Chapter Twenty-One
Vivian
I didn't think to knock before I walked into our room, but I should have. Paul had Casey against the wall, fucking her hard as I stopped at the door.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry." I turned my back to them. "I need my swimsuit. Or never mind. I can just not go swimming."
"Wait. It's fine." Casey called after me, but I didn't dare turn around. I'd seen my best friend in various compromising positions, but it didn't mean I wanted to see it again. "I'll get it."
I moved my hand behind my back and pressed my free hand to my face as I held the door open with my body. She dropped it into my hand and popped my rear.
"Have fun tonight. The room should be free again in an hour or so."
Nodding, I moved out in to the hall and tried to release the extreme embarrassment that rolled through me. Casey was obviously feeling better.
I knocked at the penthouse door after riding the elevator up with a large crowd of rowdy partygoers. They each took a turn inviting me to join the fun, but I simply denied them politely until I was the only one left on the elevator.
Easton opened the door after my first knock and smiled at me. "Casey okay?"
"Yeah, you could say that." I ducked under his arm and moved into the room. "I walked in on her and Paul having sex. Lovely sight for a porno maybe, but not something I enjoyed."
He chuckled as I shuddered. "Well, let the image go. No need to have you all hot and bothered when we're just going to relax in the hot tub."
I gave him a cheeky grin and rolled my eyes. "You're just baiting me, but I'm not falling for it. One night was too much to forget with you. Two would kill me."
"Why do you have to forget anything?" He moved toward me and reached out, brushing his fingers down my arm as his eyes moved across my face.
"Hot tub. Twenty questions, and my room is free in an hour. Nothing more. Promise me." I pressed my hand to his chest. He was pushing forward with his desire to make more out of us than we could be. I wanted to join in, but I wasn't playing the fool again—not ever.
"Alright. Whatever the lady wants.”
"That's not entirely true." I shrugged, removed my hand from his thick chest, and turned to walk toward the bathroom. "Let me change real quick."
"I'd rather you left the bathing suit on the bathroom floor, but if you want to wear it..." He let out a long, playful sigh that caused me to chuckle.
"And here I thought you were a good man. Corruption has taken a hold of you." I stopped by the bathroom door and glanced back to catch him watching me with hunger in his gaze.
"I was that man until a goddess made love to me last night. Now, I can't seem to pull myself out of the muck." He put his hands on his hips and shrugged. "I blame you entirely."
I snorted. "Of course you do. Typical male ego."
Disappearing into the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and changed into my black bikini. After checking my appearance three times in the mirror, I finally resigned myself to going back out to finish our evening together. There was nothing I wanted more than to make love to him all night, but it was foolish to think that I could walk away unscathed from our short love affair. I had no hope in a future together, and that he did hurt me even more.
Was I giving up the chance to try again?
He said himself that he couldn't keep a relationship alive to save his life due to his incessant travel. And what if he met someone on one of his trips? What if I wasn't enough?
"You haven't been up to this point. Why would this be any different?" I leaned toward the mirror, only to jump and yelp as his voice came through the door.
"Are you talking to yourself in there? Get out here. The water's perfect."
I smiled and pulled a towel from the rack behind me, grabbing him one too and walking out to enjoy the view. His black swim trunks only seemed to accentuate just how big of a package he was sporting. The memory of seeing him naked and bare before me the night before caused a shiver to run through me.
"Cold?" He asked with a cocky grin on his face.
"Nope. Just thinking about how good you look naked. I'm lamenting a little over the fact that you didn't let me taste you." I shrugged and walked past him, trying hard to keep my tone very matter-of-fact.
"Tease." He slid his fingers over my lower back as he passed me. "That bathing suit makes you look good enough to eat, by the way."
"Thanks. I love this one." I followed him down the hall and out onto a small, private balcony where the hot tub bubbled. Steam rose up from the turbulent water, and the smell of salt wrapped around me. "This is going to be great."
"It's really relaxing. The resort is honestly one of the best in the country. I search each visit for something to offer as an improvement to them, and honestly it gets harder and harder to find when I come here." He got into the water and offered me his hand. "Have you enjoyed your room and the food?"
