Chapter 5

The plane took off from Kennedy Airport for Beijing, and Ed and Sydney were in business class together. Paul provided business class to his top executives for long trips, and Ed always upgraded his ticket to first class at his own expense on the New York to Hong Kong leg of the trip. But he had graciously decided to fly business with Sydney, and they chatted for a while as they ate a meal, and then Ed watched a movie and Sydney fell asleep. She woke up after several hours and Ed was working on his computer, getting ready for their meetings. He briefed her on some of the people they would meet. Ed thought about work all the time, and liked to be prepared for every possibility, which was why he was so good at what he did and why Paul trusted him so much.

“Did you tell your daughters about the trip?” he asked her when they were finished, and she nodded. “How did that go?” He knew she had been worried about telling them about her job.

“Not so well,” she sighed. Sophie had sent her an email the day after Sabrina’s. It was more gently said, but the underlying message was just as harsh. Their conclusion was that by working for Lady Louise, she was an embarrassment to them both. But they weren’t paying her bills, and there had been no other options for a job. “They’re fashion snobs. They don’t approve of what we do.” Sydney had had no part in the knockoffs so far, but it was what the house was famous for, and she didn’t try to deny it. But she still insisted that there was a valid market for what they did, and women with small budgets had a right to good fashion too.

“Maybe they’ll come around,” he said kindly. He liked her. She was smart, sensible, easy to work with, and a good designer. And even though she hadn’t worked in a long time, she was talented and professional to the core. He could also sense that she was an honorable woman and loved her daughters, and their disapproval was painful for her. She worked hard, she had turned out to be even more dedicated than he originally thought she’d be. She was willing to put in endless hours, just as he did, and wanted to learn as much as she could about the business.

“I doubt it,” Sydney said, looking sad about her daughters. “They can be very stubborn, and they’re backing each other up on this. My older daughter says it could even impact her job if someone finds out I work for Lady Louise. I would hate for that to happen. But I don’t want to give up this job just to please them.” And she couldn’t afford to. The money in her checking account had almost run out. She needed the job desperately.

“I hope you don’t quit,” he said fervently and meant it. “They’ll calm down. Some people are such purists and elitists about fashion, especially at the high end of the industry. It’s ridiculous sometimes. I saw it at the other houses I worked for. And everyone told me I was crazy when I took this job. I was afraid they might be right, but I love it, and it’s been a great experience. I learned a lot I wouldn’t have otherwise. Paul and I don’t always see eye to eye, but he’s a good person to work for, as long as you set clear boundaries about what you will and won’t do. He respects that. He’s a very fair boss. And he listens when I tell him I think we’ve gone too far copying someone’s designs. He always pulls back.”

Sydney was relieved to hear it and that Ed thought her daughters were wrong. She had come to respect him in the short time she’d worked for him, and she was convinced her daughters would like him too, if they ever met, which seemed doubtful now. They wanted no part of her job or her new life, or the people in it.

They’d been booked on a flight to Beijing with a three-hour layover in Hong Kong. Sydney was tired after the sixteen-hour flight but had slept for half of it, and did some shopping in the airport before they took off again. They were booked into the Fairmont Hotel in Beijing, where Ed usually stayed, in the Chaoyang District. They spent a night there to recover from the trip, and then flew a half hour to Shijiazhuang the next day, where Lady Louise’s factories were. The hotel there was a lot less pleasant and less comfortable, and not a single person spoke English. Sydney was completely dependent on Ed, who spoke fluent Mandarin. But at the factories, which were impeccably run, there were a few people she was able to speak to, and she asked many questions to better understand the volume they dealt with, the problems they faced, and what they needed from the designers. She wanted to learn the business from the ground up, and Ed was impressed. They spent two weeks in Shijiazhuang, going to the factory every day, and then traveled to a different city to look at another factory Paul wanted to buy. Ed wasn’t enthusiastic about it, and said it would cost them a fortune to bring it up to their standards. After two and a half weeks in mainland China, they headed for Hong Kong, which was a whole different world.

