19
Ben
“So what are we supposed to be doing?” Ben asked.
They lounged on the chairs underneath the awning as they headed out on the water, the dock getting smaller and smaller before disappearing altogether.
Sam frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you said there were jet skis and all, but what do you do other than that?”
“Have you never been on a lake before?”
“Not really. When I was a kid, we used to go canoeing on the Connecticut River, but when the younger ones came along, it got to be too much of a hassle.”
He didn’t blame his siblings for taking that away from him, but he wished now that he had been able to go on a few more vacations than he’d been on.
Sam rested his hand on Ben’s knee, and Ben swallowed hard. He was going to have to be careful with his reactions. Hiding an erection in these shorts would be impossible, though with the two of them sitting in the shade and the cool wind blowing, he didn’t know if that would be an issue.
“I’ll show you, then. We can do all kinds of stuff—go snorkeling, get in the hot tub, fish, and if all else fails, there’s a fully-stocked liquor cabinet down below.”
Well at least they wouldn’t be bored. “Which one do you want to do first?”
Sam pursed his lips in thought. “Why don’t I go make us a cocktail and then we can get in the hot tub?”
That sounded fun enough, so Ben nodded. “I like daiquiris.”
“Two strawberry daiquiris it is, then.” He squeezed Ben’s knee and then stood and walked away.
Ben crossed his arms, still feeling far too exposed in his shorts. There had been something in Sam’s expression, though, when he had dropped the towel, that Ben found intriguing. Almost like lust. A lot like lust, actually.
Ben knew he had a good body—better than most would assume, given that he normally covered it up pretty well—so it made sense that Sam would look at him. It would be dangerous to jump to the conclusion that Sam meant anything by the look, though. If Sam meant anything, then surely he would say something.
A few minutes later, Sam returned with the drinks, and Ben stood, the two of them walking over to the hot tub. Surprisingly, there was no one else in it.
“Where is everyone?” he asked, sliding into the water.
“Mom and Dad are up at the wheel, Ambra and Matías are tanning. The kids are taking a nap, along with Aunt Louise and Uncle Richmond. I would say Aunt Harper is drinking, and Uncle George stayed behind to get some quiet.”
“Guess we have the hot tub all to ourselves,” Ben said with a smile.
He didn’t know whether he meant the words to be flirtatious or not. It was one thing to flirt when there were other people present. That was just what he did, how he interacted with people. Deliberately flirting with Sam was different. Dangerous.
“Guess we do.”
Sam’s voice was lower than usual. Almost seductive. There was no one around that would make Sam feel like he had to play the part of the boyfriend, which meant only one thing: Sam was actually into him. The signs were all there, if Ben was reading them correctly—the way Sam had taken to holding his hand, the morning wood after cuddling all night long, the look Sam had given him when he’d seen Ben in the shorts. And then there was that thing he had started to say right before they had gotten on the boat.
Much as Ben wanted to believe that Sam might have feelings for him too, there was still a part of him that wasn’t sure. There was certainly one way for him to find out, though. The hot tub was big enough for about six people, so naturally they had taken corners along the same wall. Slowly, Ben moved closer and closer to Sam, until they were sitting side by side. He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves, and let his leg brush against Sam’s.
“What are you doing?” Sam’s voice was low and husky, and when Ben looked up, he found Sam’s pupils so large that only a sliver of hazel showed around the edges.
He swallowed hard. “Getting closer to you.”
His heart beat so fast that his chest ached as he waited for Sam to do something. Say something. Have any reaction at all. It had been so easy when it was just flirting, but this…this was terrifying.
Seconds passed, though, and Sam didn’t move away. Instead, he leaned back against the side of the hot tub and slid his hand into Ben’s, underneath the water.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly.
Encouraged by the reaction, Ben shifted down a bit and let his head rest on Sam’s shoulder. “Me too.” They sat in silence for a few seconds. Ben didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he knew that if he didn’t say anything, he would regret it. “Before, when we were about to get on the boat. What were you going to say?”
“I um…” Sam scratched at the back of his neck. “I was going to say, what if—”
“Sammy, Benny!”
Ben whipped around to see Karrigan. Someone had escaped from nap time. He fought to suppress a groan. Looked like this conversation would have to wait.
He forced a smile. “Hey kiddo, where’d you come from?”
“Mommy said I could get up if I was with someone.”
She already had her swim suit on and floaties around her arms. As much as Ben wanted to hear what Sam had to say, he couldn’t just let her down.
“Do you want to come in here with us?” he asked, looking over to Sam for approval. Sam nodded.
“Yeah!” She jumped in, splashing as Sam caught her.
“Hey, Karrigan, no. No splashing, okay?”
She screwed up her face like she was going to cry, so Ben took her hand. “Sam isn’t mad at you. He just doesn’t want you getting hurt. Come here.”
He opened his arms and she climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Since four of his siblings were much younger than him, Ben knew exactly how to handle this. Karrigan was still tired, no matter what she said, so he held her close and let her rest her head on his shoulder.
“How old are you?” he asked.
She yawned. “Five.”
“You’ve just started kindergarten, then?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you like it?”
Karrigan didn’t even answer, just nodded, and Ben knew that she wouldn’t be awake much longer. Sure enough, a few minutes later, her breathing evened out and her arms went slack.
“You’re good with her,” Sam said. There was a tenderness in his eyes that made Ben wish they were alone.
“With six younger siblings, I have to be. Four of them are a lot younger than me, so I pretty much helped raise them.”
Sam hummed. “Have you ever thought about having kids of your own?”
Where the hell had that come from? In all the time they had known each other, they had never talked about personal stuff like this. Not that Ben was particularly opposed to such a discussion.
“I always liked kids, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to be a dad.”
A small crease formed in between Sam’s brows. “Why not?”
“Seriously? I’m a guy who likes other guys.”
“And?”
“And that pretty much means kids are out of the question.”
Sam shook his head. “People adopt all the time. Or they have surrogates.”
“Yeah, and both of those cost money,” Ben said.
“I have money.”
Ben gritted his teeth. This was why he didn’t want to have this conversation. Sam didn’t know what it was like to be poor. Sure, he worked at a coffee shop, but he was the manager, and he had a trust fund to fall back on if he needed it.
“Yeah, what are you going to do, pay for me to have a kid? You can’t do that.” He didn’t even try to keep the bitterness from his voice.
Sighing, Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re right. It was stupid of me to ask. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You just…you’d be a good dad, that’s all.”
The words touched something inside Ben. He couldn’t be mad at Sam when Sam was being so genuine. Reaching over, he took Sam’s hand.
“I think you’d be a good dad, too.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he said with a nod. “I mean, all of your jokes are already dad jokes.”
Sam laughed. “You have a good point.”
For a moment, Ben allowed himself to imagine them parenting together. Sam would be the fun parent—the dad who played April Fools pranks on their kid. Ben, on the other hand, would be the one to teach their child new things. How to work a camera, like he had taught his sister, or how to make a volcano out of plaster of paris, paint, baking soda, and vinegar.
Together, they would have a great family. If only either of them were brave enough to make the first move.