Noah wasn’t sure what had awakened him, only that—for once—it hadn’t been a nightmare. He suspected he’d only been asleep a short while, despite the fact that he felt more rested and more peaceful than he had in a long time.

Staring into the darkness, he wondered what time it was, but he was too tired and comfortable to even thinking about moving to find out. Not to mention that he didn’t want to disturb Kristina, whose heat blazed all down his back where she pressed up against him.

Kristina. They’d had sex three more times after dinner—once in the shower—and then Noah had used his mouth on her to see how many times in a row he could make her come on his tongue. It turned out the answer was four, and even then he only stopped because she was afraid the neighbors would call the cops from her inability to stop moaning and screaming.

Best sounds he’d ever heard.

A hollow ache took up residence in his chest. Because they were also the worst.

How would he go on without ever hearing her come again? Even worse to contemplate, how would he be able to stand the thought of any other man making her make those sounds?

And she had that fucking date coming up soon. God, he didn’t want her to go. Maybe he should ask her not to. But, then, there’d have to be a good reason to do that, wouldn’t there? He couldn’t ask her not to date if he wasn’t planning on stepping up to be with her himself. That would just make him a selfish prick.

Except, how realistic was it to think he could actually have a relationship right now? Half the time he couldn’t sleep or eat. There were times when paranoia and anxiety plagued him for no good reason. There were days when finding the motivation to simply get out of bed was beyond his reach. Christ, he could barely take care of himself these days, so how could he be a part of taking care of someone else? At least, the way she deserved.

And Kristina deserved everything.

Shit, Noah didn’t even have a job—or even a firm idea of what the hell he wanted to do. He lived on freaking disability checks and his savings. And despite the fact that seven months had passed since his discharge from the Marines, some of his symptoms seemed to be getting worse lately, not better. Like those fucking flashbacks. It was as if the fireworks had opened some kind of twisted Pandora’s Box in his brain that he couldn’t get closed again.

Sonofabitch.

A few amazing hours aside, the truth was that Noah was a wreck right now. No matter what he did or how much he improved, he would always be a partially blind, partially deaf man who suffered at least some of the consequences of a traumatic brain injury.

He’d heard what his docs had said and read enough online to know that, for most people with TBIs like his, the consequences were life-long. You could learn to manage them—though he was a long fucking way from that—but the reality was you would have to live with them. Because there wasn’t any other choice.

Intellectually, Noah knew he was lucky or, at least, luckier than a lot of other guys had been. Because others had head trauma and ended up in long-term care facilities learning to talk and feed themselves again. But it sure as hell didn’t feel that way. And, on top of it all, feeling sorry for himself made him feel about a million times worse. Fuck.

How had he gone from that peaceful ease when he’d first woken up to the shit storm now whirling through his head?

But that was his reality, wasn’t it? That’s who and what he was. At least for right now. At least for the foreseeable future. And maybe forever.

Noah shifted and stretched his neck, then heaved a deep breath. The change in the position of his head lifted his good ear from being pressed against the pillow, which was the only reason he heard it. Kristina, talking in her sleep.

He turned his head a little more, trying to bring his ear closer to where she lay behind him. And then he heard his name.

“Noah.”

He froze, listening hard for anything else. She said it again, and it made him remember demanding that she repeat his name as he’d kissed down her body. He’d wanted her to know that it was him kissing her, pleasing her, worshipping her. No one else. Him. And he had to admit, he liked hearing her say it in her sleep, too. It meant Kristina was thinking of him, dreaming of him, keeping him close even when she was asleep.

Low murmurs continued to spill from her lips every few minutes, and almost had him smiling into the darkness. He was totally going to tease her about this in the morning—

“But Noah,” she said a little louder, a little clearer. Prickles ran over his scalp and he nearly held his breath to see if she’d say anything else. And then she did. “You’re everything to me…”

For a moment, silence rang loudly in the room.

And then Noah’s heart was thundering so hard that the beat of his pulse in his ears was all he could hear.

Everything? He was everything to her?

How the fuck could that be, when he felt like so much…nothing?