The moment they stepped off the plane and walked through the airport, Sydney knew she was in a fascinating place that was an intoxicating mix of cultures: British, European, and Chinese, with a million subtle variations. The people were sophisticated, the stores fabulous, it was easy to communicate, and Ed’s family had sent their Bentley and driver to pick them up. He had invited her to stay at his parents’ house with him, and insisted it would be no trouble and that they were anxious to meet her. Their home was enormous and in the Victoria Peak area of town, with beautiful views of the harbor and the city. There was an army of servants to tend to them, the house was magnificently decorated in a combination of English, French, and Chinese antiques, and the guest suite they put her in had a spectacular view and was the most elegant, comfortable room she’d ever stayed in. Seeing it all, she couldn’t understand why Ed wanted to live and work in the States, and she said as much to him. He smiled at her when he answered.

“It’s easy to get spoiled here, and my parents still treat me like I’m twelve.” He was an only child, and his father and two uncles ran the family empire. His mother was a beautiful, cultured woman who had studied art history in Paris. She was one of the most stunning women Sydney had ever seen, and she had a long rope of imperial jade beads around her neck. Everything about her was exquisite. “I’ll come back here to work with my family eventually, but I wanted to see more of the world than just this.” But realizing what his family could offer him, and coming to understand the magnitude of their business, she couldn’t imagine Ed staying away for many more years. There was too much to draw him home, although he seemed to enjoy his independent life in New York, where he didn’t have his family looking over his shoulder all the time, and they were well known in Hong Kong. In New York, he could be anonymous, and he loved it. He had told her that his family had no problem with his being gay. One of his older cousins was too. He said his mother occasionally regretted not having grandchildren, but he thought he might adopt a child one day, when he came home to Hong Kong. But he wasn’t ready for that yet, any more than Sydney’s own children were ready to settle down. Marriage and children were the farthest thing from their minds. They were completely focused on their work, and so was he. He had a lot in common with her girls, although he seemed more mature.

They spent two days with Ed’s family in Hong Kong, and were treated to sumptuous meals, went to stores she wouldn’t have found otherwise, and Ed gave her a tour of the city himself. It was extraordinarily civilized, and exciting at the same time. One of his uncles took them to Macao to gamble late one night, in a private speedboat. It was a life of comfort and luxury that reminded her of everything she had lost, but it was even grander, in the best Chinese style. It was easy to deduce that Ed’s family fortune was vast. He had a lot to look forward to in the future, and on the plane on the way back to New York, he told her that sometimes he dreamed of creating his own line, but he wasn’t sure about it. It was very tempting, and for a minute, Sydney envied him the ease he had. He could do anything he wanted, and he said his family would back him up. It was a rare position to be in. And yet he was modest and discreet and never showed off or bragged about his family and their circumstances. She admired him even more after their trip, and felt they were becoming friends.

They had been on the plane for an hour, as she thought about the trip and savored the memory of everything they’d seen and the private, harder-to-find places Ed had showed her, when the pilot announced that there was a minor electrical problem on the plane, and they were deciding whether or not to return to Hong Kong. He said the passengers would be advised in a few minutes.

Sydney looked nervous when he said it, and groaned as she glanced at Ed. “Oh, shit. Not again.”

“What do you mean ‘again’?” He was puzzled by what she said. He wasn’t normally a nervous flyer, but he didn’t like announcements about mechanical problems while he was on a plane at thirty-five thousand feet.

“That’s how I met Paul,” she explained. “We almost crashed into the Atlantic, and made an emergency landing in Nova Scotia. He held my hand when we thought we were going down. We were stuck there for fifteen hours. We felt like old friends by the time we landed in New York.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “It’s your fault, then. You have bad airplane karma. I wouldn’t have flown with you if I’d known.” He was teasing her, but they were both concerned. The plane circled for half an hour, and then the pilot came back on and said they were able to fix the problem, and would be continuing to JFK. “I forgive you this time,” Ed told her, and she thanked him again for letting her stay with his family in Hong Kong. After the arduous trip to the factory, and two weeks of hard work, it had been an enormous gift for her.

