That isn’t comfortable… Phillip
CHAPTER 8
Joseph rounded the corner of the library to find his master banging his head against the wall. It was times like these when he most questioned his calling in service. To be a butler was a pristine honor: not only was one the chief manservant of the home, one was trusted above all other servants. Joseph was the only servant to have a key to the wine cellar, the liquor cabinet, the silver pantry, and the front door.
Butlers were also known for their height of discretion and lack of facial responses in the most ridiculous of situations. It was in these moments that Joseph struggled, for he had the most absurd sense of humor for the ridiculous, and it would seem lately that his master was fodder to this.
“Must I alert bedlam, milord?” Joseph tried to moderate his tone.
“Could you not alert me before I enter my home? And just whose side are you on, anyway? You do realize, Joseph, that I do pay your wages? Have I sacked you lately?” Phillip seemed distraught.
“If I might speak freely, milord,” Joseph inquired.
“Is there a time when you do not?” Phillip grumbled.
“Who is Lady Eden to you?” Joseph thought that he had phrased the question gently, not raising his tone, nor causing any inflection to hint one way or the other. However, this seemed to be a loaded question.
Phillip groaned loudly and started banging his head again, only to stop shortly after.
“Joseph, she was nothing to me, honestly, nothing at all. And then, suddenly, she became vitally important to my happiness.” This last bit was said through clenched teeth, which thoroughly confused poor Joseph.
“Pardon me for intruding, but you do not seem very happy at this moment, milord, for just seeing the love of your life.”
Phillip looked horrified, “Bite your tongue! I do not love her! I do not love anyone, least of all that virago, Eden Norfolk. That is not the happiness that I am speaking of,” Phillip sighed, “it is more of a manly happiness.”
Joseph still could not quite comprehend until Phillip gestured to his genitals. “The old boy refuses to work unless she is in the vicinity. And then, when she is, he stands up and waves like she’s the bloody queen. It is beyond humiliating. I have no idea what on earth is happening to me. I have no doubt that she is a witch of some sort and has cast a spell to pay me back for hurting her friend Sophie’s feelings all those months ago. But that is ridiculous because everything worked out how Sophie wished it to be. I feel like I’ve stepped into Hell. Now, I walk into my own home and see her. I can't stop picturing her in various places, bent over, with her skirts at her waist. I've been hard for the last hour and a half. That isn't comfortable, Joseph!”
Joseph’s lips twitched.
“So, help me Lord if you laugh, Joseph! I will have your head on a platter,” Phillip’s eyes were just menacing enough to squelch the bubbling mirth that had threatened to erupt.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, milord,” Joseph replied casting his eyes downward to break contact just in case.
“What were Eden and her mother doing here?” Phillip walked over to his chair behind the big oak desk and slumped into it.
“The Dowager Marchioness and the Duchess of Norfolk are old school chums. It would seem that your mother has requested Lady Eden to be a guide to your sisters while they are in town.” Joseph didn’t even pretend to not know what was going on. Everyone knew that the servants were the best informed, and there was a reason that Phillip paid him so well.
“I did not care much for Eden’s mother,” Phillip mused, rubbing his chin absently.
“Milord?” Joseph raised his eyebrows in question.
“I know that Eden probably shouldn’t have called me Phillip in front of her mother. But I can’t imagine my mother ever reprimanding my sisters in so public a fashion. The way the Duchess’ face twisted in disgust and disappointment, as though Eden had made a major breach of etiquette. No, I cannot like her at all.”
“Is it such a horrible breach?” Joseph asked.
“No, it is my fault that Eden calls me Phillip when truly not even many of my closest friends do. I had been teasing her with those silly names, and she learned my given name from Sophie. I can still remember how pleased she was with herself to have caught me off guard. And I was caught: I stumbled a bit. I am so used to being called Randall. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were glowing behind those silver spectacles. She threw her head back and laughed. The sound of pure joy that I will never forget....” Phillip was lost in the memory for a moment.
“She’s nothing to you, milord?” Joseph allowed himself the tiniest smile of satisfaction.
Phillip scowled, “I repeat, she is nothing. And now I am trying to hide behind my hat so my cock-stand is not present when her mother is in my front hallway. With her mother looking on, I do not want to picture her naked. I especially do not want to do so with my mother and sisters looking on. This will not do at all, Joseph, and something has to be done.”
Joseph thought for a moment before responding, “I am uncertain of how to bar Lady Eden or the Duchess from the premises, milord, especially without raising the Dowager Marchioness’ suspicions. However, you may wish to know that while the Duchess was in with your mother, she was very critical of Lady Eden as well. Things may not be perfect in the Duke and Duchess’ household for Lady Eden. You may want to consider that being here with your mother and sisters might be a reprieve from those less than tolerable circumstances.”
“When are my sisters to see her again, Joseph?” Phillip did not like the idea of anyone being unkind to her.
“Lady Eden is to meet Lillian and Juliana at Gunter’s tomorrow for ices,” Joseph replied.
“Alert the Marchioness that I will be escorting my sisters. I had better get some work done - please shut the door on your way out, Joseph.”
Joseph bowed, “Very good, milord,” and exited the library, quietly closing the large wooden door.
He immediately went to the Dowager Marchioness’ sitting room. It was in the back of the house and caught the afternoon sun.
“Joseph,” the Dowager smiled upon seeing him, “are things going according to plan?”
“Lord Randall will be escorting Lady Lillian and Lady Juliana to Gunter’s tomorrow afternoon to meet with Lady Eden, milady.”
Her smile widened, “And you rubbed it in - how rotten the Duchess can be? She’s the same stick in the mud she has always been. Thank heavens, Lady Eden seems to be nothing like her.”
“Lord Randall seemed to pick up on that on his own, milady. In his own words, I cannot like her.” Joseph frowned. “However, I feel it important to add. He still insists that Eden is nothing to him.”
The Dowager huffed, “Stubborn child. We will simply have to find more reasons to throw them together. That will be all for now, I am very grateful to you, Joseph.”
Joseph had a ghost of a smile, “Anything for you, milady.”