Chapter Twenty-two
God, Taylor had needed a day like today.
After weeks locked away from the world in her bedroom, eating Twizzlers with the drapes closed and trying to figure out how to feel like a person again, she’d come up empty. Nothing had worked. The television reminded her of the job she missed, and everything else reminded her in some way of Isabel, right down to the T-shirt of Taylor’s she’d slept in the last night she’d stayed over. It still smelled like her. She couldn’t even bring herself to make pancakes anymore without her mind taking her to happier times…the two of them laughing in the kitchen, kissing in the kitchen, or just existing quietly.
As a last resort, with tears streaming down her face, she’d sat in front of her laptop. For several hours, she’d stared at the blinking cursor. Finally, something eased into place and she’d started to type, using those potent emotions to force words on the page, much the way she had in high school, an escape from the details of her reality. She’d emerged a few days ago with an actual script in her hand. While still very much in draft form, the pilot glimmered with potential.
Her meeting with WCN that afternoon had gone better than she’d thought possible, and she’d been informed that Aspen had dropped the lawsuit after a closed-door meeting with the network. While she’d ridden that high for a short while, it had already started to drift away, leaving her once again feeling empty and alone. So, she would curl up with Raisin and a good book and hunker down from the cold temperatures that had crept in from the north. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to put up a Christmas tree. Maybe she’d gather the motivation later.
Only Raisin hadn’t come running as he always did when she arrived home and, upon further investigation, wasn’t in any of his usual spots.
“Raisin! You sleeping?”
She checked the laundry room, her bedroom, even under the couch.
She cupped her hands to her face. “Raiiiiisin!” she called in a loud and singsongy voice. That one got him every time. Only it didn’t.
Fear crept up her spine as she checked the backyard, and quadrupled when she found the gate unlatched.
“No, no, no,” she murmured, cursing the lawn guy who had been scheduled to remove dead foliage. She didn’t have time to dwell, however, and hopped in her car, hoping against hope the little adventurer hadn’t had time to go too far. She drove the neighborhood, peering at the space between houses for any tiny sign of him. Nothing. She pulled over and asked anyone she passed if they’d seen him. They hadn’t. Another lap through the neighborhood, then another. Night was falling. A group of Christmas carolers thought they’d seen him two streets over but then decided that the dog they saw had been too big. Taylor thanked them and checked anyway. No Raisin. She was beginning to panic.
She headed home just in case he’d returned, though she wasn’t sure if he knew the way. She was crying now and feeling desperate. Where could he be? She pulled into her driveway, caught off guard by the Honda Civic. She exited her car to see Isabel walk back down the driveway toward her. When their eyes collided, Isabel paused abruptly and then moved to her.
“What’s wrong? Taylor, are you okay?”
“What are you doing here?” Taylor asked, walking past Isabel and brushing the tears from her cheeks. She hated that the sight of Isabel was as comforting as it was. What she wouldn’t give to fall into Isabel’s arms until it all went away.
“I came to talk.”
“Can’t right now. Raisin is missing.”
Isabel followed her up the walk to the house. “What? Oh, no. Well, let’s look for him. I’ll help.”
“I’ve combed the neighborhood. He’s nowhere. I thought maybe he came home.” She ran a desperate hand through her hair.
“You check the backyard. I’ll start calling shelters.”
This time, Taylor didn’t argue. She needed help, and Isabel was there. It was almost dark, and the weather was changing rapidly. There were storms forecast for tonight, and she couldn’t bear the thought of him out in the elements, huddled under a tree somewhere. He was an indoor dog for the most part and wasn’t equipped.
“Iz, it’s going to be cold tonight,” she said, as fear whipped through her.
Isabel squeezed her hand. “Doesn’t matter. We’re going to find him.”
Only, two hours later, there was still no indication, no clue to where he might have gone. Isabel had called all the shelters. They hadn’t had any dachshunds brought in. They’d circled the surrounding neighborhoods and came up empty-handed.
So they moved into a rotation. Drive around, check back at home. Drive around, check back again. Taylor closed her eyes against the beep, beep, beep of the weather report that crawled across her screen as she stood in her living room, a short break from the cold. This wasn’t happening. Not only were the temperatures dropping rapidly, but the newscaster was now predicting freezing rain.
“This is a nightmare,” Taylor said. She eased herself onto the couch like a crumpled little doll as the wind whistled loudly against the window. Isabel took a seat next to her.