“We’ll be going back again,” he told her. “You’ll have to come for Chinese New Year. It’s a lot of fun then.”

“I still don’t know how you can stay in New York when you have so much waiting for you there.”

“It’s not going anywhere, and I’ve had a great time living in London and New York for the last five years.” She had loved seeing Hong Kong for the first time and sharing it with him. It had been very special. She and Andrew had never been to Asia. They usually went to Europe, and South America a few times. Ed had introduced her to Hong Kong as only a native could.

When they landed in New York, she thought of her girls immediately. They had exchanged texts several times during the trip. Sabrina’s were a little chilly, and Sophie’s warmer, but she hadn’t spoken to either of them since she left. The time difference was always wrong at hours that were convenient for her, and she had the feeling they were both avoiding her and punishing her for taking the job, which wasn’t fair, but how they felt about it. She wasn’t about to give it up for them. She couldn’t.

“What are you doing this weekend?” she asked Ed as they shared a cab into the city. It was a far cry from the Bentley his family had sent for them. But nothing about the way he looked, dressed, or behaved suggested that kind of wealth, and she respected him for it.

“I have a date.” He smiled at her, looking faintly mysterious. She knew he didn’t go out often, and was happy for him. “What about you?”

“I hope I get to see my girls, if they’re speaking to me,” she said ruefully. She had missed them during the trip.

“They should be over it by now,” he said with a disapproving look. She was a wonderful woman, and he had grown fond of her. She didn’t deserve her daughters giving her a tough time, after everything she’d been through. He didn’t know the whole story, but knew enough to be sympathetic. She had briefly talked about her stepdaughters, who sounded like a nightmare to him. And he didn’t know they’d gotten the money too, just the house. She was too proud and too private to tell him the rest.

“We’ll see how it goes. They might be busy.” She hadn’t seen them for three weeks, and hoped they had gotten over their anger at her.

She called them as soon as she got home. Sophie picked up, Sabrina didn’t. But Sophie was with her boyfriend and said they had plans the next day. She promised to see her mother for dinner in the coming week. And Sabrina called her back later and seemed to have calmed down, but she had things to do too. She said she was up to her ears in fittings for their show during Fashion Week. These were always frantic days for her, and she promised to see her mother as soon as she got a break, which her mother knew wouldn’t be till after her show and after they’d shot the photos for the lookbooks buyers used to place orders.

“How was the trip?” Sabrina asked her mother politely.

“Fascinating. We stayed with my boss’s family in Hong Kong. It was amazing, and the time at the factory was interesting too.” She knew that Sabrina had put on a fashion show in Beijing two years before and had hated it. Everything possible had gone wrong. The air-conditioning had died in the hall they rented, three of the models had fainted on the runway from the heat, and she’d gotten bronchitis from the pollution. Sydney’s trip had been a lot smoother, mostly thanks to Ed, and it made everything easier because the language wasn’t a problem for him.

She said as much to Paul Zeller when he took her to lunch the next day to debrief her. She reported on everything they’d done, gave him her impressions, and raved about Ed, about how competent he was, how efficient, how well he handled everything, and how smooth he had made the trip for her.

“I know,” Paul said with a sigh. “I’ve made a couple of factory tours with him. He’s a gem. Unfortunately, I always know the clock is ticking. No matter what I offer him, sooner or later he’ll go back to his family in Hong Kong. It’s inevitable. I can’t compete with them. They’re among the most powerful people in manufacturing in China. He’ll be running that for them one day, if he wants to. I’m just happy to hang on to him as long as I can. Speaking of which…” He turned to a subject he’d mentioned to her before, but now wanted to get started on. “I think it’s time you start putting some thought into your Sydney Smith signature pieces for us. It’s an experiment, but if it works well, it could evolve into your own line one day, down the road.” It was a huge plum to entice her with.

“What kind of clothes do you have in mind?” she asked him, flattered that he wanted to pursue it with her. “Dressier? Casual? Just a little step up from what we do now?”

