Drew hung up with his mom, feeling somewhat reassured. His family was snowed in, but they were having a good morning so far. He’d talked to his dad and his cousins too, and they’d even put him on speaker so he could say hi to the cat, who apparently had run under a table at the sound of his voice.

He tied his borrowed robe a little tighter. It smelled like Asa, and Drew was trying to get as familiar with the scent as possible for future jerk-off sessions.

What the hell had happened in the kitchen this morning?

Nothing. Nothing had happened. Drew had wanted to kiss Asa, and Asa hadn’t wanted to. So Drew was a fucking idiot, and life went on.

He was feeling better today. Once he’d gotten to sleep, he’d slept well, despite the plug, his throbbing balls, and his bound hands. And he’d gotten to start the morning over Asa’s lap. Which had been beyond incredible. Once Javier had joined in—holy fuck. His balls were still aching, and he wondered when the hell they’d let him come.

He’d even enjoyed his exchange with Javier in the bedroom. Javier liked a little fight, Drew was starting to realize. But Asa… God, Drew just wanted to obey Asa. Every single command.

A wistfulness passed through him. Javier and Asa had their own life, and he had his, pathetic as it was. Maybe he’d make it his New Year’s resolution to go out and try more things. Ride the light rail. Go to clubs. Take a class or something. And who knew? Maybe someday Javier and Asa would want to do another session with him.

He stood in the foyer, admiring a small painting of a bakery in downtown Sacramento. Jumped when he heard Javier coming down the stairs.

He turned. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” Javier said. His tone gave nothing away. Drew wasn’t sure how Javier really felt about anything. Wasn’t sure if Javier liked him, was impressed with him, or found him frustrating. And it sucked not knowing.

Drew trailed Javier to the kitchen. He didn’t feel guilty, exactly, but part of him worried that Javier knew. Knew how much Drew wanted Asa and hated him for it.

Asa was chugging a glass of orange juice by the stove.

“Breakfast done?” Javier asked.

“If by breakfast you mean cookies.”

They shared a glance.

“Mmm.” Javier leaned on the counter. Asa held out a gingerbread man for Javier to bite.

“I’m gonna take our slut upstairs for a little while,” Javier said around a mouthful of gingerbread.

Drew tensed with what was becoming a familiar mix of elation and dread.

“I’m sure Drew can’t imagine anything sexier.” Asa brushed the crumbs from Javier’s mouth. “How about a napkin?”

“Napkins are for juevones.” Javier let a clump of gingerbread fall from his mouth.

Asa looked at Drew and rolled his eyes. “I can’t take him anywhere.”

Drew laughed.

“I have your stuff ready.” Asa fed Javier the last of the cookie. “Plenty of molasses left over. And the milk’s in the microwave.”

Javier went to the microwave and took out a glass measuring cup full of milk. Grabbed the jar of molasses from the counter. “Thanks.” He pecked Asa on the cheek. “Eres el major.” He started out of the kitchen. “Drew? Come on.”

Drew cast a last, longing look at Asa and followed Javier to the staircase. “Why are you taking that stuff upstairs?”

Javier started up the stairs, careful not to slosh the milk. “You said you’ve done enemas before?”

“Uh, yeah.” Dread was definitely starting to outweigh elation.

“Well.” Javier reached the hall and pushed open the bedroom door. Drew followed Javier in. “I’m gonna make sure you’re all cleaned out for our big day.”

“Do I really want to ask?” Drew eyed the molasses.

Javier set the measuring cup and the jar on the dresser. “The enemas you did at home—what kind were they?”

“Um, like, the saline ones from the pharmacy. And once I did a red bag with soap.”

“Jesus, kid.” Javier rolled up the sleeves of his navy sweater. “How often have you done this?”

“Just a few times. Maybe three? To get the hang of it.”

Javier shook his head. “My hat’s off to you. I take one once in a while to make Asa happy. But I hate it. Would never do it on my own.”

A red bag with white tubing hung from a hook on the wall. Javier had spread towels on the floor. Drew’s stomach clenched. “Is, um, is Asa gonna help with this?”

Having Asa here would be ideal. He’d help Drew relax. Javier—Javier might make fun of him if he had trouble taking it.

No. Javier had been rough with him, had teased him. But he hadn’t ever made Drew feel stupid. He had to trust Javier. Asa would want him to.

“No,” Javier said shortly. “I’m the one you have to worry about right now.”

Javier’s tone stung. Drew couldn’t tell if Javier was seriously irritated, or just playing. “Yes, sir.”

“Take your robe off.”

He slipped it off, placed it on the bed. Watched Javier uncap the red bag and pour the milk in. “You’re putting milk in that?”

“Hot milk and molasses. It’s supposed to cause some really”—Javier emptied the cup and then used it to measure out the molasses—”intense cramping.”