His chest tightened. Restlessness flooded through him. His skin flashed hot. His quickened pulse had him breathing faster, and faster, until a sweat broke out on his forehead.

Suddenly, an aching in his knuckles made him realize that he was fisting his hands so hard that his fingers were falling asleep.

His chest got tighter. A ringing started in his ear. Pain bloomed behind his eyes.

Fuck. A goddamned panic attack. Because she’d revealed, unconsciously or not, just how much she cared.

Did you really need her to say the words to know?

You’re everything to me.

Running the words through his mind again made his gut go sour. The words hurt. Because friends didn’t let friends fall for a broken wreck of a man. And that’s exactly what Noah was. And it didn’t matter that her kiss had pulled him out of the flashback or that being with her tonight had soothed him, because there was no fucking way he was going to expect Kristina to make him better. It wouldn’t be fair to burden her with that kind of responsibility.

And it wasn’t realistic either. Because despite all she’d done for him tonight, here he was again, right back at the beginning—fighting for a deep breath, fighting the urge to strike out at the unfairness of the world, fighting for normal.

And losing.

It took everything he had to move slowly, but Noah eased himself away from her and to the edge of the bed. He rose and immediately listed to the side as the world went topsy-turvy due to a moment of perfectly timed disorientation. As if he needed the additional evidence of his failings to bolster his resolve.

He’d left his phone on her nightstand earlier, and he used the light from its screen to collect his clothes. He carried everything into the bathroom and made sure not to look in the mirror as he dressed. If he did, he was likely to punch his reflection in the face. Really, the only downside to that was that it would wake her up. And seeing Kristina when he felt like this was the absolute last thing she or Noah needed.

He stole out of the apartment, making sure the door was locked behind him. Down the stairs, out onto the sidewalk, into the parking lot. Which was when he remembered for the first fucking time that he didn’t have his car.

He could’ve screamed. He could’ve railed. He could’ve sank to his knees and just declared himself done.

Instead, he tore his cell out of his pocket. 5:12 AM. He opened the Uber app, hoping there was a car somewhere nearby at this hour. Closest was eight minutes out. He glanced over his shoulder at the windows to Kristina’s apartment. Since he’d have to wait for a pick-up, he didn’t want there to be any chance she’d catch him standing out here. So he started walking, and only when he was three buildings over did he call for a car.

And then all there was to do was wait.

Kristina came awake on a stretch, and the movement revealed that all kinds of places on her were deliciously sore.

So worth it.

The feeling and the thought had her opening her eyes and looking for Noah in the bed next to her—

Empty.

“Noah?” she called, pushing herself into a sitting position. The clock on the nightstand read 6:01. She reached over and turned off the alarm, set to ring in another fourteen minutes.

She swung her feet over the edge of the bed, and immediately noticed that her bra, panties, and sandals were the only clothes still scattered over the floor. Noah’s clothes were gone. And his phone was no longer on the nightstand. Her stomach squeezed.

Maybe he was just out in the kitchen. Kristina got out of bed, wrapped her robe around her, and went looking, calling his name again as she went. But her apartment was small. It only took ten seconds to determine that she was all alone.

He’d left without saying good-bye. She found herself searching the kitchen counter, the table, the coffee table, her dresser—looking for a note to explain why he’d gone. Nothing. My cell phone! She unplugged it from the charger in her room and thumbed into her messages, but the last one he’d sent was from the morning before.

She sat heavily on the edge of her bed, her robe pooling around her.

Granted, they’d agreed the sex would just be for one night, so it wasn’t like he owed her anything. But it wasn’t like him to leave without a word, was it? And it wasn’t like they were the traditional one-night stand, either.

For a long moment, she stared at the blank text box, and then she typed, Are you okay? She hit Send and waited, but ten minutes later, he still hadn’t responded.

“Okay, don’t jump to any conclusions,” she said to herself. The words sounded loud in the otherwise empty room. “There could be a hundred reasonable explanations. Or at least a dozen. Or a couple.” She rolled her eyes at her ridiculous solo conversation and tossed the phone to the bed.

