DRAKE

Over the next couple of weeks, I spent most of my free time with Kate and Sophie. In addition, I visited several times with Brenda to talk about Liam while he was still at school. We discussed Maureen's mental health since Chris decided to return to his job in Kuala Lumpur. She thought Maureen was depressed and needed counseling if she was willing to leave Liam behind for six months at a time. I had to agree. For a mother to decide to leave their child behind, she had to be depressed and unable to face losing Chris.

I couldn’t imagine having to choose between Kate and Sophie.

I couldn't imagine it.

I would do everything in my power to not have to choose, but you can only control your own actions. You can't control the other person and I guess Maureen couldn’t convince Chris to stay in the USA.

I would have stayed with Liam, had I been Maureen.

If Chris was so selfish that he would rather lose contact with Liam than stay and work at another job, he'd in effect bailed on Liam.

Then Maureen did as well. It was horrible.

When Liam came home from school, I spent some time with him, sitting on the floor in his bedroom while he played with his video game, listening to him talk about school and how he liked being able to go with the other kids. He'd missed most of his first grade due to treatment and was a year behind, but he didn't care. He wanted to go to school. He loved being in remission and being able to ride his bike around the neighborhood, or play soccer with the other boys in the playground.

It would have been a shame to take him away from his life in California after finally getting healthy enough to go to school and be 'a normal boy.'

"Thanks for coming by, Drake," Brenda said when I went to the door to go home. "We'll get this figured out. Maybe if Maureen is away from Liam for a while, she'll realize that she can't be happy with him here, separated from her."

"I hope she comes to that realization before she goes. You know and I know it will be really hard on Liam if she doesn't come back and decides to stay."

Brenda shook her head sadly. "I don't know what happened to her, but she must really be broken about Chris's decision to go back to Indonesia. I hope she comes to her senses."

"Me as well. See you later. Call me any time you need to talk. And please, I'd like to spend more time with Liam. I'll be talking to my lawyer about joint custody and we'll get going on it as soon as possible."

"I hope it works out," she said but didn't look all that positive about the prospects. "You'll have to be prepared in case your personal history makes a judge hesitate to give you joint custody. Even given the circumstances."

"I know," I said. "I'm trying to be realistic about it."

I waved goodbye and went back home, feeling good about seeing Liam, but torn about what I was facing with getting joint custody. I knew it would be an uphill battle.

When I got back home, it was almost time for dinner and Kate was standing at the stove, stirring a pot of Italian tomato sauce. In a frying pan next to it, about a dozen meatballs sizzled. Sophie sat in her high chair and played with her toys. She gave me a big smile when I went to her and kissed the top of her head.

"How did it go?" Kate asked when I went to her and slipped my arms around her.

She turned around in my arms and held my face in her hands, giving me a quick kiss.

"Good. I saw Liam, had a nice visit with him. Brenda and I had a good talk about Maureen and Chris. Not much to report other than that. We'll have to just give it a try and hope the judge we get is reasonable about my past."

"He or she would be a fool not to grant you joint custody, especially considering Maureen is planning to go to Indonesia for at least six months."

"You're biased," I said and kissed her.

"I am."

Two days. Forty-eight hours of family bliss with my beautiful wife and baby.

That's all I had before getting a call to cover the shift of one of the other neuros who had a family crisis and couldn't come in to work. I'd promised my supervisor that I'd be as flexible as possible, covering shifts when needed because I wanted to work and would be happy to be the grunt doc at the hospital.

When I got the text, Kate was sitting with Sophie on the beach down from our house, digging in the sand. I stood on the deck and watched them while I decided what to do. Technically, I was due five days off because that was my shift – five on and five off. But I had agreed to be the resident neurosurgery float who would come in and cover a shift if necessary, so that's what I had to do.

Kate was supposed to go to her studio after lunch and work on her painting, while Sophie and I were going to spend the afternoon together, walking the beach and doing baby daddy things.

Now, I would have to screw everything up.

I felt bad that I would be leaving Kate after being away the previous day all afternoon. She'd happily forgone going to the studio so I could visit with Brenda. I texted Elaine to see if she could sit for us so that Kate could go to the studio as planned.

DRAKE: I was supposed to be home with Sophie to let Kate go to the studio and get some work done on her painting, but I was called in to cover a shift and I can't say no. Would you be able to come and sit with Sophie so Kate can still go to the studio?

I sent the text and waited. Elaine was usually on top of things so I got a response within a couple of minutes.

ELAINE: I'd love to come by. I'll see if Ethan will join me so we can both play with her.

DRAKE: Kate could drop Sophie off at your place if that would be easier for Ethan.

ELAINE: No, it's better that Sophie is at her house. Besides, it gets Ethan out of the house, which is good for him. He gets a bit down when he stays in the house too long. I'm sure he'd love to be able to come to your place. I'll text you right back.

I waited while she talked to Ethan and sure enough, in a couple of minutes, she replied.