Drew tried to stay calm. He remembered the cramping when he’d done the soap and water one at home. Fucking awful. But somehow appealing at the same time, to imagine being that helpless in front of a dom. In front of Asa. To have to just fucking deal with the pain, because he’d been ordered to. “Worse than soap?”

“Oh, yeah.” Javier added the molasses. Drew watched the dark, viscous liquid drizzle down, the stream thinning into a thread. Javier capped the bag and shook it. “But once it’s out, you’ll be clean as a hound’s tooth.”

Drew’s good mood was dissolving bit by bit, and he didn’t understand why. Asa and Javier had said he could safe word anytime. But he didn’t want to safe word. He just wanted Asa here. He’d take anything for Asa. Some part of him was irrationally angry at Javier for having what he couldn’t—this house, this life.

Asa Lindeman.

“Sounds just great,” he muttered.

Javier raised a brow but didn’t look at Drew. He attached the tubing to the bag. “Elbows and knees. On the towel.”

Drew looked at the bag. Then at Javier, his heart pounding. “I don’t want to,” he said. Fear or jealousy or a desire to test Javier—he didn’t know. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

Javier turned. “Did I ask if you wanted to? Or did I tell you to get on the floor with your ass up?”

Drew tried to ignore the prickling under his skin. “I said I don’t want to.”

Javier stared at him evenly. “‘I don’t want to’ is not your safe word.”

“I know it’s not.” He refused to break eye contact, even as his stomach knotted and his fingers curled.

Javier hung the bag on the hook, then faced him again. “So what’s it gonna be? You gonna get in position? Or am I gonna have to make you?”

Drew didn’t move.

Javier was quick. Within a few seconds, he had Drew pinned. He grabbed the sash from the robe on the bed and bound Drew’s arms behind his back. Drew struggled without making much headway. He felt the solidness of Javier’s body, the strength of his arms. The softness of Javier’s breath against the back of his neck. He stopped fighting.

Everything was very quiet for a moment, except for Drew’s harsh breathing. Javier held him close, and Drew inhaled the scent of cologne and sweat and something else—musky, arousing, and dizzying. He closed his eyes and sagged against that hard chest.

Supporting Drew’s upper body, Javier eased him down onto the towels. Pressed on his lower back until Drew stuck his ass up. “Too much stress on your shoulders?” he asked. Drew was surprised he didn’t sound mad.

“No.” Drew flexed his hands. The binding wasn’t too tight. He could probably escape if he wanted. He fought a sudden, overwhelming sense of humiliation. His ass was still sore from earlier, and he was acutely aware that Javier could add to the pain anytime.

Javier knelt on the towels beside Drew. Ran a hand between Drew’s shoulders. “You gonna stay put if I undo your arms?”

Drew nodded, his throat too tight to answer.

Javier undid the sash. Rubbed Drew’s wrists, then guided his arms so they were folded under his head. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t…I don’t know.”

“Take your time.” Javier’s voice was calm, his touch gentle. Drew looked at him—at his warm, dark eyes and thick black hair. He was beautiful. He and Asa both. Javier hesitated, then took off his sweater. Beautiful. Drew counted the ridges of muscle over his stomach. Remembered Javier’s cock thrusting into him. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t fucking stand that after Christmas, it would all be over.

“Embarrassed,” Drew said finally.

“Why?”

He tried to laugh. Opened his eyes. “Um. Look at me.”

Javier didn’t crack a smile. “You’ve got no control here, do you?”

“No, sir.” The words filled him with a strange sense of relief.

Javier’s hand moved across Drew’s back, then down over his ass. He pressed all the sorest spots, and Drew held his breath, trying not to flinch. “I’m going to do this to you. And you’re gonna take it, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir.” Drew clenched as Javier’s hand passed between his legs and gripped his balls loosely. Javier stroked Drew’s cock with one finger, and he struggled to hold still.

“But it’s powerful, isn’t it? Knowing I own you?” Javier lowered his voice. “And that you’re brave enough to let me?”

Brave? I’m such a fucking idiot. Asa in the kitchen. The almost kiss.

“Look at me.” Drew obeyed. “What else do you feel?”

Things I’d never tell you in a million years. So how about we just get on with it? “I don’t know. Just…nervous. I guess.”

“This doesn’t have to be a punishment.” Javier made a fist around Drew’s cock and stroked, stilling Drew with a hand on his hip when Drew squirmed. “But if you fight me like that again, it will be. Understood?”

Drew swallowed. “Yes, sir.” He wondered if Javier would tell Asa Drew had disobeyed him. If Asa would think less of him. He didn’t know how to tell either of them that what he wanted sometimes was to fight. And lose. That he was so fucking sick of wanting that he didn’t know what to do with all this pent-up frustration and wishful thinking.

