Chapter Nine

 

Tate sank his teeth into my shoulder, nipping me gently and I gave a sigh. It was so nice just to lie like this, spooned against each other after some intense minutes of kissing that didn’t lead to anything else but a cuddle. I wasn’t in the mood for sex tonight anyway, as I had too much on my mind.

I still couldn’t get over the way I had overreacted today because Tate had laughed when I dropped the fishing rod. I knew that it was all Keith’s treatment added to his friends, that had made me so sensitive. I could never date a guy again like Keith but Tate wasn’t like that at all. Sure, he had laughed, and thinking about it now, it might have been funny. What he hadn’t done though, was to mock me about it.

“You’re thinking,” he said softly as we lay in the semi-darkness of the room. He kissed my neck, his soft lips sending shivers down my spine. Maybe I did want sex after all.

“Hmm,” I hummed.

“You’re not still mad at me, are you Bry?”

“No,” I answered honestly and turned in his arms, laying my head onto his arm. “Truth is, I might not have even been mad at you.”

“Really? Because I’d say you were pretty upset.”

“Keith would say that I acted like a diva sometimes.”

He peered at me. “I guess I shouldn’t agree with that?” he asked. “Or can I agree to a certain uff!”

I elbowed him in his stomach hard enough to startle him but not to actually hurt him. “I wasn’t mad at you,” I said then started to explain. “I didn’t fully explain why I left the other guys and struck out on my own. After Keith convinced me to tag along, I thought it might be fun. It was more fun for them than me. You can see based on today that I am not the type who does this man-in-the-wild kind of thing. They derided me because of it, constantly taking jabs at me.”

“And he didn’t stick up for you?”

“Nope, he didn’t. So, I broke things off with him and left.”

“So, you had a lover’s spat?” he asked a bit hesitantly. “Maybe when you get off the mountain, he’ll convince you to forgive him.”

I shook my head and leaned forward to rub my lips against his. “Not since I met you.”

I heard his breath hitch and he captured my lips into one of his passionately, arousing kisses. When I would have thought it would lead to more, he released my lips.

“I had a wife,” he remarked and I could barely breathe for fear of interrupting him, then he wouldn’t fully explain. “And a daughter. Rachel and Kathleen, from the picture you saw.”

I stroked his arm comfortingly, hearing the pain in his voice and the effort it took him to say what he was.

“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want,” I told him, deciding that if it was going to hurt him, I didn’t care to know. “It hardly mattered what he had done in his past. The man who he was now, standing before me was all that mattered.

“I want to tell you,” he stated. “Maybe then you’ll understand. I wasn’t always like this. I had what you’d call a normal life. You’ve heard of Rosenbaum Holdings?”

“Yes,” I answered, wondering what he was getting at. Rosenbaum was a successful multi-million dollar company that dabbled in everything real estate. They specialized in hotels, condos, golf clubs and townhomes.

“I’m Tate Rosenbaum,” he said.

“No way!” I exclaimed, staring at him in shock. “You’re the C.E.O of Rosenbaum Holdings.”

“Yes, I took over the major share in the company when my father died,” he explained. “Anyway, long story short is that I had it all, it seemed; money, a beautiful wife and, daughter. I loved them both, don’t get me wrong. Rachel and I grew up as friends, our families were close, and everyone expected us to be together. I did the predictable. I asked her to marry me, but the truth is that I wasn’t totally satisfied.

My father was a traditional man who talked so much about family and legacy that I felt I would be a disappointment to him if he found out I didn’t only like women but also men. Although I am bisexual, I lean more toward men. It seemed easier at the time to just be with a woman and then everyone would be happy. I tried to settle into a normal life and it went well but there was always a restlessness inside me.”

“Go on,” I whispered, my heart aching for him.

“I told Rachel shortly after dad died that I’m bisexual. I just told her because I thought she deserved to know the truth. I didn’t tell her to leave her or even have an affair, but that’s how she took it. I didn’t know she would be so upset. We’ve always been good friends and that was the only part of my life she didn’t yet know about. I was hoping she would be supportive and it was something we could talk about. She was upset and wanted to leave me. She took our daughter and left in haste. I begged her not to go, that it didn’t mean anything, it wouldn’t change us.” His voice cracked, and his face was crestfallen. “That was the last time I saw both of them. They were hit by a truck and died on the spot.”

“God Tate, I’m so sorry,” I told him, wrapping my arms around him.

“I keep thinking if I hadn’t said anything they would both still be alive,” he said on a shudder and I felt his tears against my skin where he had buried his head into the crook of my neck.

“No, it’s not your fault,” I soothed him, kneading his back. “You have a right to be who you are. It’s tragic what happened but you can’t look back on it and think of it as your fault.”

“She’d been on the phone telling her sister about it when she ran the light,” he remarked on a shudder. “Her sister blamed me and didn’t give me a choice to come out to the public. Suddenly I was the bad guy in all this, being bombarded by journalists. I couldn’t even grieve properly so I eventually put my uncle in charge of the company and secluded myself from everyone.”

“I understand,” I stated, running my fingers through his hair. “It’s understandable that you’d want to get away. But at some point, you’ll have to face it. You can’t hide forever.”

“Maybe not but I’ll hide for as long as I can.”

I held him to me, my arms wrapped around him while he cried silently. I rubbed his back until eventually. he fell asleep but it took me a to find the same solace he did. When I eventually drifted into sleep as well, it was to be haunted by dreams of Tate and Keith metamorphosing, one into the other until I couldn’t make them out differently.

I woke up sweating, my heart pounding in my chest. Tate was still fast asleep in his favorite position, his stomach. He still had his arm around me though. My heart clenched with affection for this man I barely knew, and it made me panic. I removed his hand from my waist and slid from the bed, without waking him.

Wearing only a pair of shorts, I walked in the dark to the bathroom and relieved myself but didn’t go back to bed. I trudged through the living room and to the front door. I walked out onto the porch and stood by one of the post, wrapping my arm around it, as I stared out into the night. I was terrified that I could fall for a man who wouldn’t be suitable for me. I didn’t want to leave him. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt this comfortable around a man but the truth was that we were as different as night and day.

I couldn’t tell how long I stood there on the porch, not noticing the cool night breeze skating goosebumps about my bare upper body. Hands slipped around my waist and although I didn’t hear him approach, I relaxed knowing it was Tate. I leaned my head back into him as we stood there like that, staring out into the night.

He sighed, his warm breath on my neck and I knew he understood the turmoil I was going through because he was going through it too.