"Absolutely. The food is exquisite. I'm going to write up a few pieces when I get home on it. Do you think I should submit them to the paper in Miami as well as New York? I just realized that I might have an easier time getting featured here where the restaurants are." I walked into the hot water and sunk down next to him, letting out a groan as my muscles responded to the strong jets spraying against them.
"Both. Always put your eggs in a handful of baskets until you find your sweet spot." He settled across the hot tub from me. "Kevin is our lead food critic, but the guy honestly doesn't have his thumb on the pulse of what people like or want. He's a total dick."
"Get me his job." I smiled and lifted my arms, running my fingers through the bubbles.
"Would you be interested if I could?" He lifted his eyebrow, the playfulness gone for the moment.
"I think so, yes. But I was just teasing. I can find a job on my own. I have Casey working with me when we get back to figure out the best place for me to start." I shrugged, not too terribly concerned about it.
"Are you going to stay in New York or are you open to going other places?" His foot brushed by mine, and at first I figured it an accident, until he did it again, a soft petting sort of touch.
"I love New York, so I'll probably stay there, but I'd love to travel like you do. I'm close to my family, but not so close that seeing them on occasion wouldn't be okay." I leaned back and closed my eyes. "Are you going to have to travel like you are now for the entirety of your career?"
"Yeah, most likely." The water moved, and I opened my eyes to see him shifting toward me. He settled in beside me and pressed his shoulder to mine.
"Do you want to get married?" He glanced over at me.
"To you?" I sat up, a little shocked by the question.
The beautiful smile that slid across his face caused my tummy to tighten in anticipation of hope sprouting inside of me again.
"No, silly girl. Though I could see that happening, but I'm a dreamer of sorts." He slid his hand over mine below the surface of the water and played with my fingers. "In general. Do you want to get married to someone? Is it something you think about?"
"Yes. I want to share life with someone. Almost desperately at times." I licked at my lips and shifted my gaze to his mouth. "Do you?"
"All the time. My mother won't give me a moment’s rest on it."
I laughed as I came back to my senses. "And kids?"
"She's nuts about wanting kids. I think I mentioned that." He chuckled. "I want kids. I just don't think my job would allow for all of that just yet."
"Maybe not now, but in the future if you find someone that wanted to travel with you, you could just take the baby with you, right?" I shifted closer to him, pulling his arm around my back as I pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.
"I think with the right woman, anything would be possible." He turned and brushed his lips by mine. "Are you more interested in your career or a relationship with the right guy?"
"My career." I answered a bit too fast. "I mean, I'd love to be in a solid relationship, but I'm graduating in two months and need to shift my focus onto my future. I give all of myself over in a relationship. I probably need to learn boundaries, but it's just the way I've always been."
His brow furrowed as he tensed. "I hate the fact that Jackson is all you know. Ten years is a really long time, and no breaks in between?"
"Not for me, no." I moved back a little and stood up as my body started to overheat. "It's hot as hell in here."
"It's lust. We can pretend like we're not both thinking about how good it would be to give ourselves over to each other for the night, but we are." He stood up and moved toward me. "I want you to stay with me. Don't go because of some sense of protection that you think you have to have around me. We don't have to move fast, Viv, but don't move away. I want to try this thing out between us. I've had more fun in the last four days than I have in the last two years."
His words shot an arrow of fear into the center of my chest. I couldn't agree more with his confession, but it wasn't that simple. He would keep on with his life, and I would keep up, or he would grow weary of me. He wasn't risking much at all, but asking me to risk everything.
"I want to, Easton, but I can't. Not right now. Maybe when things are settled in the future." I reached for him, pulling him into a long hug and kissing his shoulder before pulling back. "I should go. Call me sometime when you're in New York, and we'll hang out. Promise?"
His smile faded as he nodded. "Yeah. Of course."
I turned and got out of the hot tub as tears burned my gaze. I needed to go then, or I wasn't going to go. It wasn't nearly as simple as he wanted to make it out to be. At least I couldn't figure out a scenario where I won for the long term.
