards him.
“I will not put you through that, Anais,” he said, his voice loud in the silent room. “I will not be responsible for your death.”
His voice cracked on the last word and he couldn’t take it anymore. He threw a look at the elf prince and the male barely nodded, accepting his silent plea for help.
Loke looked back at Anais, drinking in the sight of her and putting her beauty to memory. A memory that he would carry with him always and use as a balm for his broken heart in the cold centuries that lay ahead of him.
He allowed her to finally close the distance between them, tears lining his eyes as he kept them on hers. Her pain mingled with his and his heart broke all over again as she halted in front of him and they balanced on the brink of snapping the slender thread that tied their souls together.
His little Amazon.
He had found the true meaning of life in her, a life filled with incredible beauty and emotion, with purpose and warmth. All of it shared with another. His soul mate. His one fated female.
He didn’t want to give all that up.
He held her gaze and whispered to her in the dragon tongue, “You are my eternal mate… and I wish with all of my heart that things could be different for us. I wish I did not have to give you up, because I am in love with you, and I always will be. There will never be another female for me. There will only be you. Forever.”
He raised a trembling hand and touched her cheek, using the pad of his thumb to brush away a tear that had fallen. It killed him. He wanted to kiss her one last time, but he feared it would break him completely.
Loke settled his fingers against her face and found the strength deep within him. He was willing to risk it in order to take this one last memory of her with him.
One he would cherish forever.
His lips would never touch another.
He had been made for her, and he would always stay true to her.
He dipped his head and kissed her, and it utterly destroyed him, ripping him to shreds and leaving him trembling, his lips shaking against hers as he fell apart.
He needed her in his arms and he needed to never let her go.
He reached for her and the elf prince caught his wrist, spun him away from her and darkness swallowed him.
The black valley of the dragons stretched below him, cold wind buffeting him as he stood on the mountainside with the elf at his side.
It seemed so cold and empty now.
“It was a courageous thing you did to let her go.” The elf prince released him and Loke shut down the part of him that wanted to beg the male to take him back, because his home wasn’t here. His home was wherever Anais was. The male looked at him and sighed. “But courage is not always the answer. You love her and she loves you.”
He didn’t want to hear that. He turned away from the black-haired male but the elf didn’t leave.
“She gave part of herself to heal you and bring you back in touch with nature through my connection to it. That was the reason you were able to live in that world without it killing you.” The male’s voice was low and quiet, but Loke felt as if he had shouted each word as they hit him and he realised the danger she had placed herself in for his sake. “She sacrificed a fragment of her life force to save you.”
Loke closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He knew what the elf was telling him, and he knew that Anais had no clue about what the male had done. He didn’t think that the elf would have explained every little detail. The male had been meddling. He had known Anais’s feelings for him, and his for her, and he had known what would happen if she gave part of herself.
He had known it would bind them together.
No matter how far apart they were, Loke would always feel her. He pressed a hand to his bare chest and sensed a faint glimmer of hurt and her despair through the connection that linked him to her. She would always be a part of him, and he a part of her. They would never be apart.
They would never stop wanting each other.
The elf had cursed them to drift through their lives feeling as if part of them was missing.
Loke hung his head and his bare shoulders heaved as he sighed. “What would you have me do? A dragon mating is too dangerous. She would not survive it.”
“I know of dragons.” The prince came around in front of him on the ledge, his back to the dark scenery stretching around them. He suited this forbidding place more than his verdant kingdom, his black armour making him look as if he had been made to live in the darkness of this land. His fangs flashed between his lips as he spoke. “I know of the great strength of your species and how that part of you makes you dangerous… but I also know that you love her. Love is a powerful force in itself. Love makes you want to protect her and keep her safe, enough to sacrifice what you had. Perhaps love can give you the strength to find a way to hold back the most dangerous part of yourself.”
“Perhaps it could, but it would be a fool’s venture to even risk it.” Loke looked away from the prince, settling his gaze on the distant mountains in the direction of his cave.
A cave that would forever remind him of Anais.
“I am no fool, Elf, and I will not risk Anais like that.” He flicked a glance back at the male.
The prince blew out his breath, an exasperated edge to his handsome face and violet eyes.
“I will leave that for you to decide… but consider the alternative. The next five decades or so aching for the female you left behind, and the next five millennia filled with regret.” The prince weathered Loke’s glare and the warning growl that curled from his lips. “I would speak with you soon about dragons… one in particular we are hunting. A dragon who attacked my realm and stole something precious from me.”
Loke nodded, his heart pounding for a different reason as he sent a prayer to his gods that Taryn was safe.
“Think about what I said.” The elf disappeared before he could respond, leaving Loke high on the mountain.
Gods, he had never felt so alone.
His heart clung to the strained connection between him and Anais, and the need to see her again was already unbearable. He wasn’t sure how he was going to last the next fifty years without her, let alone the next five thousand.
But he had to do it.
It was the only way to protect her and stop him from killing her.
Or was it?