“He’s not outside. Trust me. He’s the smartest dog I know. He’s curled up in someone’s house with them, waiting it out, probably in front of a fire.”
“Thank you for helping me,” Taylor managed to whisper. She didn’t look at Isabel. She couldn’t, but she didn’t pull away when Isabel took her hand. The warm strength of it brought comfort.
“You were there for me once in a very dark moment,” Isabel said. “I can do the same for you.”
Taylor nodded. “I’m not sure I can just sit here anymore. It’s after midnight. I need to do something. I need to be proactive.” She was up and moving.
“It’s too dark to see much out there,” Isabel said. “I think we need to be here in case he finds his way home.”
“One more drive,” Taylor said, taking charge. “One more.” But they still didn’t find him, and hope was beginning to seem out of reach. She should call Todd and let him know in the morning. There was nothing he could do from Denver.
When they got back to Taylor’s house, Isabel made them some cocoa. For the rest of the night, they sat together, watching the dog door, listening for any sound. They must have fallen asleep somewhere after three a.m., slumped side by side. When the rain pelted the windows, Isabel put her arm around Taylor and held her close, which really did make her think that maybe, just maybe, it would be all right.
Isabel was here. She wasn’t alone. They were going to find him.
*****
In the morning, the sunlight cut through Taylor’s living room crisp and bright. Small icicles hung from the eaves outside. Isabel had only slept for an hour or two tops, and her body felt heavy and tired. Taylor stirred in her arms then, her face pressed into Isabel’s neck. She took a deep inhale of the familiar shampoo and shook off the startling nostalgia, reminding herself of the circumstances.
“He didn’t come home,” Taylor said flatly, pushing herself up into a seated position. She rubbed her red eyes and glanced at the back door, which just about broke Isabel’s heart.
Isabel shook her head. “Not yet.”
“I’m going to make some coffee and get online. See if anyone in the neighborhood posted anything.”
“That’s a great idea.”
Taylor headed to her laptop. “You were more than gracious to stay with me last night, but I can take it from here. You need to get to work. You’re in charge now.” She glanced away as she said it, the reality still apparently hard to swallow. Isabel decided that this wasn’t the time to tell Taylor that she’d stepped down, even if that had been her whole point in coming over. Taylor needed to focus on Raisin and bringing him home. Today should not be about her.
“Right. Work. I’ll get going. I’ll check in on you later.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Taylor said, finally meeting Isabel’s eyes. “You’ve gone out of your way already.”
A long silence hit. “And I will again. Every time, for you.”
Taylor didn’t say anything as Isabel picked up her bag, nodded to her, and left.
But she didn’t head home.
Instead, she hit every animal shelter within twenty miles. While each attendant showed her what dachshunds they had, they also pointed out that none had been brought in in the past twenty-four hours. She thanked the attendant at the final shelter and walked the aisles of the dog wing, wincing against the overwhelming volume of their barks while she planned her next move. Flyers would be a good way to start. She could certainly pitch in her skills on—
Two paws flew to the gate in front of her and between them a brown wiggly nose. She knew that nose! And that crazy dappled black, white, and brown fur. “Raisin!” she practically shouted, sinking to her knees as relief flooded her senses. “What in the world are you doing here, Hotdog?” Happy tears sprang into her eyes. He wiggled his rear and leapt up and down as if to celebrate someone finding him at long last. She plopped down in front of the wire mesh, allowing him to lick her hand through its squares. She seized the paperwork from where it hung on his gate and saw the problem. “You’re not a toy fox terrier,” she said. “You’re not even close, other than a little black and white.” He whined softly, clearly ready to bust out of that place. There was a scratch under his eye and he seemed to be holding up his front left leg when on all fours.
“You’ve had a scary adventure, haven’t you? Let me go talk to them so we can get you the hell out of here.”
“You’re the owner?” the female attendant asked skeptically. “Of this dog?” She turned the paperwork around to face Isabel, Raisin’s mug shot visible.
“Yes. I’m the owner of this non–fox terrier,” she lied. “This dachshund is mine, and I’d like to take him home with me now.”
“Must have been a clerical error.” She shrugged. “Happens. Well, we’re happy to have reunited the two of you. He was running around loose, so you’ll want to keep a closer eye on him in the future. And there’s a fee, you know.”
“Of course there is.” Isabel took out her wallet, happy to pay whatever fee necessary to spring Raisin from the big house and get him back where he belonged.