But as she showered and dressed for her day, Kristina couldn’t help but worry that she wasn’t going to like his reasons for leaving the way he had. Like, that he regretted sleeping with her. For one.

Which of course had her worrying about their friendship. Which then had her getting mad at herself for even suggesting the whole “just sex” for “just one night” thing because Idiot!

How the hell had she thought that made sense? Or that it was even possible for her to share so much of herself without her emotions getting involved.

Because, oh baby, they were involved, all right. All the freaking way.

But in the heat of the moment—a moment during which he’d radiated pain so intensely that it’d nearly been a physical force in the room—the only thing she’d cared about was making it better.

Standing at the bathroom sink, she applied the last of her mascara and then gave herself a good long look in the mirror. Had she made it better? She didn’t know. But there was something she did know…

I love him.

The admission lodged a jagged knot in her throat. Kristina pressed a hand to her mouth and fought against everything inside her not to let loose the emotion attempting to rip up her throat.

I love him and he left.

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, knowing she was smudging her mascara but not caring.

Dropping her hands, she shook them out, as if she were suddenly filled with a restless energy that needed to be exorcised. “Okay, okay,” she said. “Stop freaking out. Everything will be fine.”

Of course it would be. This was them. Noah and Kristina.

Right.

She fixed her make-up and, even though she told herself not to, checked her phone for messages again. Nothing.

Still nothing by the time the school day had ended.

Sitting on the edge of her bed that night, she texted him again. She typed out and deleted about a half a dozen things before settling on the all-purpose, Hey.

Casual. Friendly. No big deal.

Even though his silence felt like a really big fucking deal.

Maybe it wasn’t supposed to matter that they had sex five freaking times. Or that he’d given her so many orgasms that she’d lost track of the number of them. Or that he’d called her baby.

But it did.

And even if none of those mattered, their friendship should’ve been more than enough to warrant a freaking Hey in return.

She typed again, This is where you say Hey back.

But by the morning, he still hadn’t. She actually debated swinging by his place on her way to work to make sure he was okay, but he was probably fine and she’d end up seeming desperate and clingy. Sighing, Kristina shot off a new text, to Kate this time. You around tonight?

For YOU, always, she replied quickly, a lifeline Kristina didn’t realize she’d needed so desperately until she had it.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she responded, You are the literal best.

Of course I am!

If was the first thing that eked a smile out of Kristina since she’d awakened alone.

Kate agreed to stop by after a work dinner, which was perfect because Kristina really didn’t want to describe what had happened out in public. Not knowing Kate the way she did. When Kate arrived a little after nine, Noah still hadn’t responded. And she’d sent another text and tried calling him once, too.

“Uh oh,” Kate said, taking one look at Kristina as she walked in the door. Kate wore a form-fitting black suit and a pair of killer black heels. “What happened?”

“Want a glass of wine?” Kristina asked.

“I better not. I had two at dinner. But I think you definitely should.” She kicked off her heels and settled onto the couch.

“Ha, well, I had two already, too, but another one can’t hurt.” Kristina poured herself a glass of white and grabbed a Diet Coke for Kate.

“You have dark circles under your eyes,” Kate said as she accepted the can of soda. Kristina dropped on the couch next to her. “The only other time I think I’ve seen that was that time junior year when your dad disappeared and the police found him five days later wandering the streets in L.A.”

God, Kristina remembered that. He’d believed someone was trying to harm him, and that he had to get far away as quickly as he could. So he’d taken a taxi to the airport and purchased a ticket on the first flight that would take him far away, to L.A. The only reason he hadn’t left the country was because he hadn’t taken his passport. But for five days she and her mom had no idea where he’d gone or if he was even alive.

“Well, this isn’t about my dad,” she said. He’d been doing much better for the past year so, the result of a new combination of medications. Well enough that he was now selling the beautiful furniture he’d always loved to make by hand. “It’s about Noah.”

“After what you revealed at dinner the other night, I thought it might be.” Kate took a drink of her soda, and Kristina recounted what’d happened. She hadn’t gotten any further than telling about their just-sex/just-for-one-night agreement, when Kate interrupted. “Oh, honey.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you really think that would work?” Kate asked.