“And Drew?” A smile in Javier’s voice now.

“Yes, sir?”

“If that’s what you want, go for it.”

* * *

JAVIER STOOD AND unwound the tubing from the hook. Lubed the enema nozzle, keeping an eye on Drew. Drew was still, but definitely not relaxed. He also looked fucking perfect, ass up like that, waiting.

Javier and Asa had decided last night that if they wanted to do an enema as severe as milk and molasses, then it shouldn’t be part of a punishment scene. Drew would have enough trouble taking it without the added stress of feeling like he was being disciplined. They’d also decided that even though enemas were Asa’s kink more than Javier’s, Asa would sit this one out. Let Javier have the one-on-one time with Drew.

“You can tell me all the details later,” Asa had said. “I know you’ll make it good for him.”

But then Drew had fought, which had Javier half-hard again already. He was often more inclined to push subs than Asa was. And he liked seeing that Asa’s sweet boy had teeth. He wanted to bring that side of Drew to the surface—the side that resisted, that lashed out in fear and anger but ultimately surrendered. Like Drew had just now in Javier’s arms. He wanted to give Drew the option of taking this enema as a punishment, in case that was what Drew was asking for. But Drew was quiet now, his cock softening. Javier needed to handle this carefully.

He knelt behind Drew again and stroked his ass—still bright pink, still a little sticky with cum. Drew flinched. Javier positioned the nozzle and pushed it slowly in. Pulled it out partway, then pushed it in again. Listened to Drew let out a long breath. Patted his thigh. “You ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

He didn’t sound ready. Javier spent another moment rubbing Drew’s lower back until Drew exhaled again, shakily. Then he leaned over to grab the clamp around the tubing. Clicked it open. Nothing happened for a moment; then there was a gurgling sound in the tube, and Drew jerked as the liquid hit his insides.

The first time Javier had received an enema, it had been a tiny saline one from the drugstore. He’d barely felt it at all. The next time, Asa had used a red bag like this and filled it with hot water. Javier remembered the strangeness of the sensation, heat trickling through him, spreading uncomfortably deep. Made him queasy just thinking about it. He was fine with bottoming, but he didn’t like anything that made him feel out of control. A flogging, he could enjoy. Kneeling to suck Asa’s cock was the closest thing he knew to heaven. Sticking his ass out for an enema? A fucking nightmare.

He stroked Drew’s hair. You really are something.

Drew stared at the wall, forehead furrowed, as his belly gradually distended. Javier wished Asa were here to see this.

The bag was about half-empty when Drew suddenly jerked. He crossed his ankles and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Easy.” Javier ran his fingers lightly over the back of Drew’s neck.

“Fuck,” Drew whispered on a rush of breath. “Fuck, no…”

“Shh. Shh, shh. Breathe.”

“I can’t!” Drew circled his hips. “It hurts. Fuck.”

Javier reached for the clamp and tightened it a little to slow the flow of the solution. He placed a hand on Drew’s stomach.

“No!” Drew cringed away.

“Shh.” Javier massaged him lightly.

“You don’t understand. I can’t…”

The bag gurgled again as the last of the mixture emptied into Drew. “I know.” Javier slipped the nozzle out. Liquid dribbled onto the towel. He pressed Drew’s ass cheeks together to help him hold it. “It really does help to breathe, chiquito.”

Drew twisted again, like he was trying to curl in on himself. “Fucking…fuck.”

Javier could hear the roiling in Drew’s guts and winced in sympathy. “Try to hold it for five minutes.”

“Yes, sir.” Drew’s voice was strained.

Javier continued his massage. “Better?”

Drew nodded, breathing hard.

The cramping would come and go in waves, and would get progressively worse as the mixture worked to clean Drew out. Javier’s hat really was off to the kid. He hadn’t done solo stuff like Drew had, but he figured there was a big difference between doing something like this on your own terms and doing it with someone else watching.

He passed his other hand over Drew’s ass again. Drew shivered as he exhaled. His erection had flagged, but as Javier touched him, he hardened again.

“Good.” Javier stroked his cock. “That’s right. Get hard for me, chiquito.”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s right. You have such a nice, big cock. I want to suck it. Suck it while I finger your ass.” He felt the heat between their bodies, their mutual need. It was a head trip as much as it was a turn-on to support a sub through a difficult scene. To feel Drew trying.

Drew pressed his legs together and buried his face in his arms. The skin was taut over his swollen stomach, and Javier could feel rumbling under his palm.

“Deep breath,” Javier said.

“Seriously, I can’t.” Drew’s voice cracked. “I’m gonna lose it. Please…”

“Shh. You can do this.”

Drew broke position, collapsing onto his side, arms around his middle, his eyes wild with panic. “I can’t!”

