Chapter Fifteen
Nix wondered what they were talking about, why Leona was there. Was it to make him talk? Maybe Orion didn't want to hurt him. Maybe Leona would use her magic to get Orion his answers.
Their absence gave him space, gave him time to think. Did he believe Orion, about where he'd been on the blood moon? Did that mean that another bear had attacked his people and not Orion? But March had told them, a thousand times if not more, about what Orion had done. About how he rained terror across the whole of the territory and the coyotes battled to stop him and free the Packs from his tyranny. But the wolves of this Pack didn't seem scared of him. That Wiccan woman didn't either.
When footsteps returned it was her, alone. Where was Orion?
"Your mate has gone to speak with Phil," Leona said, anticipating his question. "I was hoping you and I could talk alone."
"What about?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
"I wanted to tell you a story. About a man I met many years ago. He too was a Metatherian. And a shaman of his people."
"They were birds?" Nix asked, curious despite himself. She sat down in the chair beside him and he relaxed back onto the bed, prepared to hear her out.
"No, his people lived by the sea. They were selkies. He knew of others, dolphins, porpoises, sea lions. He loved the call of the sea. As did they all."
"How far is the sea from here?"
"A great distance. But his love was sick and he came in search of help. Her mind was tormented and the root cause seemed magical but nothing he did helped, it just seemed to make things worse."
"They came to you?" Why would a Metatherian seek out a Wiccan for help?
"Even at that time, I had somewhat of a reputation for knowledgeable magic. I was able to see that a terrible wrong had been done to her."
She idly played with the charms on her bracelet, spinning them back and forth. "She had suffered a terrible loss. Her child had died."
"So, she was sick with grief?" Nix asked, remembering his mother after his brother had died. Days of hollow, tearless sighs.
"No, she was devoid of grief and devoid of love. She did not remember her child or his death. I traced her fated path and the tragedy was there, laid bare, but she had no conscious recollection of it. And it was destroying her, eating up her soul. There wasn't just a gap either, a blank space where the life of the boy should have been. There were memories overlaying it. Dull, routine, faded. Like scenes in black and white."
"And magic did that? Changed her memories?"
"Oh yes, there was no mistaking the magical fingerprints all over the new memories. They were black and white but they shimmered around the edges when you rifled through them."
"But who would have done that? And why?"
"Someone tried to hide the source of her pain and grief. In my experience, such an act is one of deep, if misguided, love."
"The Shaman." Who else would have the power and skill?
"I asked him about it. He told me of the death of their son, how his love had been almost paralyzed with grief afterward. He thought if he took the memories from her, replaced them with something else, she'd be at peace."
"But it didn't work."
"No. Grief wasn't the only emotion he buried. The love of a mother for their child is powerful, intense. She could feel it under the surface, but couldn't touch it."
"What did you do?"
"Together, we undid the memory alterations, restored her to what she had been before."
"Did it work?"
"Within minutes she was awake and talking. She was still in the depths of grief, even more so after it being buried for so long. But she understood and she forgave. I still hear from them from time to time. Their children are almost grown up now, and their love for them is strong, as is their love for each other."
She sat back in her chair as she finished, smiling at him. "Do you know why I told you that story, Phoenix?"
He bit his lip to stop from correcting her. There was something nice about how she said his name. As nice as when Orion had said it. Like it had meant something. Like it was important. Like he was important.
"You thought I'd like to hear about other Metatherians?"
Her smiled grew broader but her words were kind. "In part, I think all of us like to hear about people like ourselves. It is nice to know we're not alone in the world. But the more important reason was to illustrate the powers of a Shaman like March. With a caveat, of course." Her smiled faded. "Love is not the only reason someone might manipulate a memory."
Her words were so stark, her tone heavy, that on reflex he drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.
"I don't know what you mean." But he did. He knew what she was suggesting, what she hinted at.
"How else could you remember things that did not happen? I've known Orion a long time, Phoenix. He's not the monster your memories portray him as. I was hoping you and I, together, might look at your memories and see if we can't piece our way to the truth."
"No, March isn't like that. He protects us."
"So one of the coyotes he sent after Orion didn't come after you, too?"
The memory of Vander cornering him like prey hadn't faded. He looked away, unable to meet Leona's eyes.
"What's to stop you from changing my memories?" he asked quietly.
"Other than the fact that I lack the ability, I will ensure that we share control of the process. You might not have a good opinion of your own strengths or abilities, Phoenix, but there's no denying that you have them."
"What did it look like? When you looked into that woman's mind, when you saw that things were different?"
"I could show you, if you'd like?"
He shook his head. He wasn't ready for that yet.
"I'll try to describe it, then. When I saw her, inside her mind, she was standing on what looked like a frozen lake. The ice was clear and beneath it was her reflection staring back. Her true self, the one who'd experienced a mother's love and the pain it felt to lose a child, was held in that reflection. Her true self tried to speak with her, talk to her, screamed at her. But they couldn't hear one another. She knew what her other self was saying was important, but she was locked away."
"And if some of my memories are locked away, it'll look like that?"