“Yes, a step up. See what inspires you. I’m giving you carte blanche.” She was thrilled and couldn’t wait to tell Ed. Sydney mentioned it to him that afternoon, and she was surprised to see him frown at the mention of her eventual signature line. She wondered if he was jealous, but she’d seen no evidence of it and he had no reason to be. He was the creative director of Lady Louise, a far more important job than hers.

“I may be crazy or paranoid,” he said cautiously, “but after three years, I know Paul. Sometimes he has a hidden agenda, and he’ll dangle a big carrot because he has another idea behind it. I got that feeling from him this morning, and I can’t tell you why. It’s early for him to be talking to you about your own line with your name on it. You haven’t been here for that long, and he hasn’t tested the market with individual signature pieces yet. I have a strange feeling that he has something up his sleeve.” Ed looked troubled and Sydney didn’t know what to make of it.

“Like what?” She was puzzled by what he’d said. He had said before that Paul was a good guy and a fair boss. Why was he thinking differently now?

“I have absolutely no idea,” Ed admitted, “and I’m probably wrong. I just know that sometimes when he offers a big reward, he has something simmering on the back burner. And I’m pretty sure he was going to wait awhile to give you your own line. I’m not sure why he stepped that up. He didn’t tell me. Sometimes he gets a little too ambitious. Just keep your eyes and ears open and see what happens. He’ll tip his hand sooner or later. He’s not as subtle as he thinks.” She thought it was a somewhat alarming warning, and made a conscious decision to be alert. But she was almost certain that Ed’s odd feelings were unfounded, and she was excited about the prospect of an eventual signature line, and wanted to put some real thought into it for the future. Paul was talking about introducing a few special pieces of hers in the spring, as a surprise for their higher-end buyers.

She put Ed’s concerns out of her mind after that, and concentrated on getting ready for their presentation during Fashion Week. Because they were a lower-priced line, they didn’t do a full fashion show, but only a presentation at a venue they rented, with models wearing the clothes, somewhat like the shows they did where Sophie worked. It was a lot less stressful than the high-end fashion show Sabrina did with forty top supermodels.

Ed had already told her that he would be taking her to all the big shows with him, along with one of their young designers, as he did every season. He mentioned that they’d be going to Sabrina’s show as well. Sydney knew that after the shows, they worked on their knockoffs and developed their next line in record time. The designers at Lady Louise worked under brutal deadlines. It was a given and a reality they had to live with. Sydney wasn’t proud of the knockoffs they did, but she understood the reason for them from how Paul had explained it. And she hoped that they’d be able to modify their copies slightly this season so the similarities weren’t too glaring. It was one of her longer-term goals. Ed liked keeping an eye on that as well, although Paul never minded copying the originals closely. Mimi, the young designer they were taking, was one of Paul’s favorite designers. She was French and she never changed enough elements to satisfy Ed, who frequently argued with Paul about it. He was determined to preserve their integrity, to the degree he could.

Sydney had managed to have dinner with Sophie once before Fashion Week started and she got too swamped to get together. She had talked to Sabrina on the phone several times, but hadn’t been able to see her. The first glimpse she got of her was at her fashion show. Sydney was sitting with Ed, and she was beaming with pride when Sabrina took a bow at the end, after all the models had come out for the last time. It was a spectacular show, one of her best, Sydney thought, and Ed agreed. He had followed her career closely because he admired her work, long before Sydney came to Lady Louise.

As soon as the show ended, Sydney went backstage quickly to give Sabrina a hug, and then they left and saw two more shows that afternoon. Mimi, the designer, didn’t sit with them, but went to all the shows. A week later, Sydney saw why Mimi went on her own. She happened to walk past Mimi’s desk and could examine her drawings closely. She thought the copies were almost identical, and said as much to Ed.

“They’re just too close. They look almost the same as the originals,” Sydney said. “It’s going to make us look bad in the fashion press.” He went to check for himself and came back to Sydney’s desk and agreed. She knew that legally, in most cases, the original designs weren’t protected, but designers who made copies usually tried to change four or five elements. Mimi had only altered one or two, which were barely noticeable because she had modified them so slightly.