“Okay. Listen. The bathroom’s right there—”

“No! If I move, I’m gonna…gonna…”

“Hey.” Javier brushed the hair from Drew’s eyes. “If you do, that’s why there’s towels.”

“I’m not gonna shit on your floor like an animal!” Drew sounded furious. This was a far cry from his earlier play at resisting. This was real humiliation. Real fear.

“Then listen to me. The cramping will ease up in a minute if you breathe. Once it does, I’m gonna help you to the bathroom.”

Drew shook his head rapidly. “It won’t stop. It’s not stopping.”

“Concentrate on this.” Javier continued to rub slow circles over Drew’s belly. “Look at me. You’re doing good. I’m proud of you. Asa’s proud of you. You don’t have anything to worry about. Just try and trust me.”

Drew fell still. His gaze locked with Javier’s. “This was your idea. Asa wouldn’t do this to me,” he said coldly.

Whoa. Javier tried not to think too hard about the words, what they meant. “I know it hurts. Deep breath with me.”

Drew obeyed, gaze still hard.

“You ready?” Javier asked.

Drew started to struggle up on his own. Javier slid one arm under his and helped him to his feet. Drew immediately doubled over. “Fuck.” He dug his nails into Javier’s shoulder. “Fuck.”

Javier waited with him until he could straighten. “You can take as long as you need, all right?” He turned Drew toward the bathroom. “Shower afterward. Anything you want.”

Drew shrugged off Javier’s arm, hobbled into the bathroom, and shut the door.

Javier headed downstairs to give Drew privacy. He felt numb. He’d fucked this up. He’d wanted to give Drew an experience intense enough that Drew would have to lean on him, trust him. Now Drew hated him. Asa would be furious too, if Javier had traumatized their guest.

No time like the present to deliver cookies to the neighbors.

He entered the kitchen.

“Hey.” Asa was attacking another gingerbread man. “How did it go?”

“Uh…” Javier began to stack the tins Asa had filled with cookies. “I think it was a little tough for him.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. He wanted privacy, so I gave him some.” Javier hated lying to Asa, but he needed time to figure out what he was feeling before they talked about it. “I’m gonna do the rounds. When he comes down, would you mind, you know, looking after him?” Javier swallowed. “He was good. Really good. He deserves a rest.”

No answer.

Javier looked up and found Asa studying him way too intently. “Shouldn’t you be there for him too?” Asa asked.

Javier ran his finger over a dent in one of the tins. “I need a little time to myself.” He tried to grin. “Am I allowed to safe word?”

Asa didn’t return the smile. “I’ll take care of him. But when you come back, you and he are gonna talk, right?”

Javier knew the drill. Do a scene with a sub, talk about it after. What went right, what went wrong. Where to go from here. Plus they all probably ought to have a talk about Drew’s feelings for Asa, Asa’s feelings for Drew, and Javier’s feelings about Asa and Drew’s feelings for each other. Except why couldn’t they just keep having a kinky motherfucking Christmas and not have to deal with feelings?

“Of course.” He gave Asa a stilted kiss on the cheek. “See you later.”

He was nearly out the front door when he stopped. Set the cookies down and went quietly upstairs. Drew was still in the bathroom, the shower running.

Javier went into the closet and dug around until he found what he was looking for—a small, soft crying towel that said OWNED AND LOVED on it in big red letters with a heart underneath. Asa had gotten it for him a couple of years ago as a joke, knowing full well Javier would hate it.

“I’m not going to cry into your little fluffy towel,” he told Asa.

“Yeah, yeah. You and your machismo.” Asa laughed. “You never know. Someday I might do something to you that leaves you bawling.”

“Like hiding the really nice Bundt pan?”

“Maybe. C’mon, don’t reject my gift. Look how cute it is.”

“The only time you will ever see me cry, Asa, is when Chile bends over and takes it during the World Cup.”

“Well, you can use it once every four years, then.”

Javier stared at the towel. It probably wasn’t appropriate to offer it to Drew. He’d known the guy less than a day. He and Asa certainly didn’t own Drew, and they didn’t love him that way. He didn’t want to freak Drew out. On the other hand, Drew was theirs for another twenty-four hours, unless he safe worded and went home as soon as he got out of the shower. Javier wanted Drew to feel loved while he was here—as a friend.

Just a friend?

Fuck. He really did need to get some air.

He grabbed an old grocery list Asa had left on the dresser. Flipped it over, found a pen, and wrote,

Drew:

This was a gift from Asa to me. I don’t get to use it much, because I’m not as brave as you—never really push myself. But I know the scene we did was hard for you, and I hope you’ll use this if it helps.

—Jav

In the bathroom, the water shut off.

Javier left the folded towel and the note outside the door, then hurried downstairs, took the cookies, and left.