ELAINE: Ethan has a teleconference at 3 so maybe it's best if you drop Sophie off here. Sorry! I forgot about it...

DRAKE: No, that's perfectly fine. I'm sure Kate will be just as happy to leave Sophie with you. Thanks again for all your help, I just hate to disappoint Kate when she's so eager to get to work on her painting.

ELAINE: We're always happy to sit with Sophie. Never hesitate to ask.

DRAKE: Thanks again. Talk later.

It was great of Elaine to be so willing to look after Sophie on a moment's notice but I figured that she never had her own kids and probably saw Sophie as her only chance to mother a child. Whatever her motivation, I was glad. I knew how much Kate was looking forward to her trip to the studio that day and wanted her to feel able to go even if I had to take an extra shift at the hospital.

I put my cell down and took my coffee out to the beach where Kate and Sophie were sitting under a sun umbrella.

"Hey there, pretty ladies," I said and plopped down beside them. "What are you making?"

"A sandcastle. You can't tell by looking at it, because each time I put a pail of sand there for a turret, Sophie demolishes it."

"That's my girl," I said and patted Sophie's head affectionately. Then I turned to Kate. "Just to let you know, I got a text that I'm needed to cover a shift at three."

Kate's face changed and I knew she was disappointed. Before she could respond, I added: "I talked to Elaine and you can drop Sophie off at their place before you go to the studio. I didn't want to ruin your plans at least."

"Aww," Kate said with a frown. "That's too bad. I had hopes of us spending five whole days together." She pouted.

"I know," I said and stroked her cheek. "Me, too. But duty calls. It's because I agreed to be really flexible and cover shifts that I was hired in the first place. I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me..."

"Drake, you don't need to ever worry about money," Kate said. "If you wanted, you wouldn't have to work at all."

"I'm a neurosurgeon," I said and shrugged. "What would I be if I didn't cut into people's brains?"

"You'd be a philanthropist and a bass player and a wonderful human being. Isn't that right, Sophie?" Kate bent down and peered at Sophie's face under the brim of her floppy sunhat.

Sophie smiled up at Kate and proceeded to slap her shovel against Kate's latest attempt at a sandcastle.

"My cheering section," I said with a sigh. "We still have two days after today. Hopefully, Wallace will be back to do his shifts tomorrow, although I doubt it. I don't want to have to miss two days with you but we may only have one."

"Can't someone else cover for him?"

I shrugged. "I either say yes or no, and if I say no too many times, they'll find someone else."

"It's not like neurosurgeons with loads of experience are a dime a dozen, Drake."

"I know," I replied, helping build up the sand around the single turret Kate had managed to construct before Sophie could destroy it. "But I signed a contract. I have to live up to my end."

Kate sighed audibly, which made me feel good that she wanted us to spend time together as a family – and as a couple.

"It's really not so bad. We've had a nice two days together, haven't we?"

She smiled. "We have. But I need more Drake," she said, climbing over to where I sat and snuggling into my arms. "I don't get nearly enough Drake."

"Drake is all yours," I said. "Hopefully, tomorrow and the day after. I promise you lots more Drake. Six feet two inches and even more inches of Drake. Tomorrow, okay?"

We kissed and she wrapped her arms around my neck. Beside us, Sophie pounded the lone turret until it fell onto nothing.

I changed into a clean set of scrubs and then kissed both Kate and Sophie goodbye before driving off for my shift at the hospital. My shift was busy, and almost immediately, we were inundated with several head injuries coming from a multiple car accident on the freeway. After we were finished triage and I took my patient to the OR, I spent the next two hours doing delicate surgery to relieve pressure on the man's brain. An elderly man in his eighties, he and his wife had been traveling north when a drunk or drugged driver crashed into them and sent them careening into the path of a semi-trailer. There were five cars involved and several traumas due to the high speeds involved.

When the last of the surgeries was finished, we gathered in the staff room and had a break, trying to decompress during whatever down time we had before the next cases came in.

"Your dad was a trauma surgeon in Philadelphia, right?" Pete, one of the trauma surgeons said. "I remember him. He did a lot of work with Doctors Without Borders, right? Died in a plane crash in Ethiopia? He was legendary. He developed these crazy good surgical clamps that we use today."

I nodded and we discussed my father.

"He was really good with tools," I said. "He had his old Lada that he bought from someone who immigrated from the Soviet Union and used to tinker on it every weekend. He always had trouble with that car, but he made it run. He always said that if he couldn't have been a surgeon, he would have been a mechanic."

"He was in Vietnam, right?" Pete asked.

I nodded. "He was."

Our discussion made me melancholic and I missed my father in a way I hadn't for a long time. The truth was that he was always in the back of my mind, but there were few opportunities to discuss him in any depth. Doing so brought out a deep ache in my chest. I was lucky to have Ethan in my life as a father-substitute, but it wasn't the same.