When she pulled up the long drive to Taylor’s house in the hills, Raisin seemed to start vibrating right there in his seat next to her. He knew he was home, and when she put the car in park, he leapt into her lap, waiting in anticipation for her to open the door. “You want to see your mommy, don’t you? You miss her. Just one more minute.”
She typed a quick text to Taylor. Stopping by. Can you meet me outside? Important.
They only had to wait a moment or two until Taylor exited the house, still wearing yesterday’s clothes and with a haggard look on her face. But her hands flew to cover her mouth when she saw Isabel standing there with Raisin. Isabel walked him up the sidewalk before finally dropping the leash and letting him run the rest of the way. She watched as Raisin raced to Taylor, who snatched him into her arms. “Where were you?” she asked him before peppering his face with a million kisses as he whined loudly in celebration. “I was so worried. You can’t ever leave again, okay?” Now it was Raisin’s turn to lick Taylor’s face in a never-ending stream while Taylor cried happy tears. Finally, she stood with Raisin in her arms and walked to Isabel. “How did you do this?”
“He was mislabeled at one of the shelters.”
“You kept looking, even after you left?”
Isabel nodded. “I knew he was out there. I had to try. And now things are back as they should be. Well, almost.”
Taylor met her gaze and held it for moment. “Thank you.” She gave Isabel’s hand a squeeze. “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost him.”
“Now you don’t have to think about it.” She ruffled the fur on top of Raisin’s head. “I’ll get out of here. Let you two spend some time together, have some beers as he recounts his adventures.” She walked to her car, hands in the pocket of her jacket. She could see her breath and realized the temperatures were continuing to drop.
“Iz?”
She glanced back over her shoulder. “Yeah?”
“You saved the day.” Taylor shook her head. “Regardless of us, everything that’s happened, you saved me. I want you to know that.”
Isabel nodded. “I’m glad. Maybe we can sit down at some point soon. Have…I don’t know…a conversation. An important one.”
She saw the hesitation in Taylor’s eyes. “Maybe.”
It was all she could ask for. She would keep a tight hold of that maybe, and wouldn’t let it go, her last little shred of hope.
Because just maybe…
*****
Scarlett studied Taylor as if working through a difficult math problem, all the while slowly stirring her Old Fashioned from across the table. “Let me see if I have all this straight.”
Taylor nodded. “Go for it.” Scarlett had insisted Taylor come out with her that night, citing the fact that she’d barely left the house in weeks, and only then out of necessity. Once they’d arrived at the quiet little night spot, Taylor had proceeded to pour her heart out to her friend, much to her own shock. But there it all was, thrown at Scarlett in one giant run-on sentence, an emotional all-you-can-eat buffet.
“Let me see if I have it all.” Scarlett held out her hand and began to list things on her fingers. “You think about her constantly. It was the most rewarding romantic relationship of your life. She’s smart and sarcastic and awesome. You’re over-the-top attracted to her. In spite of your fallout, she stayed by your side all night when you were in crisis and eventually found your dog for you, but you still can’t get past the fact that she stole your job.” Scarlett sat back and resumed the slow stirring of her cocktail, regarding Taylor with skepticism.
Taylor moved her head from side to side. “Technically, she didn’t steal my job.”
“Exactly,” Scarlett said, palm out. “She merely accepted what was offered to her.”
Taylor sat back in defeat. “And in the process, made the decision to throw me over if need be. I don’t know if that’s something I can just get over. She broke my heart, ya know? And it’s not even close to healing.”
Scarlett covered Taylor’s hand. “I’m sorry, Taylor. I wish you’d have called me. Do you think she regrets it? She might.”
She sighed. “She wants to talk, so maybe. I’m not sure I’m up for it.”
“Well, she did quit the job. Gave her notice and walked. So give her some credit.”
The sentence didn’t make sense. “She didn’t.”
“She did. From what I hear, they’re forcing Kathleen into that spot, but we all know she’s not comfortable there. I bet she walks, too. And have you seen Variety?”
Taylor was still struggling to keep up, everything a foggy haze. “Isabel quit? What’s in Variety?”
Scarlett slid her phone across the table, and Taylor read the headline on the screen. “A Second Showrunner Out at ‘Thicker Than Water.’ Insider Says Aspen Wakefield Hard to Work With.”
“Whoa,” Taylor said, mystified.
“I have a hunch who the insider is,” Scarlett said, taking the phone back. “And that’s one hell of a parting shot, wouldn’t you say?”