“She has a tendency to overdo it,” Ed told Sydney. “She can knock off damn near anything. But she has to simplify them, take off some of the details, and give them a little twist. Thanks for mentioning it to me.” Sydney realized then that Mimi had been assigned to the shows because she copied the collections so exactly. And whenever possible, she circulated at the ordering venues to get a closer look and examine the details of the big designers’ clothes. She was an anonymous face in the crowd, and what she did was exactly what Sabrina objected to about Lady Louise, and why she hated Paul Zeller and her mother’s new job. They weren’t using other designers’ work for “inspiration” as they claimed, they were copying them identically, or more so than they should, and making almost exact copies.

Sydney went back to study Mimi’s work again, and the copies she had made from Sabrina’s collection. Sydney thought they were the most imitative of all, because Sabrina’s work was hot these days.

“I think you need to tone those down a little,” Sydney suggested to her.

“But that’s what Mr. Zeller wants,” the young French designer said firmly.

“Not that close, I’m sure.” She complained to Ed again and he promised to have another look.

It wasn’t until Fashion Week was over that Sydney had dinner with both her daughters. Sabrina looked exhausted, but her show had gone well, and the orders from store buyers afterward had been better than ever before. Sophie’s presentation had been a huge success too, with record-breaking orders, and her employers were thrilled.

Sydney got a chance to tell them about her trip to China, and at the end of the meal Sabrina turned to her with an irritated expression.

“So did your slaves knock off everything in my collection?” she asked unhappily, with an accusing look.

“I hope not. I’ve already made comments to them twice. Paul wants us to do some more innovative things in the future. We don’t want to be known just as a knockoff house. The line is actually better than that.”

“You’re the only one who thinks so,” Sabrina said grimly. “I wish you hadn’t taken a job with them.”

“I didn’t have any other choice,” Sydney said quietly, and then gave them the only good news she had. “I just got a tenant in the apartment in Paris, so that will help.” She’d received another stack of bills from the twins that they wanted her to pay. She had refused, but she didn’t mention that to her daughters. But it added to the stress of her current life. They dunned her constantly with bills they should pay themselves and she couldn’t afford to.

“One of these days, his knockoff factory is going to blow up in Zeller’s face, and yours, if you’re standing too close to him. Be careful, Mom,” Sabrina warned her.

“I am, and the head design consultant keeps an eye on all of it. He’s an honorable guy.”

“If he were, and a serious designer, he wouldn’t be working for Paul Zeller,” Sabrina said coldly.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, I’d love you to meet him sometime. He’s about your age, a little older. And his family was wonderful to me when we went to Hong Kong.” Sabrina didn’t comment, and it was obvious that neither girl wanted to meet him. This was the second time their dinner together had ended on a tense note because of their criticism of her job. They were intransigent about it. And she was convinced that they were wrong. Although knockoffs weren’t admirable, she thought there was merit to bringing great design to people at affordable prices. It was the whole mission of their business, and Paul made it sound like a sacred crusade. But Sabrina and Sophie didn’t buy the noble party line.

Two weeks after Fashion Week in New York, Sydney and Ed went to Fashion Week in Paris, to see the collections by French ready-to-wear designers. At Paul’s request, they took Mimi with them, and she never sat with them, just as she didn’t in New York. She saw every show, as they did, and she had gone to Milan and London Fashion Weeks as well, in the weeks before they arrived. Sydney loved the French shows, but she thought Sabrina’s in New York had been just as good.

When they got back to New York, Sydney started working on the rough drawings for her signature pieces, and was very busy. She had wanted to check Mimi’s drawings after Fashion Week in Paris, but she didn’t have time and Ed said he would, just to make sure that nothing was too close or an exact copy. But when Sydney saw the first samples from their line in early November, she knew that something had gone wrong. There was a huge problem she’d missed. She could tell she hadn’t seen all the designs, they’d withheld some from her. She knew she hadn’t seen these. All the major pieces in Sabrina’s collection had been reproduced as exact copies, and in some of the photographs, you couldn’t tell which was which. There was an enormous article in Women’s Wear Daily about it, lambasting Lady Louise and their “unethical design staff” and practices, and they called Paul Zeller the chief parasite of the fashion industry. And there was a mention that Sabrina Morgan’s mother, the former Sydney Smith of long-ago design fame, now worked for Lady Louise. And the writer suggested obliquely that Sabrina might have leaked her designs to her mother, or even sold them to her for Zeller to reproduce. Sydney felt sick when she read it, and an hour later Sabrina called her. She was in tears, and sobbing when her mother answered the phone.