It made me even more determined to apply for joint custody of Liam. I wanted to make sure he knew and felt that I was a father to him. Chris had been a father to him all this time and I knew he was a good father, but I suspected that finding out Liam wasn't his had put a damper on his feelings for the boy. It was cruel if true. Liam didn't know anything different other than Chris was the only father he had known his entire life. I was still just a stranger, becoming more familiar to him as time passed. But I knew I wasn't a father – not yet.

I promised myself that I would become a great father.

So, it was all the harder to encounter the next case that took me from the staff room.

A young boy in a coma, victim of child abuse, his little body battered. He was brought in by EMS just before nine in the evening. Parents had called 9-1-1 with claims that the boy had fallen down stairs and was unresponsive.

When I saw his little body, I knew different.

He was maybe four years old and when we scanned him for trauma, we saw old broken bones that had never been set. He had been abused repeatedly.

"Oh, God." The three of us on the team looking after the boy sat in front of the monitor and studied the damage, imagining the abuse inflicted on such a small child.

"It makes me want to puke," Pete said from the chair beside me. "It's really too bad that any fucking moron can have kids while so many really great people can't."

"I know," I said, a choke in my throat, glad that if this poor child survived, he would be taken from his abusive family and put in foster care, with strangers or maybe other family members. Even if it were for the best that his abusive parents lose custody, it was the only one he had known and it would be hard for the boy to grow up knowing that his parents almost killed him.

If I was skilled enough, the boy would survive.

"You have some pediatrics background, right?" Clint said, turning to me. "This is yours."

"Yes," I said. "This one's mine. I better go scrub in." I stood up and made my way to the OR where they were prepping him for surgery.

Several hours later, after doing everything I could to save the boy's life, I left the OR and went to speak to the family – such as they were. The mother and father had been taken into custody and now, a grandmother sat with another daughter and waited for me. I had to break the news that the boy might not survive the night, despite my best efforts.

I sat down with them in the small waiting room and removed my surgical cap.

"He's very sick," I said, making eye contact with them both. "He has a serious brain injury plus multiple broken bones. He had some internal hemorrhaging and we had to remove his spleen. If he survives the next few hours, he has a chance but we won't know until we do some more tests."

The grandmother covered her mouth with a hand and she and the other woman embraced.

"His scans suggest that he's been abused over a long period of time," I said. "We saw old fractures that suggest he's been abused repeatedly. Were you aware of him being treated for broken bones?"

"I had no idea. I knew that something was wrong between my daughter and her boyfriend," she said. "But we had a falling out over it and I haven't been by for months."

"I'd say this has been several years, by the way the bones have healed."

"Oh, God," she said and closed her eyes. "I had no idea..."

"I'll keep you updated on any change in his status," I said and stood up, feeling bad for the woman who was obviously traumatized by the thought her grandchild had been abused under her nose and she had done nothing about it. I knew enough about the issue to understand that most people learned abuse in their families. If the father had been the culprit, he was likely abused in his childhood and so on. Child abuse was largely a multi-generational issue.

I knew that the child welfare system was overworked and underfunded and never seemed to be able to keep completely on top of some cases. I hoped little Nathan wasn't one of those cases, but I had a bad feeling that he had never come to the attention of the authorities and so the abuse had gone on for years and had accelerated recently, probably due to some stress in the family system.

I spoke with Dora, the social worker on shift, who stayed late so she could meet with the family to discuss the child's future – if he survived.

"We'll check on the grandmother and see if she can safely care for him if and when he is discharged. If there are adequate supports, it's best he goes with his family than being placed in foster care."

"As long as his grandmother's safe," I said, uncertain myself if she was.

"We'll make sure," Dora said and nodded. "This one is hard to deal with."

"I know," I said softly. "I have a son a few years older than him," I said and thought about Liam. "I can't imagine anyone harming a child. It's unthinkable."

"Sadly, it's all too common," Dora said with a sigh. "Talk to you later. I'll let you know what happens with him."

"Thanks."

When I finally left the hospital and arrived home, I popped my head into the bedroom to see that Sophie and Kate were asleep in our bed, Sophie snuggled up to Kate, her pacifier in her mouth.

I had a quick shower and then slipped into bed, trying my best not to wake them, a choke in my throat at the memory of the small boy whose life I saved, wondering what kind of life he'd have. It made me even more determined to get joint custody of Liam so I could make sure that he had a father there all the time – a father who loved him. I did love Liam with a fierce love I was surprised to feel considering that he had lived most of his life not even aware of my existence.

But I did. I lay beside Kate and Sophie, my arm draped around them, thinking of little Nathan. Then, I thought of Liam, and how his life would change with his mother gone to Indonesia for six months. I had to cover my eyes and bite back tears.

How could he feel anything but abandoned?

There were only a few things I knew in life with complete and utter certainty: I loved Kate and Sophie with all my heart. Another thing I also knew.

I wouldn't abandon Liam.

I'd fight to the bitter end to get joint custody so he could live with me.

I pulled Kate and Sophie closer to me and tried to sleep, but it evaded me and I drifted in and out of consciousness, images of Liam's smiling face interspersed with Nathan's battered little body haunting my dreams.