“Honestly, at the time, part of me thought it could work and part of me didn’t care. He needed me, and he wanted me, and I wanted him, too. So I decided it was worth the risk and I just…went for it.” Kristina pulled a pillow into her lap and hugged it against her stomach.

Kate’s gaze narrowed, but after a moment, she nodded. “Okay, fair enough. And?”

“And the short version is that we had sex five times, had a fun dinner together, and fell asleep together. And when I woke up in the morning, he was gone. And now he’s not responding to any of my messages.” Tears threatened, clogging her throat and pricking at the backs of her eyes.

“You know at some point I’m going to want all the sexy details,” Kate said, her expression sympathetic. For some reason, Kate taking this so seriously made the pull of those tears even greater.

“Yeah, I know,” Kristina said, her voice strained. She’d been resisting the urge to cry since she’d woken up alone yesterday morning, telling herself over and over again not to jump to conclusions.

But two days had passed, and now the pressure was building up inside her, and she wasn’t sure what other conclusion to come to other than he wasn’t responding on purpose. Because she knew for a fact that the Cortezes would’ve called her if he’d been in an accident or something. Heck, after Josh, she was the second person Mrs. Cortez had called when they’d learned what’d happened to Noah in Iraq.

Kate scooted closer, close enough that their knees touched, and she placed her hand on top of Kristina’s. “First of all, I get to call him a bastard for doing this to you. So, fucking bastard.”

Kristina gave a watery laugh.

“Second of all,” Kate said, squeezing her hand, “tell me where you’re at. Are you just upset that you two slept together and then he went back to the avoidance routine he’s been pulling the past few months, or is it more than that?”

Looking down at her lap, Kristina swallowed around that lump. And then tried again. But it was getting thicker and thicker. Tears spilled from the corner of her eyes. She forced a deep breath and shook her head, and then she managed a whisper. “I…” She shrugged. “Love him.”

Saying the words opened a flood gate inside her, and Kristina couldn’t fight the tears anymore. They fell no matter how many times she wiped them away. And no matter how hard she fought for composure, her breathing shuddered and hitched.

“Kristina,” Kate said. “You’ve loved Noah Cortez since the day I met you.”

And that was when Kristina really lost it. She curled around the pillow, and Kate put an arm around her and pulled her in.

Long minutes later, Kristina managed to calm herself down again, and she dried her face with the long hem of her top. “Okay,” she said blowing out a long breath. “Okay.” She sat back into the corner of the couch.

Kate braced her head on her hand. “Am I right?” she asked quietly.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Yes,” Kristina said, admitting what felt so obvious now, but what had eluded her before this moment. “I mean, he’s been my best friend since I was five years old, so I knew that I loved him. But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him. I can’t even pinpoint exactly when it happened,” Kristina said, thinking over the past days and months. “But it was before we slept together, for sure. And now that we did that and I know how I really feel, I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do,” Kate said, giving her a no-nonsense look.

Kristina’s stomach fell. “I have to tell him?”

Kate nodded. “You do. You owe it to yourself and to him. And if he can’t handle that or doesn’t reciprocate, you need to know that, too.”

“But what if I just…I don’t know, played it cool? See how things are between us? See if things progress naturally?” She picked at the white fringe on the edge of the pillow.

“Do you really want to put on an act for the man who has been your best friend all these years and who is the man you now love?”

Well, when she put it like that, it didn’t sound nearly as rational. “No, of course not, but—”

“Look, Kris, I said this the other night. There’s no going back. There’s only going forward. And you can’t do that based on lies. Right?”

Kristina’s shoulders fell, but this straight talk was exactly why she’d needed to see Kate. “Yeah.”

Kate gave her hand another squeeze. “Then it sounds like you need to see him as soon as you can. You won’t know anything ‘til you do.”

“Tomorrow’s the last day of school,” Kristina said, thinking out loud. “I could head over to his place as soon as I finish cleaning out my classroom.” It was a half day, and the teachers and staff usually stayed around for a lunchtime party. She could leave right after that.

“Sounds like a plan,” Kate said.

But whether it was a good plan remained to be seen.