“I hope you’re happy, Mom. I just got fired. They said that what happened is unforgivable and they blamed me for it. They think I sold you my designs for that shit house you work for. I promised them that I didn’t, and they said they can’t take the chance. I got fired on the spot. They had security escort me out of the building.” Sydney’s heart turned over when she heard her.

“Oh my God…I’m so sorry…I warned the designer about it. She’s not supposed to copy anything that closely,” Sydney said, crying herself by then. They all knew the rules about changing enough elements to make them respectable, but Mimi hadn’t followed them, and did exact copies instead.

“She shouldn’t be copying anything at all,” Sabrina said, sobbing, but they both knew it was the nature of the business, and Lady Louise wasn’t the only house that did it. “My career is over, thanks to you,” she accused her mother, and then hung up on her. Sydney was so angry she went to see Ed in a fury. He already knew about the article and the tornado that was happening as a result.

“I’m really sorry, Sydney. I told her they were too close. I think Paul overrode me on this one.”

“Sabrina just got fired,” Sydney said, looking distraught. “They think she sold us the designs. They had security escort her out of the building. I have to quit.” How would she ever make it up to her daughter? She had cost her a wonderful job, and maybe even her career. Sabrina had been right from the beginning. She’d been playing with fire working for Paul Zeller.

“You can’t quit. I just talked to Paul, and they’re pulling all of Sabrina’s designs to make modifications on them. I agree with you, this never should have happened, but we’re not the only ones who do it.” But it still didn’t excuse it, and Sabrina was the one who’d gotten hurt.

“But she’s my daughter and she blames me. She expected me to protect her, and I didn’t.”

“Do you think they’ll take her back, if we tell them we’re modifying them?” He was desperate to help, but it would be hard to undo the damage, and the shadow it had cast on both Sabrina and her mother. “Tell her to get a tough lawyer and negotiate a deal with her employers. If they fire her, they should give her a great severance package without a noncompete. That’s important.”

“I’ll tell her,” Sydney said grimly. “But I can tell you one thing. My relationship with my daughter is a lot more important to me than my job.” And she needed the job desperately. She couldn’t survive on just the Paris rent from her tenant. And she wasn’t likely to get another job, particularly after this. She texted Sabrina what Ed had said immediately. And Ed went to talk to Paul about it.

It was a stressful afternoon, and Paul pointed out to Ed that they were already doing everything they could, by modifying the drawings, and he had even agreed to withdraw one design completely. He admitted to Ed that the copies had been too close, and agreed to promise Sydney it would never happen again. He apologized profusely to Sydney when he called her into his office with Ed. They didn’t want her to quit.

“My daughter will never forgive me for this. I just cost her the best job she ever had, because I work for you.” Sydney was angry at Paul, and at herself for unwittingly being a part of it.

“You can’t quit now,” Paul pleaded with her. “I want to give you a full signature line of your own in the coming year, not just a few pieces, and with profit sharing for you on the line.” He was using everything he could to tempt her, and she knew she couldn’t afford to lose her job. But she felt as though she had sold her soul to the devil. And Sabrina had paid the price. To make it up to Sabrina, she was willing to quit.

Sydney went to see her late that afternoon. Sabrina was sitting in the living room of her Tribeca apartment, crying, and shouted at her mother as soon as she walked in. Sophie had left work and was there to console her too. She had her arms around her sister when Sydney walked in. Sophie was always the peacemaker in their midst.

“I told you to stay away from him, Mom. He’s a lowlife in every sense of the word,” Sabrina said immediately. Her mother tried to hug her, but she wouldn’t let her, understandably. The loss of the job she loved was her mother’s fault, indirectly, because of the shoddy practices where she worked.