Taylor stared at the table, imagining Isabel placing that call. A small smile crept onto her face. “Isabel pushes back when someone behaves badly. It definitely could have been her.”
“Trust me, it was. Aspen’s probably having a conniption. She hates bad press.”
“She does.”
“Though I’m sure her new girlfriend will help her through.”
“Aspen has a girlfriend?” How had so much happened?
Scarlett grinned. “I saw her making out with Lyric Larkin at the Viper Room two nights ago.”
Taylor’s head almost exploded. “I can’t think of anything more perfect.”
“Except maybe you and Isabel.” Scarlett pushed her glasses up on her nose. She wasn’t going to let this drop. “She deserves a second chance. It’s only fair.”
“Is it?”
“My God, Taylor, do you hear yourself right now?” Realizing that she was loud and worked up, Scarlett reined it in, tossing an apologetic glance at the table next to theirs. She dropped her tone. “Sorry for that, but I watched for months in horror as you gave Aspen fucking Wakefield chance after shocking chance. And she behaved really badly, Taylor. Isabel, conversely, made one wrong move.” She held up her hands. “Okay, I can admit it was a pretty big one, but it sounds like it stemmed from issues of self-worth. So come on!” She winced and turned to the other table. “Sorry, again.”
“So, what you’re saying is—”
“Doesn’t Isabel deserve that same clean slate? Why doesn’t Isabel get a second chance?”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“Why isn’t it?” Scarlett asked, confused.
If Taylor could see past the glaring pain she still carried, Scarlett had a valid point. But at the core, she knew exactly why she hadn’t afforded Isabel the same forgiveness, and it was because she was in love with her. She met Scarlett’s eyes. “Because the ones you love always have the power to hurt you more.”
Scarlett’s eyes instantly softened and she took Taylor’s hands in hers. “All the more reason to hold on to this one,” she said softly. Scarlett sat back and took a sip of her drink as Taylor looked on, struck.
“I thought I was supposed to be the wise one in this duo.”
“How about we rotate?”
Taylor laughed. “Deal.” A pause. “Hey, Scarlett. You want a job?”
Scarlett eyed her, and it looked like she was trying to tamp down a burst of excitement, her eyes wide and her mouth open. “What are you trying to say?”
“WCN greenlit my pilot. We’re a go for spring, and we need to get to work ASAP.” She lifted her drink, and an elated Scarlett mimicked her. “To the next chapter.” They touched glasses, and Scarlett couldn’t stop smiling.
“This is amazing. Do you understand how amazing? I need to call my grandmother. She’s going to freak.” And then an idea seemed to percolate. “Hey, know anyone else we could add to the team? Someone who might be newly on the job market?”
Taylor sighed. “I’m thinking over my options.”
*****
As she lay in bed that night listening to Raisin’s soft breaths from his bed on the floor, Taylor stared up at the winter night’s stars while “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” played quietly on her radio. Sleep wouldn’t come easily. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she stood at a very important crossroads. She could take a dangerous leap that would forever affect her life for the good or awful, or play it safe and be content with who she was and where she was headed. There was something to be said for an uncomplicated life in which she relished the little joys that came her way and avoided the messy interactions that came with matters of the heart. Matters of love. She had a new creative project to lose herself in, a fresh start. Why open herself up to the potential for more devastation when she was just beginning to rebuild her life?
It seemed so easy when she thought about it that way, so staggeringly clear.
But when she woke the next morning alone, her first thoughts were, as always, of Isabel. She ran her hand across the pillow next to hers and acknowledged the way her heavy wistful heart clenched uncomfortably. She sat up and ran a hand through her tousled hair. If she could manage to make it a few more weeks, surely all of this would get easier. Wasn’t that what they said? Time heals all wounds?
That’s all she needed. More time.
Dressed and ready for her work session with Scarlett, Taylor leashed up Raisin and headed to her car. She stopped short, however, when sitting on her front step was a hot cup of coffee from none other than the Cat’s Pajamas. She glanced up and down her street but saw no sign of anyone. Didn’t matter. She knew exactly who had left it there. She knelt with the beginnings of a smile on her face to see I’m sorry scrawled in black marker across the side of the cardboard cup. The words slammed her in the throat as she imagined Isabel’s earnest eyes looking back at her.
She looked down at Raisin and sighed. “C’mon, buddy. We can’t get distracted right now. We have work to do.”