"I don't know," she replied, holding her hands up. "People's minds are strange things. I've never met two exactly alike."
"And how will we know a memory is false?"
"It might not be easy but there will be differences. When you put them side by side with a true memory, they're less distinct. The memories you relate come with huge emotional burdens that may eclipse all else. But we can try, if you're willing."
Was he willing? And if he did this, was he playing right into hers and Orion's hands?
"Why isn't Orion here?" It seemed too important a discussion for him to be absent for.
"He didn't want you to feel under pressure to make a decision. He wanted you to feel you had a choice."
"Do I?"
"Of course, Phoenix. I'm Wiccan. I won't act unless you're agreeable."
"So if I say no…"
"You don't have to make up your mind right now. I won't be returning to Evenfall for a day or two." So saying, she stood, smoothing out her skirt. "There's no rush, Phoenix. Think about whether you feel this is something worth doing and whether you trust our intentions. I believe Orion intends to return to Brian Hill this evening. Phil has offered to drive us there so the journey won't take all that long. You need time to think."
Orion eyed the jeep with distaste.
"It's just a vehicle, Orion, it won't bite," Phil said, rolling her eyes.
"I know what it is. I don't have to like it."
"Well, when it means the difference between hours of tramping across forests and fields and getting your mate home in safety and comfort, it's hard to beat old Bertha here.
"You named your jeep?"
"Someone did, years ago. Who am I to argue?"
Nix and Leona stepped outside, Nix blinking in the bright sunlight, squinting and shielding his eyes.
"You've been in a car before, right?" Orion checked, biting back a curse when Nix shook his head. "Okay, you can sit in the back with me. Leona, you can take passenger seat next to Phil."
"How considerate," she said with a smile, patting Nix on the shoulder as she passed him. "Don't worry, Phoenix, Orion is just as nervous, if not more so, than you. Bear shifters and vehicles don't mix.
When Nix turned to him, all Orion could do was shrug. "She's right, more or less. Cars, not my favorite thing. I have a motorcycle in Evenfall. I keep meaning to dig it out and see if it's still working."
"A motorcycle?" Nix asked, letting Orion lead him to the car. He climbed in with only a brief hesitation and Orion stepped around to the other side and got in next to him.
"It's like a bicycle, with a motor. You do know what a bicycle is, right?"
"Sure, at home we keep them next to our speedboats."
Nix was looking at him, one eyebrow raised, a clear challenge on his face. Belatedly, Orion realized he hadn't been asking what a motorcycle was but probably wondering why Orion had one in the first place.
"Smartass," Orion mumbled. "Put your belt on."
Nix looked down at his clothes and back up at him. "I don't have a belt."
"Seatbelt. This thing, here." He pulled it out and across Nix's body, securing it safely.
Nix looked alarmed at first, until he watched Orion put his own on. "What are they for?" he asked.
"So we're not thrown out if we crash. With Phil's driving, that's a distinct possibility." The wolf in question was talking to a group of her people. She turned, glaring at Orion. "I heard that Mr. I'm-not-claustrophobic, I'm-a-bear-shifter. Let's see how well you'd do at the wheel."
"Is it like riding a bicycle?" Nix piped up helpfully.
"Don't you start," Orion said, leveling him with a stare that would have had most others cowering in the corner.
"I didn't. You did."
"Can't an Alpha get any respect around here?"
"You're an Alpha?" Nix said in mock surprise as Phil climbed into the driver's seat. "I'd never have guessed."
His playful expression flickered with fear as the engine sputtered to life. Orion lay one hand over his. "Yeah, well you're way too mouthy to be an Alpha's mate. They're all meekness and obedience, like my brothers' mates."
Leona snorted with laughter as Nix gratefully squeezed his hand in return.
"I can be meek," Nix said, dropping his eyes before gazing back up at Orion through thick lashes.
Orion had to swallow hard at the look, clearing his throat before he spoke.
"Yeah, you have the look down pat. But as soon as you open your mouth, the illusion is shattered. What do they feed you up in those mountains? A steady diet of sarcasm?"
Orion didn't miss the flash of panic in Nix's eyes as the car started moving, but he kept talking even as his hands squeezed Orion's tighter.
"Why? Am I doing it wrong? Should I be agreeing with everything you say? Or should I be meek and silent?" Nix lifted his chin, holding Orion's gaze.
"How about some music?" Phil suggested, breaking the stalemate. "Or are we in for a journey of endless posturing?"
"Some music would be lovely," Leona was quick to say.
"Good, driver's choice."
Orion groaned at her words. "Are you still in your heavy metal phase?"
"No, you'll be happy to hear I've moved on. Soft rock."
Nix was looking between them with confusion. "I don't understand. What kind of music would a soft rock make?"
Seizing the opportunity to further distract their nervous passenger, not to mention himself, Orion started to explain in detail the different types of music, with Phil finding demonstrations on the radio as they drove. Nix gradually relaxed his grip but didn't let go, opting to keep contact. Orion didn't want to read too much into it, but he liked to think it was a sign. If Nix was still convinced of his guilt, he wouldn't be holding his hand.