“I feel terrible about it, worse than terrible. He pulled all of your designs and is modifying them. And he canceled one of them completely. If we tell your employers that, do you think they’ll give you back your job?” Sydney looked as heartbroken as her daughter. “Did you call a lawyer?” Sabrina nodded that she had.

“He’s working on it. They have no evidence that I showed you my designs or sold them to Zeller, but my boss is a dick. You’re not the only firm that ever copied us. Others do too, but these were exact copies, not just ‘inspirations,’ and the writer of the article jumped on the link with you. It’s all over the Internet. I think my boss just wanted to blame me,” she said fairly, “but they have no proof because I didn’t do it.”

“I told Paul I’d quit over this,” Sydney said in a subdued voice, crushed for her daughter.

“Can you afford to do that?” Sophie asked her mother, and Sydney hesitated before she answered. She couldn’t, but she was willing to, out of loyalty to her daughter.

“Not really,” Sydney answered honestly, “but I’ll do it in a minute if it will make you feel any better,” she said, and Sabrina smiled and was touched. The fire had gone out of her, but she was deeply upset over losing her job, especially if they blocked her from getting another one, which would be disastrous, and they could.

“I can get another job easier than you can,” Sabrina said hopefully, “and both of us being unemployed doesn’t make much sense. But for God’s sake, Mom, be careful of him. I know you think Paul Zeller walks on water, but he’s unethical, and he’ll use you if he can.”

“I trust Ed Chin, who’s my direct boss. He keeps an eye on him.”

“Well, he didn’t stop him this time.”

The three of them sat and talked for several hours, and Sophie stayed to spend the night with her sister, and Sydney went back to her own apartment. It was as cold and drafty in the fall as it was hot in the summer. But she didn’t care. She poured herself a glass of wine when she got home to calm down, but took only a sip. She had no idea how she would ever make up to Sabrina what had just happened. And what if her daughter couldn’t find another job, if it really did ruin her career? Sydney had lost everything herself, and now she was destroying her children’s lives. It was the darkest night she’d had since Andrew died. And then she remembered the sleeping pills her doctor had given her when she had told him she couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t taken any, and the bottle was still full.

She got the bottle of pills out of her medicine cabinet and sat holding it in her hand. She felt as though she had ruined Sabrina’s career, and her own life wasn’t worth much to her anymore. She was barely scraping by, and doing no one any good. And now she had caused Sabrina untold grief and harm. She had the apartment in Paris to leave them, which was all she owned, but it was something. She suddenly thought she’d be more useful to them dead than alive. It didn’t even occur to her that they would miss her or see it as an abandonment. She thought she’d be doing them a favor if she died, to atone for her mistakes. She had nothing left to live for, and nothing to give them. And her career as a designer for Lady Louise was a joke. They didn’t need her. They could copy every major designer in the world. All she wanted now was out. And if Andrew had really loved her, how could he leave her without providing for her? The strain of the last five months had been too much.

Her mind was whirling, as she took another sip of the wine and opened the bottle of pills. The phone rang but she didn’t answer it. She had nothing left to say to anyone. She had made up her mind. It stopped ringing, and then rang again. She saw that the call was from Ed Chin and she didn’t care. She didn’t want to talk to him either. She kept the vial of pills in her hand, and put her glass down on the coffee table, and finally picked up her cell when he called again.

“Sydney, are you okay?” He was worried about her. He had seen the look of desperation on her face when she left work.

“Yes, I’m okay,” she repeated mechanically in a rough voice. The wine had had little effect. She wasn’t a drinker, and alcohol usually hit her pretty hard.

“How’s Sabrina?”

“Terrible. What would you expect?”

“We pulled everything for modification. I confirmed it before I left the office. And Paul wants to make it up to you however he can.”

“He can’t get her job back,” Sydney said in a tone of deep despair. “And I can’t afford to quit. Isn’t that a joke? I’d be worth more to them now dead than alive. I’m not doing anyone any good.” Her thoughts sounded disjointed and very dark.

