Just seeing her, just being in the same room with her, is driving me crazy. I cannot be with her and not touch her. I cannot be with her and be me though.
“Jacob,” she says again, my name a plea on her lips that I can’t refuse.
I turn and look at her. “What?”
“What happens now?”
“We wait for me to get the confirmation that any action is called off.”
“Here or at the Walker building?”
“Royce has a baby and a recovering wife at the Walker building. I’m not putting them through that hell.”
“No. Of course not. I shouldn’t have suggested that.” She wets her lips, and fuck me, I want to kiss her. I want to fuck her. I want to just hold her one last time.
“I really need you to talk to me,” she says, and talking is exactly what I don’t want to do.
A barely contained eruption is rising to my surface and I close the space between us, stopping just in front of her. “You want answers? You want to know what door to hell you opened?”
“I want to know about you.”
“If I tell you my story, I’ll have to kill you. Do you still want to know me?”
“Very much,” she says. “So very much.”
I should walk away. I should tell her nothing, but I still stand there. I fucking stand there and words come out of my mouth. “I was pulled into a special task force that was off the books. I became the go-to guy to take out hard-to-reach targets. I felt like I made a difference. I kept wars from happening. I kept villages from burning. Until I discovered one of my superiors, and a portion of my team, were running an illegal arms operation and I could tie back some of my kills to the support of that operation.”
“What did you do?”
“Myself and Jesse Marks went to a high-level member of government who helped us take down the team. Some of them ended up dead. Others in prison. We both exited the army, but we were both told that if we ever talked, we were dead, and so was everyone close to us. Not long after I exited, I got a call to eliminate Jesse. His family was already dead. They said he killed them. I found him. He said they killed them. But I found his plans to blow up a government building. He was a rabid animal. He’d lost his mind and I put him down. Because that’s what I do. I kill people. And the only reason I left your slayer alive was because I didn’t want you to hate me more than him.”
“I never believed—”
“That I killed that family? You say that, but I saw the look on your face.”
“I had just faced that man and learned that you were—”
“A killer?”
“That you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. It’s like you wanted to shock me and push me away. I’ve thought about this a lot. You were so quick to leave. To ignore my calls.”
“You damn sure packed your bag and got the hell out of my apartment quickly.”
“Because you didn’t want me there,” she hisses. “I went looking for you at the hospital. I begged for a number to call you. They told me I couldn’t reach you. The message was clear. I blinked for one moment and that was it. In other words, you didn’t really mean it when you told me it was okay to be human when I’m with you. That was a lie.”
“I guess it was all a lie, now wasn’t it?”
I turn and cross the room, and this time when she calls my name, I don’t stop. I get the hell out of that bedroom.
I should have told him that I love him.
I am back to pacing, this time in my bedroom with male voices coming from the living room. Adam and Asher, if I’m correct. Actually, I think I hear Savage out there too. I now have two SEALs and two Green Berets guarding me, from what must be a massive threat. Or maybe they’re here to guard him from me? It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to talk to me. He has to talk to me. I have to talk to him. I open the door and I find Jacob in the center of the couch, with Savage and Asher on either side of him. Adam on the floor. Some kind of sports is on a laptop they are all watching. A bottle of tequila is sitting on the table—no, make that two. Jacob is holding one of them. There are also two handguns on the table, though I doubt any of them are sober enough to use them.
I storm toward them, shut the laptop and step between the table and Jacob. “I guess the threat is over and you forgot to tell me?”
He gives me a hooded stare. “No news. I’ll let you know.”
“So bad guys might be coming to kill us and you’re drinking tequila.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve killed more men drunk than sober. I’m just that good at killing.”
Now, he’s just trying to push my buttons. I point at Asher and Savage. “Get up and leave.” I glance at Adam. “That means you too.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Asher says.
“I have to agree,” Savage says.
“What they said,” Jacob adds.
I grab the two handguns and point them at Asher and Savage. “Get up and leave.” I look at Asher. “Asher, yes I can shoot left-handed. Try me.”
Asher looks at Jacob. “We’ll be just outside.”
“Yep,” Savage says. “Just outside.”
I wait for them to leave, and I let the guns lower to my sides. “Now what?” Jacob asks. “You gonna cuff me and then shoot me with those guns?”
I set them both on cushions on either side of him, and shove his legs part, stepping between them. “No, you asshole. I love you. I loved you before I knew you were an assassin. I love you now. You’re killing me. I hate us like this. I don’t want to be like this.”
“Do you know what they say about loving an assassin?”
“That he’ll stab you in the heart and leave you to bleed? You’re already killing me. I’m sorry. I obviously read us wrong.” I start to leave, and he catches my hand.
“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the point.”
“The minute you let go of my hand, it will hurt. I don’t know how else to explain how much you made me need you.”
“Come here,” he says, and right when he would pull me to his lap, there is a huge blast through the window. Jacob takes me down to the ground, sheltering me with his body. “Are you okay?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Yes, I—”
The front door bursts open and bullets splatter the walls, the sound muffled by silencers.
“Go to the bathroom and lock yourself in,” Jacob orders. “I’ll come for you.” He lifts off of me, and in a blink of an eye, he’s firing. I grab my sidearm just in time to shoot the man in black who is jumping through the window. Everything is an adrenaline rush from there. Jacob is wrestling a guy on the island. Savage is on top of another man, shoving a blade in his chest. Another man is on top of Asher. I shoot him. Asher looks at me and gives me a nod, just in time to shoot another intruder as he enters the window. It feels like it will never end, until it does. Everyone on our side is alive. Bodies are clustered on the floor, and Jacob is kneeling next to a man who is bleeding out.
“Was it Emerson?” he asks and then leans down, speaking to the man in a tone I can’t hear. The man murmurs, “Emer-son.” Jacob stands up and shoots him, his gaze rocketing to me, as if he feels me watching him.
He studies me a moment and then eyes Savage. “Call the number I gave you.”
Savage nods and heads for the door. Jacob closes the space between us and stops. “Everyone leave,” he orders, and the room clears, the door shutting, leaving just me, Jacob, and a mess of dead men.
“You don’t take orders well.”
“Is that news to you?”
“No. No, it is not news to me.”
Suddenly his fingers are diving into my hair and then he’s kissing me like a starving man who can’t survive without me. I sink into him, mold myself close and I don’t want to let him go, but he pulls away. “I love you, too. It killed me not to be with you.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I can’t have this conversation now. I have to go kill someone, because you know I’m good at that.”
“Can you do it quickly, because I really need to finish this conversation?”
He strokes my cheek. “I’ll be back soon. Savage is going to clean all of this up. Do what he tells you to do.” He kisses me again and when it’s over, his mouth lingers above mine, as if he can’t bring himself to leave. But he does. He releases me and heads for the door.
“Do not die!” I shout after him.
He turns and looks at me. “I have too much to live for now, sweetheart. I’ll come for you, soon.”
And then he’s gone.
And I’m alone.