After gathering my stuff, I checked the living room for him but didn't see him. I walked towards the balcony and found him bent over, looking out across the city as rivets of water dripped down his back and legs. I turned and walked out of the penthouse, not caring how intensely everything inside of me screamed that I was making a huge mistake.
My heart had to come first. For the first time ever.
I didn't sleep at all that night and looked like hell the next morning, no doubt. Casey was sure to remind me ten times that I should at least call him and say goodbye as we packed up.
"I don't want to say goodbye. Lay the fuck off of me." I turned and gave her an aggressive stare.
She lifted her hands. "Okay. Shit. Sorry. I just know you, and you're going to regret this. It's like letting fucking Jackson win."
"He's winning nothing, Case. I'm asking you nicely to let it go. I'm hurting. Don't throw salt in my wounds. Okay?" I turned back to my suitcase and swallowed the ache that continued to rise up my chest and find residence in my throat. I was making a mistake, but I didn't care. Hurting today to heal tomorrow sounded far more mature than instant gratification today and being destroyed again in the near future.
"I'm sorry. I love you. You know that." She stopped beside me and tugged at my arm until I turned and let her pull me into a hug.
"I don't want to do all of this again. I just want peace for a little while. I want to heal." I pressed my cheek to her shoulder. "And I don't want to cry anymore."
"Agreed. I'll go check us out, and we'll get the fuck out of here. That sound good?" She pulled back, but kept a tight grasp on my shoulders.
"I'll check us out. The room is in my name. Finish checking to make sure we didn't leave anything." I moved to the door and grabbed my purse before walking out. I didn't want Casey spending any of her dwindling funds on anything related to the vacation, but she wouldn't have any of it if they charged us for something.
I made it down to the lobby and turned as the one person I didn't want to see walked toward me. Jackson.
"Hey. I was hoping I would see you again here." He reached for me, but I backed up.
"How did you know I was staying here?" I lifted my eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest. I ignored the familiarity that sat between us, the offer of him hugging me ushered in the remembrance of a comfort I didn't think I could live without.
"I talked to your dad last night for a long time. I'm sorry about your folks." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Vivian, I'm sorry, baby. Please give me a chance to make everything up to you. Please."
"Fuck off." I turned on my heel and walked toward the long line at the checkout counter.
"Viv. Just tell me what I need to do to start working toward us getting back together. I know you miss me. I feel like I can't breathe without you." He brushed his hand along my upper back, and I stiffened.
"You don't know anything. Get your hands off of me. Seriously." I moved up in line and tried to ignore the burn of tears that welled up in my eyes again.
"I know you inside and out. I was with you through every major part of your life and mine. Don't do this. I'm ready to grovel or beg or anything." He moved in front of me and put his hands on his hips, glaring down as if it were time for me to stop playing around and be real.
"Where's the pretty blonde you brought with you? The one with her titties hanging out the top of her dress everywhere she goes?"
An elderly couple in front of us looked back with shocked expressions.
"I'm sorry." I gave them an apologetic look and turned back to Jackson. "Go away. I'm done with you."
"Is it because of that big bastard you were with back at the club? He's not your type, Viv. He's not a small town guy like me. He's going to use you and then find another woman to use."
I tried to stop myself from overreacting, but it was too late. Something deep inside of me snapped, and I turned, slapping Jackson hard in the face and yelling, "Leave me alone. Just because I wasn't good enough for you doesn't mean someone else won't love me. I'm lovable goddammit. I'm worthy of a good man."
He jerked back as his cheek turned red. "I'll call you next week. Have a safe flight."
I pressed my hands to my face and let out a soft sob as my tears turned into a full-on crying session in the middle of the lobby. Why did this shit keep happening to me? Was there no rest for the weary?
The worst part was that my tears weren't over Jackson or my ineffectiveness to keep a man beside me, but over the one I was giving up due to my insecurities.
I wanted to run upstairs and promise Easton the world if he would just love me.
The scary thing was that some part of me knew that he already did.