“Don’t talk like that,” he said, feeling a wave of panic rush over him. His best friend and first lover had committed suicide when they were in college, and he had gotten her drift. “They need you, you’re their mother. They have no one else.”

“I just cost my daughter her job. She loved that job. And I can’t even help her. I’m dead broke. I’m just a headache for them now.”

“Every firm in New York is going to want her as soon as they hear she was fired. She’s one of the hottest young designers in the States. What are you doing right now?”

Planning to kill myself, she thought, but didn’t tell him. “Nothing, I’m having a glass of wine.”

She sounded dangerously bad to him. “I’m coming over.”

“Why?” She didn’t want him interfering with her plan. “You can’t. I’m busy.” But Ed wasn’t going to let it happen. Not a second time in his life. He had been at the library, studying, when his lover had committed suicide, because he didn’t have the courage to tell his parents he was gay. He had preferred to die instead. They were twenty, and it had marked Ed forever. He hadn’t been in a committed relationship since. He was too afraid to.

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” he said, and hung up on her. He was there seven minutes later. He didn’t live far away, and he had run as fast as he could to get to her apartment. He could see how devastated she was when he got there. She still had the bottle of pills in her hand, and he took them away and shoved them deep into his pocket. “You can get drunk if you want, but you can’t kill yourself. You’ll only make it worse for them. You have to stick around and help them. They’re not old enough to lose you,” he said sensibly, worried about his friend. “This will blow over. She’ll get another job. I’m not even sure they can enforce a noncompete, firing her like this, because they can’t prove she sold us anything. She didn’t. A good lawyer will get a big severance package for her because of this. This wasn’t her fault. Why don’t you stick around and help her with that?”

Sydney looked at him remorsefully, and he saw sanity begin to return. “I’m sorry I dragged you over here,” she said, apologetic.

“You didn’t. I came because I wanted to. Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” He went to the bathroom then and flushed the pills so she couldn’t take them while he was sleeping. He didn’t trust her. She still looked ravaged, although she had calmed down a little. She melted into his arms then and started to cry, and he held her while she sobbed. It was all too much for her, and he was her only friend now. He put her to bed with her clothes on, and lay down next to her. He held her until she fell asleep, and then went and lay on her couch. And when he woke up, she was sitting next to him, looking battered, with dark circles under her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I think I kind of lost it last night. I wasn’t even drunk. I just had a few sips.”

“I know,” he said gently. “Sabrina’s going to be okay.” He tried to reassure her.

“Do you mind if I take the day off today?” she asked and he shook his head.

“I’m not leaving you alone. I don’t trust you. You’re coming to work. I need to be there.” He was her self-appointed bodyguard now.

“I’m fine. Really.”

“I’m not convinced. Tell me that when you’re dressed and have makeup on, and you’re sitting at your desk.” She groaned when she stood up to go and take a shower, and then she turned to look at him gratefully.

“Thank you…you saved my life last night. I was going to do something stupid.” He nodded with tears in his eyes, remembering his friend.

“I know you were….” He pointed at the bathroom then and she padded off to take a shower.

He handed her a cup of coffee when she came back wearing jeans and a black sweater. She looked better, but still not great. Sabrina called a few minutes later. They had offered her her job back, but she was so upset about their unfair accusations that she had decided to get a hefty severance package with a noncompete, so she could look for a new job.

“Maybe this is for the best in the end,” Sabrina said, sounding better than her mother. “I’m going to stick it to them, Mom.”

Sydney laughed, relieved to hear her daughter in fighting mode. Sydney looked a lot better when she and Ed left the apartment half an hour later.

“I’ll treat you to a cab,” he offered generously, and hailed a taxi. As they headed downtown, she didn’t say anything, but she reached over and held his hand, and he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “You scared the shit out of me last night,” he whispered to her and she nodded. She had scared herself too. All she’d wanted was to die, and if he hadn’t come over, she probably would have. It was a sobering thought as the cab wove through traffic, and the two of them sat silently in the backseat, holding hands.