CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
DAMON
When I get an urgent message from Maddox telling me I’m needed at home ASAP, I hope it’s a sex emergency, but knowing Maddox, he would’ve at least added an eggplant emoji if that were the case. Which makes me wonder what have I done wrong and what am I walking into when I get home?
Please let Stacy be pulling one of her over-the-top pranks.
Only, when I walk through the door, I know this is not a prank. Maddox is pissed as hell, pacing my apartment.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
“Umm, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“We’re not moving in together. It’s too soon.”
My forehead scrunches in confusion. “I know.”
“Don’t make plans for me without talking to me first. Chastity used to do that, and it fucking pissed me off.”
“I wasn’t making plans,” I say.
“Seems that way to me.”
“You know I’ve thought about us living together—I’ve spoken to you about it—but you said you weren’t ready. I backed off.”
“Then why is Stacy giving me apartment listings?”
“I don’t know why she’s giving you listings.” I asked her to check out a few apartments for me, but I didn’t mention anything about Maddox joining me.
“Now you’re lying?”
“Back it up here a sec. Stacy gave you listings and said?”
“Give these to Damon.”
“And that means I’m making plans for us how?”
“I can’t … I can’t be here. I have to go.”
“Don’t leave. If you’d let me explain—” If I even knew what was going on.
“I don’t think … I’m not cut out for this like I originally thought,” he says. “I’m not good at relationships and people making plans for me that I don’t want—”
“That’s not what’s happening. Maddy. Seriously stop for a second.”
He doesn’t listen. He’s too riled up. “I let Chastity do it for way too long. You’re the one who told me I need to stand up for myself, so this is me doing it. I won’t let anyone interfere with my life again.”
Okay, now that pisses me off. “I call bullshit. You let everyone but me interfere. You went to a wedding and pretended to be gay for your ex. You ran home to PA when your mom demanded, and you gave up your apartment to your aunt when she asked for it. And Stacy … she’s the worst of all of them. She interferes all the time.”
“Yeah, but I love her.”
Ouch.
His words feel like ice in the pit of my gut.
Yeah, we haven’t said the L word yet. Yeah, I’ve known I loved him for weeks now. At least I had the smarts not to say it, because clearly, we’re not heading in the same direction as each other. Fuck, I don’t even think we’re in the same zip code.
“Good to know,” I mumble.
His eyes widen when he realizes what he said. “Damon, I didn’t mean—”
“Maybe you should go,” I say. “Clearly, you’re not ready for whatever conclusion you’ve jumped to, and I don’t want you to say something you’ll regret and I don’t want to hear. I’d rather talk to you when you’re not losing your shit.”
“I think I have a right to lose my shit over this.”
“Over what? I haven’t done anything.”
Maddox scoffs. “Yeah, okay, keep telling yourself that.” He reaches into his back pocket and throws folded papers down on the coffee table. With a shake of his head, he leaves, and I get the feeling I’ve fucked up somehow. I’m just not sure how.
I flop down on my couch and pull out my phone. Stacy doesn’t answer when I dial her, so I leave an angry message for her to call me back.
Then I reach for the papers Maddox threw down and unfold them. The listings are all wrong.
“What the fuck?” I say to no one.
Grabbing my phone again, I pull up my email and look at the link I sent Stacy. Shit! I sent her the list I was looking at before Maddox told me he didn’t want to live with me yet. When he said he wasn’t ready, I searched for more affordable places within my budget. I sent her the wrong saved list.
Shit, shit, shit.
I hit dial on Maddox’s number this time, and it goes straight to voicemail. “Doesn’t anyone answer their fucking phones anymore? Maddy, call me back. I understand why you’re freaked out, but it’s a misunderstanding. I swear. Stacy had the wrong listings. Babe, please call me back.”
When I hit end, my knee bounces. I try Stacy again.
“Two phone calls in ten minutes? Someone better be dead. I’m dealing with a crisis of my own here.”
“Has Maddox called you?”
“Nope. Haven’t seen him since work.”
I explain to her what I did and how Maddox jumped to conclusions.
She whistles. “I thought they were out of your price range, but I thought you must’ve been getting a super raise when you graduate. Living with Maddox never crossed my mind. You asked him to move in with you already? I’m surprised he didn’t run immediately.”
“Not helping, Stace. Tell me how to fix this.”
“Let him cool off.”
“How much have I fucked up here?”
“It was an honest mistake, but getting through to Maddox when he’s in avoidance mode is difficult. Trust me.”
“Thanks,” I mumble and disconnect.
Even though she told me to leave him alone, I don’t want to. I stand and get ready to run after him—turn up to his apartment and make him listen. It’s literally a misunderstanding. Had I actually done what Maddox thought, I’d understand why he was mad, but I didn’t.
My feet pause halfway to the door. What if he doesn’t believe me?
Fuck it, it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not going to sit back like I did with Eric and wonder what I did wrong, how I could’ve fixed it, or if everything was my fault. Not when it was a mistake.
The need to salvage what Maddox and I have fuels me forward, but by the time I get to Maddox’s apartment, my confidence has dwindled. The knock echoes in the small hallway, and I’m tempted to run away. That wouldn’t be creepy at all when Maddox opens the door to no one.
Only, after three minutes of knocking, it’s clear he’s going to ignore me or he’s not home.
Hoping it’s the former, I sink to my ass and put my back against his door.
“I don’t know if you can hear me,” I say, “or if you’re even home. But I want you to know I’m not going to let you run away from this. From us. It was a misunderstanding.” I sigh. “I may not be able to play ball anymore, but for the first time since my injury, I look forward to the future. After I graduate, I’ll be making other sports hopefuls follow their dream, and I’ll get to live vicariously through them. If it weren’t for you, I never would’ve seen it that way. I would’ve kept looking at my future as punishment for not listening to my body and for being weak and not good enough. You gave me my happiness back and made me realize that just because baseball is over for me, doesn’t mean my life is. You gave me that, Maddy. And I love you for it. I’ve probably just scared you off even more by using the L word, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I’m in love with you, and that means I’ll be willing to wait forever for you to catch up to me. We’ll do everything at your pace. I just want to be with you.”
My head bangs on the door repeatedly as I close my eyes. He’s not going to open the door.
“He’s not home,” an elderly voice says.
My eyes fly open and meet the neighbor Maddox talks about. She stands in the doorway of her own apartment.
“He’s not?” I’ve been talking to a door? Great. Just great. “Do you know where he is?”
“No. There was a lot of slammin’ doors and grumblin’, and I came out to see what was going on. He muttered an apology and ran outta here.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Jacobs.”
“He’ll forgive you, honey. Fights happen to the best of couples. I fought with my husband up until the day he died.”
“Umm … okay.”
“Let him come to you.”
With a nod, I get to my feet. Back out on the street, with no idea where to go, I head home and do the only thing I can do.
Hope.